Obedience to Parents
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I am almost 20 years old. I am financially independent from my parents. However, my father still expects me to obey him completely. I don't believe this is right. Respect does not equate to obedience. I will always listen to any advice or requests he has, but he cannot expect obedience from me. Am I wrong?
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Salaam,
If you're under his roof, his rules and limits should be abided by. If not and your living in your own place then there is no need to obey his every command, especially since you are officially an adult and no child who is still dependent upon his parents.
Joe
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Peace be upon you,
You are to obey your parents in ALL THINGS, except when they want you to take partners with the God. There is a lot to that statement however.
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Peace Azygous,
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And We instructed the human to be good to his parents. But if they strive to make you set up partners with Me, then do not obey them. To Me are all your destinies, and I will inform you of what you used to do.
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And your Lord decreed that you shall not serve except Him, and do good to your parents. When one of them or both of them reaches old age, do not say to them a word of disrespect nor raise your voice at them, but say to them a kind saying.
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And lower for them the wing of humility through mercy, and Say ?My Lord, have mercy upon them as they have raised me when I was small.?
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Your Lord is fully aware of what is in your souls. If you are good, then He is to the obedient a Forgiver.
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Salaam Azygous,
Just try to put yourself in your father's shoes! I am sure he is terrified every time he sees you not following his word and his way of understanding Islam. Don't make him feel that he has lost you! Don't make him feel that he has failed raising you up the proper way, his way! I would advise you that every time he brings the subject of Islam up that you reassure him. Tell him to relax and not to worry about you. And that you are Ok. That you are taking good care of yourself and your health, etc. Yet he still should put his trust in Allah and to ask Allah to guide you. Don't we all need this kind of Duaa, all the time?
My point is, don't maximize his fears and doubts, especially that his life with your mother wasn't as smooth as he wished it to be, so don't add more discomfort to it! Reassure him! Be there for him! The older our parents get, the less life they've got with us and that is one big fear by itself. So it becomes up to us to parent them and be as compassionate and loving and understanding as they were or as they tried their best to be when we were little ourselves. Don't break your father's heart, Azygous! I am sure it is full of wounds. So take it easy and don't make yourself a rival to him! You are his baby still. Give him the chance to love you and hug and enjoy his fatherhood with you! Bond! It is never too late.I am sorry if I have bored you with my long advice ? There is more still roll
Keep in touch! Let us know how things go! )Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.
Taj
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Peace,
I don't think I'll buy that logic that says your father/mother is always right, because that really is not true and I say from experience.
I think yes, we have an obligation to respect and honor our parents, but if they are doing something that you know firmly is not the right thing, then I guess I'll stand up for truth even if it against them, God Willing.