HELP. Just divorced - by text message :/
-
This is what people keep telling me
...that he doesn't really love you...it's not that he does not love you, it's that he does not know to love. The prove that "objectifying" women does not only exist in western (influenced) societies as so many claim. You are his thing. Do you want to be somebodies thing ?
peace lk
-
Salaams,
First love Allah more than anything else in this life, therefore you will never overvalue anything else.
Next, love your fellow human beings that are in your life, especially family and those whom you married, but not more than you love Allah, for it will blind you from understanding what is best for you from Allah.
Finally, love yourself more than anyone living, because it will be you and you alone when you have to answer to Allah for what you did with your life and the gifts that He blessed you with.
Hope that helps in some small way.
As Salaamu Alaikum, angel
-
Oh God Almighty why did you make women unable to tell good men from assholes? Im sorry for the generalization but seriously ...
First, God doesn't make anyone do anything. We MAKE the choices. God points us to the directions, and shows us the consequences.
I think that's an extreme generalization, I have known many guys who have been burnt with women.
It's humans, not men or women, that make the wrong choices. But, this is an on-the-job trial, we will make mistakes and that's how we learn to correct them and make better choices in the future. That's why it's extremely important to be COMPLETELY sure when you are getting really close to someone, because if you are betrayed, it hurts more than you can possibly imagine. Trust me, I know. -
Oh God Almighty why did you make women unable to tell good men from assholes? Im sorry for the generalization but seriously ...
lol rotfl
The problem is the smart women who can tell the difference get in there and take all the good men before we slow ones catch up sun
-
lol rotfl
The problem is the smart women who can tell the difference get in there and take all the good men before we slow ones catch up sun
That's why sharing is caring! sun angel ! yay group (that's a man with his four wives all caring about each other with loving hearts!) O0
Okay, now how long before the elektro voodoo come?
-
That's why sharing is caring! sun angel ! yay group (that's a man with his four wives all caring about each other with loving hearts!) O0
Okay, now how long before the elektro voodoo come?
Just so you know, Santa doesn't exist .
-
Just so you know, Santa doesn't exist .
Does that also rule out the tooth fairy? ??? -\ '( whatever
-
Does that also rule out the tooth fairy? ??? o -\ '( whatever
The tooth fairy exists and her wand is made of miswak.
-
The tooth fairy exists and her wand is made of miswak.
rotfl rotfl rotfl
I have seen her! & Did you know she is a man? o wow
-
That's why sharing is caring! sun angel ! yay group (that's a man with his four wives all caring about each other with loving hearts!) O0
Okay, now how long before the elektro voodoo come?
Naw - I leave those men for other women - someone wanting more than one wife is simply not what I consider a good man for me (no offence). I'm not that desperate to have to share - I want more than a man every other/third/fourth night. Devoted to me or not at all sun
-
Naw - I leave those men for other women - someone wanting more than one wife is simply not what I consider a good man for me (no offence). I'm not that desperate to have to share - I want more than a man every other/third/fourth night. Devoted to me or not at all sun
Salaams dragonflies,
I was making a joke just as you were. Nevertheless, if you consider having a man as you have described as a good man verses one that would be the opposite of that but have another wife as the bad man.....then everyone is entitled to their opinion.
I certainly was not trying to guide you to polygyny. Not very many women these days are qualified to engage in such a spiritual expression of faith and trust. There just aren't that many good woman left if you know what I mean.
lol rotfl
The problem is the smart women who can tell the difference get in there and take all the good men before we slow ones catch up sun
But Im glad that you are not desperate and don't mind being alone instead of sharing a husband. This has happened to many of women in today's society that can attest to your will power and being proudly single and lonely. You can find many of them right here on freeminds too! ;D
I believe that whatever makes you all happy is what you should be doing. And since as you jokingly said, all the good men seem to be taken, seems like you and others could be in for a long wait! ???
Let's all just pr
As Salaamu Alaikum, angel
-
Well, I'm sure they are there - they just don't know about me yet sun
And I'm sure there are plenty of men who feel the same about women. ignore
Seriously though Those women who feel they are ok with polygamy I say to them go ahead - as long as ALL parties are GENUINELY happy and not manipulated or forced or put on guilt trips about not being good muslims. Unfortunately I think in most cases male ego is the driving force behind polygamy not real need. Attractiveness/looks/ young age are more often what men go for - which is clearly for man's benefit rather than the women. than the older women/widows/ divorced and without support who might actually appreciate such an arrangement. Although its not likely to be the answer to all their problems and you don't have to marry a woman to support her. I'm not interested in marriage now, and I know what I will and won't accept when and if the time came. Polygamy is not what I want for me or for any future children. I need a companion and best friend - one2one - something a bit more exclusive than polygamy. peace
-
Salaams dragonflies,
Bla Bla Bla...when you get to something that hasn't been said a million times...I will let you know. ignore
Did you read the post where it suggested that the Prophet married some of his wives for the beauty/goodness only?
