peace
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Peace all. I am in the process of the iddah(preparation) for divorce,but i want to be as just to my two children and wife as possible,even if we have to bring up our children while not getting remarried.(of course we could possibly get back together as well.) I am very concerned about my children growing up with seperated parents. Some advice please.
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peace,
Make sure that whatever negativity happens between the parents, it is not experienced by the children. Make sure they know you both still love them and be as honest as you can with them.
I do not have children myself, but I would assume the above to be a reasonable approach.
Wakas
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Peace wakas. yes that does sound a very good approach,masha-allah.
Thank you for that brother. -
oh my dear...
Quite a while ago I went through this, being my kids 5 and 3 years old. I was also afraid of how they will react to the circumstance that their parents seperate. Not only that, but also we moved to a new flat in a new area with a new kindergarden, loosing the old friends... . It wasn't easy but they managed really brave and wonderful!!! Sometimes you really shouldn't underestimate your kid. Because they can understand the situation quite well and deal with it. It is not a must that they suffer like mad from it. I used (and still try) to do many nice things they like, trying to give them a nice time, I went out a lot, tried to travell, buying them nice things....
And after all this time where they saw and heard their parents heavily arguing they actually enjoyed the peace. And until today they say that they're happy living alone with me.So what I wanna say by this is of course it is hard for them, I'm not saying thats its nothing, but it can work out fine also. Sometimes we can expect more of them as we think. Just make sure that the other part who they gonna loose now will be seen/visited regularly. And of course talk to them, try to explain what happend and what is ahead of you.
Hope that helps.Regards
warda -
Peace. thanks for advice sister warda.
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Peace enquirer
even if we have to bring up our children while not getting remarried.(
i hope this is not an expectation on your side... i speak out of experience. After our divorce my ex remarried and i didn't interfere - even though our children are officially at his place (in reality we share the responsability) - but i do think he has the right to share his life with someone and i see no problem as long as this person behaves in a correct manner with my children. But it doesn't seem my ex thinks the same for me...
any way, wish you the best - a good divorce is better for the kids than a rotten marriage!
LK
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Peace all,
One thing I have thought of is the different kind of divorces.
Well according to Quran it seems like it exist only one kind of divorce, when the man want to divorce her wife.
But many times especially today it is the woman who ask for the divorce.
If the woman ask for divorce should there really be an iddah(waiting period) ?
I mean the iddah when a man want to divorce his wife is more understandable because the woman can be pregnant and need to be protected etc during that time.
But when a woman ask for a divorce she is willing to stand on her own feet and don't need any iddah.
Peace Sis Maria
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Peace enquirer,
Just to add to the good advice you've gotten so far...
Do your utmost in the future to not speak negatively about your wife in front of your children, and ask her to do the same. This is for the sake of the kids. Kids love their parents unconditionally, and even though they may be capable of understanding one's complaints about their parents, it short-circuits their psyches.
You will be tested in your temptation to vent your own frustrations. Please choose wisely in where you decide to vent.
May peace be upon you,
Tay -
Peace tay. Thanks for that advice. Some very good wisdom there.
