how i got here (as far as i can recall)
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Peace all,
As this statement should be obvious, I am writing it more for myself my journey is by no means over, as i feel that i am not yet anywhere near where i am to be on the path.
That being said, my story.
I was raised in a Catholic household. My grandfather was a "reader" at our church and i admired him as a kid, so I became an alterboy, more to be up there with him than to be involved in the church. When my priest was killed in a flood in 1986, i believe that is when the first questions began to surface in my mind.
Fast-forward 5 years. I had not been attending church regularly (unrelated to priest's death), opting rather for typical teenage rebellion. It was during this time that i met someone who went to an "assembly of God" church. he was a rebellious, "cool" biker-type guy, so i thought, "wow, maybe there's something to this." i went, and i really enjoyed myself...swept up in the singing and praise and sense of belonging. At the end of the gathering, i went up front and "accepted Jesus."
I started playing the part, carrying a bible with me, trying my best to read it all of the time & tell others about Jesus...making me a somewhat unpopular highschool kid. One thing i had immediately noticed was that i had forced myself to begin praying to jesus...i had always prayed & talked to GOD in a very "your the boss & my friend" respectful, yet informal way. Now, i was taking it to "the son". Internal conflict began, and quickly ended when i mentioned to some of the "brothers" that i was going to the museum one day.
"Why? None of that stuff is real. Read your bible. Where are the dinosaurs? Scientists made that stuff to get funding."
What? Ok, that's too far. Goodbye.
A year after I graduated highschool, a girl i knew was murdered in the bathroom of a mall. This girl was charitable, kind, friendly, intelligent...she had, i felt, a lot to offer the world, and now she'd been taken. i became mad at GOD & would not speak.
After several years of this, coupled with an internal emptiness, i began looking into "natural" approaches to spirituality...one might say pagan. Native american culture always fascinated me, as well as that of other "first nations" of the world. I began to look at the way of "witches", those who revered nature in their worship & practises. That got me into studying herbs and their effects...which got me into gardening...which got me into self-sufficiency...which got me into questioning the current state of the government...which got me talking...which developed an openess in me, receptivity. People would share their opinions about things, and i found great enjoyment in discussing deep subjects with all different types of people.
One person i worked with showed me the quran he was reading. He was not muslim, nor interested in becoming. He was just curious. I looked at his strange book and immediately recognized names from the bible. That interested me because i did not expect it.
(i'm trying to speed this up, sorry so long)
I bought a copy less than a week later & began pouring over it. Where is the info about muslims praying? i don't see it here, but i know they do that bowing thing.
I went online to findout & study whatever i could. As i was downloading, printing, and memorizing how to pray, as well as how to correctly pronounce the arabic prayers, i came upon the Submitters website.
I ate that up. The supposed miracle, which i did not really verify for myself because he said, "hey, here it is...check it if you want" and i trusted that to be so open was a sign it's right, fished me right in. And submitters were an actual group of americans i could contact and be a part of...a sense of belonging!
I began praying my 5 a day...at work, at home...and it was really hard, especially because when someone challenged WHY i was doing this, i could explain why i believed the quran, but could not fully explain why i was bowing & chanting.
I met a former imam at one of my jobs, who explained to me his understanding, which was that there's a lot the muslims do that isn't backed up by the quran...WOW. It had occured to me, and obviously the Submitters mentioned it, but here was someone from the inside, an imam, who turned away. I dug deeper.
My first serious investigation (which is still ongoing, oddly enough) is the definition of salat. What the heck does that mean? And why am i still figuring out 2.5% of my earnings for charity, and who do i send it to? And why would i want to go to Mecca?
Needless to say, one of the sites that kept coming up in my search was freeminds. At first, it was just another opinion page, so i checked it when a linked popped up in a search. But, as i had been formulating my own understanding, and refining, and watching for "signs", and accepting that there are no coincidences, i came back more and more.
So, here i am...32 year old white male, living in Pennsylvania, with a christian wife, trying to live the life GOD wants of me. I fall short with every passing moment, my focus wavers constantly. Traditional muslims don't accept me as one of them. Christians obviously don't. My friends think it's another phase (which has lasted at least 4 or 5 years now), and yet all of the people who know me see a change.
I don't agree with everything freeminds says collectively. And that's why i like "coming here", to share opinions, to find out arabic roots, and to help remain focused.ok, long enough
peace
brian -
I say oops is the topic, because i just wrote a lengthy reply discussing my thanks for the welcome, & addressing the length of time i've been interested in self sufficiency, as well as how that ties to the quran.
But i made a mistake, so now i'll have to wait & see if it's a comp glitch & it posts or not, less i sound redundant.
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Peace Brian,
A year after I graduated highschool, a girl i knew was murdered in the bathroom of a mall. This girl was charitable, kind, friendly, intelligent...she had, i felt, a lot to offer the world, and now she'd been taken.
528-29. "If you extended to me your hand to kill me, I am not extending my hands to you to kill you, for I fear The God, the Lord of the universes. I want that you take over my sin and your sin, so you become from the fire's companions, and that is the unjust/oppressor's reimbursement."
The sins of the victim are taken over by the murderer. Everything happens for a reason.
Peace and all best wishes,
Ayman
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peace brother Ayman,
Do you know of any other signs expanding upon the suggested principle of 528-29?
Thanks.
And to Brian, welcome.
Wakas
Also, does Ayman's understanding not violate the principle that nobody carries another's sins?
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Peace Brian, and welcome )
Also, does Ayman's understanding not violate the principle that nobody carries another's sins?
I would view it as the exception that always are present. Noone carry another persons sin. But if you feel in your good right to play God. You ofcourse altso hang on the responsability for the sin of that person you killed, as that is uniquely God's job. You wanna play God...fine...God let us all do what we want to, but assure us that every choice has a consequence.
So im on the same page as Br.Ayman on this.
Peace
Noah -
Peace, all...
I lean more towards the understanding that we do not carry the sins of another. The passage about Cain & Abel seems unique to the quran, and i therefore wonder if it is to be understood in another way; otherwise, one might go so far as to consider this a contradiction.
Perhaps in not choosing to fight back, he had chosen to "give up additional sins," as we know that you are entitled to defend yourself, but mercy is better & remits more of your sins.
Of course, this possibility is the result of my typing while thinking. Very seldom, if ever, are my posts "pre-meditated."Peace,
brian
