My mom wants to disown me
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You're in the storm, and when you come out of this you will be a thousand times stronger and a thousand times wiser.
We have all gone through such trials on here. Remember that God does not task a soul with anything more than what they can bear. The harder your struggle, the stronger God has deemed you. Remember that!
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Thank you everyone for all the support.
No, es, I appreciate your story. InshAllah things go your way. It is touching how much you love your mom despite her behavior towards you.
Fortunately, my mom is not sending me to my dad. Yesterday we had a huge fight. It is resolved now, but she is ordering me to go to weekly sessions with a Sheikh to ask him my "concerns" about Hadith.
Of coooouurse I'm gonna end up looking like a buffoon. Debating with these people is fruitless. 20 years he had been teaching Bukhari. These sessions will only embolden my mother in her intolerance towards me unless I can hold up my end. Please pray for me.For the record, I feel bad unloading my mental baggage on this forum. When I sort some things out, I will contribute elsewhere besides this thread.
Salam
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If you live in the USA, and if your mom knows English, what about giving me your mom's phone number?
Peace,
Edip -
Thank you everyone for all the support.
No, es, I appreciate your story. InshAllah things go your way. It is touching how much you love your mom despite her behavior towards you.
Fortunately, my mom is not sending me to my dad. Yesterday we had a huge fight. It is resolved now, but she is ordering me to go to weekly sessions with a Sheikh to ask him my "concerns" about Hadith.
Of coooouurse I'm gonna end up looking like a buffoon. Debating with these people is fruitless. 20 years he had been teaching Bukhari. These sessions will only embolden my mother in her intolerance towards me unless I can hold up my end. Please pray for me.For the record, I feel bad unloading my mental baggage on this forum. When I sort some things out, I will contribute elsewhere besides this thread.
Salam
Peace,
Don't ever feel bad...I am in the midst of a divorce, and my husband just found out I am no longer following the Sunni way. Trust me, I was terrified when he confronted me with it, but I stood my ground. Who should I fear other than Allah?
There are people on this site that fear for their lives because of their belief...they live in places where their views can get them imprisoned.
Please know that you are not alone...as you have seen, may others have experienced what you are going through.
I pray that Allah protects you during this time in your life...Insha'Allah you will come through it stronger.
Peace,
Amina
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Peace )
Don't feel you are alone!
I understand where you're coming from, and I, as a male, have probably gotten it worse off than you.
I have ran away from my father about 4 times because of my belief.My Gosh! I remember the times when i spoke to him about the Quran alone thing.... i used to shake in the begining... Our relationship was bad before i became a believer in God...and it didn't get any better after believing in God, that is following the Qran alone. God was kind of guiding him to Hadiths, and was guiding me towards Quran alone... you can't guide those whom we love... My father has disowned me at one time, and i could understand, i have brought him hardship and anxiety, but, i tried to help, but to say, i can't make people believe.
so after fighting, he told me he was gonna kill me, so I ran away, leaving my high school education behind, took an airplane ride to another state and stayed on the streets, came back, finished my highschool...
After comming back, i went to live with my nieghbvor for a couple of months, then talked to my dad, and went back living with him, but after a couple of weeks, he didn't like the way i am, religious wise, and we argued, and i straight out told him peacefully, something i mentioned before, like, "I could leave if you want me too"...
He got angry and all, and broke a plate on the ground, i just left and said SALAMUN ALAYKUM! and went back to my neighbor for like a month. I then moved out and became homeless again, and then the cops found me on the streets and brought me back to my father. I lost my college Education...(I sacrificed my Schooling to God, as i took it, but hey, God kind of gaved me one of the best education one could acquire...)
Then my dad and i Argued again, and he called me names like Kaffir, devil worshiper, and good for nothing, and i could see how he took me as that..... So after about 4 months, i left him and went on the streets again, and the cops found me, and i went back to my neighbor for 1 months, and i was asked to leave for no apparent reason (maybe my father played a role in that?)....
I went on the streets again, and i ask on this form and on others if anyone could provide me with housing, and thank God, someone responded, and provided me with housing... I moved with them near begging of June, i got a job in the second week i moved with them. And thank God i am now doing better, however my health has taken a tole from being ion the streets and not eating healthy.
As a 19 year old, i have been through to say, a lot of things, but thank God, here i am.
At times, i didn't have food that i could eat, i was in the cold weather, wasting away....but here i am.Just go out and do good, and whatever happens happens. Pray to God, and ask others for help.
Don't be afraid, be stern and don't fear... we only live for a short while ""fear not those who can kill the body. but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell." (Matthew 102
"Ask and it will be given to you; Seek, and you shall find; knock, and doors will open to you...." (Matthew 77)~May God have mercy~
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Sorry for replying so late! I've been busy, but moreso I haven't had much to add.
Today was the first session with the Sheikh, but first of all thank you scaredmuslimah and youssef for your stories.
It's crazy how much the Truth is hated, and the grief Believers endure, but inshAllah we will be rewarded for our patience. Stay safe and healthy and happy, isA.Who should I fear other than Allah?
