Joie,

I am sorry to hear about your struggles. I have suffered a miscarriage in the past too and I know that it can be a terribly devestating experience. I also have suffered many other tragedies in my life that have caused me to question/doubt/struggle with my faith. I think the hard part is that for me there was really nothing anyone could say that would cause me to be stronger in my faith or not question it. I think it is something that you personally have to come to terms with. One of my favorite Surahs is Inshirah (verily, with difficulty soon comes ease). I guess you just have to believe that Allah truly knows what is best for us. Honestly there are still some things I struggle with, but I have just reached the understanding that although I don't always understand what Allah's plan is, I still try to respect it. I think that it is normal to question the religion, but I think a lot of people are reluctant to admit it. Also it is probably really frustrating when you feel sort of abandoned by the Muslim community, which I can also relate too. I don't know if I'm helping much...but continue to vent and continue to try to talk to people to get it out.

Thank you, cute story. Today I thought of it and all the blessings I was getting while I was fasting and everyone else was eating Chinese food.

Joie,

Such a nice story! Sounds like a great marriage. One of my best friends is in a situation where she and a guy are in love but she is Muslim and her parents are strongly opposed to their union, because he is not. He is Korean and his family is strongly opposed because she is not. Its such a shame because they seem made for each other and are so happy together, but neither wants to go against their parents. Its funny how those things go...her mother was a convert from a Christian family and they were upset when she married her Muslim father, but now 30 years later, the mother is giving the same kind of support (which is none) that her parents gave her, and even told her she felt like a failure as a parent because he daughter considered marrying a non-Muslim.

I am a convert too, I think I would prefer for my children to marry Muslims, but I'd rather them marry a GOOD person of any kind and I certainly wouldn't shun them or not speak to them and although I can't say since I'm not in that situation, I don't think I would feel like a failure. I know many people Muslims, Christians who are married to someone who would be considered the same faith as them, but they still don't worship or practice the same way.

A couple years ago before I was married (my husband and I were high school sweethearts and in a relationship for about 11 years before we were married) another friends mother told me that the reason that I had such a long engagement is because my father wasn't Muslim and a Muslim father would never let his daughter be in a relationship that long without being married. I had to nicely inform her that my Christian father and mother were very supportive of my relationship and they had been married for 35 years and were still very much in love. The irony is that the woman telling me this had been married and divorced twice and my non-Muslim parents had been married to each other for so long. Nothing against divorced people at all, my point is just that all these lables just lead to judgements and misconceptions. The bottom line is that every case is different. I believe that Allah loves good people of all kinds. Maybe that thinking is kind of simplistic, but that's how I feel.

ayani,
i joined the facebook group today. thanks!

aly-sam,

i agree with you about it sometimes being easier to explain myself to non-muslims, and this really upsets me. but this forum has been a blessing.

Salaams Ayani,

Isn't this soooo exciting??? I reallyfeel like I'm getting down to the real 'meat' of the religion if you will. When I think of some of the conversations and situations I have had in the past 10 years since converting its really making me laugh. I was really misguided on a lot of things. Once my friends and I were turned away from a masjid because my friend had her ears showing. (This was the same masjid where during the salat my purse and money was stolen, I guess I should have realized then something was wrong). Once in the middle of prayer at another masjid, a woman yanked my arm during prostration because she said my body was in the wrong formation. I had a friend once who stopped wearing yellow clothes because he found some hadith that said we shouldn't wear clothes the color of saffron. Someone else told me I shouldn't wear my red jacket to the masjid. Some others told me that singing in the shower was haram...I have many more stories that I won't bore you with at this time.

It Seems like as soon as you convert, people bombard you with the things you AREN'T allowed to do, many of them which are plain rediculous. The irony is that the reason I came to Islam is because of what it GIVES me and not what it takes away. I feel and always felt that Islam should make your life more beautiful and not more difficult...

Maybe not religion, but definately the way people perceive it. The scope of what we think we understand as truth is probably just scratching the surface.

Salaams everyone, I appreciate all the welcomes and encouragement! Thank you!

Also, are most Muslims in prison NOI?

