From Malaysia: Still searching but here?s my story?
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Did you tell her your belief after you are in relationship with her or at the very early phase when you start dating/going out with her? I am not sure whether it is better to tell a girl at the very early phase of getting to know her or better after she is already in relationship with me. Please kindly share your experience if you don't mind. How do you tell her by the way?
Glad that she accepts you as you are-
Get knowing either if she's a Sunni/Shia etc
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If she's not a God Aloner, then give her a clue why she should be so. You can start it by sharing your opinions about something related.
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Salam ade_cool,
Did you tell her your belief after you are in relationship with her or at the very early phase when you start dating/going out with her?
I told her at the very early phase, in our second/third date I think... &
I am not sure whether it is better to tell a girl at the very early phase of getting to know her or better after she is already in relationship with me.
Its a tricky question and one that I considered as well at that point in time. I decided to tell her early because-
- She wears a hijab (ie, most likely religious, hence more likely to not agree with me)
- This is important to me and I will not compromise my beliefs
Based on 1. and 2., and the fact that it is still early days for us, ive decided to come clean early so that we both could cut our losses early if we cannot agree.
Please kindly share your experience if you don't mind. How do you tell her by the way?
I basically told her everything in my earlier post but I also discussed the history of hadith and why I had my doubts. After explaining my beliefs, I told her that I will not force her to believe what i believe. I do not mind going out with someone who doesnt share my belief, but I hope that she would not force me to believe in what she believes either. I also said that I am still learning and willing to learn. If there is any rationale evidence that I am wrong, I will 'mend' my ways. I am open, and I only seek the truth.
She later told me that my openness and honesty impressed her. (Perhaps that sealed the deal? bravo. Hehehe..I dont know but at that time all I wanted to do was to tell the truth. She was also amazed that I read the Quran. (Again, brownie points..haha). I guess, the fact that I was willing to be 'corrected' if there is sufficient evidence and that I wont force her is the key as it showed that I was genuine about wanting to know the truth, and I am not looking to recruit her as a member of some deviationist cult.. O0.
Glad that she accepts you as you are
Thanks.. Its not a smooth ride to be honest . Even today (15 months), we still have disagreements. Whenever possible, I try to take the opportunity to present my view on what the Quran preaches on certain topics. And we would debate on them, more often than not the issue is left hanging because, well...the Quran is quite straightforward on certain things isnt it? And at that stage, she will ask me to talk to a 'religious teacher'/ustaz as she is not knowledgeable enough. Of cos, I refused since I know its a total waste of time + I could be jailed!
The thing I have learnt about this is, we cannot force people, no matter what. It is not easy for them to unbelieve what they have practised all their lives. After all, everyone is doing it, how can it be wrong? Yes, it pains us to see our loved ones led by the nose by these career priests. Partly, I am to be blamed as there is much that I cannot explain clearly. Like I said, I may not know the correct way, but I definitely know the wrong way.
It is tiresome sometimes, the 'fightings' can take their toll, but I think everybody needs to be given a chance to find his/her way. Just like we did/are still doing. I think I am making progress, as the constant debates and questioning has opened her eyes somewhat. Hopefully, it wont take too long.
Overall, no regrets. This has worked well so far for me and I am certainly glad that I told her earlier. But for you, the solution maybe something else and this entirely depends on you and your partner. Different people react differently and only you would know the best approach to take. Good luck!
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peace,
Welcome to the forum.
Amazing isn't it.Thank you, Wakas.
Yes, it is. Instead of mind numbing rituals, we are asked to think! How refreshing!
