An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?
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I wish peace, blessings, and happiness upon you all.
Before I begin, I'd like to point out that I am not a shitty troll. My post is in earnest and I'd like to hear soothing, supporting words, anecdotes ... just about anything comforting ... from any and every one. Thanks.
Here it goes
I am in a mess. I have been in a mess for almost a decade now. And by this mess I imply spiritual mess. Idk where I stand with God. As much as I want to believe in a benevolent creator, I get pushed away. And idk why this keeps happening to me. My story goes something like this
I was born into a Muslim, Sunni family. My faith was strong and my belief in Quran, God, Muhammad was all great ... why wouldn't it be? I believed everything that my family portrayed as true ... I honestly didn't have the time or knowledge to question anything. However, by whatever stroke of luck, at age 19, I became genuinely interested in seeking and nourishing my relationship with Allah. I was sincere at that, but like all stories go, I was horrified by hadith literature and hadith influenced Quran. This was the first time I was carefully reading the scripture, and I was shaken to the core. I had issues with everything. My faith was so much more tested with the stuff I was studying in my undergrad. I was more or less agnostic because of this ... not because I was wanted to be, but because I couldn't fathom God, evil, and muslim scriptures with their odd stories. My existential anxiety turned into major depression ... I could not see the world without God, and yet the world more or less believed in no god at all.
By another stroke of luck I happened upon a Quran Alone group on facebook - I was relieved. Phew. I had been saved. Perhaps there was a way out. My anxiety subsided. And yet my faith was not "full" as it was when I was 18 all those years ago. I still had some issues with some verses --- I did not understand the Quran fully, nor did I fake to be a scholar --- but I always gave it my best. I read and re-read. I spent time on Arabic. I did what I could. And I stayed away from all "sins".
Push couple of more years and my anxiety peaked again, as I thought more and more about the world and its people. I just couldn't understand how each one of us could reach the idea of one god when most of us are never exposed to it. Progress of science and its commitment to erasing God has been no help. It just pushes people further off when they're already on thin ice. And yet I hung on to my faith. A faith that was in my heart but not in my questioning mind. I hoped that there was a God who witnessed my struggle and would eventually answer me. I remained committed to good and reading Quran.
But now it's been a year of so much pain and anxiety I have had to see a therapist to be re-assured that everything will be alright. I am on such thin ice that I can barely stand - I am afraid my faith will shatter and so will I. I don't know how to find God ... and which God do I find?
Everyone claims to have found God. You ask muslims, christians, jewish folks, hindus, sikhs, animists, gnostics, whichever denomination you pick claims to have found God and to have guidance. This only goes on to confirm the evolutionary theory of religion - we all have a spot(s) in our brain that makes us feel spiritual and then we attach it to whatever cultural/religious beliefs we have. This really depresses me --- how am I to ever know that I have the true God in mind and heart, when all I am doing is depending on very subjective experiences and modes of knowledge?
The concept of shirk depresses me even more. Most non-muslim folks seek God in earnest; they feel it within themselves; next thing they do is associate with God whatever cultural notions of God they have. Their notion of God is as much as their religion offers them. Nothing more, nothing less. A Christian --- even a very rational one who believes in truths of science --- after seeking and feeling God ends up believing in Jesus' help. Are they to be blamed? That's the language/mode of knowledge they have to reach God.
I wish I could understand the world and God better. My questions are too many and answers quite nil. I have no answer for anything. My psychologist tells me my need for God/faith is a human need that the brain/years of evolution and cultural thought puts on me. I am in agreement with this; and yet I know I have a mind that questions regardless of this need the nature and existence of God. My heart yearns to believe in a creative force despite evil and suffering that pervades the world. I am sure I have justifications for all this. And yet my mind is troubled about "which God". And even if the god I believe in is solely a palliative figment of my thoughts.
I am so confused and upset ---- each believing individual is at peace with God, no matter which religion they belong to. Either God exists in the brain or God sees no religion and offers comfort to all regardless of denominations and rituals. How do I reach out to God? How do I hear back from the creative force? How will I ever know that it's the authentic voice? I could have sworn as a Sunni my comfort and faith was authentic ...
