Partner's parents living with us after marriage
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what i can say now. human being is free to decide and act whatever they want, now i will comme to animals,
all the animals and the documentries of them i watch. i realise one thing the parents of animals never leave them untill they make them prepare for everything. and they love them by cuddling with them ,licking them with their tonge.the kid of animal and human there is a big difference , human kid learn to walk after nine months.and in this nine months countless kisses we recieve from our parents, cant we learn from animals what is the importance of this relationship.
i watched a documentry in which buffalo safe his kid from lions and make the lions run away , and after that the little kid was walking with her mom and lot of other buffalo and she/he buffalo shouts at lions , what a amazing documentry it was,
peace.
In the west, many parents believe that having prepared their kids for everything means that by 18 or 19, a young adult will have graduated from the educational system. They will have the independence and skills to establish themselves away from their parents and either move on to a greater pursuit of learning, or move into the workforce. For many parents, these are the signs that they have "done their job right."
What I would be interested in knowing is how well, if at all, animals care for their parents in an elderly age (and what species they are, if they do). I have a feeling the practice isn't common, though, although there doesn't seem to be much research. (The only source of information I could find was on Quora https//www.quora.com/In-the-animal-kingdom-do-the-young-care-for-their-elderly-parents)
But then again, as you stated, there is a difference between animals and humans. Most animals don't live nearly as long as humans. Most animals live a life completely revolving around survival. Of course, they do take care of and nourish their young, as do humans. And it's wonderful to see. But at a certain time, I believe that most species let their children go.
I don't think anyone is denying that parents love their children, or that children love their parents.
Peace. )
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Repulsive to say the least. You'd make your own mother labour away and pay too?
This is one of the same inhumane attitudes that have existed over and over again throughout time and one of the outrages that God sent scripture to put a stop to.
Apparently people read but they choose not to understand, they see but act blind, they hear but act deaf.
Quran 543 And they denied and followed their desires, but (for) every matter (will be a) settlement.
Anyway, I don't see what the point is of arguing the matter. Those with a complete lack of conscience - personal desires are a justification enough to do or not do whatever.
To each their own.
I thought it was obvious that I was joking there. Especially when I said in the same post "I think the duty towards our parents is that we should be good to them." Does letting my mom do the household and pay the rent sounds like being good to her???
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You see it as a duty to take them in your home?
I think the duty towards our parents is that we should be good to them. We can be good to them without having them in our house.
If my mom really wants to live in my house or for some practical reason then that is totally ok with me (of course only if she is going to do all the household and pay half of the rent).
But to see it as a duty to take our parents in our homes just because they are our parents is a little bit weird imho.btw do you want to live with your children in 1 house after they get married? Me for sure not, for them and for myself.
Then where's the joke? Sounds like the joke is to be good to them.
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It would probably be because they were getting old and withered, Bender. And a person might need assistance then.
The reason why people cannot live with others is because they are too self-centered and the fault is usually in both parts, the house owner and the guest. Both need to humble.
Be well
Amenuel -
Then where's the joke? Sounds like the joke is to be good to them.
I know I have a strange taste of humor which is not everyone taste (probably only me).
But what I do not get is that even after I said I was joking you still want to see it from the negative side. -
...I do not see the added value to live with our parents and our partner in the same house.
I'd rather not get involved anymore considering the direction this is headed but
am I seeing it from the negative side or was that^ a joke too? (See your own quote above)
...If my mom really wants to live in my house or for some practical reason then that is totally ok with me (of course only if she is going to do all the household and pay half of the rent)...
I read your earlier posts and understood.
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I think we all agree that other than selfishness or maliciousness on the part of either parents or the children, these things are pretty much non-issues. Any decent person parent or child know that they should take care of family in the best way they know how to taking into account consideration for the other party. As long as that's in place everything falls into a balance. A lot of factors affect relationships but as long as we keep the above in mind, I don't think there should be many complications.
As far as the original post goes, I think there's a bit of fear of the unknown going on which is totally understandable. Once you get to know them/meet them, you may have a better idea how to handle the situation. Best of luck and hope it works out well for all involved )
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the defination of fear is , the future which may not exist. lol
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Salaam,
Fortunately, for me, I don't have children, nor do I intend to have any so that's not a question which I could accurately answer, but hypothetically, I wouldn't mind living with my children.
