I'm feeling depressed about opening up to my family:if anyone has advice
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Peace
I didn't mean to make you upset. I sincerely apologize. It wasn't my intention.
The thing is if you jump into this as the way you are you might risk not having your feet firm and slip easily. There are many like you who rush into this forum asking questions. Asking questions is fine, but there is a thin line between discussing topics, being interested in others' opinions, consultations , and depending on others to teach you Quran, to basically explain the Quran to you or the deen to you.
I think the latter is wrong. I think we should each focus on studying the Quran extensively at first and asking God to guide us to the right interpretation and be patient over it. You should read every day and read the Quran many times over from cover to cover before considering asking other people for clarifications and explanations. We are flawed human beings just like you are. So our understanding may be flawed as well. If you trust in Allah however and be patient He will make clear to you whatever He wills.Forgive my lack of tact in the other threads. I will refrain from my tone. I will cause no more grief inshallah
Do me a favor, put your trust absolutely in God and His ability to guide you and teach as long as you remain determined and patient.
You should not grieve over the disbelievers either, don't waste your tears on them. God is just. This life is only temporary. If they do not reason and believe and do righteous then it is on them. We all get a fair shot according to our positions and conditions.
Be strong. Cool your eyes. Have faith and do not fear but Allah. Don't lose hope and keep studying.I would advise you to not tell your family anything until you yourself are 100% sure of everything it is you have come to believe and everything you will come to forsake, reject.
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'ey up!
Don't worry about people being mean to you on here. We are a well meaning bunch although we might not always come across that way. The good Lord knows that this is a major fault of mine. We can but resolve to improve.
In regards to your siblings, don't worry about it. You are challenging something which they hold dear, so their reaction is not entirely surprising, although not correct. You are entitled to your opinion and others are entitled to theirs. Just because you are related that does not mean that you should all believe in the same things and have the same perspective. If they would like to discuss things with you, it should be done with the proper etiquette.
Alas, people don't aways behave respectfully in life, so one has to find mechanisms to not let it affect one too much. Your intention isn't bad. You are just seeking knowledge. That should always be commended and you should not receive censure for it. We are tried in life at every turn, in every aspect. Consider the righteousness of prophets and messengers and the tests which they endured.
Take care.
Sajda.
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Peace
I didn't mean to make you upset. I sincerely apologize. It wasn't my intention.
The thing is if you jump into this as the way you are you might risk not having your feet firm and slip easily. There are many like you who rush into this forum asking questions. Asking questions is fine, but there is a thin line between discussing topics, being interested in others' opinions, consultations , and depending on others to teach you Quran, to basically explain the Quran to you or the deen to you.
I think the latter is wrong. I think we should each focus on studying the Quran extensively at first and asking God to guide us to the right interpretation and be patient over it. You should read every day and read the Quran many times over from cover to cover before considering asking other people for clarifications and explanations. We are flawed human beings just like you are. So our understanding may be flawed as well. If you trust in Allah however and be patient He will make clear to you whatever He wills.Forgive my lack of tact in the other threads. I will refrain from my tone. I will cause no more grief inshallah
Do me a favor, put your trust absolutely in God and His ability to guide you and teach as long as you remain determined and patient.
You should not grieve over the disbelievers either, don't waste your tears on them. God is just. This life is only temporary. If they do not reason and believe and do righteous then it is on them. We all get a fair shot according to our positions and conditions.
Be strong. Cool your eyes. Have faith and do not fear but Allah. Don't lose hope and keep studying.I would advise you to not tell your family anything until you yourself are 100% sure of everything it is you have come to believe and everything you will come to forsake, reject.
But those 'disbelievers' suffered so much. ( I can't not think of them or not feel sorry for them no matter how much I tried. One story that is causing me a lot of grief is a woman who lost her child after 8 years old because of the unfair and unholy sectarian custody laws. She was so aggravated by how unfair it was she left islam. Imagine how hard it is, a mother being so unrighteously separated from her child. How can I NOT feel sorry for her? Or cry for her. Is it really her fault for leaving islam, since it's the sectarians who made life hell for her by keeping those brutal laws.
