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  4. What are the important factors in a marriage relationship

What are the important factors in a marriage relationship

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  • S Offline
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    san
    wrote on last edited by
    #41

    acceptance & appreciation

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      alalmakt
      wrote on last edited by
      #42

      Loving God more than you love another. For he was the one with you when no one else was.

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        Halil
        wrote on last edited by
        #43

        I think once the loneliness kicks in all that list of must haves will be dramatically cut in half, several times over.
        Loneliness > List
        http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmhVpeNh_wI D

        But apart from that i must say, if there was a girl who was quran-only and lived in my vicinity, it would make even me of all people get off my lazy bum and start chasing after her. Thats probably all id need to know about her initially to catch my interest, because in its self that quality sais a lot about a person like.... generally and..... probably............... hopefully! .

        Loving God more than you love another. For he was the one with you when no one else was.

        Most ceartainly.
        http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUNCkXcwGRA&feature=channel

        The level of devotion to God is a direct measure of the value of a woman. yes
        Id support her just to that end if need be.

        God >>>>> Loneliness

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          san
          wrote on last edited by
          #44

          Chinese Fortune Cookies

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            BornAgain
            wrote on last edited by
            #45

            Was about to sleep but meh, can't help paying attention to this thread.

            Loving God more than you love another. For he was the one with you when no one else was.

            Not sure that loving God and loving another can be separated. Personally, I feel that the true essence of loving God is loving another. God is Love. Believing and loving God is having the capacity, and constantly expanding it, to love. Some people can 'love' God and seclude themselves from the outside world out of the desires to be in servitude, and always 'near' him. But the cookie crumbles for me, if he does not show the desire to love one another, regardless if he loves God so much. That's mah personal view anyway. Feel free to crush my cookie.

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              rraza
              wrote on last edited by
              #46

              Was about to sleep but meh, can't help paying attention to this thread.

              Not sure that loving God and loving another can be separated. Personally, I feel that the true essence of loving God is loving another. God is Love. Believing and loving God is having the capacity, and constantly expanding it, to love. Some people can 'love' God and seclude themselves from the outside world out of the desires to be in servitude, and always 'near' him. But the cookie crumbles for me, if he does not show the desire to love one another, regardless if he loves God so much. That's mah personal view anyway. Feel free to crush my cookie.

              hear hear ...if u love God, u will love His Creation. the best way to show ur love and gratitude to God is to love others, more than your own self. show ur gratitude by being the best daughter/son/friend/husband/wife... be the person God wants you to be....its easy to love and care for someone who is good to you..takes strength to care for people just fr the sake of God and love for Him and His Creation.

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                Halil
                wrote on last edited by
                #47

                Peace BornAgain,

                Was about to sleep but meh, can't help paying attention to this thread.

                Not sure that loving God and loving another can be separated. Personally, I feel that the true essence of loving God is loving another. God is Love. Believing and loving God is having the capacity, and constantly expanding it, to love. Some people can 'love' God and seclude themselves from the outside world out of the desires to be in servitude, and always 'near' him. But the cookie crumbles for me, if he does not show the desire to love one another, regardless if he loves God so much. That's mah personal view anyway. Feel free to crush my cookie.

                I understand what you mean and highly respect your standing point.
                But what if one were to be dedicated to the help of people, not for ones love of the people but for the love of God?

                004.095 Not equal are those believers who sit (at home) and receive no hurt, and those who strive and fight in the cause of God with their goods and their persons. God hath granted a grade higher to those who strive and fight with their goods and persons than to those who sit (at home). Unto all (in Faith) Hath God promised good But those who strive and fight hath He distinguished above those who sit (at home) by a special reward.

                004.096 Ranks specially bestowed by Him, and Forgiveness and Mercy. For God is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.

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                  Rana
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #48

                  Loving God more than you love another. For he was the one with you when no one else was.

                  This is important - totally!! However when the other person love God via hadith then uh-oh.

                  and @ San - yes, good points.

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                    Rana
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #49

                    I think once the loneliness kicks in all that list of must haves will be dramatically cut in half, several times over.
                    Loneliness > List
                    http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmhVpeNh_wI D

                    But apart from that i must say, if there was a girl who was quran-only and lived in my vicinity, it would make even me of all people get off my lazy bum and start chasing after her. Thats probably all id need to know about her initially to catch my interest, because in its self that quality sais a lot about a person like.... generally and..... probably............... hopefully! .
                    Most ceartainly.
                    http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUNCkXcwGRA&feature=channel

                    The level of devotion to God is a direct measure of the value of a woman. yes
                    Id support her just to that end if need be.

