InterFaith Marriage. Would You Do It? Have you done It?
-
InterFaith Marriage. Would You Do It? Have you done It?
nope
-
peace,
I think my experience there is a good lesson. Few years ago, I was engaged to be married to someone who was a 'muslim' at the time of the engagement, and turned out to be a betrayer (cheated and fornicated).
I must say I have no faith in women after my past experience.
7 1/2 months ago I married someone who was a mormon-christian; though a little confused. .But I knew she valued the truth, and logic when it came to 'religion'. I constantly reminded her of the signs in al-quran, though being expected for it to fall on deaf ears. And turned out she couldn't ignore the signs anymore and decided that mormonism isn't the way for her due to its logical fallacies (thank you southpark). As of now, she's very much a 'muslim'.
Lesson here is
Even if you marry someone who shares the same faith there's no guarantee they won't change their mind. Now I do believe I am the exception here rather than rule . The most important thing is that you find someone who's compatible with you, who believes in truth above all else, and who shares the same morals/ideals.
Good luck to all of you, I've certainly been blessed.
-
Peace
I base it on what the Quran tells me to do.
DArgento, thank God she changed.
For me, I wouldnt marry until that person did accept God as God with no partners. I would stay friends with the women and if she changed only then I would marry her. If she didnt ascribe to any religion but believed in something higher, I would marry that person first than a Christian, since the Christian truely believes in more than just God.
Peace
-
I've been lurking for months, and thought I would speak up on this one
As the Christian half of an interfaith marriage, Whatever my beliefs, I work to ensure that they don't interfere with my spouse's. I've agreed to rasing any children we have in Islam. There's no pork in the house. Before he moved in with me, I made sure to check and mark the Qibla for his prayers. This morning, when the clock went off, I woke up, set out his prayer rug, and started the coffee pot while he showered. While he prayed (Fajr), I showered. Then we had a nice cup of coffee and watched the news and talked about the things we needed to do today.
He goes to work later than I do, so I kissed him and headed off to the office.
This evening, I'll get home a couple of hours before he will. I'll vacuum and tidy up and cook dinner. He'll come home, make wuduu and pray (Maghrib) while I cook. Then we'll eat, he'll do the dishes, maybe watch some TV, talk to each other for a bit before Isha. During Isha, I'll usually take my night time shower, and turn down the bed. After that we talk some more. Maybe poke around for funny videos on youtube, muck with our budget, maybe he'll make a shisha, maybe he won't. We get tired, make sure the cat's fed and go to bed.
On Sundays, after Fajr, we'll have a nice breakfast, I'll take my time about getting showered and dressed, and I'll go to Church. He doesn't come with me, as much as I give him the time he takes to pray each day to be with God alone, I get the same courtesy about the time I take to go to Mass. When I come home, we'll have time for a quick lunch before he goes to work.
I defend his faith vehemently (one of the reasons I lurk here, I have to know what I'm defending) and his right to practice it freely.
Now I'm not saying all of this to show off or say "lookit what a good Christian spouse to a Muslim I am." What I am saying is that it takes work and courtesy from BOTH of us make it work. Love and mercy between us is mandated not only in the Bible but also in the Qu'ran. Respect, kindness, you know, all those things we so easily forget sometimes, but which are, I am finding, the ties that bind my faith to his. We talk about religion a lot, actually. And on the table there is a copy of the Bible (NIV) and the Qu'ran (Yusuf Ali's translation). We'll compare notes, read, share, discuss..and never argue. Where we disagree, we can only really agree to disagree, and remember to always be patient with the other and listen more than we talk.
Do we fight? You bet we do. But neither of us are much in the way of yelling and screaming. We will talk in circles around each other when we argue, since we get frustrated and forget to listen. Eventually though, one of us (usually him) remembers their common sense and helps to put our train back on its tracks. Our being so acutely aware of the huge differences between usur cultures and religions, makes us better able to pick the battles between us that matter. Socks on the floor? Not so important. Bills being paid? pretty darn important.
Being interfaith works for us because we work at it. It's not always easy. But the rewards, a loving kind husband who's heart and faith are in the right place, are SOOO worth it.
-
Haha, ask my habibi, and he'll tell you he's happy, but I can be hell on wheels. I try to be thoughtful, but I am not very obedient. Almost every other sentence I say is a question..usually "Why?" And I'm American, so I can be a sort of personality steamroller. And stubborn. He probably feels like this brickwall a fair bit. His latest tactic is to suddenly speak a LOT less English when I start talking at him (as opposed to to him).
-
I think I explained my outlook on the Trinity here http//free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=8744.15
He's Egyptian. His parents are thrilled. The Qu'ran says that people have the right to choose their spouse. And that chaste, believing women of the people of the book are allowed to him as well. His parents and I had a chance to talk several times before the Nikkah, and the impression I got from them was pretty much that they wanted someone for their son who would care for him, make him happy, help him to take care of his family, and crank out a couple of grandkids. (Because all parents want to be grandparents...revenge you know > )
As he intends to remain in America, it's probably easier for them to hold that perspective. Maybe things would be different in Egypt.