I myself have grown up in a third world muslim country and have witnessed so much persecutions at the hands of muslims. Thing is alhumdulilah AI know now this is NOT what Allah wants. But then why do these sects make life hell.
Thank you for your response. But I can't not feel sorry for anyone even if I tried. I know this is bad, but I also feel guilt when I hear the exmuslims depressing stories. I somehow feel like for not helping them and their suffering, I feel guilty. I don't know why..... -
Listen my friend, it is absolutely their fault. Even the lady that lost her child.
If she would have been sincere in her seeking of the Truth as you have and studying of the Quran as we all should do, she would have never gotten into a marriage with a sectarian nor would she choose to settle in a country where oppression is ongoing. She was probably content with her understanding of Quran at the time only until that lifestyle stripped her of something dear did she find an excuse to turn away.I think it is good if sectarians denounce sectarianism but to claim disbelief in the deen altogether based on their lack of recognition for the truth and them having been fooled into the lie is ridiculous.
I fear that you feeling sorry for them might be an indication that you might become like them.
Meaning your sympathy for them comes from subconsciously seeing yourself in their shoes.It is okay if you feel sorry for anyone's shortcomings we are human beings but do not sympathize for or try to excuse their disbelief and rejection of the deen.
You can act justly towards them but do not take them as or be their awla. Advise them to study the Quran and that they were misled and were too compliant with false authorities.Be strong and do not weaken or I fear you may suffer their fate
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'ey up!
Don't worry about people being mean to you on here. We are a well meaning bunch although we might not always come across that way. The good Lord knows that this is a major fault of mine. We can but resolve to improve.
In regards to your siblings, don't worry about it. You are challenging something which they hold dear, so their reaction is not entirely surprising, although not correct. You are entitled to your opinion and others are entitled to theirs. Just because you are related that does not mean that you should all believe in the same things and have the same perspective. If they would like to discuss things with you, it should be done with the proper etiquette.
Alas, people don't aways behave respectfully in life, so one has to find mechanisms to not let it affect one too much. Your intention isn't bad. You are just seeking knowledge. That should always be commended and you should not receive censure for it. We are tried in life at every turn, in every aspect. Consider the righteousness of prophets and messengers and the tests which they endured.
Take care.
Sajda.
Thank you
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Listen my friend, it is absolutely their fault. Even the lady that lost her child.
If she would have been sincere in her seeking of the Truth as you have and studying of the Quran as we all should do, she would have never gotten into a marriage with a sectarian nor would she choose to settle in a country where oppression is ongoing. She was probably content with her understanding of Quran at the time only until that lifestyle stripped her of something dear did she find an excuse to turn away.I think it is good if sectarians denounce sectarianism but to claim disbelief in the deen altogether based on their lack of recognition for the truth and them having been fooled into the lie is ridiculous.
I fear that you feeling sorry for them might be an indication that you might become like them.
Meaning your sympathy for them comes from subconsciously seeing yourself in their shoes.It is okay if you feel sorry for anyone's shortcomings we are human beings but do not sympathize for or try to excuse their disbelief and rejection of the deen.
You can act justly towards them but do not take them as or be their awla. Advise them to study the Quran and that they were misled and were too compliant with false authorities.Be strong and do not weaken or I fear you may suffer their fate
I know it's wrong for me to just outwardly say it's not their fault...Allah knows best. It's just that....how could she control that she lived in a sectarian country, or that she married a sectarian? Knowing where she lived she would have been killed to even raise a question.
She was undergoing great pain, because of the mullahs and their false laws. If anything they should get her sins for causing her such pain.
I know what I'm saying isn't orthodox...but this is just how I feel. I know..it isn't right.
Still, I think we should help them you know. I mean we strongly are against apostate execution since it is a hadith lie so we should uphold that. Maybe the only way for them to come back to islam is for us to help them, support and protect them and show them not all muslims follow that dogma.
