My mom wants to disown me

good_logic

Peace someoneoutthere.

Yes someonoutthere will come to your rescue.

Keep talking to Him. He is listening. Everyday He is in full control. He knows your mum s innermsot thoughts. He promises victory for the believers. Keep being patient for God tries our loyalty . He is also capable of guiding your mum, some trials are a blessing in disguise.

We are adding our prayers to yours. Trust your Lord .
God bless you.

Peace.

huruf

Salaam, dear friend,

Please, try to put some mental distance between you and your mother. Do not look at her as a mother who has power over you, but as a sufferer of her own ills, which she CANNOT master or overcome. What she does to you is like the wild bracing of those who cannot swim and drown in the water. She is lost. Her power over you is her drug.

Many sweet things are said about mothers, and many mothers deserve them fully and even more. But mothers are persons and as persons can use their motherhood as an instrument to realease their own frustrations. Many mothers are torturers preferably of their daughters. Believe me you are not an exception. But you are worth, like every person, you are worth of being created and brought up by God, so please, love yourself, like yourself and, I know it is very difficult, but try to pity your mother. A person who does what she does to you is a very UNFORTUNATE person. Very much. Much more unfortunate than you. She is so lost she disgraces even her glory, who should be you, her daughter. You should be her jewel, but she doesn't get it and makes life miserable to you and despises the gift of God who are you.

As to practical matters, would it be so bad for you to go to your father? Is he worse than her or would you be through worse whings if you went to him? You know, sometime threats are good as threats, but when they become reality they are not so bad, although, yes, sometimes they are even worse, so I don't know, but you should have some idea. And if you do have to continue with your mother, you may not be able to change the way she behaves, but may be you can change yours. The veil is just an excuse. Try to be kind to her, understanding, and say nice things to her. She should be surprised. Who knows. May be she hasn't been told a nice thing for ages. As I say, I don't know. But the thing is that you try to understand why your mother is, maybe, JEALOUS OF YOU. She may be unable to analyse why she is the way she is, but may be you can try to get over your own feelings of being wronged and see where your mother has been wronged or is wronging herself. She is the problem, not you. And probably she suffers because of it and unloads it on the one person she can you.

Take this opportunity to take charge, she hasn't done it, you do it. If you try your best at that, you will grow and respect yourself more as a person. If you do not succeed, the trial itself will be a success. Take charge of your life in the terms you are in, since you cannot do much about them.

Also, dear child, do not worry too much about the veil. If you survive, you will have, in sha, Allah, a long life without veil. I am a radical antiveiler, so I am not advising you out of fondness for the damned cloth and I have never worn it nor intend to under any circumstance. But right now if you cannot avoid it for survival, do it as loosely as you can and as little as you can, may be she just expects a token acceptance of her power. You will be forgiven in sha' Allah. Just preserve your future and your sanity. But do try to make some hole in your mother's armour. You are not defenceless, and I am sure she herself suffers, even if she is uncapable of acknowledging it. And of course trust the Wisest and Kindest to you and to all.

Best wishes and regards, salaam

Abdul-Hadi

Greetings and peace, all group

@someoneoutthere welcome

My sympathies for your plight.

If ALLAH takes something away, ISA, ALLAH will provide something better. This is a test. Don't worry about what you can't change, focus on what you DO have and what you can change--and of course ask ALLAH for what ALLAH knows to be best for you.

Look at it this way--if you must go, you also leave a toxic relationship. Even among all the struggle that is going on in your life, look for the good. There are those that have no hands, no feet, no sight, no hearing, and other impairments. There are those in forced prostitution. There are those that are dying of starvation and disease. There are those that can't read or write. Among the bad, there are good things in your life. There are many people in worse situations; don't give up! You can and should fight through this.

3186 We will test you in your wealth and in yourselves, and you will hear from those who have been given the Book from before you and from the polytheists much annoyance. And if you are patient and righteous, then that is from a strength of conviction.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

peace

~Abdul-Hadi

Azz

Peace someoneoutthere

This Tuesday I start a high-school college program at a local college that will be beautifully valuable for my educational career inshAllah. Her decision to send me to my father will completely sabotage this.

