Hitting kids
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Although I don't like parents hitting their kids, it's not as bad as it's made out to be sometimes. I've been hit by my parents, and most people I know have been hit by their parents and they've turned out fine. So don't feel too guilty if you decide to take out your anger on your kids.
Parents do have to be cruel to their kids sometimes though. You have to teach them a lesson. Hitting is bad because you can cause a serious injury and because of what you are teaching your kids. -
I've been hit by my parents, and most people I know have been hit by their parents and they've turned out fine.
Are you sure you're quite okay phoenix? No lasting effects? Anyway, it's generally true even though I don't agree with taking anger out like that, it happens sometimes. I've fond memories of flying shoes and brooms myself, contact ratio around 31 (maybe my mom should've played some games and improved her reflexes). I was always a problem child or so my parents say, water under the bridge now and all that.
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Phoenix1 don?t give me that bullsh!t.
My mum used to beat me up over the most trivial things i.e. not doing the chores coz I was waaaaay too lazy.
There was time when I was about 7 years old and she put her whole body weight on me and made my nose bleed for a long time just because I couldn?t be bothered to clean up the kitchen.
Once she asked me to pick up something from my cousins house (which is only next door) and I asked my lazy sis to do it instead coz she is always at their house, but she did not want to do it either, my mum hit me so hard repeatedly, that night she came to my room and punch me on my face so hard for a very long time that I thought I broke my nose (but I didn?t) but she wouldn?t stop and I was in absolute agony, I don?t think I ever been in so much pain in my entire life.
She only had to threaten to cut my pocket money and I would have done the work.
My granddad used to teach me Arabic, and I made so many mistakes while reading it, every time I made a mistake he would hit me really hard. My mum used to hit me so much because I used to make a lot of mistakes.
I have got over most of what has happened in the past, even though it took a very long time, apart from the night my mum was repeatedly punching my face when she came to my room, she punched me on my face for half an hour, but it felt much, much, much longer, I don?t think I can ever get over that, no one can ever understand how painful that felt both physically and psychologically.
She knows that I am no longer a Sunni (it?s too obvious) and for a long time she treated me like crap.
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That's doesn't seem like something that just happens, that looks like a case of abuse. I can understand slaps occasionally or a spank or two, thats pretty common but what you are describing Angel, is way beyond common.
apart from the night my mum was repeatedly punching my face when she came to my room, she punched me on my face for half an hour, but it felt much, much, much longer, I dont think I can ever get over that, no one can ever understand how painful that felt both physically and psychologically.
That and the other incidents you described are pretty traumatic.
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Phoenix1 don?t give me that bullsh!t.
What Phoenix and you are talking about are two entirely different things. Phoenix is talking about the occasional spank or the occasional tap on the mouth or face for severe infractions.
What you experienced was pure child abuse, which is not condoned either by law or by any Quranic law that I've read.
Nurd
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Salaam,
Even the occasional slap is flat out unacceptable
Unless the child was an absolute psycho then maybe the odd slap is fine.
There were odd times i needed to be disciplined but the last thing I needed was a slap across my face.
I don't even mean a full on slap. When my 8 year old said the word "Motherf***er" to his mother, he got a tap on the mouth, and now he doesn't do it again. It was quick, it was painless, it was surprising, and completely effective.
Slapping your kids is not called for.. but an occasional tap on the mouth or the side of the head never did anyone any harm.
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Peace all,
I was hit by my parents, my teachers in school, and the one in the madrassa, and pretty much anyone older if I disrespected or any such thing. I don't mind that it happened to me or resent anyone for it. I doubt I'd hit a child the way I was hit with canes and other instruments near the teachers. Having said that...
That's doesn't seem like something that just happens, that looks like a case of abuse. I can understand slaps occasionally or a spank or two, thats pretty common but what you are describing Angel, is way beyond common.
I agree with most of the points raised here. There is a huge difference between a slap on the hand, for example, and punches or nosebleeds! oI don't even mean a full on slap. When my 8 year old said the word "Motherf***er" to his mother, he got a tap on the mouth, and now he doesn't do it again.
Woah. I'd say that kid is lucky to get a tap on the mouth. Unless if it wasn't directed at his mother, or he didn't know what he was saying.Even the occasional slap is flat out unacceptable
Ideally yes, but... -\
Angel, do you have kids?
peace
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I am not against smacking children. Like zenje and most of you, I got smacked in school, and was pinched by my mother. I did not like being hit in the school, because it was for trivial things (not that I did major errors at home!!), but it was my mother and it was acceptable, though painful!!