Interesting to observe, especially for the O.P.'s reference that all of us who are overly passionate are of a Pakistani heritage.
Peace.
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Peace everyone,
As far as I know, the OP has never suggested that all of you who are overly passionate are of a Pakistani heritage. If there is any evidence which suggests that the OP suggests that all of you who are overly passionate are of a Pakistani heritage, then I'd like to see that evidence.
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I understood well that Bender was joking with making his mother do the household chores and making her pay.
The fact that that was not obvious to everybody makes wonder to what extent all the devotion for the parents and having them in the samehouse is not also tainted with scenes in traditional arrangements where old people under the guise of oving them and having them near are not taken advantage of. Also many timesit is a fact that having the wife of the son when his parents live with them is made virtually into a slave. I amnot saying that it is always like that because there are really good parents who love their daughters in llaw, but the cse of making of her a victim is really too much around to be ignored. And indeed that suits everybody suits the husband who gets rid of the burden of his parents and suits the parents who can pamper their very dear son without having to sacrifce anything since the daughter in law-mule is there to sweat for them and not being entitled to make the slightest complaint.
So a can see that things that should be understood as a joke could be take literally.
I remember being young a child and a young in Spain I used to hear of the real bitch of a woman who did not pammper her husbands parents,in the understanding that it was her duty, not his. And when the parents were not taken intothe home because the husbad refued it was always her faulto because she pushed him not to. And at that time there were not so many old people like now. Of course there were many homes where things went smoothly and each one took his or her part of burdens.
What I mean is that sometimes we idelise a lot certain patters of behaviour as if they were virtuous by themselves but it is not necessarily so.
Old peopl now prefer, as I said, stay in their own home for as long as possible. I would work towards making that possible with assistance from others, family or friends or workers, it is the most satisfactory to the old ones, and sometimes workers in fact become great friends of the people they care for.
May God bless us all with love from others whatever the relationship.
Salaam
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Merhaba,
Quran tells us to believe in the previous scriptures.
Injeel says
"A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one"so Islamically it would be better for him to leave his parents. On the other hand if they are both infirm and they have no other children it would be charitable of you to allow it.
Masalama
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Peace all,
I honestly did not expect this thread to get into so much debate. It's fascinating to note.
The reason why people cannot live with others is because they are too self-centered and the fault is usually in both parts, the house owner and the guest. Both need to humble.
Be well
AmenuelWe all like our own ways and think that "our way" is the "right way" or the "only way."
I know I have a strange taste of humor which is not everyone taste (probably only me).
To be honest I didn't know that you were joking either. But it can always be really hard to detect sarcasm on an Internet forum.
I think we all agree that other than selfishness or maliciousness on the part of either parents or the children, these things are pretty much non-issues. Any decent person parent or child know that they should take care of family in the best way they know how to taking into account consideration for the other party. As long as that's in place everything falls into a balance. A lot of factors affect relationships but as long as we keep the above in mind, I don't think there should be many complications.
As far as the original post goes, I think there's a bit of fear of the unknown going on which is totally understandable. Once you get to know them/meet them, you may have a better idea how to handle the situation. Best of luck and hope it works out well for all involved
I agree, consideration for the other on both sides is really important. Too often, problems arise because of a lack of communication and consideration, on either one or both sides. I would try to do my best in whatever situation, but I would expect the same effort from everyone else involved. Anyways, thank you for your well wishes. The situation is getting clearer now.
Interesting to observe, especially for the O.P.'s reference that all of us who are overly passionate are of a Pakistani heritage.
Peace everyone,
As far as I know, the OP has never suggested that all of you who are overly passionate are of a Pakistani heritage. If there is any evidence which suggests that the OP suggests that all of you who are overly passionate are of a Pakistani heritage, then I'd like to see that evidence.
Nope, not saying that Taro. I think es was making an observation based on what can already be seen in this thread. I take it that you're Pakistani es?
I understood well that Bender was joking with making his mother do the household chores and making her pay.