We have now bestowed upon you from on high a divine writ containing all that you ought to bear in mind; will you not, then, use your reason? (2110)
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welcome welcome
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Thank god i FINALLY found a fellow malaysian who has the same views as I do! Reciting arabic surahs that you didnt know the meaning of, the right leg first in the door , dogs arent alowed in the house because angels will go away (and all sorts of stuff espacially stoning) never made any sense growing up!! and whenever i tell my friends about how theyre in the hadiths and not actually from god and get in debates with them, they all say i cant use my own mind to think i need the help of a religious scholar!! (I also get in debates with my parents like you) and i feel the same exact way as you do in how i just want to know the truth and im willing to be corrected, if it convinces me otherwise! We are the people who are sincere in finding truth, we should definitely keep connected so... can you give me your email somehow? maybe through priveate message? im so happy that a malaysian besides me has the same views! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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By the way have you ever heard of this one hadith where muhammad threatened to burn down the homes of people who did not pray 5 times a day in jamaah at the mosque?(meaning as a group). Well I used to pray all my prayers at the mosque when i read that hadith! lol i mean the very notion of muhammad threatening to burn down peoples houses..how can a prophet do such a thing? it didnt make sense even back then. but i just accepted it. why? because islam's concept of god makes super sense.so everything else (supposedly islamic) had to be right no matter what. if only i knew that all thses wierd stuff tht didnt make sense were not in the quran.. btw u okay giving me ur email? or are u on facebook? handshake
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By the way have you ever heard of this one hadith where muhammad threatened to burn down the homes of people who did not pray 5 times a day in jamaah at the mosque?(meaning as a group). Well I used to pray all my prayers at the mosque when i read that hadith! lol i mean the very notion of muhammad threatening to burn down peoples houses..how can a prophet do such a thing? it didnt make sense even back then. but i just accepted it. why? because islam's concept of god makes super sense.so everything else (supposedly islamic) had to be right no matter what. if only i knew that all thses wierd stuff tht didnt make sense were not in the quran.. btw u okay giving me ur email? or are u on facebook? handshake
Hello noshield30..my apologies for the late reply. I have been tied up with work and havent been on this forum for a bit.
I'm glad to meet a fellow malaysian here too. This country is heading from bad to worse no? And its all because of religion/their interpretation of religion. No, I havent heard that particular hadith, but I can imagine THAT being a hadith! And its not only the hadith, its everything else, all their so called ijma and ijtihad. Ulama's here have too much power, and paid well too. Why do they have to be paid? They dont add value to the economy at all, they are just a cost. Hence they have to justify their existence with all these funky fatwas' with have no basis. I mean cmon, how can practising yoga be 'haram'? And coming out for guidelines to pray in space? Sigh..
Anyway, enough b*tching, . My email address is at [email protected] . Do drop me a line sometime.
Take care, Salam bro.
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Thank god i FINALLY found a fellow malaysian who has the same views as I do! Reciting arabic surahs that you didnt know the meaning of, the right leg first in the door , dogs arent alowed in the house because angels will go away (and all sorts of stuff espacially stoning) never made any sense growing up!! and whenever i tell my friends about how theyre in the hadiths and not actually from god and get in debates with them, they all say i cant use my own mind to think i need the help of a religious scholar!! (I also get in debates with my parents like you) and i feel the same exact way as you do in how i just want to know the truth and im willing to be corrected, if it convinces me otherwise! We are the people who are sincere in finding truth, we should definitely keep connected so... can you give me your email somehow? maybe through priveate message? im so happy that a malaysian besides me has the same views! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Yeah, the sunnis can't even answer simple questions because of their lack of knowledge, mainly due to relying on scholars all the time. laugh
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By the way have you ever heard of this one hadith where muhammad threatened to burn down the homes of people who did not pray 5 times a day in jamaah at the mosque?(meaning as a group). Well I used to pray all my prayers at the mosque when i read that hadith! lol i mean the very notion of muhammad threatening to burn down peoples houses..how can a prophet do such a thing? it didnt make sense even back then. but i just accepted it. why? because islam's concept of god makes super sense.so everything else (supposedly islamic) had to be right no matter what. if only i knew that all thses wierd stuff tht didnt make sense were not in the quran.. btw u okay giving me ur email? or are u on facebook? handshake
That's like a contradiction to the koran and probably a very weak hadith yaa?
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Salam Maxthecat80,
Apa khabar? .....President Obama also can speak "Apa khabar" at some visitors in White House, because he had been in Indonesia during his younger days.
Back to your life experience. I think most of us feel the same way.
In Malaysia, the mindset of traditional muslims are die hard fans, so called Imam Syafiee followers, much much better than other mazhab thinking.
Example
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After performing Haj, they will put Haji before their names. So some people feel (not all) they were guranteed to enter paradise, as if non-Haj are low rank people.
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Most muslims said reading Quran in Arabic is full of fragrance, but reading the tafseer or translation is only an option. How do we know the message of Quran if we don't know the message.
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In the TV programmes most of the Islamic programmes are mainly on how to recite Quran in correct way and how to sing beautifully, but not even one in what's the message of the Quran in terms of science, technology and other subjects.