I did smack my children when they did something dangerous, but always with my bare hands no instruments, not on the face or head and not on the frontal body (the butt and the shoulder only) . I had a discussion with them once about my smacking them (when they grew up). They said they feared it then, but it must have been effective because now they understand why. And they are very fine grown-ups!!
I have a few grand nieces and nephews, sometimes they spend the WE with me, but I do not smack them, or even feel the need to discipline them in any way. Maybe because with age I developped more understanding of how to communicate with children. Or maybe it is just that children show more discipline with anyone else but their mothers!!
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Or maybe it is just that children show more discipline with anyone else but their mothers!!
That sounds far more likely, speaking from exp D.
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Ibn Khaldun said in Al Muqaddimah that teaching children or students through violence is dangerous for their 'psychological freedom'. However, harsh measure must be taken when other means do not work to teach them a lesson.
Anyway, from my personal experience I myself grew up under mostly verbal abuse from my strict father. When I was a kid I always felt uneasy everytime I was around him because I was afraid that I did something wrong which could get him mad. Now when Im an adult the impact of my childhood is still in me. I can not stand people yelling at me because it reminds me of my father.
So harmful abuse toward children does not have to be physical. It can also be verbally.
Peace,
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Angel, do you have kids?
No I do not have kids.
And if I did I would never hit them. There are other more civilised ways of disciplining children, so why resort to physically hitting them?
Verbal abuse is bad too, especially when it goes on for about 6 hours ~ its psychological torture.
Threatening to cut their pocket money always does the trick IMO.
People that think hitting kids is okay don?t deserve to have children. And why do they even bother ???.
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Then the flying shoes and brooms are justified
In retrospect, I agree with you, I wasn't a good kid most of the times (all the principals of all the schools I ever went to knew me like a daughter they would never wish upon anyone) and most times I was positively wild (pranks and the like with eggs no less, on top of a water tank targeting hapless people down below; I think that was the last straw for them that year, very bad thing to do now that I'm older and wiser I think). One thing that stands out in my memory though was when my mother said, 'I wish you get a child like yourself and then you'll see what it's like!'. It was like a curse, come to think of it.
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In retrospect, I agree with you, I wasn't a good kid most of the times (all the principals of all the schools I ever went to knew me like a daughter they would never wish upon anyone) and most times I was positively wild (pranks and the like with eggs no less, on top of a water tank targeting hapless people down below; I think that was the last straw for them that year, very bad thing to do now that I'm older and wiser I think). One thing that stands out in my memory though was when my mother said, 'I wish you get a child like yourself and then you'll see what it's like!'. It was like a curse, come to think of it.
I think every parent knows that curse, I think as I've aged I may have accidentally put it on my own children! "I hope your kids are just like you, so you know how we feel!"
Nurd
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Physically disciplining the child should be resorted to when necessary. The purpose of the discipline should be to correct them and for their own benefit, but it should never be an expression of frustration or rage of the parent. In Canada, according to s.43 of the Criminal Code, parents and teachers have the right to physically discipline their children by way of correction and when necessary. Some ultra-liberal, politically correct organization challenged s.43, claiming it was unconstitutional, but their appeal was dismissed by the Supreme Court in 2004. I know this because I was involved in a debate for my grade 12 law class a few weeks back.
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Peace "yusha",
Im sorry ive to disagree with you and the Canadian institution. Hitting children for correcting them even if it is slight does not help in the long run. There are much better approaches, eg make the child stand in a corner again and again and tell it what it did wrong and why. Theres no way child hitting even if it be slight can be tolerated. This same nonsense can be used by alcohol consumptionists saying a bit of it is ok but its not coz in many cases it leads on and on. GOF Bless! -
I do not really see anything wrong with physical punishment toward children as a last resort. It teaches them that there is limit in everything. However, I believe the most dangerous thing pyschologically to do by parents toward their children is to attempt to impose complete control over them. This is usually done by the fathers. In many cases they expect their little children to be disciplined and obedient like well-trained soldiers through both physical and verbal abuses. One thing they should remember is that there is a reason why there is an age limit for anyone to join the Army. It is because people who are too young have weaker psychological endurance.