In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful
Let me begin by saying that on September 14, 2007 I embraced Islam. Now before I accepted Islam I was a christian off and on. I was extremely a hardcore christian from about ages 18-20. Then when I was married for the first time I became a mormon. I was a mormon off and on for about 5 years and then after getting divorced I began my search for other religions out there. I came across Hare Krishna belief - practiced that shortly, but it didnt last. So off to the next one and the next and the next......And that cycle continued for a while. So next was Islam and that is when I stopped searching. In Islam I find truth, peace, happiness, basically the whole gammit of emotions. I never have felt closer to God than I do now in Islam. But before taking shahadah I was feeling so free to praise Allah and found it quite easy to believe in 1 God and ascribe no partners to Him. Here comes the odd part. After taking the shahadah, my faith went immediately on a downward spiral. I know Allah will test us for out benefit, but I was like how come why now lol. Sometimes I just feel so bound by ritualism rather than by Allah's mercy. I dont like feeling that way.
The following pretty much sums up what I am feeling right at this moment
Any Given Time - by Outlandish
Mmm any given time He'll be there
I don't really have to say no more
Mmm any given time He's right here
Embedded in my living soul - oh for sure
Oh any given time I see
The beauty that has always been
In any given time
I swear by The Lord of the moon split in 2
5 o'clock in the morning, I be calling You
I'm totally lost with out Your light
I'm finding my self on the strive all the time
Not a single day goes by
I'm out to fight the devil but never fought myself
Read a thousand books but never read myself
My souls starving it needs to be fed lord I need your help
Hell with the devil my biggest enemy's myself
It makes me wonder am I doing this for the right reasons
I mean the money the fame and game all sounds appealing
Instead of entertaining I prefer to enlighten
But then again who am I to be in a position
To represent a whole generation of kids and to make them believe
When till this day I still struggle to uphold my deen
I read a 100 God is great in less then a minute
And though my tongue is fast like twista
My hearts not in it
Mmm any given time He'll be there
I don't really have to say no more
Mmm any given time He's right here
Embedded in my living soul - oh for sure
Oh any given time I see
The beauty that has always been
In any given time
By the one in whose hands my soul is there is no match
To think a spider couldn't? weave a curtain just like that (break)
I wouldn't be here without Your light
I'm finding my self on the strive all the time
Not a single day goes by
S? que tengo fervor, devoci?n para dar mi granito de arena
Y mi aspiraci?n mantenerla serena
Yo Tengo buen criterio aunque a veces esta difuso
Yo Tengo mi firmeza de la cual a veces abuso
Yo trato de ser justo, me sobra lealtad
Coraje valent?a, me falta sobriedad
Diferentes situaci?nes,diferentes actitudes
Afectan mi progreso y todas mis virtudes
Sure I have fervour to give my grain of sand
And my aspirations keep them serene
My perception is sound even though it sometimes gets fuzzy
I have my resolution even though I sometimes abuse it
I try to be righteous, I abound in devotion
Courageous irascibility, I lack moderation
Different situations, different attitudes
Hamper my development and all of my virtues
Mmm any given time He'll be there
I don't really have to say no more
Mmm any given time He's right here
Embedded in my living soul - oh for sure
Oh any given time I see
The beauty that has always been
In any given time
Mercy with out boasting
Gifts with out terms
Goodness with out anger
Forgive with out reason
Any given time
I do my best to strive
In Your name I rise
The apple of my eye
Even when I'm not alone
You are closer than the veins in my neck
Even when I'm all alone
Even when I'm in sleep
You are closer than the veins in my neck
Even when I'm in it so deep
Even when I'm all gone
You are closer than the veins in my neck
Even as I'm singin' this song
Even when I'm on a high
You are closer than the veins in my neck
Even when I try to touch the sky
Mmm any given time He'll be there
I don't really have to say no more
Mmm any given time He's right here
Embedded in my living soul - oh for sure
Oh any given time I see
The beauty that has always been
In any given time
When I came to Islam I thought it was a religion of ease and not rituals. I mean dont get me wrong. I love to perform salat and draw close to Allah during that time and at any time throughout the day. But the whole do it at this time and if you forget a prayer than thats bad and then having trouble fasting during ramadan and being told that if I break my fast intentionally that its a serious sin etc etc etc.
UPDATE
I was told today that basically the sunnah of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, explains and gives details to things found in the Quran. Is that the basic consensus when it comes to the sunni branch of Islam? So really now I dont know what to do. I know I will always follow the Quran in what it teaches and tells me to do.....grrrr.....confusion sets in.
Assalamu Alaikum,
Eric