I'm I going on the wrong path?
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Hello Everbody!
well.... i'm new to the group n have read some other posts where i've found that some of u give a good advice keeping the religion in mind...
i'm a (sunni) muslim girl whoz in love with a guy whoz muslim as well, i havnt done nethin wrong exept for speakin to him on the phone n meetin' a few times n even whn i meet him allhamdulillah i stay in my limits... my actual problem is that my parents are strictly against all this stuff which has been considered as haram in islam (in my case keeping any kinda contact with a na-mehram) a few days before my mother came to know abt me n was really depressed n even started crying saying that ive betrayed her n said she wundt let this continue n will get me married as soon as possible without even letting me to continue my studies... i dint know what to do so i took the quran in my hand n asked her to forgive me n promised her that i wont continue this again n wont even b in any kinda contact with the guy.... almost month n a half has passed by now n my mom is still angry with me, she isnt spkin to me properly... i feel really hurt for all this n the only person with whom i can disscuss my problems is that guy whom i really love so i went against the promise i made n mailed him a few times, phoned him 2ice n met him 1ce.... whnever i mailed him or called him or met him the only thought kept going in my head was "am i doing wrong, will Allah get angry with me" n now, i simply donno what to do, i've been repenting for all the so called sins i've done... my friends have been sayin that i've done a big sin by going for all this again though swearing on the quran.... some times i feel i've done all wrong but on the other hand i even get this feelin that my 'niyyah' is clean...
is it wrong with what all i'm doing after taking a promise keepin quran in my hand? shudnt i b going for all this n wait till i get married to him (inshallah)? am i betrayin' my parents? is it wrong to keep any kinda conacts with a na-mehram?
I really want you people to advice me keepin the religion in mind.thank you!
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1 more question...
since i've broken oath... am i supposed to pay kaffarah? bu i dont earn anythin' so in this case what am i supposed to do... wait till i earn somethin? -
peace,
I would suggest rather than soley picking up al-quraan to swear on it, you study it, and specifically with your questions in mind. I believe it contains the answers you seek.
We are all students here, surely it is best to learn from The Teacher is it not?
my friends have been sayin that i've done a big sin by going for all this again though swearing on the quran
As a side note, I used to hold this belief that swearing on al-quraan was somehow superior to simply pledging an oath without it using The God as a witness. Does this make sense to you?
Wakas
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Hello Everbody!
well.... i'm new to the group n have read some other posts where i've found that some of u give a good advice keeping the religion in mind...
i'm a (sunni) muslim girl whoz in love with a guy whoz muslim as well, i havnt done nethin wrong exept for speakin to him on the phone n meetin' a few times n even whn i meet him allhamdulillah i stay in my limits... my actual problem is that my parents are strictly against all this stuff which has been considered as haram in islam (in my case keeping any kinda contact with a na-mehram) a few days before my mother came to know abt me n was really depressed n even started crying saying that ive betrayed her n said she wundt let this continue n will get me married as soon as possible without even letting me to continue my studies... i dint know what to do so i took the quran in my hand n asked her to forgive me n promised her that i wont continue this again n wont even b in any kinda contact with the guy.... almost month n a half has passed by now n my mom is still angry with me, she isnt spkin to me properly... i feel really hurt for all this n the only person with whom i can disscuss my problems is that guy whom i really love so i went against the promise i made n mailed him a few times, phoned him 2ice n met him 1ce.... whnever i mailed him or called him or met him the only thought kept going in my head was "am i doing wrong, will Allah get angry with me" n now, i simply donno what to do, i've been repenting for all the so called sins i've done... my friends have been sayin that i've done a big sin by going for all this again though swearing on the quran.... some times i feel i've done all wrong but on the other hand i even get this feelin that my 'niyyah' is clean...
is it wrong with what all i'm doing after taking a promise keepin quran in my hand? shudnt i b going for all this n wait till i get married to him (inshallah)? am i betrayin' my parents? is it wrong to keep any kinda conacts with a na-mehram?
I really want you people to advice me keepin the religion in mind.thank you!
I did not read it all, but I think taht your mother is overprotective. Plus, as long as you keep your distance than you are not doing anything wrong. However, you should get married.
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SaLaM simple_girl19
think of it this way. What would be your reaction if you were in your mother's place and you found out ur 19 year old daughter is meeting a guy . You didnt do anything wrong. Its just, your a sunni. your family have sunni values. One of those strictly forbids meeting of man and woman outside marriage in the kind of enviornment you met ith this guy. My mom has been really cool about this sort of thing. Perhaps ur mom is just worried and over protective.
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Peace and welcome Simple_Girl,
My advice, read the Qur'an, and chill. Talk to your mom, find a bridge to gap the differences. If you really love this dude, ask your mom if he can come over while she's home. No harm in that, right? Also, talk to your man about his plans for marrying you. What's the game plan?? Find out and explain it to your mom. She'll understand. If she doesn't, then she will later. If she doesn't ever understand, then that's too bad for her. Don't let her inabilities cripple you.
