LEAVING MY FAMILY

KDC501

Hi,

My family are TOTALLY against the QURAN.No change since 2007.
They prefer sunnism and they think that I am (but I AM NOT).I keep it secret to avoid problems.

Now I would leave them (definitely).

Did somebody already live the same situation ?
Please advise

May God bless you and peace.

My current situation is similar to yours. When I was 17 (about 5 years ago) my dad completely flipped out when he found a copy of the Quran in my bedroom. Because of it I almost got kicked out of the house. It took years before my father could ?cool down? to be able to talk to me. In any case my relationship today with my father is pretty much the same as was in the past (except when we have religious arguments and threatens to put me out on the streets) But even with our differences I'm still able to practice my religion under his roof.

My advice to you is if you are able to live in peace with your parents then do so and keep your practice secret. Don't stress yourself out about leaving your family if you don't have the means to do so. However if you are planning to leave (like I am in a year or so) then you need to plan ahead. Don't be too hasty in making decisions. God's religion is not meant to place hardship on his servants. In my country( i don't know about yours) getting a place to stay is very hard to get and very expensive which is why I considered myself blessed to be still living with my parents even though we have our differences. However I do have a plan. I suggest you make a proper plan if you do intend on leaving your family.

Peace,

Kevin

unknownuser

SALAAM, do not leave your family, be patient.
Recently my brother has hurt me very hard because I have criticized a hadith, he called me incredulous and brought my brothers in law on the height of my "apostasy" ....he messaged me on "3ied" that he will not wish me "3ied mubarak" because it is not in the Quran ..... and much more...I'm afraid he's going to shock my parents and will exaggerate.(My parents are not yet returned from their holidays)
My brother has been brainwashed for years by the Saudi scholars, my parents will take him seriously, he is the one with the "knowledge", not me ... "
My husband do not like his allegations,while he himself is a Sunni too.

Eikonoklastes

SALAAM, do not leave your family, be patient.
Recently my brother has hurt me very hard because I have criticized a hadith, he called me incredulous and brought my brothers in law on the height of my "apostasy" ....he messaged me on "3ied" that he will not wish me "3ied mubarak" because it is not in the Quran ..... and much more...I'm afraid he's going to shock my parents and will exaggerate.(My parents are not yet returned from their holidays)
My brother has been brainwashed for years by the Saudi scholars, my parents will take him seriously, he is the one with the "knowledge", not me ... "
My husband do not like his allegations,while he himself is a Sunni too.

Peace Naziha,

While I'm sorry for your hurt, I couldn't help but laugh at his tactic of not wishing you an Eid Mubarak since it's not in the Quran. It reminds me of that popular viral video of that boy telling his mother he's no longer a Christian and that he is an atheist, and her response was, "Well then guess what?! You're not getting anything for Christmas!". It's all they can say. They never knew religion, it's just a big point system via lip-service and traditional rituals for them. It's actually an amazing view of psychology and how religion can indeed be very harmful.

Knowledge triumphs all. Just be knowledgeable about your stance, debate with etiquette and be as peaceful as possible, and pray Allah guides them. You can find many ridiculous "sahih" hadith to show him on this site and others.

May peace be with you.

Wilson

Peace.

Recently my brother has hurt me very hard because I have criticized a hadith

Something which is in the ahadith is intercession or the belief that human beings will have a say in the god's judgment on the day of recompense.

O you who believe, spend from what we have provided for you before a day comes when there is no trade, nor friendship, nor intercession; and the rejecters are the wicked.
2 254

Say "Shall I seek other than the god as a lord when he is the lord of everything?" And every soul earns what is for it, and none will carry the burden of another. Then to your lord is your return and he will inform you of what you disputed in.
6 164

And we have attached to the neck of every man his deeds, and we bring forth for him a record on the day of resurrection which he will find on display. Read your record! It is sufficient for you that you are aware of yourself today. Whoever is guided is guided for himself, and whoever is misguided is for his own loss. And no person shall carry the burdens of another, and we were not to punish until we send a messenger.
17 13 - 15

They said, while they were disputing therein "By the god, we were clearly misguided. For we equated you with the lord of the worlds! And none misled us except the criminals. So we have none to intercede for us. Nor a close friend."
26 96 - 101