I do not know you personally, so I can't judge how you should weigh out what options you have. Keeping in mind what everyone else here has said, if you feel the necessities justify the forbidden...you could just lie. If you think being sent off to your father will sabatoage the way your belief in Allah works, then you could try to persuade them that you've "seen the error of your ways" and carry out their requests for now -\ That might just outright brake you though, if you're not 100% certain it'd completely stop you from being who you are, I don't know. Again, I don't know your exact scenario, weigh out your options and decide whether it's best to go with your father or sell some of your dignity, either way Allah will be watching and will promise eventual peace to the believers. Stay strong and patient.

I'll pray for you.

edit Ayisha has worded it way better than I did. Complying to some of your mother's requests is indeed what you'd be doing, not "lying". Peace.

Ayisha

I agree with all the kind words the others have given above and my prayers and thoughts will be with you, but don't wish for death. Allah has guided you for a reason, death isn't it.

The last comment by Azz, I wouldn't say to lie is the answer but to 'comply' with some of your mother's wishes while in her house would be better put. Asking you to wear hijab is NOT asking you to do something haram, wearing it is not haram and if it's something albeit very small that will appease the mother and make your life easier then I don't see why not, you can soon take it off when out of her site and you are not doing wrong.

You are not the first and you wont be the last in this situation, think how it was for all the believers in the beginning, but I do find that 'hadithist' are the less tolerant of all. I knew a young woman who was Hindu, she converted and practiced Islam in secret for 3 years before finally telling her parents. When she married the wedding was combined Muslim and Hindu families and was wonderful, her Hindu family had noticed a difference in her, a peace, and accepted her and her belief................so things can turn out good. group

someoneoutthere

Peace,

I think many people in this forum have had similar experiences, myself included.

It is to be expected, so stay positive.

It does help to know that there are those who have been through and understand the same fear and rejection. All of you are very strong, mashAllah.

Salaam and welcome to the forum,
...

About your case I just wanted to quote 633

633
633 We know that you are saddened by what they say. And indeed, they do not call you untruthful, but it is the verses of Allah that the wrongdoers reject.

InshaAllah, you will be relaxed after understanding this aayat.

Walaikum elsalam
Yes the verse does give me peace. Thank you brother.

Salaam, dear friend,

Please, try to put some mental distance between you and your mother. Do not look at her as a mother who has power over you, but as a sufferer of her own ills, which she CANNOT master or overcome. What she does to you is like the wild bracing of those who cannot swim and drown in the water. She is lost. Her power over you is her drug.

Many sweet things are said about mothers, and many mothers deserve them fully and even more. But mothers are persons and as persons can use their motherhood as an instrument to realease their own frustrations. Many mothers are torturers preferably of their daughters. Believe me you are not an exception. But you are worth, like every person, you are worth of being created and brought up by God, so please, love yourself, like yourself and, I know it is very difficult, but try to pity your mother. A person who does what she does to you is a very UNFORTUNATE person. Very much. Much more unfortunate than you. She is so lost she disgraces even her glory, who should be you, her daughter. You should be her jewel, but she doesn't get it and makes life miserable to you and despises the gift of God who are you.

As to practical matters, would it be so bad for you to go to your father? Is he worse than her or would you be through worse whings if you went to him? You know, sometime threats are good as threats, but when they become reality they are not so bad, although, yes, sometimes they are even worse, so I don't know, but you should have some idea. And if you do have to continue with your mother, you may not be able to change the way she behaves, but may be you can change yours. The veil is just an excuse. Try to be kind to her, understanding, and say nice things to her. She should be surprised. Who knows. May be she hasn't been told a nice thing for ages. As I say, I don't know. But the thing is that you try to understand why your mother is, maybe, JEALOUS OF YOU. She may be unable to analyse why she is the way she is, but may be you can try to get over your own feelings of being wronged and see where your mother has been wronged or is wronging herself. She is the problem, not you. And probably she suffers because of it and unloads it on the one person she can you.

Take this opportunity to take charge, she hasn't done it, you do it. If you try your best at that, you will grow and respect yourself more as a person. If you do not succeed, the trial itself will be a success. Take charge of your life in the terms you are in, since you cannot do much about them.

Also, dear child, do not worry too much about the veil. If you survive, you will have, in sha, Allah, a long life without veil. I am a radical antiveiler, so I am not advising you out of fondness for the damned cloth and I have never worn it nor intend to under any circumstance. But right now if you cannot avoid it for survival, do it as loosely as you can and as little as you can, may be she just expects a token acceptance of her power. You will be forgiven in sha' Allah. Just preserve your future and your sanity. But do try to make some hole in your mother's armour. You are not defenceless, and I am sure she herself suffers, even if she is uncapable of acknowledging it. And of course trust the Wisest and Kindest to you and to all.

