How do I handle this? I know time is near
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Some good advice has been given.
Since she is becoming more religious, approach her with the idea of you wanting to learn and study the Qur'an. Study the Qur'an together and ask her what she thinks of certain things and let her ask the same of you. Create an exchange where you aren't forcing anything on her or vice versa.
Reiterate to her that you are seeking to follow God and that you merely want the wisdom and guidance to do so. I'm sure she will express similar sentiments, especially if you say that. It will be a good learning experience for the both of you (can never read the Qur'an enough, after all) and it will most likely make you bond as a couple.
I think the most important thing is to express to her and get her to agree that you should both approach the Qur'an with utmost sincerity, with a blank slate almost. Just tell each other and tell God that you want to follow the straight path and that you want God's guidance and wisdom, whatever that is. Try to leave preconceived notions/assumptions/traditional beliefs/etc. at the door and approach the Qur'an from its own point of view.
I'm sure these are things you do anyway but your wife may not. I think if you express it in such a way, she will not disagree. After all, who doesn't want to ask for God's wisdom and want to actually learn about their religion?
The rest is between her and God. You cannot make her believe a certain way. Just try to do your best and remember that
2272 "You are not responsible for their guidance, but it is God who will guide whoever He wishes."
Peace
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Peace be upon you,
What have you been sharing with your wife for the past 7 years?
Since you realize that this is not about "religion"(sects), then you should realize it is about correcting behavior. Your marital relationship is a vehicle for spiritual development, not just companionship.
My suggestion is to gain as much knowledge(objective) as possible and share it with her. The most important knowledge is the Oneness of all things and that PEACE is the state of mind we are to work from. When we work from the peaceful(muslim) state of mind, we do not respond emotionally to information, but we check to see if the information is correct.
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Thanks for all of you suggestions. That being said what I was looking for was specific topic to start from with her not a general concept,
What I mean how do I get her to read when she thinks she knows what she need to know sitting down and talking to her will not initiate the dialog process or for that matter start her reading of quran. As she thinks reading in Arabic is more beneficial to her and if she believes the one need mullah to explain all masses about the quran.
I tell you all it is the critical part before some one even thinks about reading Quran HOW do I get her to read quran with a mind set that
We all have, one time or the other we all have come to realize that there is some thing wrong in the way we have been following Islam and then we actually started reading, so once again how do I get to this point, How do I get her to read what is that I have to say so she get interested to read with understanding not just reading, like I said she is reading, just not with understanding.
I hope I explained my self to you allThanks
Postman -
SaLaM postman
Bro, just be honest with her. In the end of the day, it is God who guides. Not us. I know when i first came across the notion that we arent supposed to follow hadiths, i was so furious. But God showed me his mercy and guided me. This is just my opinion but i think being honest here will be the best way.
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Peace be upon you postman,
The first topic of discussion for ALL PEOPLE is the topic of ONENESS.
ALL of the examples start thier message with the call to ONENESS.
The next topic I would discuss is being ALWAYS at peace.
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Salaam Postman,
Dear Brother I know how u feel!
I have been married to my husband for 15 years and he has been a sunni the whole of his life.
I have myself revert to Islam when i was only a teenager and when I meet my becoming husband and he found out that i was ready to revert he wanted me to be a sunni, so he gave me only books about sunni islam to read.And I didn't knew better than to obey him.
Many years of unhappiness lead me to seek something on my own, so when we bought an computer then I started to search on the net for islamic groups and I found many groups which I joined and there were groups which talked about God Alone and Quran Alone and I didn't really understand what that was all about.But I stayed and read alot and it lead me away from sunnism more and more.
My husband was suspicious and we started more and more to disagree with eachother and he became aggressive and wanted to force me being a sunni. So during many years I have played that I pray in a ritual way even if I didn't do that.
I have so many time thinking of divorce because he don't want to respect me and my beliefs and he is forcing his religion on to me which is wrong according Quran.
We have 5 kids so I have delay this about divorce so long but this summer I finally point it out loud that I wanted a divorce and the reason to it. He became sad but did understand that we couldn't co operate together anymore so a divorce was best for all.
Brother I don't hope this will happen to you and your wife but it is important to talk and to respect eachother as husband and wife and it's not fair of you to hold your secret for your wife that u aren't a sunni anymore.
I think it's important to understand eachother and to share everything and then u can't have totally different understanding on big topics like salat, hajj,saum.
Take Care!
And my best wishes to you and your wife.Peace Sis Maria
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Peace be upon you SwedenMajidah,
I know that was a hard thing to do, I commend your strength.
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hi postman
How do I get her to read what is that I have to say so she get interested to read with understanding not just reading, like I said she is reading, just not with understanding.
well, i guess u mean she recites without understanding.
why not both of u do it together?
recite one verse and read its translation.and so on. few verses everyday and discuss them.
by that she will be doing that which satisfies her(the recitation) as well as understanding each verse that she reads.
and u cant change anyone's belief. u can show them the truth. but what she believes after understanding Quran is up to her. -
Salaam Br Kyle,
Thanks for your concern )
I'm doing fine after all, i always looking for the light.
Peace Sis Maria
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Dear postman,
I know a few who have been through something similar, but, sad to say, it has often ended up as SwedenMajidah experienced
You have already got some good suggestions, but at the end of the day, it is all up to Allah, as some have mentioned.
If your wife is into reciting the quran, she is probably only interested in reciting it with ?correct? Arabic pronunciation, probably led on by female friends and some charismatic mullah.
Here you are up against a tough one.
What you have to do is to guide her into losing her trust in the religious people.
Don?t tell her they are wrong, let her discover that herself.You have to show a keen interest in the quran. Maybe you could try to ask her questions to bring to her mullah, or friends, for explanation? And ask for reference to verses in the quran on the matter?
For instance ask what nullifies prayer and/or ablution.
If Hadiths come up as references, then probably it could be possible to bring in the Hadiths telling about the woman being one of the causes that nullifies prayer and ask her to bring the question back to the religious people.It could also help to become ?more religious than her? for a while, and find questions that should be important to you both concerning religion, and try to engage her that way.
I believe God doesn?t mind whatever way you find, if it can lead someone back to islam.Anyway, whatever you do, don?t tell her what is right and what is wrong if she doesn?t have trust in you concerning religion. She must find this out by herself; you can only guide her into finding it.
Many of us, including yourself perhaps, know how tough it is to let go of the Sunni belief. It was a real struggle.
I am wishing you all the best.Regds
Ali Omar