If you reject, then know that the god is in no need of you, and he is displeased with rejection for his servants. And if you are thankful, he is pleased with it for you. And none shall carry the burdens of another. Then to your lord is your return, and he will inform you of everything you had done. He is fully aware of what is in the chests.
39 7

The day when they will be exposed. None of them will hide anything from the god. To whom is the sovereignty on this day? To the god, the one, the supreme. Today, every soul will be recompensed for what it had earned. There will be no injustice today. Truly, the god is swift in reckoning. And warn them of the imminent day, when the hearts will reach the throats, and many will be remorseful. The transgressors will have no friend nor intercessor to be obeyed.
40 16 - 18

That is the day when no friend can help his friend in any way; nor will they be helped.
44 41

None can carry the burdens of another. And man will have what he sought. And his works will be shown. Then he will be paid fully for such works.
53 38 - 41

On the day the heaven is like molten copper. And the mountains are like wool. And no friend will ask about his friend. When they see it, the criminal will wish he can ransom his children against the retribution. And his mate and his brother. And his relatives who sheltered him. And all who are on the earth, so that he can be saved!
70 8 - 14

The day when no soul possesses anything for any other soul, and the decision on that day is to the god.
82 19

etc.

Abdelilah

unknownuser

Salam to All,

Thank you very much for advising me. I think i'm going to leave them but keeping in touch.

God bless you.

Bigmo

Hi,

My family are TOTALLY against the QURAN.No change since 2007.
They prefer sunnism and they think that I am (but I AM NOT).I keep it secret to avoid problems.

Now I would leave them (definitely).

Did somebody already live the same situation ?
Please advise

May God bless you and peace.

Oh, this is a very touchy issue. Be very careful about this. Keeping your views to yourself could be a good idea. Test the waters first and then see how they react. The problem with religion discussions is that they can become very heated and lose their purpose. Anyways being Sunni won't take to you hell necessarily.

It is much better to communicate these ideas to active people in the net then jst family members. Remember its a Koranist goal to guide all of mankind. Its always better to communicate with people who will remain active. The net is the best place for something like that. My parents also are Sunnis and I let them know that I don't agree with them on many things. But I still avoid religious discussion with them.

Another thing is that people have ear of something they do not know about especially when they are ignorant about the issues surrounding it. Most Muslims have no understanding of Sunni Islam yet follow it anyways. People like this fear getting into discussions since they have no knowledge to counter.

I I were you I would keep most of my views to myself. As the Koranist persuasions grows more people will hear about it and feel more comfortable with it. But for now its tricky.

There is a very good article from Gamal Banna that is a good opener. Its talks the general problems with hadiths and how it can contradict the Koran. Its in Arabic however. My parents actually liked that article. He is not a koranist but is the closest thing to it.

Sunni refromist is usually a good way to start with conservative Sunnis rather than straight to the Koranist way.

unknownuser

Peace,

There is no need.

Fair enough if your family reject the truth entirely - that is to say if they believe that there is no judgement, that they are wandering purposeless, that evil has no consequence, then by all means get away!

However they could be striving to surrender to ALLAH as best they can through the way they have learnt. If they are truly seeking the truth then it's a different story.

Don't let the language/knowledge barrier disunite your family. If both of you are serving ALLAH then there is no cause for discord. If you are serving "Quranism" and they are serving "Sunnism" then there will be war between "Quranism" and "Sunnism" in your house and there may be real life casualties!

Lose all isms and surrender. If Moses could live in Firon's palace, what stops you?

Bigmo

Peace,

There is no need.

Fair enough if your family reject the truth entirely - that is to say if they believe that there is no judgement, that they are wandering purposeless, that evil has no consequence, then by all means get away!

However they could be striving to surrender to ALLAH as best they can through the way they have learnt. If they are truly seeking the truth then it's a different story.

Don't let the language/knowledge barrier disunite your family. If both of you are serving ALLAH then there is no cause for discord. If you are serving "Quranism" and they are serving "Sunnism" then there will be war between "Quranism" and "Sunnism" in your house and there may be real life casualties!

Lose all isms and surrender. If Moses could live in Firon's palace, what stops you?

I agree. They probably do Sunni rituals. But they are still believers. We are against Sunni Islam and not Sunnis.

unknownuser

I agree. They probably do Sunni rituals. But they are still believers. We are against Sunni Islam and not Sunnis.

