InterFaith Marriage. Would You Do It? Have you done It?
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Salaam everyone, I'm new here! I found the free minds website over a year ago and only came across it as I was searching the internet for information that would help me regarding my situation. It opened my eyes to so much. I am a muslim, brought up as a sunni. I have always loved islam, and found great comfort in the quran. My mother and father both fell in love at 16 and 18, he was a muslim and she wasn't. We were brought up as muslims and my mum did her best to help in that upbringing also. My mother converted over 10 years ago, and my father past away 4 years ago.
The problem i'm facing at the moment is that I have met someone who I intend on marrying he is not a muslim. As you can understand my brother and sisters are not happy about it. My mother isn't happy either as she worries about the upbringing of the children and the struggle I face with my own faith but she will support me no matter what i choose to do. I love my partner and his beliefs are similar to mine, he believes in one god and wants to help bring our possible futures children up as muslims also and he supports me more than I could of imagined.
When I read the quran and I have 3 times now I believe what I intend to do is not going against god, that he knows what is in my heart and god willing he will make the path easy for us. My family follow the hadeeths which I don't believe I can, as they were written after the death of prophet mohammad, and as it says in the quran over again, gods words never run out. He wouldn't have missed anything out, it is a guide directly from god, a way of life for all of mankind is it not?
I have read some of your messages and one that stuck in my mind was stephanie's, salaam, did you and your partner have a nikah? Me and my partner intend to get married next july. I would love to have an islamic wedding, did you and your husband? We intend to have a civil ceremony in Italy next year. I was thinking about going to a few mosques to speak to some imaam's before hand to ask their advice about possibly doing the nikah for us. I have doubts that they will but I would still like to try. I believe that god is enough of a witness for us, and he has always helped me whenever I have asked.
I hope some of you will reply, I need a few words of encouragement. Its hard when you know in your heart it is the right thing but everyone around you tells you its not because he is not a muslim.
Help me!
Thank you.
Salaam. x -
Salam,
There are many cases in southern Philippines where Muslim male married Christian female. Other Muslim female married Christian males. I know many here in Zamboanga City.
I have a cousin who married and live for many years with his christian wife and his wife converted to Islam after her retirement already.
God Bless.
hati
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Peace.
Yes, I'd marry a Christian or a Jew as long as they strictly believed in one God. But I think I might prefer someone who understands the Quran and implements it, however if they were sunni I'd have to think about it more carefully.
I hope some of you will reply, I need a few words of encouragement. Its hard when you know in your heart it is the right thing but everyone around you tells you its not because he is not a muslim.
Salaam niqbal, welcome to the forum! welcome
I hear ya on the tough situation. I say listen to your heart and always seek guidance from Allah. Your bro/sisters will have their own opinions, but remember, it's your life. Don't let anyone convince you that something is a sin, when Allah hasn't forbidden it. Good luck getting a nikah done by an imam, I wish you lots of luck. I hope it all goes well for you!
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niqbal, a marriage is cogent upon love, chemistry and pledge to bond; nothing esle should come inbetween. If you don't have an exit zone, then either wise up or firm up. And ah yes, never believe in fairy tales to justify reality.
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InterFaith Marriage. Would You Do It? Have you done It?
nope
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peace,
I think my experience there is a good lesson. Few years ago, I was engaged to be married to someone who was a 'muslim' at the time of the engagement, and turned out to be a betrayer (cheated and fornicated).
I must say I have no faith in women after my past experience.
7 1/2 months ago I married someone who was a mormon-christian; though a little confused. .But I knew she valued the truth, and logic when it came to 'religion'. I constantly reminded her of the signs in al-quran, though being expected for it to fall on deaf ears. And turned out she couldn't ignore the signs anymore and decided that mormonism isn't the way for her due to its logical fallacies (thank you southpark). As of now, she's very much a 'muslim'.
Lesson here is
Even if you marry someone who shares the same faith there's no guarantee they won't change their mind. Now I do believe I am the exception here rather than rule . The most important thing is that you find someone who's compatible with you, who believes in truth above all else, and who shares the same morals/ideals.
Good luck to all of you, I've certainly been blessed.
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Peace
I base it on what the Quran tells me to do.
DArgento, thank God she changed.
For me, I wouldnt marry until that person did accept God as God with no partners. I would stay friends with the women and if she changed only then I would marry her. If she didnt ascribe to any religion but believed in something higher, I would marry that person first than a Christian, since the Christian truely believes in more than just God.
