Marrying an Athiest/Agnostic I dated before reverting to Islam?
-
Explain hat is marriage according to Qur'an, please.
Salaam
Exchange vows with at least two witnesses. Unless my cats count I don't think I'm married yet lol. Even though we spend a lot of money and time on each other so I guess we are in "Right hand possesses" territory.
-
The vows in front of witnesses are so that people cannot say you are not married, not that even if people do not know you are single. Obviusly you are not single, you are married, you have gone unto each other and you cannot deny it before God even if before people you can figure out a way of escaping that you have gone unto each other or void of meaning such an event or events.
If it was not so, what would be wrong with adultery?
Salaam
-
He is a great guy I love him dearly and I know Allah has put him in my life for a reason. I found Islam after we had broken up for a while. We started talking again and he decided to move in with me (we were in a long distance relationship for a short time). I had quit practicing during that period of time because I had had enough of traditional Islam (it was nothing like the Qu'ran that I had grown to love after reading it cover to cover).
I've just started practicing again (as a Quranist) and he's been taking it pretty well. He was in the US Air Force and the anti-Muslim biases rubbed off on him a bit, it does not help that he comes from an abusive home that was very religious (his dad was a Christian Pastor). So he sometimes makes terrorist jokes (he has a morbid sense of humor) and tells me that Islam is a fairy tale and that God probably does not exist.
Beyond that though he supports my beliefs. I wear my hijab around him and pray in his presence and he's okay with it, he even leaves the room when I pray so he does not bother me and adjusts my hijab for me if it's messed up in the back.
He is a peaceful person who is very giving and inadvertently follows the Qu'ran in the way he lives. I couldn't find a man like him again (even in the Muslim community, plus I want to stay clear of men who practice the Hadith.)
We don't want kids so I'm not worried about raising kids in an interfaith home. We've been dating for nearly two years, and I'm tired of living in sin. I want to pop the question and marry him according to the Qu'ran (exchange vows and 2+ witnesses). I just want to know if I'm doing the right thing and what are other Quranist Muslim's opinion on this topic?Peace ELM, you are in a "shackup" (living together) lifestyle, and you are tired of living that way (in sin) so yes, do what it takes to remove your guilt.
-
I think sister huruf is saying that if you follow Qoran, make your vows/take an oath with GOD as a witness or separate.
Then ask for forgiveness of your past from the Lord and pray for guidance to both of you.
If your partner is supportive and peaceful towards your deen, then he is no enemy of your deen.Who knows what develops in the future?
GOD works on the hearts if we seek Him sincerely.
GOD bless you both.
Peace. -
you are in a "shackup" (living together) lifestyle, and you are tired of living that way (in sin) so yes, do what it takes to remove your guilt.
it depends from society to society.
she is not doing any sin. ( some socities get their kids married at age of 13 thinks they are doing good, some are involved in homosexuality and parents even support it, in some socities people dnt give a *** about marriage paper but they live like husband & wife and save their fee of court marriage lol)
i think we should agree with huruf although there are lot of things need to discuss but on lot of things she really gives logicall answers what we need to do is to think about it and see around us lot of answers are already there.
about the guilt (its illusion) what guilt?
why its a guilt when this thing linked with our own birth real guilt is why we listen to the faulty interpretation and we miss lot of good things what God made for us to enjoy.same like its a guilt for a christian to think jesus is not God
but look the same thing before paul it will b a different guiltdo guilt is slwsys what we percieve as guilt.
some prople feel guilty when they do second marriage/sex coz their society didnt accept it
some people living with four wives very happily they never feel guilt ? becoz they believe in 4 wives stuff look we are in a big tricky worldblessing in the name if God
-
I know it's not a sin to not to wear a hijab lol, but I like wearing it. I destroy a lot of stereotypes by wearing it and I actually want to be approached about my faith and meet other Muslims even if they are "mainstream" just for community sake. (and I do my hijab better than the birds nest growing on my head.)
It is not a sin when God's name is not used. But Quran does have negative verses about such accessory. Plus, these days, that thing attracts attacks.
Yeah I am considering those issues. The only reason we broke up was because of the long distance and I didn't believe he'd move down here.
My dad was abused and came from a very similar background so he had major anger issues. The man I'm with now hasn't yelled at me once in two years so I'm not too worried about that.
I should have been clear. Sorry about that. The problem is not abuse. The problem is that people who come from orthodox homes have trouble understanding right and wrong methods of living in a secular society. I must say I saw this less in exchristians and more in exmuslims.
Living together is kinda a sin if I'm not married to him lol. That's what I meant.
Aww, I completely understand and even if you weren't religious, the rational side of you would have still felt guilty and later irritated by that arrangement.
The vows in front of witnesses are so that people cannot say you are not married, not that even if people do not know you are single. Obviusly you are not single, you are married, you have gone unto each other and you cannot deny it before God even if before people you can figure out a way of escaping that you have gone unto each other or void of meaning such an event or events.
I'll add to Huruf's points
If you dislike parties and want to save money get just the marriage license. You can take vows in front of a government official for it.
it depends from society to society.
she is not doing any sin.
about the guilt (its illusion) what guilt?
why its a guilt when this thing linked with our own birth real guilt is why we listen to the faulty interpretation and we miss lot of good things what God made for us to enjoy.
same like its a guilt for a christian to think jesus is not God
but look the same thing before paul it will b a different guiltdo guilt is slwsys what we percieve as guilt.
some prople feel guilty when they do second marriage/sex coz their society didnt accept it
some people living with four wives very happily they never feel guilt ? becoz they believe in 4 wives stuff look we are in a big tricky worldblessing in the name if God
Society is separate from the individual brain. I have come to conclusion that humans feel guilty about sex without marriage because it is not a natural arrangement. Soul wants to feel secure and valued.