Guys, this post is in earnest. I am a parent and spouse, and my depression and lack of faith has pushed me away into a corner. I need comforting words. How do I come back to God? Sometimes I feel God has locked my heart for doubting and questioning so much. But I have only doubted because I have rarely ever received proper answers. I envy people who have rock solid faith in this day and age. I am just so lost. I do not even know where I went wrong ... perhaps in questioning everything? But I only did so to have better faith and understanding ... But alas! All's lost. Unlike others, I did not gain insight into God or life; instead, I lost whatever morsel of hope I had.
I hope people who have gone through something similar will have words to share. How do you guys get back on track? How do you get back to God? How do learn to trust your heart and ignore the musings of the brain? Just how do you guys have faith and I do not?
Thanking you all in earnest,
A sleepless agnostic believer on thin ice -
Be aware of your importance - your over-thinking guided you into that state of confusion. What will truly set you free is the objective Truth - the Truth of your potential power to tame those forces which are putting you into that loop of self doubt and depression. Face your demons and banish them - clear your thoughts and connect to the Higher Self through clearing your mind from the illusion of fear.
Blessings and prayers for you brother!
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Salam have you ever considered it might be better to stop "searching" and let whatever you are searching for come to you? Sounds like you might be hitting some mental burnout with so many thoughts going on at once plus your responsibility to your family and job. I'd take a break from constantly analyzing the path you are on and just absorb the life experiences instead with the understanding that if a God exists He will show you the signs you are looking for. I lived my life not worrying about anything and yet I was "guided" to a certain understanding of Islam and God. By "guided" I don't mean I received a concrete sign per say but rather I saw multiple understanding about a subject and let time and wisdom filter out things that didn't make sense. What I believed when I was 15 years old isn't what I believe now at 39. And it doesn't bother me one bit nor do I ever think I was on the wrong path. To question and realign your understanding over time IS the right path.
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Salam have you ever considered it might be better to stop "searching" and let whatever you are searching for come to you? Sounds like you might be hitting some mental burnout with so many thoughts going on at once plus your responsibility to your family and job. I'd take a break from constantly analyzing the path you are on and just absorb the life experiences instead with the understanding that if a God exists He will show you the signs you are looking for. I lived my life not worrying about anything and yet I was "guided" to a certain understanding of Islam and God. By "guided" I don't mean I received a concrete sign per say but rather I saw multiple understanding about a subject and let time and wisdom filter out things that didn't make sense. What I believed when I was 15 years old isn't what I believe now at 39. And it doesn't bother me one bit nor do I ever think I was on the wrong path. To question and realign your understanding over time IS the right path.
I appreciate you suggestion. Within this decade I have done that. I have had a year or two here and there where I completely gave up and operated on faith, but my doubts and questions have rarely been answered. Or if they have been, I may have missed the signal. Idek what i am looking for now! It's just that after a while worries keep building on and I lose sight of hope, purpose, and will. I am indeed exhausted! I can barely make it to the next day ...
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Salam the fact that you are worried about these things in a world where people have lost their connection to a spiritual side is a good sign in and of itself that you are not going to be "abandoned".
My faithless, skeptic mind tells me I am just hanging on to the last straw and I will eventually lose it.
Honestly can't wait to feel the comfort of God ... I really need it. I don't think I can hang in any longer. I am losing my sanity.
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Peace Rahma.
This may or may not help .I hope you find time to read all of it. Some of it may not apply to you. Or may be all of it will be of no use to you. I apologise in advance if it is of no use.
Allow me to share it with you-My views about these basic topics- see headings above each one-
On types of people
1-There is a difference between one who believes(really and sincerely believes -totally loyal and committed to GOD), one who does not believe and one who believes on their terms and conditions ( Their loyalty shifts to whatever suits their ego)2- GOD said Qoran guides and misguides depending on what type of person ( 1).
3- How can Qoran be clear and simple to all these different types of people? If it was,and no one had any doubt whatsoever there will be no need for a test. The matter will be settled.
4- We are meant to ponder/study/read/learn Qoran relying on GOD Alone for explanation , be patient and persevere no matter how long it takes. Do not rush it and say my Lord give me more knowledge.
5- We are blessed by this “Internet” with good and bad things in it. Translations galore,all sorts of views. Pick the best and keep checking with your Lord to help you choose what agrees with Qoran s message. It is hard work and a long journey.
There is no easy answer . You have to keep checking /analysing/studying/…
May the Lord keep us on task to answer His call and help us redeem ourselves.On those who want to find the truth
I hope you are sincerely trying to find out the truth, my advice to you is please ,please give Qoran some value and attempt to find out what its message is. This is my opinion.