No, I would never want to be in their shoes. And I never ever ever want to go back to the sunni sect islam I had brainwashed to follow as a child. That's where my pain comes from, I have no choice but to follow the dogma of sunni sect islam because if I tell anyone the truth, even my own family, they'll accuse me of biddah. '(
I want to believe in God and his book alone and follow my fitrah and have peace in my heart. I want peace of mind.
If I hadn't found the path of God and His book alone, I would have been an exmuslim by now because the hadith and the schools' dogma and the misogyny and hate would drive me insane and suicidall.
Sometimes I read the Quran and I think, "What book are the mullahs even reading!" The hate they spew is groundless.
I also strongly believe in fitrah. My fitrah believes in compassion and empathy for everyone. -
Baitachal,
Salam, you are right, but a little bit of patience and acceptance to others will make them see your case. Explain them but dont oppose for simple matters their ego will take some time to fall down, Soon they will understand your point when they see you are successful in making peace with HIM.
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Baitachal,
Salam, you are right, but a little bit of patience and acceptance to others will make them see your case. Explain them but dont oppose for simple matters their ego will take some time to fall down, Soon they will understand your point when they see you are successful in making peace with HIM.
I know, it was a complete slip of tounge! I didn't even argue, they kept on bugging me. They don't believe that if anything giving up sectarian islam has made me CLOSER to Him. Please pray that they forget about the incident. I don't want to have to delete my free minds account because I'm afraid of what they'll think.
Then again maybe some folks would be pleased if I deleted my account hehe bravo /joking.
I'm just so tired. Have u been to islam qa and ummah.com. I am TERRIFIED of those sites. The misogyny and hate in them is frightening. So I just come to free minds because I want to believe nt all muslims are like that.
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I recently accidentally told my parents I follow Quran alone. My brother went on about how I was doing bidat. He's so mean, he ordered pizza later and asked if I wanted pork on mine
I would defend my case, but you see only recently did I encounter this Quranic path, so I'm not strong enough to pose an argument yet. I'm also the youngest of my family so naturally no one listens to me or takes me seriously. '(
I wish I never even bothered telling my family. It was an accident. I was running late for salat so all I did was pray NEXT TO my MEHRAM BROTHER. My sister who was praying behind went on a rant on telling me how women should pray behind. I told her there's no hard and fast rule he's my MEHRAM BROTHER what's the issue. Then she told me how it's completely haram for a woman to lead prayer. While generally I think it's nothe harmful for men to be leading the most however to say it's HARAM for a women tof lead prayer is wrong since it's not mentioned haram in the Quran. Then she went on a rant about don't you follow hadith. Well see it was a slip of tounge so I told her the Quran is a COMPLETE book and hadith are not supplementary, but infact against the wishes of God.
Then she went crazy lecturing me about how bidat bidat for not following hadith. I have a lot of anxiety, so I just ran upstairs and don't want to confront of them.The next day she kept lecturing me about "scholar this scholar that" and I told her it should be God and his book alone with an open mind, but no she kept on talking about sectarian mullahs. I cried and told her please just leave me alone but it's so hurtful how my own family doesn't understand. I didn't want to tell them as I knew the timing isn't right but it was a slip of tounge.
Faith in general is a very sensitive topic. You have to consider the possibility that they may never understand. But Insha'Allah with time they can learn to accept that this is what you believe.
Do you know why they're reacting the way they are? It may help you to understand their position better and lessen your pain. Maybe they don't want to have their faith challenged. Maybe they've gone through this period before and don't want you to get those ideas in your head. Maybe they believe you left Islam, so now they're genuinely afraid for your future. There are a lot of potential reasons. It's important to keep in mind that how people react is a reflection on them. Not on the person informing them.
I'm so depressed. I normally love coming on this forum as people here are so helpful , but even here I've been getting mean messages of people yelling at me just for asking questions. .
Unfortunately, this is the reality of the Internet. It's incredibly easy for both the speaker and listener to perceive speech in the "wrong" way even when there are obvious visual and vocal nonverbal cues. But we don't have any of those cues here, so it's a million times harder.