Peace
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I've been lurking for months, and thought I would speak up on this one
As the Christian half of an interfaith marriage, Whatever my beliefs, I work to ensure that they don't interfere with my spouse's. I've agreed to rasing any children we have in Islam. There's no pork in the house. Before he moved in with me, I made sure to check and mark the Qibla for his prayers. This morning, when the clock went off, I woke up, set out his prayer rug, and started the coffee pot while he showered. While he prayed (Fajr), I showered. Then we had a nice cup of coffee and watched the news and talked about the things we needed to do today.
He goes to work later than I do, so I kissed him and headed off to the office.
This evening, I'll get home a couple of hours before he will. I'll vacuum and tidy up and cook dinner. He'll come home, make wuduu and pray (Maghrib) while I cook. Then we'll eat, he'll do the dishes, maybe watch some TV, talk to each other for a bit before Isha. During Isha, I'll usually take my night time shower, and turn down the bed. After that we talk some more. Maybe poke around for funny videos on youtube, muck with our budget, maybe he'll make a shisha, maybe he won't. We get tired, make sure the cat's fed and go to bed.
On Sundays, after Fajr, we'll have a nice breakfast, I'll take my time about getting showered and dressed, and I'll go to Church. He doesn't come with me, as much as I give him the time he takes to pray each day to be with God alone, I get the same courtesy about the time I take to go to Mass. When I come home, we'll have time for a quick lunch before he goes to work.
I defend his faith vehemently (one of the reasons I lurk here, I have to know what I'm defending) and his right to practice it freely.
Now I'm not saying all of this to show off or say "lookit what a good Christian spouse to a Muslim I am." What I am saying is that it takes work and courtesy from BOTH of us make it work. Love and mercy between us is mandated not only in the Bible but also in the Qu'ran. Respect, kindness, you know, all those things we so easily forget sometimes, but which are, I am finding, the ties that bind my faith to his. We talk about religion a lot, actually. And on the table there is a copy of the Bible (NIV) and the Qu'ran (Yusuf Ali's translation). We'll compare notes, read, share, discuss..and never argue. Where we disagree, we can only really agree to disagree, and remember to always be patient with the other and listen more than we talk.
Do we fight? You bet we do. But neither of us are much in the way of yelling and screaming. We will talk in circles around each other when we argue, since we get frustrated and forget to listen. Eventually though, one of us (usually him) remembers their common sense and helps to put our train back on its tracks. Our being so acutely aware of the huge differences between usur cultures and religions, makes us better able to pick the battles between us that matter. Socks on the floor? Not so important. Bills being paid? pretty darn important.
Being interfaith works for us because we work at it. It's not always easy. But the rewards, a loving kind husband who's heart and faith are in the right place, are SOOO worth it.
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Haha, ask my habibi, and he'll tell you he's happy, but I can be hell on wheels. I try to be thoughtful, but I am not very obedient. Almost every other sentence I say is a question..usually "Why?" And I'm American, so I can be a sort of personality steamroller. And stubborn. He probably feels like this brickwall a fair bit. His latest tactic is to suddenly speak a LOT less English when I start talking at him (as opposed to to him).
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I think I explained my outlook on the Trinity here http//free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=8744.15
He's Egyptian. His parents are thrilled. The Qu'ran says that people have the right to choose their spouse. And that chaste, believing women of the people of the book are allowed to him as well. His parents and I had a chance to talk several times before the Nikkah, and the impression I got from them was pretty much that they wanted someone for their son who would care for him, make him happy, help him to take care of his family, and crank out a couple of grandkids. (Because all parents want to be grandparents...revenge you know > )
As he intends to remain in America, it's probably easier for them to hold that perspective. Maybe things would be different in Egypt.
Yeah we call each other Habibi. There's even the "Special Tone" he uses when he knows he's done something that's going to bother me.
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Peace Keeley
I think I explained my outlook on the Trinity here http//free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=8744.15
He's Egyptian. His parents are thrilled. The Qu'ran says that people have the right to choose their spouse. And that chaste, believing women of the people of the book are allowed to him as well. His parents and I had a chance to talk several times before the Nikkah, and the impression I got from them was pretty much that they wanted someone for their son who would care for him, make him happy, help him to take care of his family, and crank out a couple of grandkids. (Because all parents want to be grandparents...revenge you know >D )
As he intends to remain in America, it's probably easier for them to hold that perspective. Maybe things would be different in Egypt.