We are against falsehood and rejectors of the truth not Sunni Islam. The distinction may not seem like much but these two realities are worlds apart. Where Sunni Islam is false, be against that. But as long as there is a speck of truth in "Sunni Islam", you would be totally unjust to be against that itself.

Kukumber

Peace Kindness

We really do not know your full story, just the small excerpt you gave us. Only you truly know whether you will be safe remaining in your family's home, and what the entire situation is.

I left my "home", even though I never thought of it as a home about 4 years ago. Home is where you are supposed to feel safe, and I was not getting that. It had nothing to do with sunnism/quranism or anything like that. I didn't even make a big spectacle out of moving. Just got admission in a university in a different town, and paid for it myself too, so they would not have any hold on me at all. When I moved out, I started to withdraw myself from them on an emotional level too, just one phone call every 2 weeks or so, telling them as minimal as I could about my life.

When I on a very definite level, abandoned Sunnism, it never occurred to me to even tell my parents, I had gotten so used to not discussing my life that it did not even seem un-natural.

Now 4 years later, I can say that I am very happy I moved out, and distanced myself from them, there was no way I would have healed if I had stayed in that toxic environment. I regret not making a bigger spectacle out of everything, as sometimes I feel they have absolutely no clue as to the amount of hurt they caused me, and how much their choices still affect my life. They are times when I am sad that they don't really know who I am, but at the same time, if I open myself up to them, they will be giving me a list of things that is wrong with me, so its a pretty stale-mate situation. And also being in university was great, but it isn't like I have found a permanent "home" yet. You can only be a wanderer for so long before it starts to get to you.

So in the end its your decision to make, you have to decide whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages, but from someone that has gone through it, the advice I can give you, don't go into it thinking its going to be a 100% positive experience. Reconciliation is always better than cutting off ties.

Kukumber

Omari

Salam Big Mo......can you link me the arbic article from Jamal or Gamal Al Bana regarding hadiths?

mmkhan

Thank you very much for advising me. I think i'm going to leave them but keeping in touch.

Salaam Kindness,

I hope I am not late in responding.

Please don't leave you parents/home, I know that what you are facing is unknown to us but believe in Allah and ask Him for help, remember! He is the all Listener and Knower.

Don't rush and don't take any decision by yourself but I suggest you to ask Allah to make you take decision whatever is best for you. If you can't then take a look at your screen name on free-minds.org

Then take time before you decide anything. See what Allah guides you to.

May Allah help you in all situations, bless you with happiness & peace and guide us all to His only true path. pr
Mohammed M. Khan

youssef4342

I will tell you that, if they persecute you, say Peace and leave, as i've tried to reconcile with mine and every time it did not work out. And expect the Best, because if you immigrate in the sake of God, God will take care of you!

learn From my experiance (I ran away from home 5 times, 3 times because of me wanting to uphold the Quran alone and not to associate with God). (Yeah, I jumped out the 2nd floor window, fled to another state and even stayed on the streets for about a month!) And let me tell you, God took care of me all this time, and I'm thankful that i did all of that in the sake of God! (Now i live with a neighbor and praise be to God, i have everything i need and want!)

Praise be to the good lord God who fulfills his words !
"Anyone who emigrates in the cause of GOD will find on earth great bounties and richness..." (Quran 4100)

"If anyone thinks that God cannot support him in this life and in the Hereafter, let him turn completely to (his Creator in) heaven, and sever (his dependence on anyone else). He will then see that this plan eliminates anything that bothers him" (Quran 2215)

MUNZIR_ALI

http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXDy1gVcWCc

This may help, although it is directed towards Atheists/Agnostics.

Jafar

http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXDy1gVcWCc

This may help, although it is directed towards Atheists/Agnostics.

I like the closing quote "Actions are more important than beliefs".
It reminds me of "Dharmic" teachings.. which follows the same principle.. given "Dharma" is a sanskrit word for "action/deed".

Salam / PEace

unknownuser

Peace Naziha,

. It reminds me of that popular viral video of that boy telling his mother he's no longer a Christian and that he is an atheist, and her response was, "Well then guess what?! You're not getting anything for Christmas!". It's all they can say. They never knew religion, it's just a big point system via lip-service and traditional rituals for them. It's actually an amazing view of psychology and how religion can indeed be very harmful.

;D