Welcome, feel free to ask questions and explore. I would recommend doing searches for topics before asking any questions just so people are not repeating themselves etc.

I would recommend contacting them ahead of time since not all mosques are open all the time, some may only have people there on Fridays for example. I would just also add to be respectful, take off your shoes where necessary for example.

Welcome to the forum sister. I too live in the PNW.

I second what Newform says about Quran Speaks. I love this series!!! Br Shabir is excellent at answering questions and discussing topics in ways that are reasonable and logical. He is great.

Very interesting Mazhar, thanks.

Welcome and Peace

Thanks everyone for all your replies and insight.

A couple posters have mentioned eating organic and the like as they feel like it fits the spirit of what Allah wants. I read a blog article making a similar argument, I thought I would share it

http//www.hijabman.com/journal/halal-zabihah-organic-eat-local/

As for what exactly 'halal' means and never being able to be 100% sure about the meat I've basically given up on the idea of eating meat at all. It kind of depresses me but I want to do my best so that's the direction I have moved. I still plan on eating all seafood, eggs, and diary. So far I have stopped eating cow for the most part. I also try to eat organic and cruelty free when I can.

Thanks for sharing, will have to check it out...

Ok this is strictly my opinion, but the way I see it is that if you choose not to disclose your religion on facebook that's just you being private about one aspect of your life. So I hardly see it as sinful. I think you should do what you feel is right in your heart, unless someone can specifically give a quranic response regarding this issue.

Most ayas are addressed universally, to males and females, those who are addressed to men is because they need it more, they have more things to watch for in their behaviour. Like the mentruation thing, it is women who mentruate, so it is men who can bother women not the other way around, so they are told to not make intimations to women when that can bother them. It does not say that women should not make them. They are better judges of how they feel themselves. Is like the the 24.31 it is women who are told not to show off their adornments or beauty because it is them that are more prone to abuse physical appearance in social mores, precisely because of their usually subservient conditioning in society. Men arwe not told not to show off their beauty, rather not to show off their force.

As to consent, marriage is sex, consent to marriage is consent to sex, and must there must be consent to marriage and there must be consent to sex, because they are the same thing, and if there is the need for consent the first time it is engaged, why should not there be afterwaords, and precisely the aya of the tilth, where it says to send good works before approaching the woman, do you think that using force or using manipulation or using any other form of compulsion is to send good works?

Salaam

This makes a lot of sense. Would it be safe to say though from a strictly Quranic perspective that there is no such thing as rape within marriage?

Why do you make two different issues of male consent and female consent?

I guess I was looking at it this way because from my understanding it seems like the Quran is more andro centric. It seems like there are more verses addressing men than women which I think I can understand given the context of the time period that the quran was revealed. Also seems like when concerning this issue men are the active ones while women are passive, they are the ones being acted upon. A couple examples would be the verse saying women are a tilth or the one regarding menstration. They're directed to men about women.

Just some thoughts. I understand a majority of people get the whole consent thing. I'm just trying to develope an argument using the quran against those who say there is no rape in marriage which is something I disagree with completely.

Salaam again,
I wanted to quickly thank all of you who responded thus far (will so a long response when logged on to my computer...). This question came about because I started reading Sexual Ethics and Islam by Kecia Ali and was wanting some more insight. Havin finished the book I didn't get this question answered (from the book) and got the feeling that female consent is not something I will find in the Quran either. This is disappointing to me ( will elaborate further later...

These may be some useful links for those wanting to learn more about Islam and Anarchy

9th Century Islamic Anarchists
http//www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/651252?uid=3739960&uid=2&uid=4&uid=3739256&sid=21101942726227

Muslim Anarchist Charter
http//www.steampunkshariah.info/manarchist.htm

This sounds very promising. I hope that you will be able to get things squared away with it.

Thank you rajingaijin for sharing your contract. I really like all the ayahs used in it. Very beautifully done.

Recently I have been reading a lot of the work of Jeffrey Lang and he addresses these issues, such as why bad things happen and why did Allah bother create us humans if we are so 'terrible'. I HIGHLY recommend his work. Even Angels Ask, Struggling to Surrender, Losing My Religion (MUST READ IMO).

As promised previously, this is a copy of the current contract I have, based off one found on hijabman's website. I added things to suit my needs at the time, but alas things didn't work out but I am still happy with the contract I have for the next time inshallah. Am open to suggestions on improvement. I was originally going to marry a nice Sunni man from Cairo but he HATED this contract. Not sure why....

Preamble
?And among His wonders is this He creates for you mates out of your own kind. so that you might in- cline towards them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you in this, behold, there are messages indeed for people who think!? - Qur?an 3021, Muhammad Asad?s Translation

We, ___________________ and _______________, agree to take each other as marriage partners on the understanding that this contract shall regulate our relationship.
Having both descended from the first single human created by God, we acknowledge the basic equality of all people, and especially of each other insofar as our respective rights and responsibilities in our marriage are concerned.

Marriage, we believe, involves the joining of two individuals with the purpose of forming a partnership that will combine their individual strengths, abilities, talents and skills in such a way that the result is greater than the sum of their individual characteristics.

