marriage between Muslim and a believer with no religion
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Hello,
I have a Muslim boyfriend and we love each other deeply and would normaly get married. The only problem is I have no religion. This does not mean I do not believe in God, nor does it mean that I do not have moral and ethical values that I follow. It only means that I am not convinced that any of the monotheistic religions is free from human influence and therefore I cannot accept all the teachings. And the fact that a law saying that a Muslim man can only marry a Muslim, Christian or Jewish woman can destroy the love between two people to me does not make sense. I know all the arguments why this law exists and the arguments regarding Muslim women marrying men from other religions. But I have to ask you
If there is TRUE love, why should anybody stop the other person from living their religion?????
Why can"t we complement each other and learn from each other?
Why can"t the children grow up and learn that all over the globe there are human beings who live in different ways, and no matter which religion they follow, this is not the crucial factor on whether they are good or bad (as we have good and bad people in all countries, all cultures, all religions). And if they are taught the Qur'an and Islam by their father and this is the right way, why should they not follow it? And if they did not follow it, why would this mean, that they did not follow God? (see the verse below).
Isn"t it a question of the heart????? How can a law be more important than the heart????? Does God not see into our hearts? In my belief he does, which is why I will never believe that he stops human beings from loving each other and worshipping him together even if not in the same way.And what about this verse of the Qur'an?
"Those who have faith, and those who are Jewish, and the Converts, and the Nazarenes, whosoever has faith in GOD and the last day and does good works, then they will have nothing to fear nor will they grieve." (569)These are my thoughts, but my biggest question is how can my boyfriend and I make a life together. I am searching and might embrace Islam, but as long as I feel that Islam separates people"s hearts, I do not think I could embrace it. And most importantly If I embrace Islam, then because of God and Islam, but not for love, because that is pure hypocracy.
What do you think?????
Salaam
Andrea -
Peace Andrea,
Your questions are good ones. It may overwhelm you if I were to answer or even attempt to answer your concerns.
May I suggest that you read some of what is on the main site here. I am assuming that your 'boyfriend' is a traditionalist sunni or shiite. Please believe us when we say that the sunni and shiite religions have nothing to do with monotheism.
If you are able to stick around and read widely on sites like this one you may understand what God's system really is and how far astray the traditionalists are.
Better yet, if by understanding the things here about what Islam really is you may be able to show your friend these things and there's no reason why you couldn't be united then.
Please be patient and read and absorb all you can. You will understand. The first port of call may be to read some of the threads in "How you came to God Alone".
http//www.free-minds.org/forum/viewforum.php?f=26
I wish you well in your journey of understanding.
Regards.
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Dear Truth
thank you for your reply. I have been reading so much in the last few months I am almost going crazy and will moreover fail my PhD if I continue this way. But I will still try and read along the lines you told me.
I would be very grateful though, if you could clarify to me, whether you meant that
a) we would both find a different kind of Islam and then be united
b) I would find to Islam and then there would be no obstacle
c) my boyfriend would understand that there are other interpretations to the law about marrying non-Muslims.And if you do have the time I would love to be overwhelmed by your answer.
Also, even if the system Islam is perfect, I would not want anybody who does not follow it to be excluded and I think this would be the case if such a marriage was not allowed.Salaam
AndreaPS I don"t understand how I can start to believe that the Qur'an is from God, all the so called scientif proofs to me are very vague and at most prove that the Qur'an does not contradict science but I find it hard to see as a proof that it is from God. And the circular argument the Qur'an is from God and therefore what is written in the Qur'an is from GOd, (e.g. it si written that the Qur'an is from God) I find even more difficult to believe. Since if you only break one of these beliefs/assumptions there is no proof for the rest. I suppose this is my main problem with Islam, whereas on the spiritual side I have no problems at all.
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Peace Andrea,
Dear Truth
thank you for your reply. I have been reading so much in the last few months I am almost going crazy and will moreover fail my PhD if I continue this way. But I will still try and read along the lines you told me.
I know how you might be feeling. My wife is putting the final touches on her PhD and incorporating the last amendments etc. Don't despair, I'm sure you'll get through it.
I would be very grateful though, if you could clarify to me, whether you meant that
a) we would both find a different kind of Islam and then be united
b) I would find to Islam and then there would be no obstacle
c) my boyfriend would understand that there are other interpretations to the law about marrying non-Muslims.I can't predict the future, but if you have faith that the best thing possible will happen if you are true to yourself then you can't go wrong.
