About being a virgin....
-
Salam Aleikum.... ( May Peace be with you )
Do forgive me ( Perphaps my stupid question ).... It's my first topic...
You see I'm a guy in a age in 22 and still a virgin.... because I thought Allah has commanded me so ( plz do not think I look ugly... I do get some offers, and by the way it's not an a add ).... Recently one has come to me and said that about being virginity is written in the hadiths ( Bukhari & Co ) and not in the quran... Can anyone clarify it for me ?? ... ( Because I have just started to read in the Quran ) And I can't find it yet... Forgive me, for my impatience...
P.S I really enjoy the forum, It have helped me alot.... Mucho gracias my brothers and sisters .....
-
Peace D.C.
First, welcome! )
You stated
I'm a guy in a age in 22 and still a virgin.... because I thought Allah has commanded me soI believe you're correct
2433 And those who cannot find a match must keep chaste until Allah grants them sufficiency out of His Bounty...
May peace be upon you,
Tay -
Aleikum Salam asdfjk
Thanks for your nice comments.... I also hope for that Allah will provide me a wife.... whom I deserve.... You'll never know.... Maybe she won't be a virgin... But as long she submits to Allah... Then I'm happy.... As for now I'll take one day at the time.... Still have much to work on.... I think...
I do hope for the best in your future asdfjk....
Regards
D.C
-
Salam, all the best wishes to u.
That was really an unsound question.... Being chaste is part & parcel of being true to one self...Pre marital is not a question of whether it is allowed or otherwise.... It really is a being true to one self.
What would you have done if you cannot find an appropriate verse from the Quran? Would have gone out & just "did it"?
Stay true to yourself & we make mistakes in our life. Abstaining & avoiding the natural emotions is not easy but so far you have abstained from the most difficult emotions & you have succeeded(so far).
I wish you all the best. lol
-
Aleikum Salam asdfjk
I also hope for that Allah will provide me a wife.... whom I deserve.... You'll never know.... Maybe she won't be a virgin... But as long she submits to Allah... Then I'm happy.... As for now I'll take one day at the time.... Still have much to work on.... I think...
I think that chastity has nothing to do with virginity as some women could lose it against their will as in the case of rape. I also heard that in some sports such as horse riding and bicycling, women could lose it too.
Taj
-
Salam D. C.,
I am at least 10 years older than you and I have been always chaste/virgin for the love of the All-Mighty. In my societal system, this is not perceived "normal" and all my family and friends remind me that. I sent all of them to hell. I had many opportunities in my life after the death of my beloved, but declined them because of two things faith (met many good men but not believers) and fornication (I refuse any muslim man who has already fornicated when he was single). Quran states clearly two things keep away from zeena (fornication) and if you have fornicated, you marry only a fornicator like you or a mush'rik (idole worhsipper) and this is forbidden on the believers (wa HURIMA DHALIKA 3ala al-mu2meneen). In a mosque, I got 63 requests from Brothers to get to know me with the intent of marriage. I always asked "do you uphold the Quran and Quran only?" and "have you fornicated when you were single"? these two factors have disqualified them all. And I am at peace with myself as I believe nothing and I say nothing is worth pleasing the All-Mighty. HE takes care of me.
My Brother, it takes to be a true believer and inchallah the society pressure won't get the upper hand on you. Build up a strong self-esteem on how the All-Mighty will be pleased with you and not on how others perceive you.I will pray for you that the All-Mighty bestows on you a true soul mate believer. Hold to HIS rope and sooner or later, you will be blessed.
Peace. Myr.
-
Salam Aleikum
Thx for the answers.....
To Sheena You're probaly true about it's being true to yourself..... But one thing you must understand is.... It's only the words of Allah, who's holding me back in some situation, where I don't think..... If there wasn't a law against it.... Then I could most probaly fall in it.... And by the way the answer if I could have gone out and do it.... is " No "... The reason I asked my question to start with is also do with my knowledge about Islam.... If someone ask me, why I am doing this and that.... Then I could give a good answer.....
