Need to share abt my mental health I've experienced after becoming Quran alone
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First to say, i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuu alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. group group group
thank you all for being here for me. i cant even describe what ive been going through the past few weeks. this whole Revelation, and the impact its had on me. i wish i could pay you all for being such great therapists & hmm
I really wanted my last post to be my last, I really tried, but its not happening.
See, it all started when i started discovering how cruel, misogynistic and unfair sunni islam i followed was. after going through a very, very tough time of searching, God showed me the way of Quran alone and my heart felt wholly at peace.
But that didn't last. something has happened to me since and im afraid that is ruining my life.
I've developed some twisted sort of OCD. I'm sure you can all see it. i post here what 5 times a day. i think i know what the cause is.
See before as a sectarian i told myself, the Quran isn't complete, the rest of the answers are in the hadith. the horrible, horrifying hadith. thing is... i cant tell myself that now. EVERYTHING needs to be in the Quran. EVERYTHING should be clear. NOTHING in the quran should be contradictory, incomplete, uncertain. Because thats what I, we all believe in. This is where my OCD is deriving from. Why I post all the time, often sounding so frantic because my brain is thinking and thinking and ravaging me and my thoughts are raging inside me. and they're eating my brain, they're eating my soul. they're eating the hours on my clock.
In the beginning things felt simple. now everything just feels so complicated. I have this constant OCD, where I must read quran ayas, go on this forum, go to all the other quran only websites and see what they all are saying. this is how i spend my few free hours. I cant take it anymore. I want peace of mind.
Truth is, I just dont know if I can believe anymore if the Quran is a complete book. My OCD is driving me insane!
I think the problem is that there are no "Quran only Fatwas" , so its like....I dont know what to follow!!!
For example quransmessage.com is kinda conservative, and while not as "miosgynistic/twisted" compared to every sectarian website, I still found some of its rulings similar to them. Whereas Quranic-Path.com is one that really makes everything sound so fair to women and to everybody. But then free-minds.org says something different. And then just right now I was comparing divorce in www.wifebeating434.com and www.quran-islam.com, and I saw differences. Like I liked the decision of the latter far more, so do I follow that? I dont know!What if one day a "Quran only fatwa" does come, naturally it'll be a lot more fair than a sectarian one, but what if there are still things I find unfair in it, what do I do?!
I dont understand....my brain keeps fuelling my head with thoughts...these thoughts are driving me crazy. I've just self diagnosed, but I think this is OCD. I mean by obsessive thoughts are doubts and confusions I have, and the compulsions are coming on this website, going on a million more, spending all my free time like that until it drives me crazy!
I can't tell you guys how happy I was when I found this forum, and became God and His Book alone. I was so happy, grateful to all of you and loved how refreshing some of the Quranist websites were. Some of you PM'd,and I read those everyday. They make me so happy. Because they saved me from the worries I had as a sunni girl. I felt relief. But now...the relief is gone. '( '( '( Why is it gone? Why did it go? '( '( Why didnt it stay forever? '( '( Why do I have all these worries, this wretched OCD.
I feel like this OCD is partly associated with quranism, that everything is within the book and we can only search there. Quranism means believing only in Quran....while I found it so great at first, now I just feel like im obsessing with this book. Truth be told, I wish there were hadith! Not the horrible hadith we have today, but good, fair, compassionate, righteous hadith. And I would look to these hadith when I felt lost. But that isnt true. It doesn't exist and we just have one book to follow and i dont know why i have ocd surronding it and finding the answers '(
Guys....I can never become a sectarian again. But my OCD will simply not let me be a quranist. The arabic is just...they are so many translations. Anyone can bend it to their will. I like the Quranist translations the most, usually the most fair. Truthfully, I wish Quran-only could form a sort of constitution like the sectarians have. Maybe than my ocd will go away because then I can tell myself ok this is what you need to practice and think.
I feel like my only way out, to get rid of my is becoming an ex muslim sometimes. I can breathe, tell myself no, the Quran is not perfect, not detailed enough, too confusing, too many different translations meaning different things, too binding, and not enough...BUT I DONT WANT TO SAY THIS!!!! '( '( yet even just while typing that...my ocd felt calmer.
tl;dr, ever since i became quran only my brain is plagued with horrible recorrent ocd. while i did feel sooooooooooooo much relief and happiness when i found out it did not last long. now i have this. i feel like im obsessing over the book. the quran just doesnt feel completely detailed, or perfect to me anymore, because of how confused i feel.