                    God >>>>> Loneliness

                    rotfl You should have seen the funny look I got from my daughter when I clicked on your ''lonely'' link!! lol

                    Quran alone people must be quite tricky to find so in that respect I can see why you would be interested when you found that out...in practical terms. But as well you would hope that would form a good values base in someone, like Jack was saying to look for open-mindedness, seeking the truth, objectiveness etc. InshAllah when you find a Quran only follower (or Muslim ) you will also find many of those qualities.

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                      alalmakt
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #50

                      Was about to sleep but meh, can't help paying attention to this thread.

                      Not sure that loving God and loving another can be separated. Personally, I feel that the true essence of loving God is loving another. God is Love. Believing and loving God is having the capacity, and constantly expanding it, to love. Some people can 'love' God and seclude themselves from the outside world out of the desires to be in servitude, and always 'near' him. But the cookie crumbles for me, if he does not show the desire to love one another, regardless if he loves God so much. That's mah personal view anyway. Feel free to crush my cookie.

                      Just because someone doesn't show love to others in a clear way doesn't mean he doesn't care for others. He just might not be sure what the best approach is to express his love. I agree that secluding oneself from the outside world is not a good thing as the verse below shows. However, getting some time away from the outside world is a great way to realign yourself with your purpose. Seclusion, although it can be depressing, feels like facing reality to me. But you're right total indefinite seclusion is not a good thing.

                      5727 Then We sent in their tracks Our messengers. And We sent Jesus, son of Mary, and We gave him the Gospel, and We ordained in the hearts of his followers kindness and mercy. But they invented Monasticism which We never decreed for them. They wanted to please God, but they did not observe it the way it should have been observed. Consequently, We gave those who believed among them their recompense, while many of them were wicked.

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                        Rana
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #51

                        Was about to sleep but meh, can't help paying attention to this thread.

                        Not sure that loving God and loving another can be separated. Personally, I feel that the true essence of loving God is loving another. God is Love. Believing and loving God is having the capacity, and constantly expanding it, to love. Some people can 'love' God and seclude themselves from the outside world out of the desires to be in servitude, and always 'near' him. But the cookie crumbles for me, if he does not show the desire to love one another, regardless if he loves God so much. That's mah personal view anyway. Feel free to crush my cookie.

                        Bornagain, i know what you're saying I think. I also believe that practicing Islam should be practical and an action - helping others, loving others and so on, rather than being so insular where a person ''loves'' God and doesn't really spread that to outside themself. Hope I'm making sense. When people talk about loving God more than others though I usually just assume that they mean that ultimately they look to God for direction not to man. I could be wrong but I hope that is what is meant.

                        I love your new signature quote bornagain D

                        PS I should definitely read all the posts before replying!! lol

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                          alalmakt
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #52

                          Bornagain, i know what you're saying I think. I also believe that practicing Islam should be practical and an action - helping others, loving others and so on, rather than being so insular where a person ''loves'' God and doesn't really spread that to outside themself. Hope I'm making sense. When people talk about loving God more than others though I usually just assume that they mean that ultimately they look to God for direction not to man. I could be wrong but I hope that is what is meant.

                          I love your new signature quote bornagain

                          PS I should definitely read all the posts before replying!! lol

                          That's exactly what I meant sister.

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                          • H Offline
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                            Halil
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #53

                            But as well you would hope that would form a good values base in someone, like Jack was saying to look for open-mindedness, seeking the truth, objectiveness etc.

                            I would like to think that if one is a quran-aloner than he/she already possesses those qualities. At least.... its a pleasing fantasy land that houses those thoughts. D

                            But maybe though it is more important that i just learn to put my trust in God for these and all matters and to learn and exercise patience.

                            Oh by the way, are you all sure its the thing to do, to devote ones love as much to others as to God?
                            Buuut than again, thats more like just a stiff "practical" argument from me, designed more to just be..... annoying ignore.