To Taj I know, what your saying.. feel the same way to... Perhaps I should have eksplained it better D
To Myr Thx your reply... seeing your answer... It gives me more knowledge and thinking about Islam.... But I do got one question, in a eksample
You totally fall for a guy...You find out, he's just the same believer like you..... BUT he had been with a girl in his past, you know what I mean.... The guy was not a really good muslim in the past, but he regrets, what he did, and he's regretting and hope for forgiveness...... Would you forgive him ? and marry him ??
I know it sounds kinda dumb... I just wanted to hear you in that kind situation... Becuase you only told me about 2 kinda of men ( muslim who done it and disbelivers )
If it's up to me... I would forgive the girl... and marry her.... D
I'll hope for the best in yours future my brothers and sisters....
P.S I didn't ekspected to see so many replies... for a single question.... I'm feeling very glad for your posts....
-
You totally fall for a guy...You find out, he's just the same believer like you..... BUT he had been with a girl in his past, you know what I mean.... The guy was not a really good muslim in the past, but he regrets, what he did, and he's regretting and hope for forgiveness...... Would you forgive him ? and marry him ??
If it's up to me... I would forgive the girl... and marry her.... D
Salaam D.C.,
What a girl did in the past is between her and God. She owned her actions when she was on her own. What she did then should not offend you now, so it is up to you to either accept her or just disengage. I believe that your forgiveness is called for when she does something while she is with you. If she would be honest enough with you to tell you about what happened to her, or her past relationship(s), before she knew you and then for you to accept that and to aknowledge that her past belongs to her and to her only, then that would be really very noble of you. It just shows how high spirited you are to rise above whatever circumstances that involved her. I think to be able to look past that is a rare quality. Your genuine virginity would shine through your nobility. That is how I see it.
Taj
-
Salam Taj,
How do you interpret 243 then?
Shakir Translation
The fornicator shall not marry any but a fornicatress or idolatress, and (as for) the fornicatress, none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolater; and it is forbidden to the believers.peace
-
I had many opportunities in my life after the death of my beloved.
Salaams Myr,
If I may ask Have you married your beloved or did he pass away before that?Salam Taj,
My fiance suddenly passed away 4 months prior to the wedding.
I somehow disagree with you about the past of a person-). Believe me, there is no ambiguity in the verse on the fornicators and there is always a very good reason why the All-Mighty had made this issue a requirement. The only situation where I would not apply the verse is if the fornicator was a not a Muslim or Believer at the time this happened, but unfortunately for the majority this is not the case.
I understand and agree on the importance of the heart when you are dealing with a person you like but as I often say we are tested in our life through all kinds of things and liking some one with the intention to become spouses is one of them. Two years ago, I liked a good non-believer man who was before a good friend. He felt the need to develop further our friendship and I gave it a try with the hope that his heart will click for the All-Mighty but it did not happen. He was a christian willing to become muslim "for convenience" that I may feel better. I said no since there is nothing such as "to submit for convenience", for me you either believe or you don't. It was with a "sadness" that I called it quit. I was tortured in my mind by the fear of God so I preferred to be alone again than to be in a relation that will bring sooner or later the curse and anger of the All-Mighty. After that, I got to know a good german guy very smart and attrative but atheist. This time I even did not give it a try and stopped everything up front as soon as my heart started leaning toward him. With my Brothers, it is very difficult because of the religious culture dilemma, far away from the Quran and most of the time what they preach or claim is not reflected in their behavior. When you have someone looking for a "virgin" while himself fornicated and still sees it not a big deal, this is for me an indication of a very weak faith for not saying something else. Please don't get me wrong, I am not juging the person as such as only God the All-Mighty knows what is in the heart of a person but I deeply believe there is a very good reason why God the All-Mighty emphasized the requirement to marry a BEliever (mu2'men), HE did even not say a "muslim"/submitter but a Mu2men.
May the All-Mighty make this test smooth and easy on us.
I hope I did not offend any of you with my statement above. And if I did, may the All-Mighty forgive me as it was not intended at all.
