From Malaysia: Still searching but here?s my story?
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I have been a ?lurker? in FM and this forum for probably the last 3-4 years. Right or wrong, the articles, views and debates have helped me understand the Quran / Islam a lot better, and I would like to express my gratitude to all contributors. May Allah bless you and show us the straight path. Here, I would like to share my story on how I came to believe solely in the Quran alone (QA). My apologies as it is quite a long post, but I guess you folks are used to this.. P
I come from a middle class Malay Muslim family. My mom was a Chinese Christian who converted to Islam after marrying my dad. She doesn't wear the hijab, and my dad is ok with it as he doesn't feel it is compulsory. They did whatever that was asked of them ('religious'-wise) and were in my view, moderate Sunnis. BTW, all muslims in Malaysia are Sunnis and follow strictly the teachings of Imam Shafie. Islam is the official religion of the country and Islamic beliefs/practices here are firmly governed by the state. Practicing a ?brand? of Islam not condoned by the authorities, is a crime and one can be jailed for it.
Unlike some who had religious inclinations since young, as a kid and later a teenager, I was not deeply 'religious', despite religious rituals dominating a major part of my life. I prayed when I had to but skipped when no one was watching , memorized the required doa?s and verses for prayers, fasted religiously, completed the recitation of the Quran (we call it khatam Quran here) before 11 yrs old and aced all my Islamic Studies exams every year. I remembered that back then, after learning about the term Munafiq (Hypocrite) in school, silently in my heart, I thought I met the definition of one ie I did everything I was supposed to but not whole heartedly.
For me, the turning point came when I went to university in the UK and shared a dorm with a guy named Steve, who was an active member of the Christian society in the university. Steve was a genuine guy who wanted to know more about Islam and as fate would have it, he actually taught me more about Islam, than anyone ever did. And he did it by questioning. He was persistent in asking me questions about Islam, many which I realized then, I had taken for granted. In fact, I became embarrassed because I did not know most of the answers. From thereon, I decided that I needed to know more about my religion. In between participating in religious online forums where Muslims and Christians heavily debate and attending Steve?s Bible study class, I began to read about Islam.
And it was a mess. Views differed according to which sect you follow, which Imam you followed and a lot of it did not make sense. I was troubled. I couldn?t understand how a man can be allowed to marry more than one out of lust, I have seen families destroyed because of that, why would God allow that? I do not get turned on seeing a woman?s hair, why is it their ?aurat?? Stoning is barbaric, how could it be allowed, no matter what? Why pray five times a day, reciting words we don?t even understand? Keeping dogs will deter angels from visiting you, is that even real? The punishment for apostasy is killing, how can that be? The list is endless. Does God even want to decide which leg we use to enter the bathroom? Is this what God wants? If this is the true religion, I don?t want to be a part of it because it didn?t make sense, I could not understand.
Our egos are our biggest enemy, and I had a huge one. I tried to rationalize as much as I could because I could not accept that this religion which I profess to be practicing could be false. The answers I usually get to my questions are that I shouldn?t question! I also began reading about other religions and the Bible wasn?t any better. At one point, I almost gave up on looking for God.
One day, by chance, online I came across a book called Hadith A Reevaluation by Kassim Ahmad. I remember the book being banned in Malaysia and the author jailed. All the more reason to read it, I thought.
That book shocked me. Suddenly, everything began to make sense. Everything which I couldn?t believe about my religion, wasn?t in the Quran, it was in the ?Hadith?! I read and re read the Quran fully cover to cover for again and again, using different translations and it was like discovering a new religion. Answers to all my questions kept popping right in front of me. In particular, verse 1736, which changed the way I approach religion forever. From then on, it was going to be the Quran, based on reason alone. There is no turning back.
When I got back to Malaysia and told my parents about it, they weren?t happy at first. My mum was more accepting given that she was a convert and previously questioned those things as well. But my dad was more critical and it is understandable because he grew up knowing no other religion. I often had serious debates with him; most of which ended up in arguments and we didn?t get along for almost a year. On my part, I admit I was being pretty stubborn. But gradually, things began to improve and today, though both my parents still do not totally discard the Hadith as a source of religious authority, they are beginning to question traditional views/scholars and are accepting of my beliefs.
