Peace!

Thank you for the links @good logic , I've read through all of them, I've found them very instructive.

Thank you for your kind words @SarahY.

May God bless and keep your mother close to you @imrankhawaja. Mothers are a priceless gift from God no doubt about that.

I really needed those verses @Abdul-Hadi, thank you xD

May God bless you all!
I'll see you again elsewhere in the forum.
Peace

Peace to you!

Thanks for reading )
I am sorry I did not write it much clearly but the part I mentioned mehdi and Jesus was meant to be sarcastic xD
I meant that I was raised in the Islamic world to do nothing and just wait for them to come someday and magically fix all our problems.
Of course I don't believe in stuff that has no basis in the Quran, especially the mehdi.
As for Jesus is can be argued because he was not killed and every soul has to taste death, but only God knows.

I just registered today, I am pleased to meet you all

I was born in Morocco, my mom gave birth to me while being relatively young when she was 20 years old. I have a very good memory and I witnessed her life since very young, I saw what religious ignorance and blindness can make men do. I'd say she married too young, she didn't get forced to marry but rather was pressured culturally to do so. And the man she married never learned how to treat women nor children, he lived all his life under the illusion he was the head of a happy family until that day arrived. My mother had a friend who's younger sister died before all the other sisters, she completely changed from that day. She saw death can hit anyone, she became very fearful of God, her prayers became longer and she was reading the Quran a lot. That consciousness of God she had completely changed her, she decided to be the master of her own life. She took me and my siblings to Canada to give us a better education in spite of my father's will and some months later she ended up divorcing him.
I see my parents both as victims of a system that did not do justice, even though it calls itself Islamic. I did not reflect on it at that time since I was young, I became aware of it while growing up. God says in the Quran that he does not guide the people that do injustice ( ) and this rule applies to those who have the Quran also because God is just no matter if people believe in him or not. He also promises the believers that he will grant them victory, there is only loss in the Islamic world, and that proofs that what God means by believers in the Quran is not there today.
I became aware of all of that by living in Canada, I grew in a human system that helped me and raised me and helped my mother to lead the life she wants without having to depend on a man. It also allowed us to practice the religion we wanted, my mother was a fervent Sunni Muslim, and she pushed me and my siblings to learn the Quran by heart, we excelled at it, I knew very big chunks of the Quran without understanding any of it really, I just knew it sounded nice. I think in the Islamic world we get praised a lot for brainlessly learning the Quran, as for opinions, don't worry about it, the ulama (scientists) will think for you and give you the answers you are looking for. As for why is the state of the Islamic world so bad, don't worry it's all because of the Jews and God will punish them when Jesus and the Mahdi will come, so just keep praying.
I was of that mindset for a long time, I knew many ahadiths myself, and often tought to myself that people long ago must have been so selfless, we will never become like them, we can just hear about them with guilt in the jumuaa prayer, see how bad we are compared to them and continue our life.
I started to change when I decided for the first time in my life to live by myself, I moved to Japan for one year, and I saw how the world is complex and started to doubt a lot my doctrine, I tried to justify the unjustifiable for far too long and I had to appease my heart, because it was getting more and more difficult. I started to look at debates of Christians and Atheists against Muslims, that's when I realized how the hadith are absurd and impossible to defend. I was still clinging to the Quran, how could a book with so many miracles and so much wisdom be false. I began to look for why we have to follow the hadith in the internet, the best answer I could find was if you don't you are a kafir like these quranist that can't justifie how to pray without sunna. It scared me but I had to find peace so I kept searching about who are the Quranists and I found much better and much logical train of thought in what I saw there. I started to learn more and more, I was convinced that the Quran alone way is the right way but I struggled and still struggle to find 100% satisfying answers to for example zakat and salat. I was jumping from forum to forum and found many nice answers but until now I am not sure to the point where my heart is completely at peace. But questions like these have to be resolved together by us the community of God, when we read the opening chapter (alfatiha) we say "guide us to the straight path" because it's a collective challenge that we have to work at together. Alone we are full of flaws that we can't perceive while we are alone.
Back to my story, after I was convinced I decided to confront the closest person to me, my mother. She did not accept it at first, I made the error of insulting Bukhari instead of getting to the point and she wouldn't see the arguments I was trying to get to her. She was convinced I was speaking with hate and that the devil is controlling me. She accepted some of my points though like that not only Muslims go to paradise but rather anyone who believes in God alone and does good and she also accepted that we are all responsible of ourselves in the last day, every soul for herself ( there is no shafaa of the prophet on his umma or other nonsense like that ). Even though she did not accept all my points, she was an exemplary Muslim, she gave of her money and time like no one did, and no matter how life was hard to her she had blind faith in God. I regret not having being able to change her mind, one day she was out and she never came back, I learned later she died in an accident on the road. But the week following her death I was amazed by the number of people that came to me during the funeral and after, hundreds of them, all saying they met my mother before and she helped them or someone close to them. There is one thing she used to say to me while we were discussing, you are intelligent and very knowledgeable but I cannot listen to you as long as I see you have done nothing. Coming from someone like her I understand what she meant now, it's something that I would like to share with all of you, trying to find the truth and discussing about it is good but we have to act on the Quran, if we don't understand some parts it's alright, but the clear parts that ask to give to close ones, the orphans and the poor ones and to be truthful and honest to not comit injustices are clear as day and we have to act on them while continuing our reflections to find the truth that God has sent us. God has made us a people in the middle to be witness to all of humanity, so we have to act so people can see the truth he guided us to and that's how he will grant us victory like he did for believers before.

Once I start writing I never finish, thanks for reading all of that brainstorm of mine xD
I am looking forward to work with you all to find the truth