This partnership should be based on the notion of interdependence ? a mutually beneficial state where each person retains her/his own individuality and personhood, yet where the partnership and relation- ship are accorded great significance. It is this principle that underlies this marriage contract.

While, from an Islamic perspective, it is clear that marriage is a contract or agreement between two people, it is distinguished in that it is a contract based on love. We pray that our marriage will be blessed by the Love and Mercy of God, and we commit ourselves to constantly striving to ensure that love and caring are as the main pillars of our relationship.

Together with love and caring, we commit ourselves to striving for a marriage characterized by mutual respect, appreciation, support, co-operation and loyalty between the spouses. These, we believe, will be essential for the success of our marriage and we commit ourselves to upholding these values as determining factors in our dealings with each other, as advised by the Qur?an and the example of the Prophet Muhammad (s).

Furthermore, we commit ourselves to a spirit of openness, trust, strong communication and mutual consultation in our relationship. We will discuss key decisions fully, taking into consideration, among others, the personal, social and economic consequences thereof.

We agree to identify mutually agreed-upon spiritual, career and psychological goals and priorities and strive towards achieving these.

Our daily interactions with each other will be guided by the spirit of fairness, dignity and justice promoted in the Qur?an and known to us in the example of all the Messengers of God (on whom we wish peace).
We will
strive to ensure that our interactions with each other are in a spirit of Love, compassion and generosity
Mutual respect and courtesy
Openness and honesty
Communicating freely and fully at all times
With a willingness to learn from each other and from others
Generously acknowledging each other?s love, support and achievements
Having the humility and the courage to admit our mistakes and learn from them.

We understand marriage as a relationship that should be free from abuse, either of an emotional, physical, verbal, or financial nature. We therefore undertake to refrain totally from abusive behavior and speech toward each other and to create an environment within which all members of our family will feel safe.

We agree that decisions will be made following a process of mutual consultation (shura) and agreement by the parties. All key decisions will be discussed fully, taking into consideration, amongst others, the social, economic and academic consequences thereof.

We agree to identify and strive proactively and fully towards achieving mutually-agreed-upon spiritual, financial, career and psychological goals and priorities, both in our individual and joint capacities.

We commit ourselves to relationship building and developing a strong and faithful marriage.

We commit ourselves to leading a healthy lifestyle regarding diet, exercise and stress reduction, and are willing to obtain medical advice and feedback from time to time as a means of ensuring and sustaining our health.

Mahr
_______________ gives and _____________ accepts a mahr of __________ amounting to $**********

Education
We will both endeavor to educate ourselves as much as is possible ? both in terms of education related to our careers and in terms of Islamic education. Neither spouse will have the right to prevent the other from furthering her / his education; nor will either spouse place impediments in the path of the other if the latter seeks to further her / his education.

Religious Foundation
We commit ourselves to a life of ongoing learning and growing in understanding ? of ourselves, each other, all those we interact with, all of creation, our Creator, and our religion, Islam.
We commit ourselves to creating a home environment which respects and fosters the spirit and message of Islam as upheld in the Qur?an and as demonstrated by Prophet Muhammad (on whom be peace) in his living.

Marriage Rights & Responsibilities
Financial rights and obligations
Both of us have the right to seek and secure employment, to derive income from business or other in- vestments, to save and invest our savings, and to develop our respective careers.
GROOM to the best of your ability, shall bare the financial responsibilities of the household in such a manner that we are able to have a comfortable home.

In the event the BRIDE is not employed the GROOM shall provide your BRIDE with an allowance equaling __% of your income each month that she shall be able to freely spend on her own.
We commit ourselves to discussing from time to time, as required by our circumstances, a joint budget and financial plan that will be beneficial to our marriage, in the short and long terms.
We may retain individual bank accounts and have the right to manage and dispose of our individual finances and assets as we deem fit.

Domestic Responsibilities
We agree to share domestic responsibilities. It will not be the sole duty of either spouse to maintain an attractive domestic environment or to provide meals and, in general, to maintain the household.

Social relations
We shall strive to the best of our ability, at all times, to lead a full life ? one that takes cognizance of the rights of others ? interacting with and contributing to the well-being of the various communities we are part of and to society at large.

We will respect the friendships and kinships that the spouse has had prior to entering into the marriage and not force the other spouse in severing these ties.

Respect
Respect is an essential ingredient of any marriage. We will at all times endeavor to respect each other?s humanity, intelligence and our family. We will thus give due and serious consideration to the words and actions of each other and other members of our family. Neither of us will have any right to financially, physically, mentally or psychologically abuse the other, no matter what justification or rationalization could be given for such action.

We both commit ourselves to providing a home environment where each of us is able to maintain her / his privacy and personal space from time to time. We commit ourselves to building a respectful family environment where no disrespect is shown by any family member to another.

Sexual relations
Sexual relations will be consensual at all times and will, like all other relations in the marriage, be based on mutual trust and respect. We agree that we will both be tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) before our wedding.
We agree to the use of birth control for health and family planning reasons.

Polygyny
We both agree that the GROOM may have ONE additional wife.

