Is a man allowed to beat his wife?
-
Salam Leyla,
Ofcourse nikah aint not necessary in a church, masjid , etc. But Im sorry the western relationships btw boyfriend and girlfriend dont match the Quranic criteria of 'nikah' since there is no agreement, no intention of waiting three periods after separation as required per Quran and also no dowry whatsoever. The intention is very important and the Westeners who keep boy and girlfriend relationships do not intend for 'nikah'. Btw 'nikah' means marriage and is an agreement between husband and wife to stay together as long as possible. It is a constitution which protects the children so that they dont get here and there like in western societies. Here the boy and girlfriend simply part without proper settlement or divorce. They dont even think of divorce because theyx never married. Marriage and divorce are not merely the definitons of male and female coming together and parting, rather they are LEGAL CONSTITUTIONS and everyone understands that. GOD Bless! -
SaLaM idmkhizar
Im not putting you on the spot brother. But the way u are saying it, it seem that for some reason having sex is gonna make it all better. Im not saying that the couple should not have sex at all. Yah if they want to have it, its their God given right, but its not going to make the situation any better.
For example, scientific study show that women are more agreeable to emotional decisions after they watch a emotional movie. Ofcourse in my opinion that would be a wrong thing to do if a husband wants children and the wife dont agree so he takes her to watch Titanic and then brings up the point again becoz he knows how emotional she is. That would be decieving. Her argument for not having a child would still remain, only now she is too emotional to bring those up. Just an example.
I am into cars. I street race in my honda civic. And once i get my license, i want to turn it up a notch and race for money and the pink slip. Ofcourse this would mean poruing money into my car. Now if my wife thinks otherwise, will it be fair to use sex as a mean to make her understand my point? Maybe you dont mean it like that. Maybe ur not saying that sex will make the wife more agreeable. Alright. So then sex wont matter at all, wont it? It makes no difference if they have sex or not.
Ok so fine, they had an argument, went away for the day, came back. They are both cooled off and they decide to have sex. Alright. So? What difference had it made? You make it sound like the sex they will have this time will be extra special. Like as if they didnt share the same emotion in their previous sex. Ofcourse if both of them agree that having sex will make it all nice and dandy then that is one thing. But i honestly have never heard using this method before to calm down the tension. If two people are going to talk about an argument, i think their mind should be cleared. Otherwise they might as well put it on snooze until it goes off another time.
-
no you misunderstand )
When you are angry the body produces a wash of chemicals* that influence both your emotions and your thinking. This means at this point any further debate is a complete waste of time, as minds gets locked up for reason when under the influence of these chemicals. We get stubborn, and shotsighted. However, if you at that very moment use all that tension to have sex, the chemicals are washed out by a new set of chemicals that are much stronger, and give a feeling in both partys of feelgood, openness and trust - a state btw. directly comparable to that of an extacy user, although in a milder degree-. Now is the time to talk about what it was really all about
repeat untill solved!
If you have a practical problem like money, and its not an argument as such, reasoning is the way forwards. Money problems doesnt go away by having sex, anger however does, and replaces the feeling with better. But ofcourse its a balance as with everything else. If the realationship has become tied up in a knot because there is no communication, sex is going to do nothing.
*physical effect of the anger cocktail
Breathing begins to increases and blood is detoured away from the internal organs you don?t use in a fight and shunts it to your muscles for strength.
Your pupils dilate causing your vision to sharpen and your awareness intensifies.
Your rational mind is disengaged and your thoughts become distorted.
You are now in your anger attack mode and ready to fight.
The fight or flight reaction gears you up for battle, however most times there really is no battle to fight.
peace
Noah -
peace all
Excellent points, Noah!
And one other point--anger (or any strong emotion) can actually alter brain chemistry in such a way that our body gets used to such reactions over time. Receptors in the brain open up to receive (uptake) the chemicals, so they expect a certain amount to be supplied. When we change, it takes a while for the brain to balance itself out after being bombarded with "anger cocktails" for any length of time.
There are people who get addicted to adrenline and feel depressed if their bodies aren't receiving it at high levels. This can happen in the form of anger or excitement, as in the case of thrill seekers who enjoy the adrenline rush of facing danger.
On the opposite side, acts of kindness, even the smallest ones, can raise serotonin levels in the brain. Helping another person, giving charity, smiling--all of these raise the "feel good" chemicals in our brains.
Simply watching someone do these good things also raises serotonin. Which is probably why (other than the obvious reasons) it's healthier to be in the company of positive, caring people instead of cranky, quick-tempered ones.
-
peace Noah,
A small point
Your pupils dilate causing your vision to sharpen and your awareness intensifies.
