Divorcing an addicted husband

fredet

Hey, I am married to an alcoholic addict. I don't know what to do. He convinced me that he was a teetotaler before the marriage. But, he was lying. I cannot cope up with this behavior of his. He is also quarrelsome after using alcohol.
I am going to ask him to get addiction help from Toronto. If he is planning to continue with his behavior, then I am going to ask for a divorce. What do you guys think?

Layth

Salam,

It is impossible to give someone advice as only they know the extent of their situation.

When you say alcoholic, I assume you mean someone who drinks regularly (possibly each day) and who drinks to the point of drunkenness?

virginia

Hey, I am married to an alcoholic addict. I don't know what to do. He convinced me that he was a teetotaler before the marriage. But, he was lying. I cannot cope up with this behavior of his. He is also quarrelsome after using alcohol.
I am going to ask him to get addiction help from Toronto. If he is planning to continue with his behavior, then I am going to ask for a divorce. What do you guys think?

You can not help whom is not willing to help himself.

Stay safe

huruf

Either you can helpt him to fight it or you can't. If you can't, really I see myself inyour situation and I would divorce.

Give yourself may be a room for trial and if that fails, go ahead May be the fact that he looses a family may bring some sonse into his life. If not, there is ntohing you can do except get drowned with him.

Salaam and really, really, pray for you for the best. It is a very trying, hellish situation. Be good to yourself and pray for him. But do not stay in the middle or the continuous doubt.

You have all my syimpathy. Him too, but may be there is ntomuch you can do for him. So take care of yourself.

Salaam

fredet

Salam,

It is impossible to give someone advice as only they know the extent of their situation.

When you say alcoholic, I assume you mean someone who drinks regularly (possibly each day) and who drinks to the point of drunkenness?

The latter one.

fredet

Thank you everyone for considering me. )

Aladin

If you have any issue in a marriage you two should invite your relatives and talk in their presence about an issue. If that helps then thank to Allah and continue your life, if not you're free to divorce. If he leaves you in bed 4 times openly while you're with him, you can divorce too and he has no permition to stop you. That's Kitab (Regulation), but we're doing many things other then Kitab.

A_Submitter

If you have any issue in a marriage you two should invite your relatives and talk in their presence about an issue. If that helps then thank to Allah and continue your life, if not you're free to divorce. If he leaves you in bed 4 times openly while you're with him, you can divorce too and he has no permition to stop you. That's Kitab (Regulation), but we're doing many things other then Kitab.

Where is this in Quran that if a man leaves a woman in bed 4 times she should divorce???

Aladin

Ayet 2234 is about that.

SarahY

Personally hate the idea of drinking and wouldn't tolerate a drunken alcoholic. You've obviously married him so he can't be all bad, something must have attracted you to him.

My advice, see if he is willing to amend his ways to being sober. Explain how the drinking makes you feel and your anger for his lying/misguiding your perception of his drinking. If he is improving and amending his ways is there any reason to divorce? if not, continue happily otherwise go with your decision.

Peace.

A_Submitter

Hey, I am married to an alcoholic addict. I don't know what to do. He convinced me that he was a teetotaler before the marriage. But, he was lying. I cannot cope up with this behavior of his. He is also quarrelsome after using alcohol.
I am going to ask him to get addiction help from Toronto. If he is planning to continue with his behavior, then I am going to ask for a divorce. What do you guys think?

You shouldn't threaten or warn with divorce, not yet. The risk is higher he may choose alcohol to numb this too rather than work things out. Try reaching him first.
Do you know why he drinks? What is he trying to avoid? Something tragic, losing someone, job? Maybe try first to understand why he tries to numb himself. Perhaps he wanted to avoid alcohol but failed and is now in an "evil circle" and you interpret this as him lying (does he have history with alcohol addiction?).

The best thing to do would be to wait until he sobers and then talk with him (not divorce) about how his behavior is damaging the relationship.
If he's reluctant to talk to you, then bring someone else who's close to him. A father or mother? Or a sibling? Choose someone he won't be ashamed to talk about his problem.
Give us more info, if you're comfortable doing so.

