Tough life sometimes ....
-
AOA guys ..
Well need ur help .. I prolly posted this kind of msg months ago but I really need your help ..
OK I am a 19 yo guy and live in UK! I am a sunni muslim by birth .. Well my grandparents and my family back at home are quite religious (Pakistani) and my immediate family is religious in a certain way as well ... religious in the sense that they offer their prayers 5 times a day, keep all the fasts, follow the basic principles of Islam like not eating pork, not drinking but they do eat all the meat outside regardless of whether its halal or not (not an issue but just telling you guys what my family is like) ... I do all these things as well like them and have no objection to any of these things but I do have some objection to some things which they dont seem to agree with ...
For eg. I dont really think clothes is such a big issue for girls. I mean I dont mind whatever they wear as long as it does not make you look like a tramp. I have a sister and she wears tops which are short sometimes if she bends down. You can see her back. She wears low necks sometimes but not that low. You can see bit of her cleavage. I aint trying to be sick or anything but just telling you guyus the reality. ( I am a good bro ) .. My parents dont like her wearing those sort of clothes and always tell her off. My parents shout her again and again and tell us that their disappointed in us that we're not good muslims. My dad always says that she should dress like a muslim girl etc. She listens sometimes but doesnt usually. I mean i agree with her to a certain extent that it doesnt really matter but then I dont agrree with her on disrespecting parents. Just do it to please them. She says she cant wait to get married and do, wear whatever she likes. My parents aint strict with her so much but can be sometimes. I feel as if she is suffocating in the house. I do speak out sometimes but then it ends up as an argument between me and my parents and I always tend to say sorry cus I feel guilty. I tend not to speak now and just keep quiet on these matters.
So basically the main point of the message is that they agree on some things which we disagree on like having Bf's/Gf's, have girls and boys as friends, dancing with opposite sexes, shaking your hand with the opposite sex, not getting your hair cut from the opp sex etc etc. You guys prolly know what I mean. So when I have arguemtns, the things just keep going in my mind repeatedly and I always dont know whose right and what to follow. It really stresses me out and I dont now how to deal with this.
They have become more religious over the past months. my mum has had numerous operations on her feet for the last 10 years cus she has this serious problem. She now offers all her prayers cus she reckons that Allah will make her better so as a result, she has become more religious so Allah can treat her feet. It does make sense cus all of us do this like I wnat to go into these university so I have been offering all my prayers and asking Allah from the core of my heart. But then in the end I think that what if it doesnt happen? Should I not offer my prayers or such take it as it was not good for me so thats why he didnt grant my wish ? Its confusing.
I dont know whether to be extremely relgiious is a good thing or just be moderate. I mean remember Allah but enjoy life the way you want to enjoy it. Like I mean ppl who are not Muslims also have their wishes granted so I sometimes think to myself that I can follow any religion (a less strict one compared to Islam) and Allah will still grant my wish.
I want to say sooo many things but I hope you guys got the point. Please give me advice on how to deal with all this. Its really eating me up and making me go mental.... -
Peace bro
This is a typical family problem, you are not unique here, i won't go in details and just give you what i believe should be the best advice,
Allah ordered us to obey and be kind to the parents as long as they don't ask us to associate partners with Allah, and in your case it seems your parents are very kind and caring ones so i believe you and your sister should listen to them and obey them, i wish i had your parents to tell me this when i was young, they are great parents but i just didn't live with them from young age
Salam
-
Man how can you listen to them when you dont agree with waht they say? You think its alright to do whatever you want and how you want you want to live your life when you go to university and become independent or do you think a person should still listen to his parents even though they live apart ! ?
-
Man how can you listen to them when you dont agree with waht they say? You think its alright to do whatever you want and how you want you want to live your life when you go to university and become independent or do you think a person should still listen to his parents even though they live apart ! ?
if what they say is within reasonable merit and based on experience then yes you should at least try to listen to them and see the outcome, but you need to give it some time, not a week or two
when you live away from them, just do your best to obey their best advices as nuch as you can, at the end of they day everyone's fait is held on everyone's neck, your parnets you will not carry any of your sins neither you will carry any of theirs
salam
-
I just want to ask you guys cus I like the advice .... My parents think they'll be responsible for some of our sins like why did they give us so much liberty etc etc and why my sister or mum didnt cover their heads ... ! So yeah
I trust you guys cus you guys r prolly in the same boat as me )
-
I really don't know who is this guy Ammarb87 but he do come on forums with stupid questions. Last time he started a topic to win back his friend. I did posted the response as usual with my bluntness which was not to the liked by Wakas.