Not to mention that here on this small forum, we come from all over - from different backgrounds and varying stages of belief and understanding. We all have different experiences. We all are so different, and we don't know have that context as we're all strangers on the Internet.
So thank you for telling us your story so that we can get to know you better. ) Thank you for telling us of your perceptions, and I hope if I've been mean or anyone else has been mean, that we can all reflect on our perceptions and how we may be coming across to others, whether we intentionally mean something or not.
I'm struggling and the only way to help myself is for me to let out my worries here and pray.
I can't imagine how that must feel. Is there no else you can talk to in real life to express your feelings, your family situation, your anxiety, etc.? A trusted friend, adult, a counselor? If not, you're welcome to PM me anytime if you need to talk.
Something else as well, I made some exmuslim friends as well. Some of the stories they told me of why they left islam are so heartbreaking because they suffered so much and witness so much pain. All of this was at the hands of either their super religous family or their sectarian rulers or just the backward views of society as a whole. I felt so sorry for them. I wanted to tell them that that is not what God or His book ordered but they suffered so much I didn't want to bring up any more topics.
They have their path, and you have yours. It sounds like you're already dealing with so much. Let them figure everything out. I know you care deeply and that's a wonderful trait, but be careful about taking others suffering on as your own (if you feel yourself heading down that path). You need to focus on yourself.
I have this other fear, I feel like one day I might lose faith permanently.
Some people do of course. It happens. But hold faith to Allah bro/sis, and Insha'Allah He will guide you. pr
I feLtd really strong and so happy alhumdulilah about finding out the truth of the lies between hadith and how false the sectarian reading of the Quran was and how so many things in the Quran have been distorted by the sects and mullahs.
Infact I was reading quran and a fiqh book side by side and I was like "That's not what it says!" at the fiqh book because when referencing where they took their laws from the Quran the Quran naturally had a much more fair and compassionate answer.But just look at how my family is pressuring me to obey scholars. Scholars, who are completely distorting what the Quran says!You have to understand that they are seeing the situation entirely opposite from you. If you wish to maintain strong and open about your beliefs, then this behavior may persist. They may be able to accept your decisions with time, but they may not. If you don't wish to cause this conflict, it may be best to keep your beliefs to yourself as much as possible, at least until you're in a situation where you can get some distance from your family (if this difficult behavior persists, and you wish to get some space).
You mentioned above that you fear you will lose your faith permanently. If you're feeling bold, you can try to bring this up in a calm and respectful discussion with your parents/siblings/etc. (whomever you feel closest with or trust the most). Hopefully, they would be able to see that if it's between losing your faith completely and holding onto God and the Qur'an, they would prefer the latter for you.
I don't know what your relationship is like with your family or what culture you come from, but if you feel comfortable you can also try explaining your reasons for why you believe the way you do, and ask for their attention and respect of your beliefs. When we stand up for ourselves and are confident in what we're saying, people regard us better. Hopefully, if you presented yourself in this manner, your family could see you as an equal worthy of thinking for him/herself - someone who loves them very much and doesn't wish to hurt them, but you can say that you can't help yourself from having different beliefs, that you don't want the alternative (losing faith completely), and that you want to make your own decisions and remain true to yourself, and all you're asking is for them to respect your autonomy. You don't have to have all the answers to talk to them about this. Even if you did, it doesn't mean they're going to understand. I think this is less about your current beliefs and more about being able to make your own decisions regarding your faith. That's what you want them to understand.
Keep in mind that whatever you do or choose going forward, be aware of any potential consequences, and be prepared to handle them yourself.
I'm a very empathetic person, I go into utter depression when I hear of other peopls suffering. I know this is weak of me but I can't control it.
This sounds extremely dangerous to your emotional and mental health. You can feel bad for them for your suffering and of course almost any human would. But you cannot let their problems affect you in such a deep and personal way. You need to take care of yourself and put yourself first. You need to learn how to distance and remove yourself from other people. They can take care of themselves, and you can control it. I believe in your ability to do so. You may not be able to control other people and what they're going through, but you can control your reactions to everything that occurs.