The advice to bring relatives from both families should be last resort before initiating divorce.
God knows best.
Salam

Cerberus

hey fredet,

An addicted person needs help, I'm afraid just divorcing will just make things worst for him, and you are probably divorcing for your own good, but can you think about him too ? If you can help him then you should do so.

And know that addiction is not something you get over with easily, so it will require some sort of sacrifice, of course, or you can just divorce and walk away. Which is not cool, imo.

Yup, "In good and bad times"

Maha

You should help him get the help that he needs.. alcoholic anonymous is one example.. You can also talk to him and ask him why he drinks.. understanding is very important...

Secondly, you can demand a separation in the meanwhile if that's what you need .. But don't rush into a divorce. He is also a victim, not a psychopathic monster.

Peace

Maha

hey fredet,

An addicted person needs help, I'm afraid just divorcing will just make things worst for him, and you are probably divorcing for your own good, but can you think about him too ? If you can help him then you should do so.

And know that addiction is not something you get over with easily, so it will require some sort of sacrifice, of course, or you can just divorce and walk away. Which is not cool, imo.

Yup, "In good and bad times"

Totally agree with you. An addict is not a monster, and once you marry someone you should always think about your spouse as well. Selfishness is in direct contrast with everything that a marriage stands for.
Divorcing an addict would be akin to throwing the addict into a deeper addiction.. because he would properly just use alcohol to numb the pain of being abandoned by the one who counted on the most..

huruf

I remind of what the origial poster explained.

Hey, I am married to an alcoholic addict. I don't know what to do. He convinced me that he was a teetotaler before the marriage. But, he was lying. I cannot cope up with this behavior of his. He is also quarrelsome after using alcohol.
I am going to ask him to get addiction help from Toronto. If he is planning to continue with his behavior, then I am going to ask for a divorce. What do you guys think?

According to what she says, he lied to her and she is not going to leave him just like that She is pushing him to get help. So she is not being selfish so horribly selfish.

An addict is a sick person agreed. But sick persons can do horrible things. Just a pshychhopat is a sick person, that does not mean that we have to endure a psychopath. So let us hope he really wants to get out of the addiction. If not, what is the use? People are not inexhaustible. Not even a muslim submisive wife is so.

He is resposible for himself, not her. If she fails in getting him to get treatment, after himlying to her, the last thing she needs is to be told off as a selfish person. I guess by now she is pretty desperate herslef. Living with an alcoholic is not like living with a wheel-chair ridden or a Down syndrome person.

Try your best, fredet, bu it is he who should make up his mind and who should make the main effort. It is his effort the one that is going to save him, not yours. Although of course if he does his, yours will be very important. But he should be the one getting his priorities straight and act consequently. Do not make the error of considering as if he was your son.

Salaam

imrankhawaja

Hey, I am married to an alcoholic addict. I don't know what to do. He convinced me that he was a teetotaler before the marriage. But, he was lying. I cannot cope up with this behavior of his. He is also quarrelsome after using alcohol.
I am going to ask him to get addiction help from Toronto. If he is planning to continue with his behavior, then I am going to ask for a divorce. What do you guys think?

actually .. there is one option

you also start drinking alcohol so that he realise what hez been doing..
alcohal have some properties which make human brave and agressive than normal..

if this thing is not favorable then
show him another experiment

once i show this experiment to someone he replied me in a funny way..
i fill a cup with alcohal and i drop one insect in it , after a while insect died ..
i showed him look how dangerous alcohal is for health

he said the experiment shows if you drink alcohal it will kill all the insects of body and stomach.. and he make a pac again rotfl

if i would at ur situation i apply the first option and then i applied it hardly .. yes (only if i really love and want to stay with)

fredet

Thank you so much for the replies.

huruf

I hope everything is well with you. Wish the best.

Salaam