Peace. Myr. -
Salam Aleikum
Salam D.C., all,
To Myr Thx your reply... seeing your answer... It gives me more knowledge and thinking about Islam.... But I do got one question, in a eksample
You totally fall for a guy...You find out, he's just the same believer like you..... BUT he had been with a girl in his past, you know what I mean.... The guy was not a really good muslim in the past, but he regrets, what he did, and he's regretting and hope for forgiveness...... Would you forgive him ? and marry him ??
I know it sounds kinda dumb... I just wanted to hear you in that kind situation... Becuase you only told me about 2 kinda of men ( muslim who done it and disbelivers )
If it's up to me... I would forgive the girl... and marry her.... D
I hope my answer will not be a choc for you-) but I won't marry that person. The issue is not to forgive, the issue is whether you answer God's commands or not. I understand it may be very hard to overcome our feelings for a person, the devil plays with that all the time and that's why men are commanded in Quran to speak right to women and observe the commands prior to jumping in marriage, mainly those who divorced and have to observe the waiting period. The story of Joseph in Quran is also a very good illustration of how the desires can make you incline to displease the All-Mighty and put you in a sort of temporary enjoyable situation but with so many sour consequences-). Have you noticed in the verse that describes the creation of the man and woman and that God made them spouses and has put "mawadda" (caring/affection) and "rah'ma" (mercy) between them. In this verse, there is no mention of "love" (hubb), although this word is found in other verses. I always tell myself there is a very good reason why "love" is not mentioned as the concrete in a spouses relation. The heart does not always lead you to a happy peaceful life, on controrary sometimes to torture-) I remember all those insomnia nights I had when I decided to not marry the convert for "convenience". I was torn as my heart was in pain and my brain was telling me stay away from future troubles and ugly consequences as this is going to bring God's anger on me. My brain was a processor running like hell-) and one verse was coming again and agian in my head thus Icouldn't sleep. This verse always makes me "shake" for fear of the All-Mighty, it literally says "al-khabetthen lel khabetthatt wa al-ttayebeen lel ttayebatt" (the crooked/bad/ugly/wrong doers (males) are for the crooked/bad/ugly/wrong doers (female) and the right/good doers (males) are for the right/good doers (females). So I always try to be with those who strive to live by the Quran and not those who uphold the Quran only in theory while their attitude/life does not reflect what they are preaching.
May the All-Mighty bestow on us a lot of patience and not let the low desires to lead us in our decision and if this happens, may HE make it happen with a true believer.
Again, my apologies if I offended anyone with my statement above.
Peace.Myr. -
Salam Myr,
you didn't shock or offend me with your answer, although i do absolutely not share the same view - and i still consider myself a muslim or at least someone trying to be one...
I really think that you are being too hard, especially on yourself. I'm not talking about your real story - you sure had your reasons - but about your answer to DC's example. He was talking about a repenter...a muslim. Someone can have been an adulterer / or fornicator and become clean. If we were unable to reform, why would we be here ? God clearly says that he forgives the sins of those that repent and reform !
Wish you the best,
Elke -
Salam Myr,
you didn't shock or offend me with your answer, although i do absolutely not share the same view - and i still consider myself a muslim or at least someone trying to be one...
I really think that you are being too hard, especially on yourself. I'm not talking about your real story - you sure had your reasons - but about your answer to DC's example. He was talking about a repenter...a muslim. Someone can have been an adulterer / or fornicator and become clean. If we were unable to reform, why would we be here ? God clearly says that he forgives the sins of those that repent and reform !
Wish you the best,
ElkeSalam Elke, all,
There are also many Sisters who repent (fornicated before and then repent) . Again, the issue is not about forgiveness or heart feelings. The issue is about whether you go by what is in Quran or not. I respect the faith of each of us here. Some would ignore verses for reasons that I respect but yet Quran is clear and there is no ambiguity. It is up to each of us to consider or ignore clear verses. There are many verses that stresses "except those who repent, and reform". If you read carefully the Quran, you would ask yourself why would the All-Mighty stress in some verses the "except" and on some others, we don't see that. The verse on the fornicators is clear and I agree with you on repentence and the mercy of the all-mighty has not limit, HE is the forgiver but as I said that Muslim man who fornicated should marry a Sister who did the same and repented, these sisters need also to get married and God's mercy on them applies too. This is my understanding of this verse.