-
Re what Quran says about marriage
source
Determining mutual attraction/compatibility
Ascertaining whether the potential partner is of similar beliefs/faith
Discussion of and agreeing to the level of dower and other terms (if any)
Understanding and mutual acceptance of marriage as a solemn/strong oath/contract
If male, capable of providing for the family/household
To have physically matured / post-puberty
To have the marriage contract/oaths witnessedIf the marriage is unsuccessful, one should also be capable of undertaking divorce proceedings, e.g. separation period, arbitration, discussion of settlement etc .
-
Re what Quran says about marriage
source
Determining mutual attraction/compatibility
Ascertaining whether the potential partner is of similar beliefs/faith
Discussion of and agreeing to the level of dower and other terms (if any)
Understanding and mutual acceptance of marriage as a solemn/strong oath/contract
If male, capable of providing for the family/household
To have physically matured / post-puberty
To have the marriage contract/oaths witnessedIf the marriage is unsuccessful, one should also be capable of undertaking divorce proceedings, e.g. separation period, arbitration, discussion of settlement etc .
Yeah, so much evidence.
Quote from Elm
So he sometimes makes terrorist jokes (he has a morbid sense of humor) and tells me
that Islam is a fairy tale and that God probably does not exist.What wali/guardian/representative would approve of such an arrangement? hmm
2/221
And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman
is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry
polytheistic men until they believe. And a believing slave is better
than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite to the Fire,
but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes
clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.peace
-
Yeah, so much evidence.
Quote from Elm
So he sometimes makes terrorist jokes (he has a morbid sense of humor) and tells me
that Islam is a fairy tale and that God probably does not exist.What wali/guardian/representative would approve of such an arrangement? hmm
2/221
And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman
is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry
polytheistic men until they believe. And a believing slave is better
than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite to the Fire,
but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes
clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.peace
Hawk,
What one says is not necessarily what one believes, in fact most of the time it is not. Many times we are just palying devil advocates with some things, that if we dared to believe we might risk horrible disapointments.
On the other hand we do know, we do know too much of those who say they believe and with their deeds show just the opposite. The other way around is also a fact.
The thing is that belief in many of the things that we consider part of belief are so much misused and confused that it is no wonder that people do not want to be part of it.
So to me the words of the man do not mean anything, just a mental-social phenomenon which does not say much about his deep truth.
Salaam
-
Quote from Elm
So he sometimes makes terrorist jokes (he has a morbid sense of humor) and tells me
that Islam is a fairy tale and that God probably does not exist.What wali/guardian/representative would approve of such an arrangement?
2/221
And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman
is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry
polytheistic men until they believe. And a believing slave is better
than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite to the Fire,
but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes
clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.We make similar jokes. What if her guy is living by Quranic laws without being aware of it?
-
Hawk,
What one says is not necessarily what one believes, in fact most of the time it is not. Many times we are just palying devil advocates with some things, that if we dared to believe we might risk horrible disapointments.
On the other hand we do know, we do know too much of those who say they believe and with their deeds show just the opposite. The other way around is also a fact.
The thing is that belief in many of the things that we consider part of belief are so much misused and confused that it is no wonder that people do not want to be part of it.
So to me the words of the man do not mean anything, just a mental-social phenomenon which does not say much about his deep truth.
Salaam
Peace Huruf, I think you give good reasons to have a wali. I personally
value second opinions from knowledgeable individuals, marriage is nothing
to be taken lightly and should be approached carefully. Elm is doing the
the right thing by coming to free minds to get advice.We make similar jokes. What if her guy is living by Quranic laws without being aware of it?
Peace Reel, it's not just the jokes, but this
tells me that Islam is a fairy tale and that God probably does not exist.
Part of the joy of marriage is sharing the deen with one another, that in itself is a benefit of
marrying a believer.2/221
And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe
And do not marry polytheistic men until they believe.peace
-
Peace Reel, it's not just the jokes, but this
tells me that Islam is a fairy tale and that God probably does not exist.
Part of the joy of marriage is sharing the deen with one another, that in itself is a benefit of
marrying a believer.2/221
And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe
And do not marry polytheistic men until they believe.peace
There are lots of descriptions in the Quran about what polytheistic people do. The title itself doesn't seem to be enough. Once I made a comment to my husband, "hahaha, Jesus is dead just like Muhammad, they can't hear your prayer, they don't fulfill your wishes". This did not affect anything between us. People change and jokes don't rule our lives. ELM can leave him only if he is going against God's laws. The guy will, of course, change. I can confirm you that and marriage is the one that does that quite well.
-
I think we should not ever forget about the mawadda and the rahma that God puts between woman and man. W sort of take for a common place, but when you come to think of it, it is the key.
I spoke I don't kow in which thread, about the man who wwent to a whoerehouse and then married the woman to whom he was client. They ended up having a very good marriage. Forget about education level, and other classical afinities.
My guess is that the man, and the woman, by the same token discovered that mawadda and rahma between them and behaved accordingly.
I also know of quite a number of couples who paper married because she got pregnant. In a way it was forced, but they ended up lasting all their life...
May be it is that as soon as we let that mawadda and rahma rule our relationships, wonders occur.
So may be it is not only what we do before "the marriage", but may be as much what we do after it, whether we react angrily or whether we react with friendship and mercy.
Salaam
