I used to pray when I first converted, but now I never do (the way muslims do), and it is because when I put on the hijab, I feel unsettled and filthy. It is difficult to concentrate on worshipping God when you feel this way. The whole issue of hijab to me seems illogical and unfair, both qualitites that do not belong to the God I believe in.

If you say it is to protect women from men who are not her husband, and I am praying with my husband, then why put it?

Then the argument comes about the djinn...okay, but then if the djinn are with us, would not the woman keep the hijab at all times even when she is alone at home, just in case some nasty horny djinn is peeping?

And finally, if it is an issue of respect and submission to God, which I would totally do if I believed it was, then why not also the men? Are men not also to show humility and submission?

I've raised the same questions this thread explores, for the past ten years, without ever knowing there was a group like this. I've wanted to pray, but have insisted on praying my own way, without hijab. And I do, quite often. Yet, I was missing the peace and stillness that I used to feel while praying a bit more ritualistically (in between adjusting the scarf on my head).

Now that it is Ramadan and I am more focused on my spirituality, I'm driven to pray again, and I guess, like some others have said, have been conditioned enough to be afraid my prayers won't be accepted - even though that's the silliest thing I've ever heard when I think about it logically. The biggest worry I have is that my rejection of the hijab is really just me being prideful - that I am resisting submitting the way God has asked me to. Yet, I've searched and searched, and it's just not there. If I could read where it said it was necessary, I would do it. But as it stands, it sounds to me like it's a manmade rule - and more importantly, something people focus on instead of the main purpose of prayer, which is to worship.

I just think that God knows what is in my heart. And if my heart is calm with my hair pulled back in a ponytail so I can focus on God, He'd rather that than if my heart was in a jumble of confusion and doubt with my head all covered up.

But man, it sure is a steep hill to climb when all the muslim women you know disagree with you.

Anyway, that's my ramble...I just had to reply because this is the topic I was searching for that brought me to this sight to begin with. It seems like such a petty topic in the grand scheme of Islam, but so much importance is placed on it, that it has caused me great stress.

Salams
Danielle

I spend a decent amount of time reading, but post very seldom, because I don't feel I know enough to contribute much. I do not read Arabic and tend to get overwhelmed by the quotes and translations.

I do know that I believe in Allah and the Qu'ran and am suspect of all the traditions and rituals that stem from Hadith and arab culture. I've known this since I converted 10 years ago, but up until the past year or so, I've been trying to make sense of being a Sunni WITH all those extra trappings. Only since I've found this movement online have I been able to say out loud that I don't buy any of that and I won't participate in it any more.

This Eid, I refused to go to the community prayer with my husband, stating that I wouldn't sit and listen to a khutba that relied on a tiny passage from the Qu'ran and 40 Hadith to make a point I disagree with...that I couldn't in good conscious pretend to agree with the people I prayed with, stuffed behind a curtain, all covered up and boiling inside. And I absolutely wasn't going to show my little girls that it is okay to squash down what you know is true in order to fit in to a community. I said I'd pray alone.

He agrees that we should follow only the Qu'ran, but he has been raised Sunni, and his habits seem hard to break. I had to keep saying, "Is that in the Qu'ran? Show me."

The trouble is that I don't know my way around the Qu'ran as well as I should. And then I read things on here that say things like since it is a translation, it isn't the real Qu'ran anyway, and I get very overwhelmed. I don't know where to start. I'm feeling a bit like a terrible Muslim, because I should know a lot more by now.

On top of that, he is really on me to start teaching the girls to pray and teach them "our religion." Any ideas on where I should start? For myself and for my little ones?

Danielle

yay

I'm not going to waste any time lurking here! I've waiting ten years to find a place where people believe the things I do and I'm jumping right in!

I was raised Catholic and began to convert to Islam in college, when I was doing a research project in Arabic literature. Collecting background knowledge about the Prophet's wives led me to learn more an more about Islam and when I met my husband, who is Egyptian, he helped me realize I was already a believer without realizing it.

However, like many others here, all muslims I met shoved traditions at me that made no sense. When I had my daughter slaughter one lamb; if you'd had a son it'd be two. When I got my dogs the angels won't come in your house. At my wedding even, I was browbeaten for not wearing hijab. I'm basically not welcome at my town's masjid, because I'm constantly saying, "Where does it say that in the Quran?" and "Explain to me why I should follow the words of men, when the Quran says all things fard are very clearly stated?"

My husband and I have had many discussions over the years, many of which end with me saying, "that just doesn't make sense. It doesn't match the spirit of the Quran." and him often shrugging his shoulders because 'that's what he knows since he was a child."

I've actually considered going for a Ph.D. in religion just so I can get some serious time to study and find validation for what I've known to be true since I converted Quran is enough. Adding all of those other things into it makes Islam no different than the religion I rejected for the same reasons I rejected it! Even Jesus (pbuh) came to bring back the spirit of the law, not the letter of the law. And instead of following the Quran's directives to think for ourselves and question and meditate, muslims would rather observe 1000 ridiculous laws that contradict the spirit of the religion.

I feel such a sense of relief to have found this place. I don't know any of you, and yet I know you well -- the sense of frustration that your fellow 'believers' are missing the point, the feeling of being an outcast because your gut tells you what they are feeding you just doesn't jive with what God has put in your heart. I hope now I can stop feeling so alone, and with the support of a community like this, stop second guessing myself and find the courage to keep speaking up.

I can't wait to get to know you all!
Kakuta