No one.
To cut a long story short, the Sheikh listened to my concerns. He did not seem judgmental in any way. Obviously the end result of these "Q&A's" is to get me to believe in Hadith and Sunnah. Remember folks, the truth is determined by what supports our original conclusion, not logic and reason /sarcasm.
A summary of the my arguments
-The Qur'an says not to follow Hadith. Qur'an {7185}, {456}, {7750}
-The Qur'an is divinely preserved
-Some of the "companions of the Prophet" may have been hypocrites. Qur'an {631}
-"Following the Prophet (saw)" /=/ "following Hadith"Summary of his arguments
-The chain of narrators we get the Qur'an from, is the same we get Hadith from, so then why do you reject one and not the other?
-Hadith is divinely preserved (he mentioned an ayah about thikr to support this point, I don't remember it)
-Some verses in Qur'an may be seen as contradictions, akin to Hadith, but we don't reject Qur'an.
-Hadith is more heavily criticized because most people have little knowledge of it.
-The Prophet (saw) does not speak of his own desiresAnd the brickwall question him and my mother asked is.....
If you were 100% that a certain Hadith is 100% authentic, would you still reject it?What a disingenuous question. The answer is of course! The whole point of my concerns is if Hadith is ADDING TO or ABROGATING verses of the Qur'an, it would automatically render beyond the scope of authentic Hadith.
Their reply was "no, the Prophet does not speak out of his own whim, he can add and legislate whatever, truthful narrators blah blah blah..."We're gonna go round 'n round in circles it seems.
@Edip, perhaps in a future session you can do a Skype call with the Sheikh. My mother has outright admitted that whatever the scholars and ulama say, is what she believes, no questions asked ignore Talking to her is fruitless.
Salam.
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And the brickwall question him and my mother asked is.....
If you were 100% that a certain Hadith is 100% authentic, would you still reject it?What a disingenuous question. The answer is of course! The whole point of my concerns is if Hadith is ADDING TO or ABROGATING verses of the Qur'an, it would automatically render beyond the scope of authentic Hadith.
Their reply was "no, the Prophet does not speak out of his own whim, he can add and legislate whatever, truthful narrators blah blah blah..."We're gonna go round 'n round in circles it seems.
Salaam SOOT,
The same old useless tactics of these ulemas and skeikhs. I want you to ask him only two questions in your next session .
1- Is alQuraan not enough to understand and follow? .
2- Ask him, where did Allah asked you to follow hadith and/or Muhammad?
Ask these questions and all your future sessions will be flying in air.
May Allah help and protect you and bless you with strength to deal with these alQuraan rejectors. pr
mmKhan -
Peace )
Don't feel you are alone!
I understand where you're coming from, and I, as a male, have probably gotten it worse off than you.
I have ran away from my father about 4 times because of my belief.My Gosh! I remember the times when i spoke to him about the Quran alone thing.... i used to shake in the begining... Our relationship was bad before i became a believer in God...and it didn't get any better after believing in God, that is following the Qran alone. God was kind of guiding him to Hadiths, and was guiding me towards Quran alone... you can't guide those whom we love... My father has disowned me at one time, and i could understand, i have brought him hardship and anxiety, but, i tried to help, but to say, i can't make people believe.
so after fighting, he told me he was gonna kill me, so I ran away, leaving my high school education behind, took an airplane ride to another state and stayed on the streets, came back, finished my highschool...
After comming back, i went to live with my nieghbvor for a couple of months, then talked to my dad, and went back living with him, but after a couple of weeks, he didn't like the way i am, religious wise, and we argued, and i straight out told him peacefully, something i mentioned before, like, "I could leave if you want me too"...
He got angry and all, and broke a plate on the ground, i just left and said SALAMUN ALAYKUM! and went back to my neighbor for like a month. I then moved out and became homeless again, and then the cops found me on the streets and brought me back to my father. I lost my college Education...(I sacrificed my Schooling to God, as i took it, but hey, God kind of gaved me one of the best education one could acquire...)
Then my dad and i Argued again, and he called me names like Kaffir, devil worshiper, and good for nothing, and i could see how he took me as that..... So after about 4 months, i left him and went on the streets again, and the cops found me, and i went back to my neighbor for 1 months, and i was asked to leave for no apparent reason (maybe my father played a role in that?)....
I went on the streets again, and i ask on this form and on others if anyone could provide me with housing, and thank God, someone responded, and provided me with housing... I moved with them near begging of June, i got a job in the second week i moved with them. And thank God i am now doing better, however my health has taken a tole from being ion the streets and not eating healthy.
As a 19 year old, i have been through to say, a lot of things, but thank God, here i am.
At times, i didn't have food that i could eat, i was in the cold weather, wasting away....but here i am.Just go out and do good, and whatever happens happens. Pray to God, and ask others for help.
Don't be afraid, be stern and don't fear... we only live for a short while ""fear not those who can kill the body. but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell." (Matthew 102
"Ask and it will be given to you; Seek, and you shall find; knock, and doors will open to you...." (Matthew 77)~May God have mercy~
Selam youssef...