You can disregard my opinion, you are free to ask anything you want, I am just concerned and want you to be aware of the following
Qoran says”Check all information”, each one of us is accountable on the day of judgement .
No one will have any valid excuse?
In fact , we cannot blame anyone according to Qoran, everything is being recorded with each individualOn that day, you will be exposed, nothing of you can be hidden.
As for the one who receives his record with his right hand, he will say, “Come read my record.
“I did believe that I was going to be held accountable.”
As for him who is given his record in his left hand, he will say, “Oh, I wish I never received my record.
“I wish I never knew my account.….Qoran 7827] They never expected to be held accountable.Qoran 1849] The record will be shown, and you will see the guilty fearful of its contents. They will say, “Woe to us. How come this book leaves nothing, small or large, without counting it?” They will find everything they had done brought forth. Your Lord is never unjust towards anyone.
We created the human, and we know what he whispers to himself. We are closer to him than his jugular vein.
Two recording (angels), at right and at left, are constantly recording.
Oblivious to the fact that there are (invisible) keepers around you.
They are honest recorders.
They record everything you do.
Then the earth will shine with the light of its Lord. The record will be proclaimed, and the prophets and the witnesses will be brought forth. Everyone will then be judged equitably, without the least injustice.
We never burden any soul beyond its means, and we keep a record that utters the truth. No one will suffer injustice.
We have recorded the fate of every human being; it is tied to his neck. On the Day of Resurrection we will hand him a record that is accessible.
Read your own record. Today, you suffice as your own reckoner.
The day will come when we summon every people, together with their record. As for those who are given a record of righteousness, they will read their record and will not suffer the least injustice.
The day will come when God will resurrect them all, then inform them of everything they had done. God has recorded everything, while they have forgotten it. God witnesses all things.
You will see every community kneeling. Every community will be called to view their record. Today, you get paid for everything you have done.
This is our record; it utters the truth about you. We have been recording everything you did.
As for those who work righteousness, while believing, their work will not go to waste; we are recording it.I hope I am wrong in reminding you to ask questions because you sincerely want to learn and understand Qoran s message. If you are sincerely wanting to know, I apologise. Do it your way.
On GOD and people s choices/decisions
People want it both ways. They reject GOD and blame him at the same time!!! It does not make sense
Forgive my words in brackets, or ignore them altogether, but they are my understanding of why disasters exist.1331″Even if a Koran ( or any scripture from GOD) caused mountains to move or the earth to tear asunder. or the dead to speak. ( The majority of people will not believe in it!) Those who believe will need to realise that if GOD willed, HE could have guided all the people.( But every individual needs to make that decision by himself, GOD will not force you to believe; Even though) GOD controls all things. The disbelievers ( and idol worshippers) will continue to suffer disasters as a consequence of their own works. ( and bad decisions! If you do not want GOD -your creator- to be part of your life, do not blame HIM for your disasters!) Or have disasters strike close to them. ( because of what others, close to them ,are doing- the decisions they are taking-) Until GOD s promise is fulfilled. GOD will never change the predetermined destiny.( Every human is allowed a lifetime- Short or long- to make their own decision!)
With GOD No disasters/sufferings…etc.
Without GOD disasters/sufferings…etc created by bad decisions /injustice/oppression…Sorry about the long post.
GOD bless you.
Peace. -
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Dear sister,
My English is not good but your cry is touching.
Do not think that you are the only one to doubt. If you have the opportunity, you may have a good time with the beauties of this world and contemplate your creator benefactor. Do not put barriers or sails between you and God. Ask yourself, do yoga or meditation to get back to you.
Listen to your heart..What makes it beat? Listen to the breath that crosses your lungs ... Who makes them dilate?
Keep the basmala as a mantra in your mind. It should become your guide and your focal point of meditation. Meditate on your uterus that contains life and you will understand Al-Rahman Al-Rahim. Meditate on this belic cord that binds us to life and was cut at one point in our lives and how much our distress took hold of us.
Do not ask too many questions if it is not the moment. Be simple. Be faithful to God in the direction to follow while you are his instrument on earth.