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The chaos regarding "Allah" names is so great that is sensitive to muslims in Malaysia. The word Allah were used even before Muhammad's time.
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Beard is good in Islam because sunnah of Muhammad. If say Jews have more thicker beard?
There are many other set of thinking that really makes me wonder about the beliefs of the traditional muslims if not confused, make us so tired of their style. So contradict with our human aspects of life. nope
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Hello noshield30..my apologies for the late reply. I have been tied up with work and havent been on this forum for a bit.
I'm glad to meet a fellow malaysian here too. This country is heading from bad to worse no? And its all because of religion/their interpretation of religion. No, I havent heard that particular hadith, but I can imagine THAT being a hadith! And its not only the hadith, its everything else, all their so called ijma and ijtihad. Ulama's here have too much power, and paid well too. Why do they have to be paid? They dont add value to the economy at all, they are just a cost. Hence they have to justify their existence with all these funky fatwas' with have no basis. I mean cmon, how can practising yoga be 'haram'? And coming out for guidelines to pray in space? Sigh..
Anyway, enough b*tching, . My email address is at [email protected] . Do drop me a line sometime.
Take care, Salam bro.
Hey Max,
welcome, I too am a fellow Malaysian. Been in FM for some time, note of caution, exercise your views with care now that you're back in our tanah air, Malaysia. We are considered deviant elektro . People here, I'm sure you're aware have generally forfeited their right to think on religious matters to thier unelected officials who hold religious office in the country.
Rumi
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Hey Max,
welcome, I too am a fellow Malaysian. Been in FM for some time, note of caution, exercise your views with care now that you're back in our tanah air, Malaysia. We are considered deviant elektro . People here, I'm sure you're aware have generally forfeited their right to think on religious matters to thier unelected officials who hold religious office in the country.
Rumi
Peace
I really loved Malaysia when I went there for the first time. I was sort of conned (by the twin towers, the tube, the airport, Putrajaya) into believing it was a modern well-governed country. The more I find out (Anwar Ibrahim, nepotism, bumiputra, the Chinese, that lady who wanted to be a Christian, putting your religion on your passport, Christians using 'Allah', the more I feel bad about Malaysia.
I used to love Mahatir too. I have read two or three of his books!
Having said this, I have found the people are genuinely very nice and trusting.
Roshan
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Hi!
i'm from Malaysia also!
org johor
its so nice to find Malaysians here
i feel so alone when i first started to believe in Quran Alone(QA)
but, my new brother in law has the same believe, when we first found out that we share the same thought, we end up talking till the restaurant close, hehehe ;D
now i'm spreading it to my best friend, she is very open and slowly getting into QA also
me also, i'm still learning and have a long way to goMay Allah guide us to the right path
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Thank you IronSKy
feel great to be able to express your thought freely herelike Max, i'm mix also, my mum is a convert, chinese buddha to Chinese Muslim when she married my dad
as i'm still learning, and have a LOOOONG way to go, i still dont know how to tell my parents especially my dad as he spent his whole life following sunnis sect
Max, how you even brought up the subject regarding your QA believes?i've hinted a little bit to my dad, when he said that women on their mestruation cannot enter mosque and i question him why a few times, but all he said that its was the fatwa and we should not question it
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Salam all,
Message 1114,
Agreed, its amazing how most Muslims in Malaysia tend to get emotional about 4, which is due to the fact that most don?t read Quran translations.
Rumi,
Yes, Ive got funny stares before whenever I try to mildly insinuate that the hadith contradicts the Quran. I think its sad that we here have elevated the imams/muftis/pak hajis to God-like status. Only 2 days ago, I read in one of the major newspapers a scholar saying that 'Insults to the authoritative religious scholarship is tantamount to rejection of religious knowledge itself. It implies that the Revelation is untruthful, implicating the Prophet and ultimately Almighty God.' (http//thestar.com.my/columnists/story.asp?file=/2010/5/25/columnists/ikimviews/6328509&sec=IKIM%20Views)
And mind you, the title of that article is "Blasphemy can lead to apostasy". Errr, isnt equating one to God itself blasphemy???
The situation here reminds me of a saying by Karl Marx- religion is the opium of the masses. And that?s exactly what 'religion' has become here, a tool to control and influence the masses. Sad.
Roshan,
Maybe that's the problem, the people are too nice and too trusting. And they believe everything people of 'authority' say. The worse thing is, I do not see this changing anytime soon.