Family obligations
We understand that, as a result of our marriage, we will both have new family structures to relate to. We commit ourselves to interacting with our respective spouse?s family with respect and kindness at all times.

Any decision regarding our living with any member or members of either family or their living with us will require the explicit consent of both of us. In making such decisions, due regard shall be given to the joint and separate responsibilities that we have.

Children
We agree to have children as circumstance allows and will discuss together appropriate timing of having children.

We acknowledge that one spouse may take primary responsibility for acting as a child caregiver during the marriage, while the other spouse may assume the burden of support. Any such division of roles will be mutually-agreed to and neither partner will be treated as contributing any less to the family because of that spouse?s particular role. Both parents will play an active role in our children?s upbringing. We undertake to raise our children in a healthy family environment, with Islam being the family religion and education of the children in Islam being a joint responsibility of both of us. We also strive to share our respective cultures with our children and allow the children to participate in them.

At the same time, we commit ourselves to the principle of religious understanding and undertake personally that we will respect, and teach our children to respect, other religious views and philosophies, both within Islam and without.

Right of Travel
We both agree to let each other freely travel as long as notice is given to the other spouse, this includes leaving the country of our current residence. We also agree to allow all pertinent travel documents to remain in our own personal separate possession. Including but not limited to Passports, Licenses, IDs etc.

Divorce & Related Matters
Dispute resolution procedures and the initiation of divorce proceedings
A dispute will be deemed to have resulted during the marriage if either of us declares it to be so. In the event of such a dispute arising we will first use our ability to listen, communicate and learn to find an internal solution.

Both of us agree to allow the other to express any criticism or concern freely (provided it is done respect- fully). We undertake not to be dismissive of the other?s concerns without first being self-critical and assessing the criticism or concern from the other?s point of view.

If we realize we are at fault in any way (and we may both be partially at fault), we undertake to acknowledge our faults honestly and fully and if either of us has learnt something beneficial from the other?s concerns we undertake to express our gratitude to the other for helping us see something about ourselves we might not otherwise have done.

If we are unable to resolve a dispute after reflecting, deeply engaging with each other, praying and asking our Creator for assistance, we will appoint a mutually acceptable facilitator or facilitators to mediate and possibly arbitrate (if mediation fails) in the dispute. Relationship-building and counseling may form part of this process.

If the dispute is of a nature that could lead to the termination of the marriage and counseling has not helped to resolve the dispute, before either of us decides to initiate divorce proceedings, we will make a final effort to save our marriage by undergoing a trial separation for a period of four months.

We will follow this procedure in respect of each such dispute. If, however, after this time (in respect of any such dispute) the marriage relationship still cannot be healed, then either of us may initiate divorce proceedings through a legal forum ? which is the only forum that may validly terminate the marriage.

We pray that our marriage will not reach a stage where either of us will consider divorce as an option. Notwithstanding any contrary understanding of any law, we agree that both of us will have an equal right to initiate divorce proceedings and that these will be governed in accordance with the terms stipulated in this contract.

GROOM agrees to use the Islamic jurisprudential mechanism of talaq al-tafwid to delegate the right of ta- laq to BRIDE so that both of us will possess that right. Whichever of us initiates such proceedings, a procedure of three repudiations will require to be followed as described in the Qur?an in Surah Baqarah verses 228-232.

In addition, BRIDE will be able to exercise her right to khula? by which she will be able to initiate a divorce subject to and by the return of the mahr to GROOM.

We will both be able to exercise our right to apply for a faskh, or annulment to a judicial authority. Among other circumstances, a faskh could be used in cases which involve
? any physical (threatened or actual) abuse,
? severe or ongoing verbal or emotional abuse, or
? infidelity
Such a divorce could be granted unopposed and no trial separation will be necessary.

In all of the three processes above (talaq, khula? and faskh), a divorce will only be deemed to have been effected once presided over and allowed by a judicial authority.

Custody of minor children
The custody of minor children that might result from this marriage shall be determined according to the children?s best interests. Any children aged 12 years and older have the right for themselves to decide in whose custody they shall belong. Should the custody of children be contested, the matter shall be referred for dispute resolution as set out in this contract. If agreement is reached, this will be incorporated into an agreement which will be attached to the application for divorce.

Irrespective of who gets custody, there shall be no denial of reasonable visitation rights to the parent that is not granted custody.

If the marriage ends in divorce and a child or children have resulted from the marriage, both parents will be responsible for the financial maintenance of the child or children in proportion to their respective in- comes at the time, taking into account the effect of the dissolution of marriage on the working lives of both parents.

Conclusion
No changes or variations made to this contract shall be valid unless reduced to writing, signed by both parties and appended to this agreement.
We undertake to inspire each other to achieve the best that we are capable of.
May God grant us the wisdom, honesty, commitment and strength to make this marriage a successful one. And May He bless us with His Love and Mercy.
Signed on this, the ____ day of ____ 2012 in _________________.
__________________ BRIDE
__________________ GROOM
Witnesses

That is interesting to read. I've been to this website before but I don't believe I've read that particular page.

Okay here is my update... I told them I did not want it and they said the automatically donate the left over hams so it all worked out. Thanks everyone for your input.