Do you guys see any link between ocd and quranism? I REALLY HOPE NOT!!! ocd runs in my family, so im going to have myself checked. then please, please PLEASE, may it go away and never, never NEVER come back. '(
Can I still be a muslim while thinking the Quran is imperfect and incomplete? I guess not. no thats pointless. I dont want to think that. Im so tired. I dont want to think anything at all.
sometimes i wish i could just be gnostic. Believe in a God, somewhere out there, but we will truly never know which path is the right one so no need to obsess over a religion. But I dont think the Quran allows or dictates that.
You know what...I can tell mself, Its okay. Its okay if you are confused and scared. Yes the Quran is perfect and complete, you just cant see it yet. As for quranic websites...its natural for there to be some differences. Just believe and follow the one that seems the most fair to you , and pray that muslims adopt that one.
I dont know when this will stop. Please pray it does. Please. Im so conflicted. My heart wants to be with all of you, a muslim. But my brain...isn't allowing me. I just want peace of mind. Maybe I'll what I mentioned above. Follow the Quranic website article (since cant really call it ruling) that makes sense to me and seems the most fair to me. Maybe calling myslef 'quranist' is giving my brain all these ruffles, since my brain hasnt acknowldged that word in my identity ever. Maybe I'll become gnostic. Im not sure. I dont know. I just want to fall fast asleep and forget about all these thoughts zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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Peace Baitachal.
This is normal. Some members have described this feelings many times here and in other forums.
What can we do in such a situation/s?
And put your trust in God. God suffices as an advocate.
Trusting and believing GOD is the key to healing our mind,sorting out our problems and getting our questions answered.
GOD suffices as teacher, healer and answerer of questions, ...etc Why?Because GOD tries the "believers" to bring out their true convictions. We should never question the wisdom of GOD behind an outcome, even if it's very disappointing or seems unfair. Instead believe that GOD did not leave anything out of His book and with patience we get to understand even if we do not get all the answers.
As well as believing in GOD we must believe GOD when He says "The believers will attain certainty".
We should never let negative energy ( doubts,lack of knowledge,lack of anything...etc) slow us down or make us waver, compromise, or regress. We should put our trust in God for He is our best supporter and helper.We should reflect, practice patience, implore God, and seek His guidance. That way, we turn the negatives into positives.
Dwelling heedlessly on the bitter feeling of disappointment and doubts may lead to rage, anger, resentment, or simply a deep sense of sadness. This is the negative side that Satan immediately introduces to us when he senses our deviation from the straight path.
Just some thoughts.I may add that in general there is nothing wrong with questioning or feeling down, Just persevere
May GOD bless you and help you.
Peace. -
You have to be patient, You have to have patience with yourself.I think you have an obssessive temperment. Many of us have. But youhave just to tke that in stride. The world is not going to turn faster because you are anxious.
Accept yourself, have patience with yourself, love yourself and calm down. Things are perfect, the world is the world God has made, youhave your struggle in life like all of us. nd you are deling with it.
The Qur'an... God has given each of us a Qur'an and a fitra to make our life sacred nd make everything He has created sacred. The Qur'an for you will be the Qur'an you mke alive, nd it is written but basicaly is in your heart where God speaks,if you just listen.
You are not doing anything wrong, you are fighting like those fighters inJakie chan films who get mad and still fight carried by impatience. No, be cool and do not worry because many different people tell you many different things. The are doing the same as you, they struggling for the sake of their own understanding and knowledge.
There is a thred in the forum which is called patience. Is a very hard virtue because in order to become ptient you need a lot of patience. The philosophy Crlily said that patiente is the muslim virtue par excleence. I agree. Patiente is the mother of peace and achievement nd it means to carry on struggling even where everything seems against it, against it sucess, many times like going from worse to worse. Patience is the most formidable weapon of the warrior. And as I said, the first thing we have to be patient with is ourselves. We are our worst nemy it is true, but because we are autmatised.
A great part of living in this world is acquiring sutomatism to defend ourselves or to make ourselves accepted. Many of those we have to dismantle as we live.
Baitachal. In sha Allah YOU WILL GET THERE. Bu many times you will feel like this, because youare still inthe middle of the fray. But in sha allah we will listen to what the last ayas of sura al Fajr say, which to me in Arabic are the most apeasing of the whole Qur'an and bring tears into my eyes
"O thou human being that hast attained to inner peace! (27) Return thou unto thy Sustainer, pleasing and well-pleased (2 enter, then, in my adoration ? (29) and enter My garden"
What you long for exists, nd in sha Allah you will get there, mostly through patience.
So be happy that you have an obssessive mind, you have a good training ground at home to practice patience.
Salaam
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Are you able to go away for a bit perhaps? Can you take a short trip? Do you like camping? Spending some time away from so many distractions and thought may help. Don't spend time with the Internet. Spend time with nature. Spend time praying. Relax and calm yourself in a calm environment.
