How do you guys get married?
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Peace,
Allah says to give women their "ujur" (what they deserve/repayment etc.). Think about it deeply. Because there is NO set law for this, it's clear that what you give is whatever you judge is necessary! (shelter, furniture, food, whatever YOU are actually giving by your means as a financial supporter of her having more opportunity of being the "working" spouse). It makes sense! If divorce happens the agreed upon item remains hers.
E.g. if you're rich but you're always travelling, and your wife is poor you might give her some gold for her "ajr", that way if you go away one day and never return God forbid, she'll be able to sell the gold and survive for a while as she might be pregnant or nursing infants. This is practical and has happened in many situations. Not all women have parents they can go to for financial support in case something happens, and not all women have big bank accounts.
On the other hand, if she's rich and what she deserves is just your love and commitment then that's an "ajr" too, there's no rule that says the ajr must be a material thing, material things are going to be provided anyway! (shelter, furniture, food, etc.)
But a material thing can work to be something as a small gift of appreciation, for her having to give up work, stay home and nurse children etc. or it can be something like an insurance for her to survive on in case the man leaves her or passes away.
Because it is an "ajr" (reward, repayment, whatever she deserves etc.) it is flexible and depends on the situation, and because marriage is a meethaq (contract) between the two this is something that should be agreed upon by both parties. It is a good idea for the guys to ask their fionces "what do you want?" and that way determine if she's after material things or just your love and commitment.
A woman might say she needs something for herself (and potential children) to survive on for a while in case of divorce or death of husband (to support her self and the children) and that's fine too as long as both parties agree on that.
The "ajr" is NOT a huge some of money that should be paid to the bride or the bride's family as traditionally practised in Arabic culture. Women are not for sale! and there is no "muqaddam" (money/gift before marriage) and mu'akhkhar (money/gift) after marriage/in case of divorce. These are cultural practices and rituals that have nothing to do with religion. Marriage rings, a white dress and other symbols and rituals etc. are also nothing to do with religion.
If you do run along with a traditional marriage and have a Sectarian Imam for the sake of your parents. The Imam WILL ask what is the gift before, and what is the gift for after marriage! and the Imam will record these!
In which case don't panic! just say the gift for the marriage is $20 (or whatever it is you agreed to give her - doesn't have to be big at all), and the gift for after marriage (in case of divorce) is a Quran Book! EASY! I know many people who have done this! and as long as you and your fionce have agreed and your both happy it wouldn't matter.
If you have a believing woman who is also modern and works to earn a living then she may not even care that the gift is $20 or whatever! It's all just part of the agreement (meethaq) and I believe the general idea behind it is "insurance", in case needed.
Guys do have to be careful too, some women do suck the man's blood dry! they end up divorcing and the woman takes the car, house, everything and the man is on the street. That's rediculous! Men and Women are equal and believers DO have to be aware of God and be serious about their love and their meethaq (agreement) and everything that is included in that.
On the other hand some guys divorce their wives with the ending gift (mu'akhkhar) being a Quran Book, in which case the woman is left to fend for herself and must go out to work to support herself and people will say that she's a sucker, because she was left with nothing! ... BE AWARE of the difference between culture and religion as well as the difference between culture/religion and the marital and divorce LAWS of the country in which you live. Situations are different when there are children involved.
Does it sound complicated? it's not. You just have to have the necessary knowledge about everything and know the difference between culture, religion and the country's laws.
Salam.
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Only imam quranonly made sense. Why would i post a question about how to get married according to quranic wisdom and all you can come up with is tell me to get married according to the traditional way. Not very smart, huh?
If you were sincere about quran, you'd read in many places that we should not follow our parents' wishes if these are contrary to God's command. -
Peace,
I wouldn't bother making problems for the parents. Let them be happy. Have a traditional Imam etc. etc.
Ask for girl's hand from her parents, give her gift etc. need witnesses for the contract (meethaq).
So what?
after you get married and settle down with Quranic wife then you're both free to do whatever you want. No point upsetting the parents for something like this. They're not making you idol-worship or anything so it's cool .. just run with it! it's only one night!
congratulations sunPeace.
Respectfully.Exactly.
I agree.
I do it exactly the same way.May The God have mercy on you both and guide you on the Straight Path to Paradise.
Peace.
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Salaam
This is very intresting..but can anyone expalin the details of how it is done...and is allah alone good enough for witness?
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Hi Brooklyn,
See http//www.studyquran.org
Topics Index, then look up "Marriage". It has all the verses there.
Thank you for the link I will read it.
