Brothers and sisters. I know I cannot take my life. So I'm only left to feel humiliated for the rest of the time. I'm nearly 15 now, do you think will my face change till I turn in my 20s, so People would stop recognizing me or I could just say that it's not me?

It's just that I never planned my fate turn into this one. My father is just dead morally. He says that is the worst thing that he could have imagined. Because even after I'll die it will affect life's of my family and relatives. That I dishonored them like no one ever did in their entire family history.

I can see adult men smiling at perversely when I'm out. This is sickening. I feel so sick even having a perfectly healthy body. I don't even know if I will ever develop into a Mentally Strong and healthy male.
What kind of legacy did my soul leave on this earth?

My mother keeps telling me a story that once she had me, that the she was in a truck and the truck fell out off the cliff. And a splinter went right through her hand bag that she was holding in her hands. And luckily(or unluckily in my case maybe) in the hand bag was there a golden watch that my uncle gave my mother as a gift. Due to this watch the splinter stop, if it wasn't for the watch the splinter would have penetrated the womb.

And there were many different instances that I should have been never born but due to some lucky accidents I did get born.

What to do with my life? Should I save money for a plastic surgery and get a new face? Is it even possible?

Peace

Peace to everyone,

Please do not think that I masturbated in a public Bathroom.

I live in a The academy's boarding school, where I share a room with 3 boys. We have our own bathroom/shower room our room.

And apparently they had put a camera in the bathroom/shower room. I couldn't do it in the room because I'm not alone in the room all the time. And that's why I've do it there, because I believed it to be the most privet place I can be in. Of course I never want it for anyone to see it, because it's my body.

If we had cameras in our homes bathrooms/shower rooms what would have the our world turned?
Someone still keeps putting the video on different p*rn websites. One of them have already over ca. 9 million views. And the websites servers are located outside of my country's legal authority. So they can't take them off instantly. And everything keeps getting worse and worse.

My family are Kurds. And in our country we have a pretty big Kurdish diaspora. We have things like honor kills in our culture. I know a girl who was killed for having sexual relations with a Christian boy before marriage. She got killed because she dishonored her family and the whole community.

My brother told me that people from our Kurdish diaspora want to kill me. Because I dishonored the whole community. I know that I need to move away. I can't live my normal life anymore. But Where do I go? I'm really scared.What to do ? I want to get over this nightmare. But the people around don't allow me to do it.

I was in masjid yesterday. The Muslim people were looking at very aggressively and judgingly. I don't feel safe. My friends ignore me, except for one friend. When I try to talk to little children, Their moms take away their children from me looking at me with disgust as if I'm some sort of a pervert or a pedophile.

I was sitting in the train with my little brother and there were sitting two boys in front of us. They were smirking all the train ride. And when they were getting off, one of them told my brother that "your bro is a porn star".

My friend is from Lebanon is keep saying a Arabic word that I did not undeestand. And when I asked him, he said that he asks the God to take my soul away, as soon as possible for my own sake.

I'm afraid for my security. There is a big hostility towards me from the people of my country. What to do?
I have no one to ask for an objective opinion.

Peace to everyone

Peace to you Man of faith
I understand you are on a vacation so answer when You can.

So if earth is just an illusion and play for a temporary time than where do we end up when we become Maleiket?

If earth is an evil Prison Illusion. Than where is or What is the "Real" world? And is it only for eternal enjoyment? Would that sound boring? As to just enjoy and...that's it?

What would be the fun of it? In a sense of "Challenge" ?

And what is the most True translation of the Quran? Basically the one that just states what it said in the text itself and not cleric and sectant interpretation of it?

Peace to everyone

Alhamdulillah

All praise to the one , to Allah.

Brothers, this will be a long post. So I ask for your patience.

I asked my friend to write to you Brothers, in proper English, so that the language wouldn't limit my words and of course because you deserve the best treatment.

My brother showed me a video of a boy in Syria, getting interviewed by a Western Tv Channel right after bombarded. He looked around 10, he was saying that he was unconscious and that he woke up next to his grandmother or what was left of her ( May God forgive her and accept her ), he than said that all of his family and most of his relatives died. Yet, he did not even shed a tear on camera. He looked so strong. He just kept asking why? Why they do this to us? Why can't they love us alone? He also said that his brothers were praying to Allah when this happened.

When I saw it I felt so ashamed of myself for even thinking about killing myself. I apologize in front of you all for spreading negativity in this forum.
I don't know but when I was sitting and analyzing my life. I found a pattern so to say. I remember that since I was a kid I never found joy in things my peers enjoyed. I would never accept money when my relatives came in to our house. I always disliked when someone buyers me presents, sometimes even angry for why they did spend money on things that I can live without. Once I remember our relatives from US visited us and we're showing us videos from Them their hometown. While watching them I felt so sad. I went into my room and cried for them. I just felt really sad for them, I can't remember now as to why? What was the reason?

But one pattern I'm sure of. That whenever I saw someone do something Illogical/Useless or Sinfull as religious people might say. Got me into big troubles. Even though people around me do them all the time. It is as if when I try to do something to feel as other act Angry/Arrogant/Unlogical/Young/Using emotion rather reason, I got a big punch from the Universe as to not do it again.

