How do you guys get married?
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Peace,
I wouldn't bother making problems for the parents. Let them be happy. Have a traditional Imam etc. etc.
Ask for girl's hand from her parents, give her gift etc. need witnesses for the contract (meethaq).
So what?
after you get married and settle down with Quranic wife then you're both free to do whatever you want. No point upsetting the parents for something like this. They're not making you idol-worship or anything so it's cool .. just run with it! it's only one night!
congratulations sun
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Salam,
Respectfully.Listen to what Peace4life wrote.
Smart words.
Just get maried.
Be grateful to God that you can get married.
I have found my soulmate but must wait little bit more untill i can actually marry her.
She also knows we must wait.
Patience is everything when you wanna make a smart move.Peace.
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Peace. What is the quranic procedure to get married? How would my sunni family accept the fact that i dont recognize sunni imams as competent to validate a wedding?
While many sunnis prefer to be married by an Imam, not all sunnis believe that only an Imam can marry you. Some actually believe that the father or any competant male of age can marry two people with the proper witnesses and mahr. I think that if you are sincere in your intentions, that the use of anyone to marry you is valid before Allah, if you are trying to follow the guidance for marriage in Al Quran.
I definitely don't support the big wedding ceremony that costs a million dollars. The wedding IMHO should be simple in inexpensive so that the money can be used to improve the living condition and financial future of the couple to aid in success. If money spent on many weddings were instead invested in business to sustain the couple, many marriages would probably survive that otherwise end up in divorce these days. Money is one of the primary causes of divorce these days, or I should say lack of money which leads to many other problems. I have never understood why people go $30,000, $40,000 and even more in debt for a wedding and they can't even pay bills hardly after that. It just makes no sense other than they are trying to show out for people, consciously or unconsciously.
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Peace,
I wouldn't bother making problems for the parents. Let them be happy. Have a traditional Imam etc. etc.
Ask for girl's hand from her parents, give her gift etc. need witnesses for the contract (meethaq).
So what?
after you get married and settle down with Quranic wife then you're both free to do whatever you want. No point upsetting the parents for something like this. They're not making you idol-worship or anything so it's cool .. just run with it! it's only one night!
congratulations sun
I agree 100% sun
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Thats true -[. But seriously I dont see the logic behind grandeur wedding celebration. I think it is far wiser to use the money for our newly created family in the future.
Absolutely--I agree. I got lucky, but good luck with all that ;D
Also, in Sunnism you DON'T need an Imam for the marriage ceremony. They do prefer it however.
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Peace keeley
A wedding is a day, a Marriage is a lifetime.
At the end of the day, so long as you have the contract, the witnesses and the Mahr thing handled. the rest is immaterial.
Enjoy the marriage. It's way more fun than a wedding.
I agree. I told my mom that my wife is gonna get one of those 25 cent rings from the dispense machine. Forget the diamonds with all that runoff!
Peace
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Peace,
Allah says to give women their "ujur" (what they deserve/repayment etc.). Think about it deeply. Because there is NO set law for this, it's clear that what you give is whatever you judge is necessary! (shelter, furniture, food, whatever YOU are actually giving by your means as a financial supporter of her having more opportunity of being the "working" spouse). It makes sense! If divorce happens the agreed upon item remains hers.
E.g. if you're rich but you're always travelling, and your wife is poor you might give her some gold for her "ajr", that way if you go away one day and never return God forbid, she'll be able to sell the gold and survive for a while as she might be pregnant or nursing infants. This is practical and has happened in many situations. Not all women have parents they can go to for financial support in case something happens, and not all women have big bank accounts.
On the other hand, if she's rich and what she deserves is just your love and commitment then that's an "ajr" too, there's no rule that says the ajr must be a material thing, material things are going to be provided anyway! (shelter, furniture, food, etc.)
But a material thing can work to be something as a small gift of appreciation, for her having to give up work, stay home and nurse children etc. or it can be something like an insurance for her to survive on in case the man leaves her or passes away.
Because it is an "ajr" (reward, repayment, whatever she deserves etc.) it is flexible and depends on the situation, and because marriage is a meethaq (contract) between the two this is something that should be agreed upon by both parties. It is a good idea for the guys to ask their fionces "what do you want?" and that way determine if she's after material things or just your love and commitment.
A woman might say she needs something for herself (and potential children) to survive on for a while in case of divorce or death of husband (to support her self and the children) and that's fine too as long as both parties agree on that.
The "ajr" is NOT a huge some of money that should be paid to the bride or the bride's family as traditionally practised in Arabic culture. Women are not for sale! and there is no "muqaddam" (money/gift before marriage) and mu'akhkhar (money/gift) after marriage/in case of divorce. These are cultural practices and rituals that have nothing to do with religion. Marriage rings, a white dress and other symbols and rituals etc. are also nothing to do with religion.
If you do run along with a traditional marriage and have a Sectarian Imam for the sake of your parents. The Imam WILL ask what is the gift before, and what is the gift for after marriage! and the Imam will record these!
In which case don't panic! just say the gift for the marriage is $20 (or whatever it is you agreed to give her - doesn't have to be big at all), and the gift for after marriage (in case of divorce) is a Quran Book! EASY! I know many people who have done this! and as long as you and your fionce have agreed and your both happy it wouldn't matter.
If you have a believing woman who is also modern and works to earn a living then she may not even care that the gift is $20 or whatever! It's all just part of the agreement (meethaq) and I believe the general idea behind it is "insurance", in case needed.
Guys do have to be careful too, some women do suck the man's blood dry! they end up divorcing and the woman takes the car, house, everything and the man is on the street. That's rediculous! Men and Women are equal and believers DO have to be aware of God and be serious about their love and their meethaq (agreement) and everything that is included in that.
On the other hand some guys divorce their wives with the ending gift (mu'akhkhar) being a Quran Book, in which case the woman is left to fend for herself and must go out to work to support herself and people will say that she's a sucker, because she was left with nothing! ... BE AWARE of the difference between culture and religion as well as the difference between culture/religion and the marital and divorce LAWS of the country in which you live. Situations are different when there are children involved.
Does it sound complicated? it's not. You just have to have the necessary knowledge about everything and know the difference between culture, religion and the country's laws.
Salam.
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Only imam quranonly made sense. Why would i post a question about how to get married according to quranic wisdom and all you can come up with is tell me to get married according to the traditional way. Not very smart, huh?
If you were sincere about quran, you'd read in many places that we should not follow our parents' wishes if these are contrary to God's command. -
Peace,
I wouldn't bother making problems for the parents. Let them be happy. Have a traditional Imam etc. etc.
Ask for girl's hand from her parents, give her gift etc. need witnesses for the contract (meethaq).
So what?
after you get married and settle down with Quranic wife then you're both free to do whatever you want. No point upsetting the parents for something like this. They're not making you idol-worship or anything so it's cool .. just run with it! it's only one night!
congratulations sunPeace.
Respectfully.Exactly.
I agree.
I do it exactly the same way.May The God have mercy on you both and guide you on the Straight Path to Paradise.
Peace.