If you cannot do this, I would try to reduce the time you spend on the Internet at least. It doesn't sound healthy for you. If OCD runs in your family, I'm glad you're going to get yourself checked out. That's very wise of you.
Look into picking up mindful practices such as yoga and meditation. Get a massage. Take a nice long bath, or start talking walks. Consider starting a journal. Take every day one step at a time.
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Of course, that is what should be done. To sort out all the hadiths that contradict the Quran. I heard even a scholar on youtube saying that. But we are not in a position to do that. So I follow Quran only, thats my final conclusion about it. There is really no need to worry about anything here. Quran is not a religion and I would never participate in trying to make a religion out of it.
You can absolutely not win that kind of debates in your head (what if "Quran only fatwas" come, what if ...). It goes just on and on. Your are tricked into it.
Give attention to your body!! Do some physical action, best outside of the house, light kind of sports. Even not stressful kind of work, like some cleaning of the house is helpful. Or do something, where you are creative with your hands (like for example dress-making). -
Baitachal,
good logic is correct about what you are feeling. It is the effect many of us experienced. Obsessive thoughts about the verses and God are purely normal among us. Don't recite the Suras and count on rituals. Just befriend God at this time. Read the Quran. It is a Book of guidance, a manual. So apply some of its verses in your life. Use it for your mind and body. Many people will give many explanations of the verses. It is just that Quran alone empowers all those who come to it and remember God will not want his creations to be vandalized just because they are of a specific gender. If your mind tells you that explanations of some verses are irrational, then indeed they are irrational. So reject them and have patience. You will feel more empowered if you first focus only on your relationship with God. We have all began from the scratch, but with preconceived notions of what people around us told about the interpretations. So we do make mistakes sometimes. I think we need a thread for myths about us. I'll create one. It can clear up things easily.
quransmessage.com is kinda conservative
If I remember correctly the owner does not fully reject hadiths. I actually sometimes feel very disturbed by his personal opinions. They almost lean towards narcissism found among sectarian scholars. His articles are generally good. But sometimes he takes a poor approach to validate things done in Islam, but not found in Quran. It is like he believes they are right because they were being done by early Christians. What he fails to see is that many of the Christian stuffs are imports in Islam.
What if one day a "Quran only fatwa" does come, naturally it'll be a lot more fair than a sectarian one, but what if there are still things I find unfair in it, what do I do?!
You don't do what seems unfair to you.
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In the name of the god, the creator, the most merciful.
201 T'H'
202 We did not send down to you the reading so you may suffer.
203 It is but a reminder for he who is concerned.
204 Sent down from the One who has created the earth and the heavens above.
205 The Almighty, upon the Throne He settled.
206 To Him is what is in the heavens and what is on the earth, and what is between them, and what is beneath the ground.
207 And if you will declare openly what you say, then surely He knows the secret and what is hidden.
208 The god, there is no god except He, to Him are the beautiful names. -
duplicate post (sorry)
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remembering of God pleases the heart of believers
always listen whats ur heart acknowledge one cannot be dishonest with the voice of inside..
but take some more time dnt be too quick in understanding the nature of truth..
the whole truth belong to God alone, he alone knows the secrets of heavens and earth, he alone determine the destines of all things..
he alone know all what he meant by multiple meaning verses , so having different opinions about things is a very normal practice..
not only in religion but also in science, philosphy, logics etcmay God guide us to the right path
take care group -
See, it all started when i started discovering how cruel, misogynistic and unfair sunni islam i followed was. after going through a very, very tough time of searching, God showed me the way of Quran alone and my heart felt wholly at peace.
But that didn't last. something has happened to me since and im afraid that is ruining my life.
I've developed some twisted sort of OCD. I'm sure you can all see it. i post here what 5 times a day. i think i know what the cause is.
Going from the traditional point of view to this new "Quran alone" point of view was like a revelation for you, something totally new and fresh. It was like a shot of something, and you got a high. But like all such dramatic events, like drug rushes, or crushes, they don't last because the feeling you experience is not supposed to last. It wouldn't be normal for it to last. Rushes and crushes don't last, by their very nature.
So no worries! This is to be expected! We all go through this every now and then when we get new insights and revelations.
See before as a sectarian i told myself, the Quran isn't complete, the rest of the answers are in the hadith. the horrible, horrifying hadith. thing is... i cant tell myself that now. EVERYTHING needs to be in the Quran. EVERYTHING should be clear. NOTHING in the quran should be contradictory, incomplete, uncertain. Because thats what I, we all believe in. This is where my OCD is deriving from. Why I post all the time, often sounding so frantic because my brain is thinking and thinking and ravaging me and my thoughts are raging inside me. and they're eating my brain, they're eating my soul. they're eating the hours on my clock.