Like I mentioned earlier, being a Muslim and not believing in Hadith openly is a crime here, so not many know of my beliefs. I am currently going out with a beautiful girl who is a traditional Malay Sunni (even wears the hijab), and I the first thing I told her was this. I wanted to be honest as from the start I knew that I want to marry her someday, but I was worried that our religious beliefs may get in the way.
She accepts me the way I am and we discuss a lot about religion. I realized that it is not easy for many to accept as it would require one to reject almost everything that he/she has been practicing. God wasn?t kidding when he said that he would test us. Today, I still don?t have the answer to everything eg prayers, hajj etc. That weakness is mine alone and it is something I hope to remedy going forward. The search is part of my journey and I am still learning. I often tell her, I may not know for sure what is right, but I know for sure what is wrong. And who would do something once they know it is wrong?
Peace to all, and thank you )
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Welcome. welcome
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welcome I enjoyed reading your story. I used to think that a lot of the sunni stuff, like dogs being unclean, polygamy and circumcision, were in the Quran and when I joined Free Minds I realised that most of them weren't. If I had spent more time reading the Quran, like I do now, I would have been aware of 1736.
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Peace to all,
Thanks for sharing your story with us all Max , welcome to the forum. It can be hard and dangerous to hold Quran alone beliefs in a traditional society, its probably alot like what the original muslims went through with Mohammad in the early years, they were attacked and ridiculed too,,. Keep searching and learning, hope to hear more from you here on freeminds.
Kurt
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Peace to all,
Thanks for sharing your story with us all Max , welcome to the forum. It can be hard and dangerous to hold Quran alone beliefs in a traditional society, its probably alot like what the original muslims went through with Mohammad in the early years, they were attacked and ridiculed too,,. Keep searching and learning, hope to hear more from you here on freeminds.
Kurt
welcome welcome
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Peace to all,
Thanks for the kind wishes. Seeing many like minded people here gives me the comfort of knowing that I am not alone in this 'struggle'. May Allah guide us to the straight path!
Ariji, nice to know that there is someone from Malaysia too. We are in a serious mess here aren't we? Sigh...
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Peace to all,
Thanks for the kind wishes. Seeing many like minded people here gives me the comfort of knowing that I am not alone in this 'struggle'. May Allah guide us to the straight path!
Ariji, nice to know that there is someone from Malaysia too. We are in a serious mess here aren't we? Sigh...
Salamun 'alaikum brother, it's nice to read about how you came to this position. I think most people here adopted our position after some deliberation and thought; no-one here is "born" into the Qur'an-only position, and I do admire those who had the conviction to question the beliefs they're born into.
I'm from a neighbouring country Glad to have you here. Enjoy the discussion!
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@maxthecat80
Peace and blessings
I found your story very uplifting, may Allah blesses you and protects you...
Yours in belief
Idriss.III 'aka' Nabil -
Like I mentioned earlier, being a Muslim and not believing in Hadith openly is a crime here, so not many know of my beliefs. I am currently going out with a beautiful girl who is a traditional Malay Sunni (even wears the hijab), and I the first thing I told her was this. I wanted to be honest as from the start I knew that I want to marry her someday, but I was worried that our religious beliefs may get in the way.
Did you tell her your belief after you are in relationship with her or at the very early phase when you start dating/going out with her? I am not sure whether it is better to tell a girl at the very early phase of getting to know her or better after she is already in relationship with me. Please kindly share your experience if you don't mind. How do you tell her by the way?
She accepts me the way I am and we discuss a lot about religion. I realized that it is not easy for many to accept as it would require one to reject almost everything that he/she has been practicing. God wasn?t kidding when he said that he would test us. Today, I still don?t have the answer to everything eg prayers, hajj etc. That weakness is mine alone and it is something I hope to remedy going forward. The search is part of my journey and I am still learning. I often tell her, I may not know for sure what is right, but I know for sure what is wrong. And who would do something once they know it is wrong?