Yeah we call each other Habibi. There's even the "Special Tone" he uses when he knows he's done something that's going to bother me.
So I take it that you believe that Jesus is not God, but still hold the Trinity? Sounds like my mom, but I think she is veering off the Trinity part with more conversations we have, but she still prays to Jesus, due to the "No man cometh to the Father but by me" intercession.
Im not quite sure where to put this next response, here or the other thread, but Ill put it here. I dont mean to intrude but if I get annoying let me know. Im just curious and not quite sure if I get the concept right. You state that Jesus is half of Mary, if you take the genetic part, and half of God. Does that make God a man, since you say Father? Also, what is your belief on made in Gods image? Also, what of Adam since he had no mother or father?
From the way I understand it, when Muslims are disrespectful to Jews or Christians, I think its because they see that they deviated. Christians, due to the fact that they are no longer People of the Book because most believe that Jesus is God. Jews...I think its more political. What I find odd is that Jews and Muslims have beliefs that are so similar, compared to mainstream Christians, that you would think they would be friends. Oddly enough, Jews and Christians are the friends. Also, the Quran states that the closest friend to the Muslim is the Christian, but again its talking about the Unitarian (?) ones IMO, since later it talks about those that worship Jesus and Mary and puts them in another category.
It seems you are very open minded and I respect that. Im also glad that his parents love you as well, as Ive read the other stories on this board of the opposite. I think he is very lucky to have you. Marking the qibla? Wow...If I ever marry a "Person of the Book" I hope she is that accepting, God Willing.
Peace
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Jews and Christians are friends largely through a Shared Zionist belief. Jesus, and his position as the Messiah, or Son of God or Lunatic, or whatever is a point of history and its easier to simply agree to disagree.
Palestine, Israel, and the "Holy Land" in general is a very tangible real topic smothered in violence and wrongdoing on all sides..and is not something about which Muslims and Jews can simply agree to disagree.
My husband, before our marriage met a friend of mine who is Jewish. She thought to corner him on the sticky issue and said "What do you think of Palestine?" interested in hearing him spout the anti-semetic rhetoric she expected.
Instead he said, "Palestine? No such country. What is this Palestine?"
She seemed mildly surprised and was about to say so before he said with a smile, "The whole area is Egypt, don't you know? We're just waiting for the U.S. to leave."
He was joking, and only said that to throw her off (I swear that's his favorite thing to do). The Arab world needs to fulfill their zakat and start taking care of their "precious" Palestinians instead of paying them to be suicide bombers and deporting them. Whatever the right way to solve the conflict...there will be no winner, just one side loses more than the other.
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Instead he said, "Palestine? No such country. What is this Palestine?"
She seemed mildly surprised and was about to say so before he said with a smile, "The whole area is Egypt, don't you know? We're just waiting for the U.S. to leave."
I dont quite understand the joke.
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Egypt and Israel had a little falling out over the ownership ofthe Sinai region affectionately called "the 6 Days War" Essentially, Israel showed up on the field with a lot of bigger, badder friends (US included) but Egypt did get Sinai back. Compromise. Granted, Egypt was among the first Arab nations to recognize Israel as a nation. Though among many people is a general feeling that Israel was once part of Egypt.
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Egypt and Israel had a little falling out over the ownership ofthe Sinai region affectionately called "the 6 Days War" Essentially, Israel showed up on the field with a lot of bigger, badder friends (US included) but Egypt did get Sinai back. Compromise. Granted, Egypt was among the first Arab nations to recognize Israel as a nation. Though among many people is a general feeling that Israel was once part of Egypt.
I know about the 6 Day War, however I dont understand how was Israel part of Egypt? And what did he mean by saying "We are waiting for the US to leave"?
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Inter-faith marriage....
Been there...done that!
My conclusion
There is no such thing as problems in "inter-faith" marriages. The problems arise because of "inter-personality" marriages.
Well I think what I am trying to say is that you can make anything work if you both work in synch and are tolerant and patient. If not ... then even a same faith relationship can head for disaster.
Would I do it again? I would allow my kids for inter-faith marriages as long as they are mature enough to suss out their partner's personalities...then should not be any problems that they both cannot overcome.
BTW would a marriage between Traditional Islam follower and Quran only follower be considered "inter-faith"?