Don't feel guilty, don't feel like you're gonna burn in hell, and stop asking those kinds of questions to people who've never been there wink
You're a simple girl...so simply be good to yourself, be good to your family, believe in and learn to know God, and understand that this life is temporary, and that what you become in the next phase of your evolution is in your hands, not anyone else's. If you can do that and strive to better yourself and do your part to contribute to humanity, then the Qur'an says you have nothing to fear (569).
Let peace be upon you,
Tay -
Salaams All,
you promised
" i dint know what to do so i took the quran in my hand n asked her to forgive me n promised her that i wont continue this again n wont even b in any kinda contact with the guy"
and then you broke the promise ..........you do need to do something!
if it was my daughter i would say according to how i understand the quran a TALKING FAST for a number of days 1,2 or 3 will clear up a lot of confused thoughts in your head and make you a pious person after this regretful betrayal.
I do it in my family and the quran does advocate it - like the monks.
God Bless.
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Peace to all
The Quran actually allowed engaged couples or about to be engaged to meet each other, as long as
- they talk decently
- they don't do any sexual contact
the meeting can be a secret as well, I can bring the verse from the Quran if any would like to see it, I think it is in sura no. 4
peace
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Hi Simplegirl,
Welcome. its only understandable that ur mom is protective of u. all moms are. )
And for the 'swearing over Quran' issue, i think its not a very good idea to do it. try not doing it again ever. but then, dont break ur head about it now since u have already done it, repent honestly to Allah and never do it again. pray to Allah for forgiveness and guidance. He is the most forgiving and the most merciful.And at 19, u have ur life ahead, girl. focus on ur education now. ur love can wait until u r ready to get married. i guess there is nothing wrong in staying in touch with that guy as long as u dont ignore ur other responsibilities that u have at this age. and when u r finally ready to wed, talk to ur parents about it.
ofcourse, according to Islam , parents cant force their children to marry some particular person. but very often, these things are done out of traditional practice and are labelled islam. but u cant fight all of this now, atleast not until u r old enough and independent enough.And yeah, dont worry so much. Just think through things and do that is right. God wont be unjust towards anyone, so, be very honest to urself and to God and do the right thing.
and chill, girl! u have a long life ahead.
But refrain from making promises u cant keep. it is wrong to use promises to escape difficult situations. -
Peace Simple_Girl,
my friends have been sayin that i've done a big sin by going for all this again though swearing on the quran
You have made an oath which you have not held to. You are required to make amends for this as follows
"God will not hold you for your unintentional oaths, but He will hold you for what oaths you have made binding; its cancellation shall be the feeding of ten poor from the average of what you feed your family, or that you clothe them, or that you free a slave; whoever cannot find shall fast for three days; this is a cancellation for making your oaths when you swear. And be careful from making oaths. It is such that God clarifies for you His revelations that you may be thankful." (The Message 592)
With regards to you speaking/meeting with this boy...You should know that in the law of God there is no sin for a man and woman to speak together. But note that no secret meetings should take place unless it is nessasary and for a rightoues purpose
"And there is no sin upon you if you openly propose marriage to these women, or you keep it between yourselves. God knows that you will be thinking of them, but do not meet them secretly, unless you have something righteous to say. And do not consummate the marriage until the required interim is reached in the Scripture. And know that God knows what is in your souls, so be aware of Him, and know that God is Forgiving, Compassionate. " (The Message 2234)
As for your mother, you should confront her with God's laws and ask her if it is more important to follow God, or that we follow tradition and culture...Would she rather openly know that you are meeting with this boy whom you hope you will marry, or would she rather you hide things and go behind her back just to make her feel \happy' on the inside.
Finally...Never make an oath even in extreme circumstances unless you are sure you wil keep it.
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Peace Simple_girl19,
Why do you love this boy?
Another thing I doubt that he really loves you. Because if he does he would respect your family and would not do something that would cause your family to be angry with you. Your mother should be closer to you than any person in the world. Be careful not to hurt her. Also know that your actions affect your reputation and the reputation of your family. So as Tay said what is the game plan!?
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Peace Simple_girl19,
sis you make me sad I pray the almighty that all your dreams are fulfuiledis it wrong with what all i'm doing after taking a promise keepin quran in my hand? shudnt i b going for all this n wait till i get married to him (inshallah)? am i betrayin' my parents? is it wrong to keep any kinda conacts with a na-mehram?
53- An-Najm
32-Those who avoid great sins and shameful deeds, Only (falling into) small faults--verily thy Lord is ample in forgiveness. He knows you well when He brings you out of the earth and when ye are hidden in your mother's wombs therefore justify not yourselves. He knows best who it is that guards against evil.4- An-Nisaa
31-If ye avoid the great (things) which ye are forbidden, We will remit from you your evil deeds and make you enter at a noble gate.God bless you.
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With some hesistance I write this, but I am hopeful.
If a guy says he loves you, then why meet in secret. Why keep it hidden, and once you love someone, why not marry them. I thought love was suppose to give you courage.
It gave me courage, and it saddens me to see the youth of today devalue love by attributing it to their irresponsible intentions, in the hope that it may justify their actions.
Peace.