Best wishes and regards, salaam

Thank you sister. To answer your question about my father, he shares some of my views. I love him very much. I just wish to stay where I am, a lovely suburb of Seattle, and not relocate. In the upcoming days I will find out what shall happen. Currently I am seeking a project to secure financial freedom. May Allah give me success.
She is not jealous of me, she is jealous of all her prim lady friends who have perfect muslimah fashionable hijabi daughters who are active in the masjid. /eyeroll
She does not feel that she has wronged me in any way because of her self-victimization (having a heretic for a daughter).

Sigh, the veil, the veil, the veil...it receives a ridiculous amount of exposure. Women's choice, huh. If it's the "right" one.
I have no issue with wearing it, besides having to pretend I am attached to it.
"why do you wear that?"
"....uhm."

Greetings and peace, all group

@someoneoutthere welcome

My sympathies for your plight.

If ALLAH takes something away, ISA, ALLAH will provide something better. This is a test. Don't worry about what you can't change, focus on what you DO have and what you can change--and of course ask ALLAH for what ALLAH knows to be best for you.

Look at it this way--if you must go, you also leave a toxic relationship. Even among all the struggle that is going on in your life, look for the good. There are those that have no hands, no feet, no sight, no hearing, and other impairments. There are those in forced prostitution. There are those that are dying of starvation and disease. There are those that can't read or write. Among the bad, there are good things in your life. There are many people in worse situations; don't give up! You can and should fight through this.

3186 We will test you in your wealth and in yourselves, and you will hear from those who have been given the Book from before you and from the polytheists much annoyance. And if you are patient and righteous, then that is from a strength of conviction.

That is true brother. So many people are in far more dire circumstances. Although it doesn't make me more "happy" (starvation, disease, illiteracy, etc.), as much as grateful for the blessings I have.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

peace

InshAllah, and on all of us.

Thank you good logic, Azz, and Ayisha.
My mom asked Allah to "yel3an" (curse) me if I take it off in her absence. She has provided for me thus far, so I will appease her.

NOMAD

SALAAM

Dont want to be rude at all.. just the oposite, but ive got to say dont mix arab cloths and culture with AlQuran.. i get same problems(in oposite way) in my house, my parents tought i was going to dress with arabic garment and go masjdid every day and pray 5 times a day etc.. but i showed them that islam is not a religion is a sistem of Creator wich them are also submited if they want or not..is not our will. Be tolerant with youre mother, its a hard path and i bealive can be worst for women than man, because of islamofobia and tv manipulations and beacause of the hadith weight in many families.. but show them what is a Muslim/Muslimah alweyes with smile and joy no scarf or vaile need at all.. just be modest and lenght youre garment. simple as that. Dont try to shock youre parents insted make them see what you think of islam.

Salaam may Allah bless you

es

Dear someone,

I am sad to read of your predicament. Having the brief insight which you have provided, I have been through and am going through similar experiences-not because of my religious beliefs, but because my mother has just never liked me, thereby not only carrying out abuse towards me but also encouraging and sanctioning abuse against me by other family members. You seem younger than I, but as a 27 year old woman, I would suggest to you that perhaps the best course of action for you to take would be to live with your father. Sometimes being in a negative environment holds you back in life in ways in which you cannot comprehend. It is good that you are astute enough to plan for gaining financial independence, insh'Allah may you succeed in that. However, I also know because of my family environment and the responsibilities I had to take, the mental and physical abuse I was and still am subjected to and the sacrifices I had to make, I know that I would have been better able to gain financial and mental independence had it not been for my family's restrictions and oppressive ways. I now find myself as a 27 year old woman, the emotionally strongest and most capable person I know, yet still completely dependent on my family because I was never able to flourish in the way I could have. Sometimes, to be free is all you need. That is all I have ever wanted. When your soul is at peace you can achieve, with Allah's blessing, a more stable life for yourself and be a more fulfilled human being. I am now making steps to do that and insh'Allah, I hope I succeed.

Perhaps your mother is calling your bluff. I know my mother did the exact same thing to me for some benign reason. At least your father sounds like a dude-mine is not. You never know, perhaps relations with your mother might improve if you move away-it might help to break the cycle. Sadly, a lot of humans have a sadistic tendency in their oppression of others and sometimes mothers also follow this modus operandi. Insh'Allah whatever happens I would say to you to still try to love and respect your mother. I know I love mine. She is not only a part of my soul, but she is my entire universe.