Relax. Don't force the Quran to contain EVERYTHING. It doesn't. It doesn't lack anything necessary, but it obviously doesn't contain everything of this life. God never said the Quran will contain everything we need. So, we should not put up this unrealistic expectation.
The real question is WHY do you NEED it to contain everything?
One possible answer is that in traditional religion, you are used to not think for yourself. Everything is fed to you. You are spoon-fed all answers to finest detail. But, life doesn't work this way. Life and Reality is TOO BIG AND MARVELOUS for this. A religion cannot encompass life.
In the beginning things felt simple. now everything just feels so complicated. I have this constant OCD, where I must read quran ayas, go on this forum, go to all the other quran only websites and see what they all are saying. this is how i spend my few free hours. I cant take it anymore. I want peace of mind.
Yes, it was simple, when you were deep in that crush, in love with your new vision, but soon you discovered things were not so easy. Basically, the high started wearing off, quite naturally and un-romantically.
Truth is, I just dont know if I can believe anymore if the Quran is a complete book. My OCD is driving me insane!
I think the problem is that there are no "Quran only Fatwas" , so its like....I dont know what to follow!!!Your main problem is that you still feel a NEED to follow a detailed program. You are frantically looking for the answer sheet. Unfortunately, it is nowhere to be found. Life doesn't come with cheat sheets and collections of final answers! One secret of life is that we are SUPPOSED to search, seek and learn. We MUST go through life, stage by stage, step by step, and learn bits and pieces along the way. This is how life is DESIGNED!
You issue is the strong feeling of needing a ready set of conclusive answers to all you questions. You need to deal with this feeling.
For example quransmessage.com is kinda conservative, and while not as "miosgynistic/twisted" compared to every sectarian website, I still found some of its rulings similar to them. Whereas Quranic-Path.com is one that really makes everything sound so fair to women and to everybody. But then free-minds.org says something different. And then just right now I was comparing divorce in www.wifebeating434.com and www.quran-islam.com, and I saw differences. Like I liked the decision of the latter far more, so do I follow that? I dont know!
You know what? You don't need to be perfect! You don't need to get it all right! No human being can! Be kind to yourself and don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself to find all THE answers.
What if one day a "Quran only fatwa" does come, naturally it'll be a lot more fair than a sectarian one, but what if there are still things I find unfair in it, what do I do?!
Fatwas come from human beings. They are not perfect. Don't worry about it.
I dont understand....my brain keeps fuelling my head with thoughts...these thoughts are driving me crazy. I've just self diagnosed, but I think this is OCD. I mean by obsessive thoughts are doubts and confusions I have, and the compulsions are coming on this website, going on a million more, spending all my free time like that until it drives me crazy!
Listen,
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Try realizing who YOU are. You are NOT your thoughts! This is VERY important to realize! You are THAT WHICH PERCEIVES. Thoughts are just those things flying around in your mind... words, memories, self talk, sound in your head etc. This is NOT you. You are that thing which is aware and witnesses all what is going on in your mind.
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When you can separate your mind/thoughts from You(the thing that witnesses the thoughts), then you can begin to feel a relief. When you realize that you are not your thoughts, then you are suddenly not a slave to them anymore. You can now start practicing just NOTICING what is going on in your mind. This is many times frightening, but ok. This is VERY important. We must get to know our selves this way.
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When you know your thoughts are just stuff in your minds, no matter how irritating, noisy and demanding they are, you can start relaxing is a state of PEACEFUL ALLOWING. You just ALLOW you thoughts to be what they are. Don't try to control them. Don't wrestle with them. Just practice NOTICING, LOOKING, but NOT touching, guiding, fiddling, evaluating or reacting to them. Just OBSERVE. Nthing more. This is not easy. Life is not easy. It is a skill, and you must PRACTICE!
This way, you can begin to gain freedom from the tyranny of an over active mind. This is the way you must go. Actually, this is ancient knowledge... nothing new at all.
I feel like this OCD is partly associated with quranism, that everything is within the book and we can only search there. Quranism means believing only in Quran....while I found it so great at first, now I just feel like im obsessing with this book. Truth be told, I wish there were hadith! Not the horrible hadith we have today, but good, fair, compassionate, righteous hadith. And I would look to these hadith when I felt lost. But that isnt true. It doesn't exist and we just have one book to follow and i dont know why i have ocd surronding it and finding the answers '(
You are looking for something secure to hand you all answers. That's why you feel you want hadith, or something like it. Hadith was comfortable, safe, easy.