I remember when I was a kid I constantly got bullied and I never gave aggression back. Always avoided conflicts wanted to be friends with everyone. However once I decided to imitate my other classmates and I punched my bully back however he fell into a bookshelf which had glass doors. And by trying to copy others my Mom ended up paying 50 Turkish Liras. Which was a lot of money at that point of our life's because we were illegal immigrants running from a Military Conflict in my native country.
And there are q lot of examples of this phenomenon in my life.

I only felt an attachment to this world when I started playing Football. And now it looks like as if maybe God/Allah/TheOne is telling me something.

I understand that I will die one day. However was I someone even before being brought up into this world? Where were we? Why are we here? In a place that is cruel and evil in its core? Scientists say that even the oxygen which we need to survive is playing in a role in our aging process. One of our body's life force is killing us? Is this world some sort of a punishment?

In the book of Revelations it says that number of beast is the number of man, and that its 666.
As I know the Hydrogen atom consists of 6 Protons x 6 Electrons x 6 Neutrons. And it is one of the biggest life blocks of this existence we call the world. So the work around us and we ourselves are the Beasts? Are we the Devils ? Are we already in Hell? Because I know that no human being would agree that this place is Heaven. Can we make it a Heaven? Or something close to it? Are we selfish by just waiting and hoping to go to Heaven? Why don't we try to bring heaven on earth?
Didn't God say that he put Adam as his Representatives?

Because as I understand when God says that all the things prostates to him, it means that everything around us is working by laws of God. Laws of Physics, Chemistry, Bilogy, Never would a vertically falling rock stop in mid air and say " Oh, I don't really want to Obey the creator today, so let me fly to the left instea". Because as I understand it always obeys the Creator and his laws. As God created everything, Logically we too have laws that we must obey and submit too right? And by doing that doesn't God tells us that He will give the submitters to his law, growth and security? So the world is like a playground for us for us to manifest gods will? All this would make sense if it wasn't for a thing called Death. Because of this phenomenon, I cannot decipher the reality In living in.

And brothers as I don't know Arabic I tried to read the Quran in different translations but as one can see already there are so many interpretations of this One Same book, that sometimes it sounds like a whole different book to read. And the hell Heaven interpretations I'm getting today just don't make sense to me. I'm sorry. Of course God knows the Best. However he gave me a Mind right? Doesn't an ayat Say that one shouldn't believe something without comprehending it first? I cannot find the exact ayat, Let Allah forgive me if I say something that is not true.

Let's even say that the official lore is true, what if My mother will end up in Heaven and I will end up in Hell, would my Mother be at peace in Heaven?

Is there concrete answers? Why are there so many uncertenties/interpretations around One book? Which says that it is written so that it easily understandble?

Hope you are all well

I'm eager to know more about the Reality/The Truth

Peace to you brothers,
My English is not so good so I say sorry before I try to speak

Something happened to me that I would never wish for any human.

I'm 15 years old boy from Europe. And I go to a Football Academy, where I get education and train with a football team, but I also live there. Only sometimes I go to my family, like once in 3-4 months. It was my dream since my early childhood to be a football player. And I was always thankful to God for letting me know what do I want to do in my life from an early age. I'm from a respectful family and honor means a lot for my family and for me. I always tried to be nice to everyone regardless of race or religion in my entire life. Becuz I always believed that God is one, and he does not need a religion.

However something so crazy happened that Made my life hell. I'm really embarrassed to even speak about this to you.
most of my friends have sex but because I know that it is a big sin I sometimes masturbate to not think about sexual things. And 2 months ago I was masturbating in the bathroom.and apparently someone recorded it. I have no idea how, because I chose to masturbate in the bathroom because I knew that is the place of privacy. Maybe there secret camera Idk. But someone recorded it and posted on Facebook. I could understand that soothing was wrong the next day because everyone was looking at me and someone was smiling and someone was laughing when they see me.

I did not understand first when this was happening. I understood when I saw it on Facebook. When I understood the hole situation, my whole world breaker apart. I immediately thought about my family and my future in general. I never felt so much pain that feel right now. The police found the guys who recorded it but they only got 3 months of social work as punishment. However my whole life is broken now. The police deleted the video from Facebook. However it's like a virus someone still uploads it.
On other websites and then posts the link on Facebook

. Even when I walk the streets people recognize me. I feel so betrayed. I do t think it is me who is bad for masturabting, I think it is the adult people I see on the streets that laugh and point finger at me as if I don't understand what they are gossiping about. It is them who are pedophilic for watching this. Why do people say and think that I'm bad and deserve to die and gay ?
But the worst things is that my family knows about this and I just want to die. It is feels like the video has gone viral because a lot of people react weirdly when see me.

I know that my dream of becoming a pro football player is out of question because in my case I will need to live a life of a low profile. But it is so hard to, because it is my passion. Those guys took my honor and my passion. Why do I must be alive ? Why do J must my family feel ashamed about me?

Will God forgive me if I end this life?

Is it God punched me because I did not pray Namaz?
Thank you in advance

I hope you don't think I'm a bad person