Qur'an 1715 Whoever is guided is guided for himself, and whoever is misguided is for his own loss. And no bearer may carry the burden of another...
Taking responsibility for oneself is more than enough responsibility for one person. Know that you cannot save the world from suffering, no matter how much we may all wish to.
Have you thought about taking part in volunteer work, so that you can make an impact in others' lives in your local community, and see how good and positive humanity can be? If you don't have the time to spare, do you have the money to donate to causes you care about?
So when I heard of the exmuslims suffering I felt so horrible and bad and then I know some might disagree with me but I felt like it's not their fault for leaving islam it's the sectarian mullah/rulers who showed them such a distorted vision of islam.
I wish we free minders can offer love and support to them. Assure that that Allah DOES NOT order them, or gays, or adulterers to be killed. I don't want anyone to suffer, ESPECIALLY not in the name of the religion I follow.
I understand, and that's a beautiful sentiment. But be careful with trying to teach people. In general, sometimes we don't want to hear it. Sometimes we may just want to rant and have our feelings validated. In which case, we just want something to listen and tell us that that we're correct.
If you plan on speaking to them, and they come from difficult paths in life, it may be best to approach the situation carefully and ask them if they want to hear your opinion on the subject. If they don't, respect that. That's their decision and their denial, and thus their loss (at this point in time, from our point of view). If they do want to hear what you have to say, great. It's just best to ask before preaching. )
I know I make a lot of posts and I may annoy some people but please bear with me. I need constant validation of my faith and this is the only place I get it. I feel so alone and I want to cry. I was so so so happy because I found out about the Quranic path and I was clearing all these misconceptions about islam. I pray to Allah to give me strength. I know all HE is putting me through is a test to get me closer to Him.
I'm glad you're here. The reason why some people may get annoyed if you continue to make a lot of posts is because this forum has over 20,000 unique threads. More than likely, questions you have coming to this path as a newcomer may have already been answered here. In which case, you're expected to use the search function and do your research thoroughly before posting a new topic. If you're still struggling, then you should post and specifically identify what it is you're struggling with so that you can get the targeted help you need.
I have alot of anxiety, so I keep thinking about the exmuslims I spoke to and heard of their suffering stories. Now I can't get it out of my head. I just feel so sorry for them. I feel so sorry for poor women who have to live under taliban. I feel so sorry for minorities, and people suffering under terrorism. I cry alot and I can't stop no matter how hard I try.
It sounds like you have anxiety and depression. Being anxious and crying a lot in life is not normal. Your life should not and does not have to be this way. Please, try to seek out professional help in your area (doctor/therapist/medication). And read this to help yourself.
I feel distant from my siblings now. I don't understand how they can be so close minded. Anyway I know never to mention this now. I'm just scared I keep my phone open and they might see this forum.
I would try to figure out what exactly you are afraid of if I were you, so that you can reflect on it and learn how to conquer it. I'm sure you're able to take preventative measures to ensure that they won't see this forum on your phone (not leaving your phone in any place they will check it, keeping a passcode, closing the site when you're done viewing, etc.).
I pray to Allah alone, think of Muhammad saw as a mercy, and follow the one book alone. I know only that will give me true inner peace.
So please, if I have doubts and come here, bear with me. It's the only place I can come too.I feel so sad. I want to cry. In scared I might feel suicidal soon. Thing is I love Allah and I have immense trust and faith in him. But when I see how bad muslims around me can be, and when I hear all these wierd things in hadith, and when I hear all this distorted rules of the Book, I feel my faith in Him weaken. I just want to know that I'm nt alone.
Hugs to you. group
You are not alone. Again, remember you're responsible for yourself and no one else. I see a lot of fear in your post about what you could be feeling. Try to drop that. If it's not an emotion you're dealing with right now, it's not something you need to entertain. Don't get ahead of yourself. Don't get wrapped up in the "what if"s of the future. This sounds like an anxiety-related issue, so it's best to consult a professional so that you can develop healthy coping mechanisms.
