Re-establishing my connection with the god
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Peace upon you,
I think it?s time to tell my story to finding my way to the god, I have been looking for too much time now, but the god was always near.
When I were a child, before 7 or so, I was feeling that I was in connection with everything and everyone around me, conscious of some ?higher being? watching over us defining and showing what is right from what is wrong, everything was clear in my mind.
I had no difficulty accepting my parents vision of the world, since they had faith in ?Allah? with all his attributes, ?janna? and ?jahannam? and were/are very kind with others, always trying to be of help to others, sometimes at the price of their own comfort. My reality was not in contradiction with their beliefs since they preached that one should not associate anything or anyone with that ?higher being?, and were/are very cautious with their commitments towards him and others.
One day, when I was around 7, my parents came to tell me that they are going in a travel for a month to do some ?affaire? in relation with the god or ?Allah?, I asked for explanations, they said they were going to some far country to be near some ?sacred black stone? in order to have blessings from the almighty ?Allah?.
It was then when I felt a profound breach in my being, my vision of the reality became biased, I was not able to understand this command coming from the same one who doesn?t want us to associate anything with him. In the same time, for me, my parents were the most reliable persons, how would I not trust what they are saying?
After some period, things were no more clear, truth and falsehood were mixed, I became somehow rebellious when my parents were not able to give satisfactory and logical answers to my questions, or they get mad when they had no answer telling me simply that this is the way, and I should follow it. With time and experience, I understood that they were merely following hearsay, even if they were reading ?al-quran? regularly, but in the same time, they were conscious of the god, and were and are always looking for peace to everyone.
There were occasions when I had to read some chapters of ?al-quran?, I felt that this book has some truth in it, but the contradictions were always there. I had to quit my parents to find my way, I was no more able to reason in the midst of all that nonsense.
To cut it short, at some point in my life, I was very confident of my abilities, my knowledge and my financial situation independently from my parents. I was successful in every matter, by the god?s favours that he has bestowed on me, I was/am very pragmatic in my relations. Surely, I was always conscious of the higher being the god thus never overstepping his limits, which I was always able to discern instinctively. Later, I came to understand that it?s built-in us by the god when we come to this world.
Even then, contradictions still existed, not been able to reconcile my vision of the reality, with the teaching of ?Allah? and my parents. Life become senseless to me, I had no more emotional gratifications from my success. I became arrogant and egocentric at some point, I even defied the god knowingly going over one of his prescribed limits, asking for a ?clear? retribution if he is really there.
Less than a week later, problems started falling over my head, I am not one to let go easily. Every week had its lot of problems at every level of my life, and I did whatever was possible to stop it but it was like a ?tsunami?, taking me in every direction except the one I wished. In less than 2 months, all the doors were closed, I was helpless and weak.
It was then when I acknowledged the god the lord of the seen and the hidden, I submitted my will to him and asked forgiveness from him. The peace overwhelmed me and my connection to the creator was re-established.
2 months later, everything was put back in order as it were before, without me intervening at any level. It was the god?s mercy, he has power over everything.
The solicitation is to the god the lord of the skies and the earth, and to him we will return.
Mohamed
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And life continues...