Glad that she accepts you as you are
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Peace to all,
Thanks for the kind wishes. Seeing many like minded people here gives me the comfort of knowing that I am not alone in this 'struggle'. May Allah guide us to the straight path!
Ariji, nice to know that there is someone from Malaysia too. We are in a serious mess here aren't we? Sigh...
Nice to know you too.
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Did you tell her your belief after you are in relationship with her or at the very early phase when you start dating/going out with her? I am not sure whether it is better to tell a girl at the very early phase of getting to know her or better after she is already in relationship with me. Please kindly share your experience if you don't mind. How do you tell her by the way?
Glad that she accepts you as you are-
Get knowing either if she's a Sunni/Shia etc
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If she's not a God Aloner, then give her a clue why she should be so. You can start it by sharing your opinions about something related.
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Salam ade_cool,
Did you tell her your belief after you are in relationship with her or at the very early phase when you start dating/going out with her?
I told her at the very early phase, in our second/third date I think... &
I am not sure whether it is better to tell a girl at the very early phase of getting to know her or better after she is already in relationship with me.
Its a tricky question and one that I considered as well at that point in time. I decided to tell her early because-
- She wears a hijab (ie, most likely religious, hence more likely to not agree with me)
- This is important to me and I will not compromise my beliefs
Based on 1. and 2., and the fact that it is still early days for us, ive decided to come clean early so that we both could cut our losses early if we cannot agree.
Please kindly share your experience if you don't mind. How do you tell her by the way?
I basically told her everything in my earlier post but I also discussed the history of hadith and why I had my doubts. After explaining my beliefs, I told her that I will not force her to believe what i believe. I do not mind going out with someone who doesnt share my belief, but I hope that she would not force me to believe in what she believes either. I also said that I am still learning and willing to learn. If there is any rationale evidence that I am wrong, I will 'mend' my ways. I am open, and I only seek the truth.
She later told me that my openness and honesty impressed her. (Perhaps that sealed the deal? bravo. Hehehe..I dont know but at that time all I wanted to do was to tell the truth. She was also amazed that I read the Quran. (Again, brownie points..haha). I guess, the fact that I was willing to be 'corrected' if there is sufficient evidence and that I wont force her is the key as it showed that I was genuine about wanting to know the truth, and I am not looking to recruit her as a member of some deviationist cult.. O0.
Glad that she accepts you as you are
Thanks.. Its not a smooth ride to be honest . Even today (15 months), we still have disagreements. Whenever possible, I try to take the opportunity to present my view on what the Quran preaches on certain topics. And we would debate on them, more often than not the issue is left hanging because, well...the Quran is quite straightforward on certain things isnt it? And at that stage, she will ask me to talk to a 'religious teacher'/ustaz as she is not knowledgeable enough. Of cos, I refused since I know its a total waste of time + I could be jailed!
The thing I have learnt about this is, we cannot force people, no matter what. It is not easy for them to unbelieve what they have practised all their lives. After all, everyone is doing it, how can it be wrong? Yes, it pains us to see our loved ones led by the nose by these career priests. Partly, I am to be blamed as there is much that I cannot explain clearly. Like I said, I may not know the correct way, but I definitely know the wrong way.
It is tiresome sometimes, the 'fightings' can take their toll, but I think everybody needs to be given a chance to find his/her way. Just like we did/are still doing. I think I am making progress, as the constant debates and questioning has opened her eyes somewhat. Hopefully, it wont take too long.
Overall, no regrets. This has worked well so far for me and I am certainly glad that I told her earlier. But for you, the solution maybe something else and this entirely depends on you and your partner. Different people react differently and only you would know the best approach to take. Good luck!
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peace,
Welcome to the forum.
Amazing isn't it.Thank you, Wakas.
Yes, it is. Instead of mind numbing rituals, we are asked to think! How refreshing!
We have now bestowed upon you from on high a divine writ containing all that you ought to bear in mind; will you not, then, use your reason? (2110)
