Both husband and wife working with children?
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Peace all,
This question is for those who believe that men are to be the providers for women (and the family) as per 434. If you don't believe this please don't respond here. Feel free to open an existing thread or start a new one in the Questions/Comments about Quran topic.
I am particularly interested in hearing about the practical application of this verse from those married members who take the above view. Do both the husband and wife work? Do you have children? Did the woman work outside the home during the first 2 years after child birth? How about after? Are the children in daycare? etc...
thanks in advance,
peace -
Also David may I add that in cases where husband is unemployed, unable to work due to work related or other disability, studying, writing a book etc whereby the woman is main income-provider, I would like to know how "men are to be providers" is interpreted.
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Peace all,
This question is for those who believe that men are to be the providers for women (and the family) as per 434. If you don't believe this please don't respond here. Feel free to open an existing thread or start a new one in the Questions/Comments about Quran topic.
I am particularly interested in hearing about the practical application of this verse from those married members who take the above view. Do both the husband and wife work? Do you have children? Did the woman work outside the home during the first 2 years after child birth? How about after? Are the children in daycare? etc...
thanks in advance,
peace
This verse apply in Asia and Middle East not in west.
;D peace
peace -
When I was a little both of my parents were always busy with their jobs and to tell the truth it had bad impact on me and my sister because we did not really have a role model at home who can nurture us while growing up and listen to our problems. We spent most of our times at home with our servant therefore we were not very close to our parents until recently.
In my opinion, it is very important at least for one of the parents to be able to spend much of their times at home with her/his (Most preferably the mother) children so they will have better upbringing and feel closer to the family.
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God willing, When we do have kids, we'll be able to handle my staying home.
The things a wife does in her marriage, taking care of the home, cooking, cleaning are things that are done out of love, for sake of the love between Husband and Wife. And my work outside the home, and my contributions to the expenses are a part of that expression of love. It's what's needed right now.
Most important between us, is that we talk to each other, make sure each knows how the other feels about work and expenses. Anything money-related is kept above-board. Because Money can destroy the best intended marriage so fast it would make your head spin.
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peace all,
aly-sam thanks, peace
jankren agreed
Keeley That sounds good. In addition to discussing these things during marriage, I assume that you also discussed these things before marriage so that you both knew what your expectations of one another were.
peace
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In this modern time it is often necessary for both the man and the woman to work to support the family. However, I think ideally the woman should have the kind of job that is flexible which enables her to prepare her kids before they go to school and be home again not long after they get home.
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Peace Jankren,
Both man and woman working to support the family is often a fallacy. It all depends on the lifestyle we want to live and the choices we make.
I have a friend with a 2 year old daughter, and another child on the way. His wife is a stay-at home mom that takes care of the home and children. He makes less than $27k/year, and yet they have enough for a mortgage on an apartment, and own a car. They watch their finances, don't waste their money, and are very happy and healthy.
I personally live off of about $15k/year, and I own a car, pay rent, pay insurance and gas, food, and I have enough left over to travel. It is about how you budget, and what you value.
If you want a brand new SUV and a big house, then yeah, maybe you will need two people working, but you will be sacrificing your children, and a healthy natural family life.
peace
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It's difficult to put a rule for who should work and who shouldn't or how to deal with kids. In my case, I have always been working, and it was not easy to live on one salary and insure the future of kids at the same time (i.e work for the present and the future), especially in countries where nothing is free. Once I worked with the UN in my country, where my daughter was in a catholic school (who has Sunday off) and the boy in a kintergarten. I managed to strike a deal to have Sunday off (in a ddition to Friday, the offical WE), and for that I would work from home that day, so I managed to have both kids two whole days, plus the afternoons. In addition to that, it was me who would stay home if one of the kids is sick; or if the maid is sick or absent, or even if the hubby was sick. I think most working women are like that, that's why very few women make it to the highest posts. Very soon the kids would go on full education, and then I do not think the problem would be that critical. If the husband is helpful in housework, that would take much burden from the mother, yet not all husband are like that.
What if the husband loses his job or gete sick or even drops dead? If the wife is not used to work, it would be difficult - almost impossible- to suddenly cope with both responsibilities inside and outside the house. I find it ironic that in the West where the state takes responsibility of the vulnerable, no one calls for wives to stay home, whereas in countries (like mine) where the government doesn't care about orphans, unemployed, widows, disables...etc cries are loud in protest of women's work.
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When I was a little both of my parents were always busy with their jobs and to tell the truth it had bad impact on me and my sister because we did not really have a role model at home who can nurture us while growing up and listen to our problems. We spent most of our times at home with our servant therefore we were not very close to our parents until recently.
In my opinion, it is very important at least for one of the parents to be able to spend much of their times at home with her/his (Most preferably the mother) children so they will have better upbringing and feel closer to the family.
I would say that even if your mother was not working, there would be a high probability that you would end in the same situation. Work helps organize time and a working mother would benefit from each moment. I saw many women, family and friends, who do not work, but still do not spend half as much time with their kids as would a working woman with her kids. Besides, a working woman has the tendancy to a feeling of guilt for being away, so she would do her best to compensate by giving up many activities that would keep her away from the kids.
An interesting study in the paediatric section of the Khartoum hospital on children domestic accidents (in 1980) found that 100% of the kids' mothers were not working and 90% were illeterate (so they were not even busy reading when those accidents took place).