As Salaamu Alaikum, angel
Well, I'm sure they are - they just don't know about me yet sun
And I'm sure there are plenty of men who feel the same about women. ignore
Seriously though Those women who feel they are ok with polygamy I say to them go ahead - as long as ALL parties are GENUINELY happy and not manipulated or forced or put on guilt trips about not being good muslims. Unfortunately I think in most cases male ego is the driving force behind polygamy not real need. Attractiveness/looks/ young age are more often what men go for - which is clearly for man's benefit rather than the women. than the older women/widows/ divorced and without support who might actually appreciate such an arrangement. Although its not likely to be the answer to all their problems and you don't have to marry a woman to support her. I'm not interested in marriage now, and I know what I will and won't accept when and if the time came. Polygamy is not what I want for me or for any future children. I need a companion and best friend - one2one - something a bit more exclusive than polygamy. peace
-
Heh polygyny.
Mind you in the US it is perfectly acceptable for a man to cheat on his wife, father children with mistresses and ignore the lot of them...but the entire country goes into a tizzy when a man tries to make provisions and cre for the mothers of his children. We idolize Flava Flav and villify Mormons and Muslims. Go figure.
Poor dragonflies, you got stuck in the culture part of Islam, not the faith part. I found this site after reading Irshad Manji's "The Trouble with Islam Today." And one of those troubles is the arabization of islam.
Higab is an attitude, not a thing on your head. Niqab....just makes it hard to eat spaghetti. Besides, I remember living Saudi as a child and seeing high heels under those Abaya.
Even Saudi women go out with each other.
It's tacky to send a Dear Jane text message. But, it seems tobe how it was done. The best you can do is take some you time. Get a job. If he's not providing for you, then someone has to, and it might as well be you. Maybe check at an Islamic Center?
You have to love yourself enough to not need him, or any other man before you get a man. After my first marriage (and post divorce fling) I was done. Washed hands of the lot of men and took some me time. Bought a ridiculously expensive purse that my ex would have had a stroke over. Read some books, went to martial arts classes. and just sort of got to lovin myself.
The DH was a happy accident at a Starbucks. But because I didn't need someone, I was ready for the right one. God said "Oh! Look at you. You're strong enought to give and take. Good. Took you long enough. Okay here's another curve ball, he's from another country, speaks another language and has another religion. But you're strong enough now to be what he needs, and he's what you need..so..enjoy the ride" No seatbelt, no "keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle" and away we went.
Cross cultural marriages are a pain. I love Dh more than breath, but we have our moments. How can a man who will debate for 45 minutes on which way a bookshelf should face expect me to be ready to move an entire house in two hours? Or as he says "How can a woman who has been taught all her life she is beneath men be so bossy toward them?" )
But you follow both heart and head. Best advice I ever got was "Never get maried because you are in love. But Never get married without it."
Love yourself. Love God. Love your fellow man. And God will give you someone worthy of you when you're ready. Doesn't the Qu'ran say that Good men have good women? He already picked him out. Just make yourself ready.
-
this guy sounds like a real idiot... divorce by text message? this isn't junior high
telling you things like no man can love you like him, etc is just a method of psychologically manipulating you into following his rules, or trying to grasp at something he knows he is losing
you don't sound happy with the life you have created anyways, so what's the big loss?
hopefully it won't take you long to realise you are better off without him
-
peace dragonflie,
That man wasn't worthy you!
Be happy that he left you before you had been caught into something dramatic in his country or turned out to be a slave to his mother.
God loves you, so be happy sister and please don't chase up those traditional muslim guys because they are pretty made of same errors.Which country he came from? Bet it was Morrocco or Tunisia right!?
Take Care,
Maria -
Peace, dragonflie,
I give you nice verse from Koran, I hope it will help you
. Do not marry idolatresses unless they believe; a believing woman is better than an idolatress, even if you like her. Nor shall you give your daughters in marriage to idolatrous men, unless they believe. A believing man .is better than an idolater, even if you like him. These invite to Hell, while GOD invites to Paradise and forgiveness, as He wills. He clarifies His revelations for the people, that they may take heed.
I hope You will find a man, with you have more common, than this sunni.
I am jalously for your situation, belive me.If only my husband want to divorse, its not easy to go different ways.
Salam!