Theoretically, if the pupils dilate, one's vision does not get sharper, it becomes worse (due to a larger aperture/pupil producing larger blur circles from foci, and due to spherical abberation or off-axis abberation). I would agree though, that one's awareness would intensify, and perhaps this could result in subjectively feeling one's vision is sharper.
Wakas
-
peace Wakas
You're right about the actual sharpness decreasing. D Anyone who's ever had their pupils dilated by an eye doctor can attest to how blurry life gets.
Instead of sharpness, perhaps the better way of...er...looking at it would be in terms of the increase in peripheral vision. We have a wider field of vision and, therefore, in the "fight or flight" mode, we are able to respond more quickly to movements all around us.
-
Peace all,
What if the disagreement itself is sex related? For example, maybe the husband has diabetes that impairs his sexual function, which in turn brings some tensions to the husband-wife relationship. Certainly in such a case resolving the matter through sex would not be an option.
Thanks
-
No and it wouldnt help if he broken his right ear, or if his left foot walked out on him. C'mon that there is nothing but nitpicking. Ofcourse there are situations where it doesnt apply. As is it with every single thing in the world-
-
Salaam all,
Haven't this subject growing too big I'm afraid!?
I think sister Sara was already happy with your answers so hey let's move on, right!?
Peace
Sis Majidah -
SaLaM
There are people who smoke weed for reasons other than getting high. And people drink alcohol for reasons other than getting wasted. I guess, its only natural to have sex to settle an argument. People are doing it all. Weather if this is the right way may be another story.
-
SaLaM idmkhizar
How is having sex gonna make anything easier or better? lolllA LOT thanks!
In fact it is a great Stress Reliever!!!! -)
'wink'Regards,
-
Peace be upon you,
Why would a man want to beat his wife? The God does not like agressors. The description is peacefulness(islam).
-
SaLaM LT
This is just injustice then. Smoking Weed is a stress reliever. And everyone frowns upon that.
In any case, When God says part and think about it, maybe we should trust God on this.
Hey I said it for amusement -)
But sex is indeed better than weed believe me, it makes your whole body do some exercise!
-
-
peace be upon you sister Elena,
After some studying...
Ahmed Ali's tranlsation does not match the literal Arabic nor the logic of the signs. Neither does 'beat' follow the sign's suggested logic, nor the logic of 'al quran'.
...faAAithoohunna waohjuroohunna fee almadajiAAi waidriboohunna fa-in ataAAnakum fala tabghoo AAalayhinna sabeelan...
...then you shall advise them, and abandon them in the bedchamber, and leave them; if they obey you, then do not seek a way over them...
The sign advises the husband first to advise/warn them and along with that abandon them in the bedchamber and 'idriboo' them
Now clearly, once the husband advises/warns them, it would be wise for the wife to have some 'alone time' to think about her advice/warning. The husband should distance himself from his wife. To acheive this the sign instructs the husband to abandon them in the bedchamber (this will also have an indirect affect of allowing the wife to think about life without her husband) and (at the same time) to leave/avoid/iDRiBoo them.
By the context, I dont think it means leave them as in divorce them, it just means to limit general contact with them, i.e. 'leave them be'.
Some points
Nowhere else in 'al quran' does it suggest physically harming one's wife.
'al quran' NEVER allows punishment as a way to enforce obedience. At perhaps the most important decision one can make - there is freedom to believe or disbelieve in The God, thus why would The God allow punishment to enforce obedience for a lesser offence (i.e. being disloyal to one's husband) than to disbelieving in The God! or even being disloyal to The God! Highly unlikely.
abandon them in the bedchamber ---> reduces physical contact/interaction
'beat' them ---> adds to the physical contact/interactionThe root DRB seems to have a core of 'to separate'.
The following sign, 435, suggests its unlikely that 'beating' would be taking place because this sign interestingly addresses the audience, perhaps the society or social order, thus the 'beating' would have to be public knowledge, which would be unusual, and secondly the family representative would be willing to reconcile the couple knowing that 'beating' is taking place. Highly unlikely.
Earlier in 434 it suggests the righteous/correct women are obedient (qanitatun). Thus suggesting a righteous/correct wife will take the husband's advice/warning and obey and this is all is needed. This sets the scene for the following words. Would a righteous wife be one who obeys once beaten into obeying? No. This is a solid point when one considers that The God never uses this standard for Himself or anything else, thus why use it here? For it to be used here is impossible, as this would be applying double standards and would make it the odd-one-out in 'the reading'.
And with that last point, I am, for the first time fully satisfied this sign cannot mean 'beat' as this is not only illogical but contradictory.
I hope this has helped clarify the situation.
Wakas
