Anyone else worried that because there are few Quran alone Muslims...

SarahY

Jkhan, sorry for your loss, that must have been difficult for you.

To everyone, one thing we seem to forget is that we are shaped by our upbringing, culture, society as well as our belief/knowledge and we are evolving based on that + personality and more…. To think that we are immune from those influences or even from wrong is so exaggerated and the idea that Quran Only are the only true believers is also idealised. You bet in an idealistic world you’d wanna partner up with someone who has similar background, similar belief/religious practise because it makes for an easier or more coherent life. That being said there is no given that their belief and practise will stay the same. At least right now this is a forum with people who have similar perspectives and you can see some would and wouldn’t be compatible with your views.

So many people believe in God and do good and genuinely have faith in God. Yes many people have messed up views and many have rigid views who are unopen to discussion and perspective even though they have the “true believer” stamp all over them. It’s too simplistic to fear settling, no-one is perfect in every way, everyone compromises on some things.

This is why I whole heartedly believe you must be honest about yourself, your views, your perspective and how you envision a marriage/future and if you’re not sure than I guess it’s worth considering. It doesn’t mean every single person who crosses your life needs to know but certainly if there is a future perspective with someone than surely. Yes you will get people who think you’re an insane kaffir/a, and yes you will get people who will not care and everything inbetween, but if you can’t be yourself well what’s the point in seeking a partner? You would need to work on being secure and understanding yourself and your attachment style before even going there.

Just my thoughts

Peace.

jkhan

Peace, brother Khan,

I agree.

Where does one find a believer? As it transpires, when one meets someone who purports to be a "believer", the values which they seem to have, and how they live their life, seems to even be devoid of basic values which any average human would have.

Peace.

It is hard.. But patience is key..
Thank you

jkhan

Jkhan, sorry for your loss, that must have been difficult for you.

To everyone, one thing we seem to forget is that we are shaped by our upbringing, culture, society as well as our belief/knowledge and we are evolving based on that + personality and more…. To think that we are immune from those influences or even from wrong is so exaggerated and the idea that Quran Only are the only true believers is also idealised. You bet in an idealistic world you’d wanna partner up with someone who has similar background, similar belief/religious practise because it makes for an easier or more coherent life. That being said there is no given that their belief and practise will stay the same. At least right now this is a forum with people who have similar perspectives and you can see some would and wouldn’t be compatible with your views.

So many people believe in God and do good and genuinely have faith in God. Yes many people have messed up views and many have rigid views who are unopen to discussion and perspective even though they have the “true believer” stamp all over them. It’s too simplistic to fear settling, no-one is perfect in every way, everyone compromises on some things.

This is why I whole heartedly believe you must be honest about yourself, your views, your perspective and how you envision a marriage/future and if you’re not sure than I guess it’s worth considering. It doesn’t mean every single person who crosses your life needs to know but certainly if there is a future perspective with someone than surely. Yes you will get people who think you’re an insane kaffir/a, and yes you will get people who will not care and everything inbetween, but if you can’t be yourself well what’s the point in seeking a partner? You would need to work on being secure and understanding yourself and your attachment style before even going there.

Just my thoughts

Peace.

Thank you sister..

A good advice.. In life it is better not to rush.. Loads of patience works well..

Thank you..

ade_cool

Salam dear brothers and sisters,

When it comes to finding spouse, for the belief aspect I believe what you should be looking for is a monotheist. It does not matter whether he/she is labelled as Sunni, Shia, Christian, Hindu, Buddha, Quranist, etc as those are just meaningless label ...what makes somebody monotheist is his/her belief and actions, not label associated to them by others.

If you are

Good at playing chess, you will be able to recognize if someone is good at playing chess
Good at trading stock, you will be able to recognize if someone is good at trading stock
Good at programming, you will be able to recognize if someone is good at programming
Good at martial art, you will be able to recognize if someone is good at martial art
Good at astronomy, you will be able to recognize if someone is good at astronomy

So, I am sure you, my brothers and sisters, through interaction with your candidate partners will be able to recognize if he/she is a monotheist.

Other aspects such as physical attraction, financial, etc, you know better than anyone else sun

Wassalam

ade_cool

I also like to share.. In fact I am a loser when it comes to find a partner for life..

All of them rejects when I speak truth.. But all accepts me when I lie..
Strange isn't it..?

But I like to go with truth... Honestly I was keep searching in conventional Muslim families just to be in society which I live.. But my truth is like a monster for them..

Simply I am damn loser..
Note.. I never looked in rich families so that they reject looking at my faith.. Even poor people rejected me just coz of my faith..

When I say truth they reject and when I lie they accept.. But what to do.. Mind say speak truth...
For me even orphan, refugee or poor girl from any country is okay.. But I am not even fortunate for that..
I could have become rich If I accepted and continued my job in law.. But I gave up long back.. And chosen a simple job.. So most girls don't like to have midocre life...

Salam jkhan,

If you don't mind, would you share a bit more detail on what exactly the truth that you tell them which make them break up with you?