The fact that that was not obvious to everybody makes wonder to what extent all the devotion for the parents and having them in the samehouse is not also tainted with scenes in traditional arrangements where old people under the guise of oving them and having them near are not taken advantage of. Also many timesit is a fact that having the wife of the son when his parents live with them is made virtually into a slave. I amnot saying that it is always like that because there are really good parents who love their daughters in llaw, but the cse of making of her a victim is really too much around to be ignored. And indeed that suits everybody suits the husband who gets rid of the burden of his parents and suits the parents who can pamper their very dear son without having to sacrifce anything since the daughter in law-mule is there to sweat for them and not being entitled to make the slightest complaint.
So a can see that things that should be understood as a joke could be take literally.
I think this comes down to communication and consideration as I said earlier. No one should be treated as a slave. My partner told me of the opposite story of his friend's wife - they live with his parents and his wife was/is verbally abusing his parents. They don't deserve that, at all. It's horrific. We should all treat each other as equals. group
Also expectations. We all have different expectations of how our lives are going to be lived, and when different people come into the mix those expectations can change, for better or worse. Able-bodied parents and son may expect their respective daughter-in-law and wife, to manage all the household and caregiver responsibilities for them. Likewise, a son, daughter, or caregiver may expect that the more confused their parents become, the more they can rip their parents off and take financial advantage of them. There has to be an understanding and respect for the equality of all parties.
Old peopl now prefer, as I said, stay in their own home for as long as possible. I would work towards making that possible with assistance from others, family or friends or workers, it is the most satisfactory to the old ones, and sometimes workers in fact become great friends of the people they care for.
May God bless us all with love from others whatever the relationship.
Salaam
My grandmother is currently in this situation. She lives at home by herself watching TV a lot, and she is content with that life. My father hired a family member (on my mother's side, not his side) a while ago to help her out during the week, and aside from a few problems in the beginning of the arrangement, it has worked out beautifully. My grandmother and my family member are the best of friends now.
Merhaba,
Quran tells us to believe in the previous scriptures.
Injeel says
"A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one"so Islamically it would be better for him to leave his parents. On the other hand if they are both infirm and they have no other children it would be charitable of you to allow it.
Masalama
Funny; you said exactly what Man of Faith said earlier. Right now they are in good enough health to be independent, so we don't have to worry about them being infirm yet.
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By leaving the language is supposed to say "separate from" as in the form of gain independence from. The son or daughter should no longer be under their parents' wings. Yet mother and father are to be cared for but they are no longer your guardians. In your spouse you are your own guardian. Your parents were the ones bringing you to life through their decision to reproduce, and it is in the Mosaic directives to care for your own kin. Leaving them to disaster is against it.
Be well
Amenuel -
It would probably be because they were getting old and withered, Bender. And a person might need assistance then.
The reason why people cannot live with others is because they are too self-centered and the fault is usually in both parts, the house owner and the guest. Both need to humble.
Be well
AmenuelRED I am speaking in general, this means both parents are healthy and have no financial problems or some other serious things. If everything is normal, I do not see why the parents should live with their children after their children get married.
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Peace all,
I honestly did not expect this thread to get into so much debate. It's fascinating to note.
To be honest I didn't know that you were joking either. But it can always be really hard to detect sarcasm on an Internet forum.
RED yes and it's all your fault >(
GREEN I wasn't joking but when I saw that some did not like my attitude towards my mom I had to handle it like I was joking O0
I think I got you now totally confused tempt -
By leaving the language is supposed to say "separate from" as in the form of gain independence from. The son or daughter should no longer be under their parents' wings. Yet mother and father are to be cared for but they are no longer your guardians. In your spouse you are your own guardian. Your parents were the ones bringing you to life through their decision to reproduce, and it is in the Mosaic directives to care for your own kin. Leaving them to disaster is against it.
Be well
AmenuelI would agree with this. peace
RED yes and it's all your fault >
Hey, I'll take the blame for this, debate is good!
So curious, what are all your living situations like currently? (If anyone minds sharing - I'm living with my parents at the moment while I'm home, but at college I live with roommates in the dorms.)
GREEN I wasn't joking but when I saw that some did not like my attitude towards my mom I had to handle it like I was joking O0
I think I got you now totally confused temptrotfl You're the best. rotfl