And especially forgive, to others but also to yourself and ask Allah to help u and others..Peace sister
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Guys, this post is in earnest. I am a parent and spouse, and my depression and lack of faith has pushed me away into a corner. I need comforting words. How do I come back to God? Sometimes I feel God has locked my heart for doubting and questioning so much. But I have only doubted because I have rarely ever received proper answers.
peace, how would anyone learn or attain faith if they are never tested?
https//corpuscoranicum.de/handschriften/index/sure/9/vers/126?handschrift=73
https//i.postimg.cc/rFdSbCxw/ch9v125-ch10v7.jpg
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Everyone claims to have found God. You ask muslims, christians, jewish folks, hindus, sikhs, animists, gnostics, whichever denomination you pick claims to have found God and to have guidance.
Salam,
these people, who claim to have "found" God, have found their understanding of God, probably not God as a whole. Don't know if anyone can have that. So no reason to worry that they are so far ahead of you.My psychologist tells me my need for God/faith is a human need that the brain/years of evolution and cultural thought puts on me. I am in agreement with this; and yet I know I have a mind that questions regardless of this need the nature and existence of God.
I am very much in disagreement with this! This is typical for this kind of people that they reduce religion to a tranquilizer If it helps it's good, but truth does not matter.
Nowhere in the Quran there is a chapter, where God explains himself in an academic way, that the rational brain can learn about God. He is above the throne. And in another verse, he is nearer to us than our jugular vein. But then to conclude He is everywhere, like some do, also doesn't work.
We shall think about the signs in the creation, because about this we have the capacity to think. In our heart we have desire for perfect justice, perfect love, perfect beauty, perfect security, no calamity at all ... (much more > names of Allah). Does all this exist? On earth obviously not. So where?
Don't know if this helped much. -
peace, how would anyone learn or attain faith if they are never tested?
https//corpuscoranicum.de/handschriften/index/sure/9/vers/126?handschrift=73
https//i.postimg.cc/rFdSbCxw/ch9v125-ch10v7.jpg
Salam Noon,
I didn’t catch the image you sent. Please share?
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Salam,
these people, who claim to have "found" God, have found their understanding of God, probably not God as a whole. Don't know if anyone can have that. So no reason to worry that they are so far ahead of you.This gives some perspective. Perhaps all of us “read” God from our limited experiences and languages. How I understand god will even be different from how my sibling or child will understand; let alone how a non muslim would understand.
Thanks.
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Thanking you all in earnest,
A sleepless agnostic believer on thin icewelcome
I was reading and trying understanding the current situation of your mind journey, i wana suggest you some links of a person who known as expert of ideas and theories at this current stage your mind known by other people as "agnosism"
in a very short time you can share the experience of his mind what he discovered and now hes sharing his ideas with lot of people having same ideas coming in their mind like you.
start from here and then you can take your time watching all of his concepts..in different videos
heart or mindjust make sure one thing, when you feel whole world turned against you, YOU(your intelligence/self) must work for you, nobody can turn it against you.
when you become your own enemy then we called it, misery/sadness/ill-healthy mind/feeling of failue etc. (becoz you turned against your own mind).
best of luck for future
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Nice cry, )
We bring Him more closer to us, talk to Him more often.
We give goodness to others around us, and we will feel more closer to Him.
Respect other's views, and identify our double standards, theres a lot we will have before blaming others using words like shirk and we learn a lot.
Leave things to the flow/God's way. -
I hope people who have gone through something similar will have words to share. How do you guys get back on track? How do you get back to God? How do learn to trust your heart and ignore the musings of the brain? Just how do you guys have faith and I do not?
These might help.
https//www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFee7jBZLhg
https//www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0WwZc-Vz7Y
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I am so confused and upset ---- each believing individual is at peace with God, no matter which religion they belong to. Either God exists in the brain or God sees no religion and offers comfort to all regardless of denominations and rituals.
BINGO.
And God exists in everything and more...
Even when there was nothing, God still exist..How do I reach out to God? How do I hear back from the creative force?
Just ask and it shall be given, seek and you shall find.
God knows your questions even before you ask.How will I ever know that it's the authentic voice?
You will certainly know, as your conscience will tell you that it's authentic..
How do I come back to God?
You never left God in the first place... you can't... nobody can...
Sometimes I feel God has locked my heart for doubting and questioning so much.
Now this is important, God will never locked your heart out because you questioning so much..
On contrary... the more question that you have, the more answer that you will find.
Just ask and the answer shall be given... those who asked a lot will find a lot, and those who never asked will never find.Yet sometimes the issue is you don't like the answer..... as it's not inline with your preconceived notion.. or the preconceived notion of your society / group / religion / tradition.