Damn... I never knew your situation was so bad. May God bless you and bring you harmony on your journey in life... You deserve it..
To someoneoutthere,
My dear I can relate your feelings to mine... In my family, I didn't suffer because of my beliefs too much, it was more because my mum and dad tried but failed to get on for more than a day. My mum had a terrible childhood full or torture and sexual abuse.. She started to get severe panic attacks at the age of 16, and continues to get panicky ever since. My dad bless him has stuck by her, but in turn ruined his life and sacrificed his life to try and help her, but because of her past experiences and her upbringing her views of life are not the best and her suspicion about things is beyond transgression... To the point where people burn inside with hurt like me and my dad have done. My partner is of Asian origin and my mother dislikes the race, telling me hurtful things how I was a prostitute to go with him (even though he is the only one in my life forever...). I was verbally abused to not end... Provocation after provocation, and sometimes if it got too heated... She would be physically. I can tell Allah with a whole heart that I have never attacked my mother, even after the immense provocations and cornering and inability to get out of the house... Same with my dad who also controlled most of the time. Unfortunately, I know that my dad has suffered too much to stay.. He left 4 years ago but I still see him every day. He got so stressed 10 years ago that he got stomach cancer and had months to live, but had an operation removing his whole stomach and now he is alive and well and given another chance. The lesson I wanted to point out here, is ONLY by the will of Allah may people change. My dad learnt after 30 years that you can't change a person... I learnt after 20 years... It's a sad painful agony but all you can do is try to be supportive and do as much as you can to help your parents, even if they have been misguided (with the help of family past experiences or not). I pray that your mother finds the right path... Some do... Some don't... That is for Allah to decide.. But remember you are not alone in your suffering, you are not alone in your loneliness and abuse... There are people like you... And by Allah, we will get through the trial... But stand strong, and pray for better, love yourself, don't wear a headscarf if you don't feel it right... I never have done because I also felt it unnecessary for me... So be strong... But sometimes give and take where your mother is concerned.. But not to the point where you jeopardise your life as you might become bitter and regretful. If you ever want to talk you can also PM me ). Good luck and stand strong ok?
May you be blessed ), much love ).
peace
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To SOOT
Counter argument
God Promised to protect the al-Zikr (the message = singular noun)?. Tell me, if hadiths were part of this AL-ZIKR (Message), why were they injected with so much falsehood?
God has shown us how he protected the Quran. Hadiths are thus were NOT part of Al-zikr.Moreover, God specifically cites that if the Quran (or anything else for that matter), was from other than him, then we would see a lot of contradictions (482). Thus, anything NOT from God would have contradictions. Hadiths contain contradictions, thus they are Not from God.
Stand strong and Pray to God.
"Some of Saul's Soldiers said, 'There is no power for us today against Goliath and his soldiers." But those who were certain that they would meet God of them said, "How many a small Army has overcome a army by God's leave . God is with the patient." (2249)
"And when they went forth to face Goliath and his soldiers, they said, "Our Lord, Grant us patience and strengthen our foothold, give us victory over the disbelieving people." (2250)To sushi
Thank you.
I would like to note that God has a System of Guidance and Misguidance, whereby he guides and mis/unguides people based on THEIR doing/deeds etc.God's Systems of Guidance and Misguidance
http//free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=9603904.0 -
Peace someoneouthere,
I know this is an old thread. I apologize as I am new to this forum. If you are still on this forum and follow the threads, then I hope you get to read my post as well.
I went through something similar 10 years back. My mother became my worst enemy. She hated me. I hated her. Though it was mutual, it was so very painful. My hatred blinded me. I was actually a Sunni at that time. The mention of the word "Muslim" could put her into a fit. I just didn't know how to deal with it, and so all we did was fight. My mother told all of my relatives that I had gone mad and she advertised my conversion to them, while they benefited from our drama as it was entertaining for them. I was very young and financially dependent on my parents and had nowhere to go. The one thing she never did though she never told my father. I think he would have killed me for sure. Thank God for this. You have a father who appears more open-minded? You are truly blessed in this regard. I didn't have anyone.
So, how did I get by in this household? I learned to bite my tongue and let things go. I ignored her or just pitied her when she became very angry. I made sure that I did not pray in front of her, I hid my fasting somehow, and kept my social life private. I would also advise that you wear the hijab if it makes her happy. Perhaps, she'll leave you alone. Once you become completely independent, then you can do what you want. After you experience some distance from her, she may come around.
My mother eventually came around. We talk at least once a week now. She agrees that monotheism makes more sense, yet she continues with her rituals and practices as it's become habitual and she's quite content in it. My dad is being kept in the dark, and I think he would prefer it that way anyway. One thing I miss? I can no longer hug and kiss my mother with ease. When I was younger, I would shower her with love. Now, it has become very awkward and painful. It's like we both died for awhile, and now we've been resurrected as strangers in some aspects.
Keep up with your conversations with God and know that He can bring change to any circumstance. I have a relationship with my mother (though, it isn't perfect) today, and I never thought I would have one.