You mentioned College too. Well nothing is written in stone. I used to have lots of plans too, but what I learned is nothing goes to plan in life! Insh'Allah as long as Allah SWT is with you, may you be successful in life and at peace. My plans in life never came to fruition, but I know I got to know God better and I have an ineffaceable sense of peace. That, I would not trade for anything.

The most important thing I have left 'til the end never ever wish for death. No matter what happens you have Allah with you. I am happy you have connected with the Almighty, may He give you strength to go forth with courage and righteousness in your life. Ameen. And enjoy your life. And when the sun is shining and the birds are singing, remember that He has created this entire world for you, just for you.

May you be at peace.

Salaam.

P.S. I don't know if what I have written has made any sense. I think I have just babbled on about myself, but you will have to forgive me as it is way past my bedtime. Peace! group

IAMOP

You're in the storm, and when you come out of this you will be a thousand times stronger and a thousand times wiser.

We have all gone through such trials on here. Remember that God does not task a soul with anything more than what they can bear. The harder your struggle, the stronger God has deemed you. Remember that!

someoneoutthere

Thank you everyone for all the support.

No, es, I appreciate your story. InshAllah things go your way. It is touching how much you love your mom despite her behavior towards you.

Fortunately, my mom is not sending me to my dad. Yesterday we had a huge fight. It is resolved now, but she is ordering me to go to weekly sessions with a Sheikh to ask him my "concerns" about Hadith.
Of coooouurse I'm gonna end up looking like a buffoon. Debating with these people is fruitless. 20 years he had been teaching Bukhari. These sessions will only embolden my mother in her intolerance towards me unless I can hold up my end. Please pray for me.

For the record, I feel bad unloading my mental baggage on this forum. When I sort some things out, I will contribute elsewhere besides this thread.

Salam

Edip_Yuksel

If you live in the USA, and if your mom knows English, what about giving me your mom's phone number?
Peace,
Edip

unknownuser

Thank you everyone for all the support.

No, es, I appreciate your story. InshAllah things go your way. It is touching how much you love your mom despite her behavior towards you.

Fortunately, my mom is not sending me to my dad. Yesterday we had a huge fight. It is resolved now, but she is ordering me to go to weekly sessions with a Sheikh to ask him my "concerns" about Hadith.
Of coooouurse I'm gonna end up looking like a buffoon. Debating with these people is fruitless. 20 years he had been teaching Bukhari. These sessions will only embolden my mother in her intolerance towards me unless I can hold up my end. Please pray for me.

For the record, I feel bad unloading my mental baggage on this forum. When I sort some things out, I will contribute elsewhere besides this thread.

Salam

Peace,

Don't ever feel bad...I am in the midst of a divorce, and my husband just found out I am no longer following the Sunni way. Trust me, I was terrified when he confronted me with it, but I stood my ground. Who should I fear other than Allah?

There are people on this site that fear for their lives because of their belief...they live in places where their views can get them imprisoned.

Please know that you are not alone...as you have seen, may others have experienced what you are going through.

I pray that Allah protects you during this time in your life...Insha'Allah you will come through it stronger.

Peace,

Amina

youssef4342

Peace )
Don't feel you are alone!
I understand where you're coming from, and I, as a male, have probably gotten it worse off than you.
I have ran away from my father about 4 times because of my belief.

My Gosh! I remember the times when i spoke to him about the Quran alone thing.... i used to shake in the begining... Our relationship was bad before i became a believer in God...and it didn't get any better after believing in God, that is following the Qran alone. God was kind of guiding him to Hadiths, and was guiding me towards Quran alone... you can't guide those whom we love... My father has disowned me at one time, and i could understand, i have brought him hardship and anxiety, but, i tried to help, but to say, i can't make people believe.

so after fighting, he told me he was gonna kill me, so I ran away, leaving my high school education behind, took an airplane ride to another state and stayed on the streets, came back, finished my highschool...

After comming back, i went to live with my nieghbvor for a couple of months, then talked to my dad, and went back living with him, but after a couple of weeks, he didn't like the way i am, religious wise, and we argued, and i straight out told him peacefully, something i mentioned before, like, "I could leave if you want me too"...