If you are ever suicidal, please call your country's suicide hotline. Click here for the list. Again, you're not alone. Please don't entertain those thoughts. They are not worth it. Life is so glorious, alhamdulillah. It's not your time. You have so much more life left to live. You can live it. Please, seek help so that you can be happy and live your life to the fullest.
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peace baitachal,
No need to left or right its a wonderful wonderful life
when i was kid this song sound foolish to me.. coz if there is no right and left where we suppose to go..
but now i understand carry on straight path what singer want to tell us )
everywhere, everytime, you will see people with two sides ..
family
work
school
college
unieither they are doing wrong or right just if you focus on them from ur perception..
right and wrong in religion, duty, love, care, studies, money and lot of other things what are connected with us.at start my feelings was same like you are feeling i m also younger in my family
but now the result is infront of me.. the young generatiion of my family listen me and they and theur parents eventually get agree with me when you talk logically .. but with patience.. if you beleive the words of quran are true and logical for this u have to go through all the stages whaat need to b passedlike take ur time and clear ur concepts(about things)
like rituals, duties, worshipssometimes when a driver look another(expert) person drive he trying to drive in a same way
look all articles , threads from people and learn from them, but make ur decision on neutral mind
when u start u ned to make sure its start and start of a new birth so it will not b the same like it was before lot of things will surprise/astonish youi think its not a best time to debate with them or anybody untill you ll reach on ur conclusion..
try to make remeber the verses by heart what u like, its help u giving anybody reference when they ask most of the people who i encounter(muslim,jews,christians,hindus) are not well aware about their own things ..
all of the time its just a delusion of faith what they inherited and attachment with religion is based on their emotions instead of critical thinking and personal research..and one important thing in last what i want to tell you
the path of God alone is not that easy, you ll realise it later, but if you beleive in something just beleive on it
blind beleive mayb dangerous but a belief after research is peaceful as we know we did effort of finding the truth but we all know ultimate truth belong to God..and hardships will keep you thinking that its happening due to faith.
years ago i changed myself label from traditional to liberal and seeker
after that i encounter some real problems (at some point i was thinking its a punishment of changing faith)
but when i look back again i realise i did not change anything .. its God who drive people where they want them to drive..even this freemind site come in my knowledge approx sis years ago when i was thinking i m the only person who decide to reject the authority of hadith but suddenly i see this page i found out , a world is not the way i imagined ... i still feel i need lot of time for learning things ..
God bless you towards your journey i try to summarise the things what is relevant to almost all people may these things help you.
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Salam Baitachal,
Some communities use emotional backmail and other sorts of pressure to keep their children and flock together.
We have to remember that we will only be answerable for our own souls to our Creator - we will not be answerable to our parents or other peers. Man is a social animal so social castration or ex-communication is seen as a big thing, but as one potential solution, one needs to surround oneself with those who do not judge but accept you truly for who you are.
I think that many including myself have been through situations similar to yourself but at the end of the day you have to remember again that ISLAM is not about beleiving other people or believing what they want you to beleive to keep them happy. It is something between you and your Creator.
I noticed another post by you regarding ex-Muslims - I couldnt find that one again - but needless to say, my older brother said to me many years ago how much he hated Muslims (and being a Muslim) because of how the Arab and Pakistani Muslims around him behaved.
I responded to him by saying that if you see other people brush their teeth in a bad way that causes them gum disease and for their teeth to fall out, would you stop brushing your teeth?
It may not be the most accurate comparison, but either way, if those who call themselves Muslims are dealing drugs, or other crime, it does not mean that those transgressions are part of Islam - it just means that people are using Islam but perhaps it is not in their hearts.I have seen guys with beards to their knees who deal drugs and swear like their is no tomorrow. I keep well away from them.
The other thing is the tag "ex-Muslim" - I don't understand this - why would anyone define themselves by what they are not?Ie, I am an ex-runner - I dont run so much now.... but I don't define myself as an "ex-runner."...
I also think that the vast majority of the "ex-Muslim" crowd are not really "ex" anything other than EX-tra-resentful.
Maybe they just wish ardently that they were Muslims....Salam
Ed