I don't know if they have special privileges, but I do know that there are many Muslims in prison that are Sunni and not only NOI. I hear what you are saying about the fasting though, although part of me feels that if they feel they are doing the right thing and trying to please Allah, well more power to them.

Many Muslim criminals in prison still maintain their fasting ritual during ramadhan and avoid the consumption of pork.

This is funny because my friends and I joke about this all the time...many Muslims we know will drink, smoke, do drugs, sleep around, lie, cheat and steal (ok I'm exaggerating for effect but you get the point) but they will NOT eat pork! It's like the last thing they are holding onto, lol. Its almost like Muslims can do anything else, but if someone were to order a ham sandwich its like they've REALLY abandoned the religion. Funny the little rules people make up.

I have recently been reading a lot about what in Islam is 'required' and what is 'prohibited', versus what is allowed but disliked or discouraged. I know that the majority of Sunni's use the hadiths also to make these distinctions, however I still do not understand how the line is drawn in a lot of issues. With Qur'an Only Muslims some things seem to be more clear since we are only using the Quran as the sole source of information from Allah. I guess my question is, aside from when it says in Qur'ah that we are clearly "forbidden" or "required" to do something, how are the distinctions made? If something is mentioned in the Qur'an does that mean that it is required for us to do or just encouraged for us to do?

I'm NOT trying to debate these issues here but as an example some people say that hijab is mandatory, where others say it is not. I have also read that divorce is allowed but 'disliked' by Allah. Or wudu? Is it that wudu is required or encouraged? Or how about the specific way that people make wudu? Is that just a guide or is it obligatory?

I know sometimes things are more confusing when the Sunnah enters the debate, but according to Sunni's, just because the Prophet (saas) did or said something, does that mean it is required or just preferred? Can someone break this down in simple dummy terms for me maybe with a few examples, or at least point me in the right direction of where I can get the answers?! Thanks.

I am a new mom, recently had a baby girl in April, which is part of what led me here. It's really gotten me to thinking how do you teach children about religion? I did not grow up in a Muslim home, my folks were (and still are) very liberal Christians. I was never really taught religion, we were taught to believe in God and I was Baptised when I was a kid (I remember asking my mom about why and she told me it was like car insurance, just in case anything happened...)

I suppose the best way is to lead by example, which of course I will try to do, but the reality is that in the grand scheme of things my daughter will probably spend more time out of the house than home with me and my husband. Where I live there is really a movement that looking like a Muslim determines how religious you are, and especially since I had a daughter, the conversation always seems to end up being about when/if she'll wear hijab! My husband and I are really concerned with making sure that she has the Muslim character and that you can tell she is a believer from her actions and how she treats people. Why does this seem to come secondary when you are raising Muslim girls...well maybr its just the people I'm hanging around, lol.

Anyway I digress, what I am really questioning is for those of you who have children or know children or have spent time with children, how and when do you introduce them to the religion. Most people (sunnis) I know would translate that into teaching them 'things' (how to pray, teaching them surahs etc.) but teaching 'spirituality' is sort of abstract thought for children. Is this making any sense? I hope so...

Hi everyone,

Forgive me if I'm posting on the wrong board, but this one seemed the most appropriate. I have been reading the information on this site and others for about the past year on and off, but I have really gotten into it within the past few weeks. I converted about 10 years ago, and its funny because I thought that my spiritual 'journey' ended there. Well, as a Muslim convert, I was always seeking to learn more about the overall religion, but it never really occurred to me that one day I might be seriously questioning my faith again, like I did when I wasn't Muslim. In my mind I had always been so critical of people (particularly Christians) who followed faith blindly without really exploring the belief systems, and now it seems that over the past years I have fallen into the same trap. So much of what you are saying makes a lot of sense to me, and even though I feel its right, it is so hard to abandon what I have learned. (Amazing how Allah makes you face the things that you are most critical about in other people!) I have always believed in Islam in the spiritual sense and not the ritualistic sense, but it seems like so many Muslims are really into the rituals and less into the spirit of the actual religion.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for...I guess I just want to know if other people have had this experience of wanting to learn more but being a little scared to turn away from what you were previously taught? Thanks. Peace.