One thing though very important to stress the issue is not "fornication" as such, the issue is the implication of that act on the psychological state of the person and the society.Thank you Elke for your kind words. Believe me Sister I am not hard on myself. I am at peace more than those who are married or currently dating-). I like men in general and I consider sex a blessing. I remember just talking about it with my beloved when we were planning the wedding made me feel so good by the grace of the All-Mighty but as soon as this is mentioned in a non-Quranic context, I feel a great aversion for it. I think God the All-Mighty has veiled my heart everytime I am in such a context. I hope HE will continue to do so-).
Have all a good day and again my apologies if I offended any of you. May God the All-Mighty bless you all. Peace. Myr.
-
Salam again Myr,
just one question
do you really believe that once a fornicator always a fornicator?
If you follow that reasoning a muslim also might not be able to become a mumin...
Things are unfortunately possible also the other way round...things do not always get better! A believers can change, don't forget the fallen angel...Life is movement and situations just like people do evolve.
I'm just afraid that you might be closing doors that God didn't ask you to close.
God bless,
Elke -
Salam again Myr,
just one question
do you really believe that once a fornicator always a fornicator?
If you follow that reasoning a muslim also might not be able to become a mumin...
Things are unfortunately possible also the other way round...things do not always get better! A believers can change, don't forget the fallen angel...Life is movement and situations just like people do evolve.
I'm just afraid that you might be closing doors that God didn't ask you to close.
God bless,
ElkeSalam Elke, all,
do you really believe that once a fornicator always a fornicator?
Umm I am under the impression you are drawing a wrong conclusion from my messages-). I think I did not successfully convey my point in my previous message-) sorry for that. The question above has not to be since as I said repentence exists and the mercy of the All-Mighty has no limit. I thought we were debating the verse on the fornicators-).
I am fine Sister for all of you who think past fornication is of no importance. All my friends and family think the same and even fall again in it and repent again-). For me, I have another undertanding of it and I shared that understanding. Thanks for caring Sister. Very much appreciated. I deeply believe in purity like the purity of Yahya (John) and Yusuf (Joseph) in Quran-) and a replica of them must exist somewhere in this world-), I deeply believe there are still good pure guys who guarded their chastity with the exception when they were married. So again, God is Merciful.
Peace. Myr.
-
Salaam Myr,
In the Middle East, my home and where I live, virginity of the girl is never mentioned because it is guaranteed. The virginity of the man is also never mentioned but not because it is guaranteed but because losing it does not shame him. Girls here outnumber boys, so what are the girl's chance to get married at all? And that chance will be risked if she is not as perfect as the day she was born! Now the divorced woman?s chance to remarry is almost nil!
-
Salam Taj,
How do you interpret 243 then?
Shakir Translation
The fornicator shall not marry any but a fornicatress or idolatress, and (as for) the fornicatress, none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolater; and it is forbidden to the believers.peace
SAlaam David,
I think that the Ayah speaks of multiple relationships. That is why the word fornicator is there side by side with idolater. Fornication is having more than one intimate partner (social level). Idolatry is believing in more than one god (spiritual level).
So the Ayah is a reminder that a husband who does not respect the commitment of marriage should then be smart enough to expect that his wife might act the same. How would a disloyal husband think that he can have affairs while his wife remains faithful to him!? Not that she would necessary act the same but he should expect it and if it happened then they are equals (as the Ayah reminds) and he shouldn?t be surprised. Ayah 243 is a warning to the uncommitted husbands/wives to expect the same behaviour from their spouses. That is how I understand it.
p.s. Also, the right translation should bethe fornictor does not marry but a fornictor,...
It is NOT "shall not".Taj