The OCD is just a reaction to the perceived void that your mind was thrown into when hadith was snatched away. You feel lost because there is no more a clear structure to lean on. Please be careful! Don't fill that void with just anything, just to get back the comfortable feeling of safety!
Truthfully, I wish Quran-only could form a sort of constitution like the sectarians have. Maybe than my ocd will go away because then I can tell myself ok this is what you need to practice and think.
Your OCD will not go away even if hadith is replaced, it will just hide and be quiet, but nothing would be solved. It would still be there and you'd still be bound by it.
Now is the chance to break free... but it will take a lot of awareness, courage and hard work!!
I feel like my only way out, to get rid of my is becoming an ex muslim sometimes. I can breathe, tell myself no, the Quran is not perfect, not detailed enough, too confusing, too many different translations meaning different things, too binding, and not enough...BUT I DONT WANT TO SAY THIS!!!! '( '( yet even just while typing that...my ocd felt calmer.
I understand the feeling. Why don't you just leave the Quran a bit. The Quran will always be there.. it won't run away or disappear. You won't lose it. No worries. Come back to it later, little by little. You cannot force an understanding of the Quran anyway. It cannot be forced, and THIS is what you are feeling. You are forcing things, and it doesn't work.
It is scary, but you need to let go. Let go. It is safe! You won't lose anything valuable, rather with time you'll gain better insights and a more clear vision. But you must first let go. Leave the Quran, for now, in parts at least, and start paying attention to YOURSELF!!
Can I still be a muslim while thinking the Quran is imperfect and incomplete? I guess not. no thats pointless. I dont want to think that. Im so tired. I dont want to think anything at all.
Forget what you are, muslim or not. Who are you to judge that? To know what you are, you first need to GET TO KNOW YOURSELF. Labels like "muslim" has nothing to do with what you are. You are NOT a label!!!
Leave the Quran alone. Don't judge it. Is it perfect, or not? Never mind! It will always be there for you, anytime, so don't worry.
You don't have to decide anything right now!sometimes i wish i could just be gnostic. Believe in a God, somewhere out there, but we will truly never know which path is the right one so no need to obsess over a religion. But I dont think the Quran allows or dictates that.
On the contrary, the Quran insists on it! What other way is there to go??? See 1736. Wisdom, knowledge and insight come with TIME and EXPERIENCE. This is where sectarian religions go wrong. They forbid questioning. If you are not allowed to question and experience, you won't know anything. So, in essence, sectarians know NOTHING... they just believe blindly.
In fact, we know FAR LESS than we think we know, and that's a RELIEF to understand. Arrogance will make you think you know alot, but in reality, we don't know sh*t.
You know what...I can tell mself, Its okay. Its okay if you are confused and scared. Yes the Quran is perfect and complete, you just cant see it yet. As for quranic websites...its natural for there to be some differences. Just believe and follow the one that seems the most fair to you , and pray that muslims adopt that one.
Yes, this is a good way to look at things.
I dont know when this will stop. Please pray it does. Please. Im so conflicted. My heart wants to be with all of you, a muslim. But my brain...isn't allowing me. I just want peace of mind.
Pray for help to TAKE CHARGE, be free. It won't stop all by itself, but you can work on it. There are ways.
PEACE, joyful peace
sun handshake -
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In the name of the god, the creator, the most merciful.
201 T'H'
202 We did not send down to you the reading so you may suffer.
203 It is but a reminder for he who is concerned.
204 Sent down from the One who has created the earth and the heavens above.
205 The Almighty, upon the Throne He settled.
206 To Him is what is in the heavens and what is on the earth, and what is between them, and what is beneath the ground.
207 And if you will declare openly what you say, then surely He knows the secret and what is hidden.
208 The god, there is no god except He, to Him are the beautiful names.440 Indeed, Allah does not do injustice, as much as an atom's weight;
Perhaps I just need to keep reminding this to myself.
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They almost lean towards narcissism found among sectarian scholars.
Indeed, I found almost no one anywhere mentioning this. Some preachers seem to have something like a fanclub, are proud of how many e-mails they get and how many people they convert to islam. How disgusting. And it is also a mental health topic (narcissism). Like the Quran describes it people who want to be seen.
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Indeed, I found almost no one anywhere mentioning this. Some preachers seem to have something like a fanclub, are proud of how many e-mails they get and how many people they convert to islam. How disgusting. And it is also a mental health topic (narcissism). Like the Quran describes it people who want to be seen.
I agree. There is no such thing as proselytizing. God guides whom He wills.