Yeah we call each other Habibi. There's even the "Special Tone" he uses when he knows he's done something that's going to bother me.
-
Peace Keeley
I think I explained my outlook on the Trinity here http//free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=8744.15
He's Egyptian. His parents are thrilled. The Qu'ran says that people have the right to choose their spouse. And that chaste, believing women of the people of the book are allowed to him as well. His parents and I had a chance to talk several times before the Nikkah, and the impression I got from them was pretty much that they wanted someone for their son who would care for him, make him happy, help him to take care of his family, and crank out a couple of grandkids. (Because all parents want to be grandparents...revenge you know >D )
As he intends to remain in America, it's probably easier for them to hold that perspective. Maybe things would be different in Egypt.
Yeah we call each other Habibi. There's even the "Special Tone" he uses when he knows he's done something that's going to bother me.
So I take it that you believe that Jesus is not God, but still hold the Trinity? Sounds like my mom, but I think she is veering off the Trinity part with more conversations we have, but she still prays to Jesus, due to the "No man cometh to the Father but by me" intercession.
Im not quite sure where to put this next response, here or the other thread, but Ill put it here. I dont mean to intrude but if I get annoying let me know. Im just curious and not quite sure if I get the concept right. You state that Jesus is half of Mary, if you take the genetic part, and half of God. Does that make God a man, since you say Father? Also, what is your belief on made in Gods image? Also, what of Adam since he had no mother or father?
From the way I understand it, when Muslims are disrespectful to Jews or Christians, I think its because they see that they deviated. Christians, due to the fact that they are no longer People of the Book because most believe that Jesus is God. Jews...I think its more political. What I find odd is that Jews and Muslims have beliefs that are so similar, compared to mainstream Christians, that you would think they would be friends. Oddly enough, Jews and Christians are the friends. Also, the Quran states that the closest friend to the Muslim is the Christian, but again its talking about the Unitarian (?) ones IMO, since later it talks about those that worship Jesus and Mary and puts them in another category.
It seems you are very open minded and I respect that. Im also glad that his parents love you as well, as Ive read the other stories on this board of the opposite. I think he is very lucky to have you. Marking the qibla? Wow...If I ever marry a "Person of the Book" I hope she is that accepting, God Willing.
Peace
-
Jews and Christians are friends largely through a Shared Zionist belief. Jesus, and his position as the Messiah, or Son of God or Lunatic, or whatever is a point of history and its easier to simply agree to disagree.
Palestine, Israel, and the "Holy Land" in general is a very tangible real topic smothered in violence and wrongdoing on all sides..and is not something about which Muslims and Jews can simply agree to disagree.
My husband, before our marriage met a friend of mine who is Jewish. She thought to corner him on the sticky issue and said "What do you think of Palestine?" interested in hearing him spout the anti-semetic rhetoric she expected.
Instead he said, "Palestine? No such country. What is this Palestine?"
She seemed mildly surprised and was about to say so before he said with a smile, "The whole area is Egypt, don't you know? We're just waiting for the U.S. to leave."
He was joking, and only said that to throw her off (I swear that's his favorite thing to do). The Arab world needs to fulfill their zakat and start taking care of their "precious" Palestinians instead of paying them to be suicide bombers and deporting them. Whatever the right way to solve the conflict...there will be no winner, just one side loses more than the other.
-
Instead he said, "Palestine? No such country. What is this Palestine?"
She seemed mildly surprised and was about to say so before he said with a smile, "The whole area is Egypt, don't you know? We're just waiting for the U.S. to leave."
I dont quite understand the joke.
-
Egypt and Israel had a little falling out over the ownership ofthe Sinai region affectionately called "the 6 Days War" Essentially, Israel showed up on the field with a lot of bigger, badder friends (US included) but Egypt did get Sinai back. Compromise. Granted, Egypt was among the first Arab nations to recognize Israel as a nation. Though among many people is a general feeling that Israel was once part of Egypt.
-
Egypt and Israel had a little falling out over the ownership ofthe Sinai region affectionately called "the 6 Days War" Essentially, Israel showed up on the field with a lot of bigger, badder friends (US included) but Egypt did get Sinai back. Compromise. Granted, Egypt was among the first Arab nations to recognize Israel as a nation. Though among many people is a general feeling that Israel was once part of Egypt.
I know about the 6 Day War, however I dont understand how was Israel part of Egypt? And what did he mean by saying "We are waiting for the US to leave"?
-
Inter-faith marriage....
Been there...done that!
My conclusion
There is no such thing as problems in "inter-faith" marriages. The problems arise because of "inter-personality" marriages.
Well I think what I am trying to say is that you can make anything work if you both work in synch and are tolerant and patient. If not ... then even a same faith relationship can head for disaster.
Would I do it again? I would allow my kids for inter-faith marriages as long as they are mature enough to suss out their partner's personalities...then should not be any problems that they both cannot overcome.