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Firstly,
Thanks a lot to all you people who are adivicing me according to Islam!And brother AhmedBahgat, i'll b really thankful to you if u write the verse as well or atleast the verse no. in the quran...
n abt others who've been askin me da game plan... well, people over his side includin' is parents r cool with evrythin' n r ready to call my parents to have a talk regardin' our marriage but da problem is with ma side 'cuz never in our family these so called love marriages have been promoted... im really scared to disscuss this with my parents as 1st of all my mum is still angry with me...
the guy whom i love i ready to marry me now but i hesitate a li'll to disscuss dis prob with my parents as he still gotta yr to get over with his studies n inshallah get a job...n yea... i gotta ask u ppl somethin' more.... well, since i talk to this guy without my mum's knowledge, in a way i'm betrayin' her but besides is betrayin parent a sin in islam?
but i know i'm true to myself as i dont spk nethin rubbish n even Allah knows all this -
Firstly,
Thanks a lot to all you people who are adivicing me according to Islam!And brother AhmedBahgat, i'll b really thankful to you if u write the verse as well or atleast the verse no. in the quran...
n abt others who've been askin me da game plan... well, people over his side includin' is parents r cool with evrythin' n r ready to call my parents to have a talk regardin' our marriage but da problem is with ma side 'cuz never in our family these so called love marriages have been promoted... im really scared to disscuss this with my parents as 1st of all my mum is still angry with me...
the guy whom i love i ready to marry me now but i hesitate a li'll to disscuss dis prob with my parents as he still gotta yr to get over with his studies n inshallah get a job...n yea... i gotta ask u ppl somethin' more.... well, since i talk to this guy without my mum's knowledge, in a way i'm betrayin' her but besides is betrayin parent a sin in islam?
but i know i'm true to myself as i dont spk nethin rubbish n even Allah knows all thisPeace sister
Layth has posted it in his comment it is 2235
here it is in Arabic sister, not sure if you can read arabic
(235)
I will comment later on it sister as I have to go to bed right now, sorry but i will comment tomorrow
peace and all the best
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Peace Simple_girl19 ,
n yea... i gotta ask u ppl somethin' more.... well, since i talk to this guy without my mum's knowledge, in a way i'm betrayin' her but besides is betrayin parent a sin in islam?
but i know i'm true to myself as i dont spk nethin rubbish n even Allah knows all thisYou are obligated to obey your parents in everything except if they asked you to believe in a god beside Allah, meaning forcing you to commit Shirk. This is the only thing that you should not obey them about. Of course I am here talking about normal loving and caring parents.
n abt others who've been askin me da game plan... well, people over his side includin' is parents r cool with evrythin' n r ready to call my parents to have a talk regardin' our marriage but da problem is with ma side 'cuz never in our family these so called love marriages have been promoted... im really scared to disscuss this with my parents as 1st of all my mum is still angry with me...
the guy whom i love i ready to marry me now but i hesitate a li'll to disscuss dis prob with my parents as he still gotta yr to get over with his studies n inshallah get a job...I can perfectly understand your situation. I don't know where you live but here in Saudi Arabia it is not only forbidden to fall in love but also even if the lover really wants to marry the girl, the parents won't even give him permission to ask for their daughter's hand because to them he is not trustworthy enough to be deserving of their daughter after he has allowed himself to love her behind there back. Loving the girl means that he was able to see her face which is totally forbidden here. A guy who does not respect the family values is incapable of taking responsibilty of their daughter.
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Peace sister Taj
I have a note please, the Quran only stressed being polite, loving and caring for the parents, it never suggested to obey them in every thing excpet shirk, it only warned us NOT to obey them if they encourage us to shirk, but again we should not say to them any bad word at that incident, like what happned between Abraham and his father as documneted in the Quran
the Quran even did not say not to be nice to them if they are not a loving parents, in fact the message of the Quran that we should also be nice to them if they are not loving parents
peace sister
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Simple girl, where do u come from?
Its not wrong to fall in love but u have to be sure its love and not infatuation/crush.
And then at 19, u wanna get married? arent u a bit young for it?
I'd suggest u finish up ur education and work towards a career first. when u r old enough and have a solid foundation that can back u up, get married.Hmm, not a good idea to lie to ur mom about not seeing him. Infact lying to anyone is wrong,isnt it?
Well, its true parents can be overprotective. But they also mean good(though mosttimes, according to their views/beliefs which might not be similar to urs).
But at the end of the day, they do care about u. ''love marriage is unacceptable'' is more of a traditional belief than religious. So, u will have to break through the mould if u want a love marriage, when the time is right(when u r old enough). -
With some hesistance I write this, but I am hopeful.
If a guy says he loves you, then why meet in secret. Why keep it hidden, and once you love someone, why not marry them. I thought love was suppose to give you courage.
It gave me courage, and it saddens me to see the youth of today devalue love by attributing it to their irresponsible intentions, in the hope that it may justify their actions.
Peace.
Its kept secret because of such parents homophobic attitude. And sometime these parents go to the extend of killing their own daughter known as honor killing.
Some think parents being overprotective!! well yeah in to some extend BUT if this protective attitude is coming from religious believe than I think its a red alert!! and these things can make a person insane..
Do you think its fun!! to keep it secret ?
peace