I will keep my mouth shut and let this guy go away and come back again with some other problem.
-
Last time he started a topic to win back his friend.
Hehe, I remember that one, and the plastic surgery thread and the two/three threads about acting in Indian movies D
I think parents should be respected, even if not agreed with. There are some people I know completely independent who refuse to do the things that they otherwise do in front of their parents. Not because they want to lie or that the parents don't know, but because they respect them and know that they do not like it. I would advise patience in such circumstances because as long as anyone is still young and/or being supported by their parents, it is not advisable to create a scene...listening to them or discussing and achieving a compromise is best. This way, both sides express their wants and concerns and ideally agree to a middle ground. Once one is on their own, and capable of supporting oneself, they can make their own decisions as to what is right for them, while still respecting their parents. It is tough this adolescent age, at least I hope thats the age they are in
-
Hehe, I remember that one, and the plastic surgery thread and the two/three threads about acting in Indian movies
) I remember plastic surgery topic and thank God did not post anything. The friend topic my reply was not appropriate but that was the honest advice from stupid me.
-
I remember plastic surgery topic and thank God did not post anything.
We need a laughing emoticon seriously! I did post, but never got any answer to my questions... -\
-
I really don't know who is this guy Ammarb87 but he do come on forums with stupid questions.
Last time he started a topic to win back his friend. I did posted the response as usual with my bluntness which was not to the liked by Wakas.I will keep my mouth shut and let this guy go away and come back again with some other problem.
Hey leave Ambar alone!-)
I like his amusing topics and he seems a nice chap. -)
And I dream of becoming a bollywood actor and doing the song and dance routines in the Monsoon rain with my heroine -)
And Ambar has the freedom to ask questions even though they may appear "stupid" to you and others.
But guess what you have the freedom not to answer his questions...you can easily keep your mouth shut
Regards,
-
Still trying to learn how to keep my mouth shut with occasional explossions.
This guy must learn something from Saladin (Darbari now which is not better ID than Saladin) i.e. intelligence. They are almost the same age. Saladin is intelligent honest with good manners and much more mature.
-
Guys I just asked you for some advice and everyone started attacking me ... I am sorry if I have made the impression that I am a stupid, unintelligent guy but you dont know what I am going through ... !!!
ANd my name is Ammar not Ambar )Excuse me bro
Don't say EVERYONE please
Thanks
-
) ) ) ) )
Still trying to learn how to keep my mouth shut with occasional explossions.
This guy must learn something from Saladin (Darbari now which is not better ID than Saladin) i.e. intelligence. They are almost the same age. Saladin is intelligent honest with good manners and much more mature.
oh brother . -X -[
thank u for your kind thoughts ) .
p.s. i think "saladin" was a big name for a small(not short) guy like me .thats why i changed it . )
-
Still trying to learn how to keep my mouth shut with occasional explossions.
This guy must learn something from Saladin (Darbari now which is not better ID than Saladin) i.e. intelligence. They are almost the same age. Saladin is intelligent honest with good manners and much more mature.
Those occassional explosions tend to be quite rude and immature!
Why are u to judge people and mock them? If u dont like some one's posts or level of intelligence, dont reply. Like LT said, there is no compulsion for u to reply. Every one is different. If u dont agree with someone or like someone, learn to atleast tolerate them. Some might not find ur posts very intelligent, but how many go ahead and mock u?Peace!
-
Peace Ammar, All,
Please Ammar don't be turned off by some few members responses. Come here and just vent. There are people here who read what you write and care to help you. If you are in too much trouble to make sense of what they are writing,,, again that is ok.. Take your time. Most important is that you take it easy.
-
Ammar
I never said that you are stupid. You know that I myself learn tolerance from Layth. When I can learn something from someone and you can do the same. I mentioned Saladin because he is about your age. Sorry never had any intentions to hurt your feelings.
To Saladin
Saladin very much appropriate name for you because you have the courage to stand up and say what is right. Darbaris were the people who did not have that courage to stand up in Darbar and say the truth. Darbari were people to praise their rulers. But its your choice whatever name you choose. You will always be Saladin to me.