BTW would a marriage between Traditional Islam follower and Quran only follower be considered "inter-faith"?
-
Well I married a Sunni girl... D
I think me and my wife does have a different "Faith" by the time we were married. DBy the time we were married, she still believes of all the superstitious stuff from the "Book Of Gossips" written by Bukhari and Muslim..
Right now I think I've made her a Sunni Murtadeen... Oops.. watch out for the stoning honey! DBut we get along so well, and decided to raise our childrens in a Non-Sectarian manners.
I hope you all raised yours in such manners too..
Salam
-
But we get along so well, and decided to raise our childrens in a Non-Sectarian manners.
I hope you all raised yours in such manners too..
Salam
Well I converted to "Islam" upon marriage. Tried to raise my kids as he wanted. He became little extreme, intolerant and fanatic due to several reasons. I still continued following the path he "chose" for me. I had so many questions, I could not even ask myself those questions...for fear that God would hate me if I did. I mean it was ingrained that if I questioned, I would become non-believer. I was not even sure if I believed in anything anymore. Suddenly my eldest started to ask questions, I could not answer. My husband was putting irrational fear in her. She was becoming withdrawn and scared. Anyway, circumstances led me to various sites and people and here and now I have no fear...neither has my daughter...and I am getting some answers that finally make sense to me....and in such a simple way that I am able to explain to my kids.
Pity that my husband still stuck in his hole ...
-
I know about the 6 Day War, however I dont understand how was Israel part of Egypt? And what did he mean by saying "We are waiting for the US to leave"?
The joke is if the jews can claim a country because it belonged to them thousands of years ago, Egyptians too have the right to claim this same country which belonged to them even before it belonged to the jews. As for "waiting for the Americans to leave", I think he means that Israel is a political entity that came in this area and is staying by the support of the US. Once the US "leaves", i.e stops the support, this political entity, aka Israel, is no more.
(sorry for going OT).
-
yay a topic I feel like talking about!
A couple years after I first converted 8 years ago I was all set to marry a man from Bangladesh. We had been classmates and I had worked for his mother for 3 years. His family knew my family and my mother eventually worked with his mother as well. His parents said no, because I was American. nevermind that I was Muslim......
We gave up trying to convince his parents after a year or so.
A few months later I was "wooed" by a guy I worked with ( I had two jobs) at a bookstore. We had known eachother for several years before we decided to give it a try. He was very interested in Islam and we talked about religion often. We married 3 years later. He was raised Episcopalian, but not particularly religious, not much of a holy trinity kind of guy. Our marriage is great. He read the Quran when I am distressed in attempts to find something that will comfort me. He tries to make sure that foods contain no pork or pork products ( he sometimes fails- but he really does try hard!) He engages in some of the best religious discussions I have ever had. He convinced me that I should get my Masters ( oh yeah -I need to share my Thesis with you all... it is about most of the topics on this website and how free-minds Muslims try to form a community online- but I digress). And we will teach our children Islam as well as other religions when it is time for that. We both believe in leading by example and allowing them to choose for themselves.
Hi parents are wonderful.... both professors- his mother teaches English as a second language to primarily Muslim students and knows alot about Islam because of it. I could have asked for a more excepting family-in-law.
My husband and I have much more in common that me and that guy from Bangladesh..... so things worked out for the best in the end.
We have been married two years now and I couldn't be happier- well, I could but that has nothing to do with him. -
Joie,
Such a nice story! Sounds like a great marriage. One of my best friends is in a situation where she and a guy are in love but she is Muslim and her parents are strongly opposed to their union, because he is not. He is Korean and his family is strongly opposed because she is not. Its such a shame because they seem made for each other and are so happy together, but neither wants to go against their parents. Its funny how those things go...her mother was a convert from a Christian family and they were upset when she married her Muslim father, but now 30 years later, the mother is giving the same kind of support (which is none) that her parents gave her, and even told her she felt like a failure as a parent because he daughter considered marrying a non-Muslim.
I am a convert too, I think I would prefer for my children to marry Muslims, but I'd rather them marry a GOOD person of any kind and I certainly wouldn't shun them or not speak to them and although I can't say since I'm not in that situation, I don't think I would feel like a failure. I know many people Muslims, Christians who are married to someone who would be considered the same faith as them, but they still don't worship or practice the same way.
A couple years ago before I was married (my husband and I were high school sweethearts and in a relationship for about 11 years before we were married) another friends mother told me that the reason that I had such a long engagement is because my father wasn't Muslim and a Muslim father would never let his daughter be in a relationship that long without being married. I had to nicely inform her that my Christian father and mother were very supportive of my relationship and they had been married for 35 years and were still very much in love. The irony is that the woman telling me this had been married and divorced twice and my non-Muslim parents had been married to each other for so long. Nothing against divorced people at all, my point is just that all these lables just lead to judgements and misconceptions. The bottom line is that every case is different. I believe that Allah loves good people of all kinds. Maybe that thinking is kind of simplistic, but that's how I feel.