"Islam" is just a term and it is wrong to believe that God sends down a "religion" to people - this is the way people have tried to frame all guidance that has come from God. They take ownership of it and turn it into exclusive clubs known as 'religions'. Religion is a dividing force - it cuts people off from each other.
Whereas if you look at 569 which you quoted, you can see that God includes everyone into His mercy. Anyone who believes in Him, and believes that they are accountable and do good things has nothing to worry about. You may already fulfill this, so you can see that God is including everyone in His mercy.
Misguided traditionalists try hard to cover up this message and by adding their own cocktail of doctrines create exclusive clubs which are dominated by misogynistic men who crave and use power. Organised religion is about power and money. It is not about following God alone, or God's way.
My advice would be to concentrate on your own understanding first. You sound like a very sincere person who is in search of answers. Ultimately you are responsible for your own self, and it is important to find the answers largely for yourself. I know that may not be as helpful as what you may have wanted - but trust me when I say it is the best way.
As long as you are sincere and consider everything carefully, and accept that whatever happens it is ultimately for the best then you will be fine.
And if you do have the time I would love to be overwhelmed by your answer.
Also, even if the system Islam is perfect, I would not want anybody who does not follow it to be excluded and I think this would be the case if such a marriage was not allowed.See you already have an understanding of what God's way is about. Anything which excludes people cannot be God's way. You do not have to adopt Arab culture, an Arab name, etc. God willing if you are sincere and read widely on following God alone you may see how everything makes sense.
You already have the advantage of not having any baggage that sunni/shiite muslims carry. However you may have the biases that come from anti-islamic viewpoints that are common nowadays. Make sure that you are free of these biases - and concentrate on finding the truth for yourself first. Once you are there then everything else is easy - a huge weight will be gone from you - and you may God willing know what I am trying to convey to you now.
I'd be happy as I'm sure everyone else here would be to help you with your questions. Please tell us what your current belief is - are you agnostic for example and what is the viewpoint of your boyfriend?
PS I don"t understand how I can start to believe that the Qur'an is from God, all the so called scientif proofs to me are very vague and at most prove that the Qur'an does not contradict science but I find it hard to see as a proof that it is from God. And the circular argument the Qur'an is from God and therefore what is written in the Qur'an is from GOd, (e.g. it si written that the Qur'an is from God) I find even more difficult to believe. Since if you only break one of these beliefs/assumptions there is no proof for the rest. I suppose this is my main problem with Islam, whereas on the spiritual side I have no problems at all.
These are reasonable positions. I remember the following article was quite helpful in giving me a better understanding of these issues and it is well written. Maybe you have read it before, but in case you haven't here is a link...
http//www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Books/GM_aq/
It's by no means the final word and many here have moved way beyond the concepts that that article presents, but it is a good start to some of the big issues about the science issues.
Also read the article here on how to approach the koran...
http//www.free-minds.org/articles/quranic/study.htm
Can I suggest that you try opening the koran at a random point of your choice after asking sincerely for guidance from God. You may be surprised at what that may yield.
Regards.
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peace Andrea,
From my understanding, we are encouraged to marry monotheists. A name, such as Muslim/Christian/Jew is irrelevant, it is what is in the heart/mind/soul that counts.
I would like to 2nd brother Oben's comments, and suggest reading al quran.
Wakas
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Peace Andrea,
The only problem is I have no religion. This does not mean I do not believe in God, nor does it mean that I do not have moral and ethical values that I follow.
Then I see no problem. )
On a totally different note, are you Kenyan? I ask bcoz I am. D
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Dear Truth
thank you for taking the time to write at lenght. It is very encouraging.
Good luck to your wife in completing her PhD!Dear Wakas and dear Zenje
thank you, too, for expressing your views. I wish everybody saw it the way you do.
And Zenje, I am German, not Kenyan, but I worked and studied in UG for 6 months.
Andrea
thank you for taking the time to write at lenght. It is very encouraging.
Good luck to your wife in completing her PhD!Dear Wakas and dear Zenje
thank you, too, for expressing your views. I wish everybody saw it the way you do.
And Zenje, I am German, not Kenyan, but I worked and studied in UG for 6 months.