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This is one of the best versions sung by my favorite Yossi Azulay!!!
It is a song "boi bshalom" = "come in peace"...
And the God is always the very first mentioned!
I've seen many weddings but this one is simply BEAUTIFUL in its poised elegance and religiosity with this marvelous voice flying over the invited guests...
Enjoy!
http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBJWBHSrOjY
group
Glory to God the Blessed One
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I've seen many weddings but this one is simply BEAUTIFUL in its poised elegance and religiosity with this marvelous voice flying over the invited guests...
Enjoy!
http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBJWBHSrOjY
Glory to God the Blessed One
Peace,
Very nice D.
Is a bit dry though IMHO.
I think this IS a good idea for a wedding, lol...
https//www.youtube.com/watch?v=zS9umLnbKGA
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But seriously I dont see the logic behind grandeur wedding celebration. I think it is far wiser to use the money for our newly created family in the future.
Agreed.
http//1.bp.blogspot.com/-EDScbOoyWAQ/U2vmvf3b3aI/AAAAAAAAHS4/pd_EYxznSEA/s1600/ribbon-emoticon.png
I prefer simple wedding.
Salm.
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Peace,
I wouldn't bother making problems for the parents. Let them be happy. Have a traditional Imam etc. etc.
Ask for girl's hand from her parents, give her gift etc. need witnesses for the contract (meethaq).
So what?
after you get married and settle down with Quranic wife then you're both free to do whatever you want. No point upsetting the parents for something like this. They're not making you idol-worship or anything so it's cool .. just run with it! it's only one night!
congratulations sun
Good begin of the marriage...not.
Why should he agree with the sectarian people?
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To keep peace maybe? Also not everything is "sectarian", people come from different cultures, practices and family traditions. and certain practices (or non practices) would be considered offensive.
the way i see it you are passively supporting corrupt traditions, which many people say is gods law, i think we should be standing up to such corruption, not supporting it. contrary so popular belief, 'peace' is not supporting corrupt traditions. i would advise simply to follow the quran. personaly i would refuse to be apart of any 'traditional' wedding ceremony, as that is not gods religion, its just blindly following what people before us have done, just because they did the same thing, and so on and so on..
if you are a believer in the quran, and so is your spouse, i believe you should follow gods path, and not follow anyone elses..
in saying that, god has not, to my knowledge, forbidden wedding ceremonies or any other tradition, as long as it is in accordance with his criterion.. my only issue is having a 'traditional imam' and doing 'traditional wedding ceremonies' because other people believe that its required. on the basis of their sources of law besides the quran..
in saying this, god does say to get permission from parents, and to give a gift to your spouse, in my understanding.
peace
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in saying that, god has not, to my knowledge, forbidden wedding ceremonies or any other tradition, as long as it is in accordance with his criterion.. my only issue is having a 'traditional imam' and doing 'traditional wedding ceremonies' because other people believe that its required. on the basis of their sources of law besides the quran..
in saying this, god does say to get permission from parents, and to give a gift to your spouse, in my understanding.
peace
in all this ceremonies by any tradition the islamic part is when nikka is going on just for 15 minutes.. in which the person or scholar who read nikkah also ask same things from bride and groom to live with eachother , not to distrub and cheat with eachother,, thats it and then he ask do u agree...? almost the christian marriage also have this part when happen inn chruch,
apart from that all the things like walima, rasme hina, barat and tail are traditional things ,, and these things play an important role becoz usually people think its the time of life to have a fresh new start so celeberate it with full joy, sometimes the one day dress cost more than your yearly income lol,,
the food and other things its basically the way how they express happiness, although its not in quran but one can do it , there is no prohibtion regarding this...
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peace, regardless, for myself anyway, i do not wish to follow any way except gods way. i do not support misguided traditions or anyones traditions or culture, i support following god alone, though anyone is free to do as they please. i believe this is the best way.
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Peace,
I wouldn't bother making problems for the parents. Let them be happy. Have a traditional Imam etc. etc.
Ask for girl's hand from her parents, give her gift etc. need witnesses for the contract (meethaq).
So what?
after you get married and settle down with Quranic wife then you're both free to do whatever you want. No point upsetting the parents for something like this. They're not making you idol-worship or anything so it's cool .. just run with it! it's only one night!
congratulations sun
We can't agree with you.
There is no need for an "imam", especially not one that is specialised in "false doctrines".
I would ask the parents, make a contract etc.
No way i would invite an "imam" to tell me what to do just because he likes to fill hes belly.