If you think that is too personal, no need to answer

Wassalam

jkhan

Salam jkhan,

If you don't mind, would you share a bit more detail on what exactly the truth that you tell them which make them break up with you?

If you think that is too personal, no need to answer

Wassalam

Salam a cool

There is nothing personal on this matter.. And nothing to hide..
But I don't like to dig this and drag and waste others time ...
Let's discuss something meaningful which makes us close to God and in the end achieve our ultimate goal..
We got lots of things to do in life..

The_Middle_Path

Peace,

My advice to single brothers and sister on free-minds is to stop looking for a wife or a husband.

My counsel to you is to do these things instead

Focus on your purpose instead (e.g. spread the message and do good deeds). Additionally, focus on your work/career. If you want the opposite sex to be interested in you, you can attract a compatible partner by giving, growing and accomplishing something. You need to have something to bring to the table.
Put your trust in the most high in relation to finding or being guided to a compatible spouse. You will most likely find or be guided to a compatible spouse at the right time.Things take time. Be patient.
Dating is not necessary in order to get married. If you like someone, you only need to be friends before getting married. You can be friends and propose to someone without having had any romantic/physical relationship at all.
If you like someone, and logically and intuitvely (i.e. it feels right) can tell that someone is suitable for you, then that person is probably suitable for you. If it is against your logic/reason and it does not feel right to take the next step with regards to getting to know someone as more than a friend, then it is probably wrong to get to know that person as more than a friend.
Last but not least, use the Quran as a criterion and a guide regarding to find out whether someone is suitable for (compatible with) you or not.

jkhan

Peace,

My advice to single brothers and sister on free-minds is to stop looking for a wife or a husband.

My counsel to you is to do these things instead

Focus on your purpose instead (e.g. spread the message and do good deeds). Additionally, focus on your work/career. If you want the opposite sex to be interested in you, you can attract a compatible partner by giving, growing and accomplishing something. You need to have something to bring to the table.
Put your trust in the most high in relation to finding or being guided to a compatible spouse. You will most likely find or be guided to a compatible spouse at the right time.Things take time. Be patient.
Dating is not necessary in order to get married. If you like someone, you only need to be friends before getting married. You can be friends and propose to someone without having had any romantic/physical relationship at all.
If you like someone, and logically and intuitvely (i.e. it feels right) can tell that someone is suitable for you, then that person is probably suitable for you. If it is against your logic/reason and it does not feel right to take the next step with regards to getting to know someone as more than a friend, then it is probably wrong to get to know that person as more than a friend.
Last but not least, use the Quran as a criterion and a guide regarding to find out whether someone is suitable for (compatible with) you or not.

That's a good advice.. And good choice. But seems practically not viable for most of not for everyone.. ..

The_Middle_Path

Peace jkhan,

The advice might not be practicable (viable) for most or for everyone due to cultural barriers, geographical barriers (which can reduce the possibility of finding a compatible partner), parental expectations/pressures etc. But the advice is practicable (viable) for many of our brothers and sisters, albeit not without difficulty or challenges.

I haven't collected all the verses related to finding a partner in the Quran. But I think these verses shed some light on how to find a compatible partner according to the Quran.

55 Today, all the good things of life have been made lawful to you. And the food of those who have been vouchsafed revelation aforetime is lawful to you, and your food is lawful to them. And , in wedlock, women from among those who believe , and, in wedlock, women from among those who have be en vouchsafed revelation before your time - provided that you give them their dowers, taking them in honest wedlock, not in fornication, nor as secret love-companions.

Verse 55 encourage our brothers to marry those who believe in the Quran (i.e. muslims), or those who believe in other scriptures (christians, jews etc.).

2433 And as for those who are unable to marry, let them live in continence until God grants them sufficiency out of His bounty.

Verse 2433 indicates that it is a good choice to live in continence (be chaste) until one is able to to marry. In other words, the Quran does not encourage our brothers and sisters to have physical/romantic relationships before marriage. Instead, it encourages our brothers and sisters to be single and only have friendships with the opposite sex until they are able to get married.

2221 And do not marry the female polytheists until they believe. For a believing female servant is better than a polytheist even if she attracts you. And do not marry the male polytheists until they believe. For a believing male servant is better than a polytheist even if he attracts you. Those invite to the Fire, while God is inviting to the Paradise and forgiveness by His consent. He clarifies His revelations for the people that they may remember.

Verse 2221 encourages our brothers and sisters to only marry monotheists. The verse also indicates that someones personality (i.e. their character) is more important than physical attraction when it comes to finding a partner.

2426 The vile females are for the vile males, and the vile males are for the vile females. And the good females are for the good males, and the good males are for the good females; these are innocent from what statements have been made, and for them is forgiveness and a generous provision.

Verse 2426 encourages our brothers to marry good females and it encourages our sisters to marry good males. Goodness/virtue is of crucial importance.

3021 And from His signs is that He created for you mates from yourselves that you may reside with them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. In that are signs for a people who reflect.

Verse 3021 indicates that the most high have created compatible partners for our brothers and sisters. Hence it is a good choice to be patient and hopeful regarding finding a compatible mate.

jkhan