                            D

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                              Rana
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #54

                              Just because someone doesn't show love to others in a clear way doesn't mean he doesn't care for others. He just might not be sure what the best approach is to express his love. I agree that secluding oneself from the outside world is not a good thing as the verse below shows. However, getting some time away from the outside world is a great way to realign yourself with your purpose. Seclusion, although it can be depressing, feels like facing reality to me. But you're right total indefinite seclusion is not a good thing.

                              I agree with that too. Life is full of constant change and fluctuations. I used to be a person who was involved in many things, doing a lot for others etc. Then I went through hard emotional times and I retreated a lot. I wondered who the other person was, but again things changed and I notice I am becoming more ''outward' (? lol) again. I think time for yourself is needed, as you said, in our daily life as well as on the bigger scale.

                              Also seclusion can be depressing but also depression (and sadness) can be secluding.

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                                Rana
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #55

                                I would like to think that if one is a quran-aloner than he/she already possesses those qualities. At least.... its a pleasing fantasy land that houses those thoughts. D

                                But maybe though it is more important that i just learn to put my trust in God for these and all matters and to learn and exercise patience.

                                Oh by the way, are you all sure its the thing to do, to devote ones love as much to others as to God?
                                Buuut than again, thats more like just a stiff "practical" argument from me, designed more to just be..... annoying ignore.

                                D

                                Interesting question. D I do feel that it's a responsibility to help others and that it's more beneficial to love since God created these people and in fact all of the creatures...it seems logical to love them and care for them. But I don't think you can compare love for others with love for God. It's a totally different thing. I also think it's good to work for others as much as possible but I don't know if that is a value I've brought from my previous life (D) or if that is in Islam and I don't have time to look it up right now, lol. Perhaps its not? Again, that is something that fluctuates. When you need to be more insular you can be; when you feel able to help others - why not do it? As I said, it seems logical that we should.

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                                  alalmakt
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #56

                                  I agree with that too. Life is full of constant change and fluctuations. I used to be a person who was involved in many things, doing a lot for others etc. Then I went through hard emotional times and I retreated a lot. I wondered who the other person was, but again things changed and I notice I am becoming more ''outward' (? lol) again. I think time for yourself is needed, as you said, in our daily life as well as on the bigger scale.

                                  Also seclusion can be depressing but also depression (and sadness) can be secluding.

                                  True. Depression also sometimes causes someone to retreat into themselves. It's good to hear that you've become more outward again ;D.

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                                    Jack
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #57

                                    Is loving God and loving others synonymous? Isn't that what (or part of) what loving God is? Submitting to his attributes/characteristics?

                                    I agree with that too. Life is full of constant change and fluctuations. I used to be a person who was involved in many things, doing a lot for others etc. Then I went through hard emotional times and I retreated a lot. I wondered who the other person was, but again things changed and I notice I am becoming more ''outward' (? lol) again. I think time for yourself is needed, as you said, in our daily life as well as on the bigger scale.

                                    Also seclusion can be depressing but also depression (and sadness) can be secluding.

                                    Speaking from experience, sometimes we get into rut and feel as if there is no getting up/past things that happen to us , but time, time heals all wounds. Just focus on what makes you laugh, what makes you happy, and everything will be a-ok.

                                    It depends on your 'form' of seclusion. Sometimes I like to just interact with nature alone (e.g. watching ducklings do their thing by the lake), or read, or create stories, turning off the rest of the world while I do this.

                                    Point being, seclusion can also bring peace.

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                                      SarahY
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #58

                                      Point being, seclusion can also bring peace.

                                      Agreed.

                                      Aloneness, is beautiful. when you can enjoy your own company when you can observe everything and be joyed by it i.e. ducks, ants, trees, shadows, closing your eyes and just imagining, listening to your thoughts, your breathing.. or whatever it may be

                                      Having a balance of being in a relationship and enjoying your own alone time would be sweet.

                                      don't recall if anyone said it but showing affection is important

                                      peace

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                                        san
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #59

                                        and @ San - yes, good points.

                                        what? the cookies?

                                        Agreed.

                                        Aloneness, is beautiful. when you can enjoy your own company when you can observe everything and be joyed by it i.e. ducks, ants, trees, shadows, closing your eyes and just imagining, listening to your thoughts, your breathing.. or whatever it may be

                                        agreed. ducks, ants, trees, shadows... those are the important factors in a marriage relationship

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                                          SarahY
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #60

                                          folds arms i was talking about enjoying alone time! def important factor in a relationship sticks head up and walks off

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