He got angry and all, and broke a plate on the ground, i just left and said SALAMUN ALAYKUM! and went back to my neighbor for like a month. I then moved out and became homeless again, and then the cops found me on the streets and brought me back to my father. I lost my college Education...(I sacrificed my Schooling to God, as i took it, but hey, God kind of gaved me one of the best education one could acquire...)

Then my dad and i Argued again, and he called me names like Kaffir, devil worshiper, and good for nothing, and i could see how he took me as that..... So after about 4 months, i left him and went on the streets again, and the cops found me, and i went back to my neighbor for 1 months, and i was asked to leave for no apparent reason (maybe my father played a role in that?)....

I went on the streets again, and i ask on this form and on others if anyone could provide me with housing, and thank God, someone responded, and provided me with housing... I moved with them near begging of June, i got a job in the second week i moved with them. And thank God i am now doing better, however my health has taken a tole from being ion the streets and not eating healthy.

As a 19 year old, i have been through to say, a lot of things, but thank God, here i am.
At times, i didn't have food that i could eat, i was in the cold weather, wasting away....but here i am.

Just go out and do good, and whatever happens happens. Pray to God, and ask others for help.
Don't be afraid, be stern and don't fear... we only live for a short while "

"fear not those who can kill the body. but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell." (Matthew 102
"Ask and it will be given to you; Seek, and you shall find; knock, and doors will open to you...." (Matthew 77)

~May God have mercy~

someoneoutthere

Sorry for replying so late! I've been busy, but moreso I haven't had much to add.

Today was the first session with the Sheikh, but first of all thank you scaredmuslimah and youssef for your stories.
It's crazy how much the Truth is hated, and the grief Believers endure, but inshAllah we will be rewarded for our patience. Stay safe and healthy and happy, isA.

Who should I fear other than Allah?

No one.

To cut a long story short, the Sheikh listened to my concerns. He did not seem judgmental in any way. Obviously the end result of these "Q&A's" is to get me to believe in Hadith and Sunnah. Remember folks, the truth is determined by what supports our original conclusion, not logic and reason /sarcasm.

A summary of the my arguments
-The Qur'an says not to follow Hadith. Qur'an {7185}, {456}, {7750}
-The Qur'an is divinely preserved
-Some of the "companions of the Prophet" may have been hypocrites. Qur'an {631}
-"Following the Prophet (saw)" /=/ "following Hadith"

Summary of his arguments
-The chain of narrators we get the Qur'an from, is the same we get Hadith from, so then why do you reject one and not the other?
-Hadith is divinely preserved (he mentioned an ayah about thikr to support this point, I don't remember it)
-Some verses in Qur'an may be seen as contradictions, akin to Hadith, but we don't reject Qur'an.
-Hadith is more heavily criticized because most people have little knowledge of it.
-The Prophet (saw) does not speak of his own desires

And the brickwall question him and my mother asked is.....
If you were 100% that a certain Hadith is 100% authentic, would you still reject it?

What a disingenuous question. The answer is of course! The whole point of my concerns is if Hadith is ADDING TO or ABROGATING verses of the Qur'an, it would automatically render beyond the scope of authentic Hadith.
Their reply was "no, the Prophet does not speak out of his own whim, he can add and legislate whatever, truthful narrators blah blah blah..."

We're gonna go round 'n round in circles it seems.

@Edip, perhaps in a future session you can do a Skype call with the Sheikh. My mother has outright admitted that whatever the scholars and ulama say, is what she believes, no questions asked ignore Talking to her is fruitless.

Salam.

mmkhan

And the brickwall question him and my mother asked is.....
If you were 100% that a certain Hadith is 100% authentic, would you still reject it?

What a disingenuous question. The answer is of course! The whole point of my concerns is if Hadith is ADDING TO or ABROGATING verses of the Qur'an, it would automatically render beyond the scope of authentic Hadith.
Their reply was "no, the Prophet does not speak out of his own whim, he can add and legislate whatever, truthful narrators blah blah blah..."

We're gonna go round 'n round in circles it seems.

Salaam SOOT,

The same old useless tactics of these ulemas and skeikhs. I want you to ask him only two questions in your next session .

1- Is alQuraan not enough to understand and follow? .

2- Ask him, where did Allah asked you to follow hadith and/or Muhammad?

Ask these questions and all your future sessions will be flying in air.

May Allah help and protect you and bless you with strength to deal with these alQuraan rejectors. pr
mmKhan

sushi1992