The God Alone Marriage Contract
-
Peace all peace
So, I've seen quite a few marriage contract templates, and of course the majority are not even written in a language that the bride and bridegroom can fully understand! Or, they are created by the sectarian organizations, without any care for individual needs and preferences.
I'm interested if Quran only Muslims
-
Believe in the validity of marriage contracts and why or why not?
-
Would you create your own template with your spouse to be, and perhaps have a lawyer oversee it?
-
What are some of the things that you would stipulate or include?
-
Do you still think it's important to register your marriage formally with the civil courts, and submit a copy of your contract?
Please add anything if you'd like to. If you're already married, then I would love to learn about your contract and how it was structured.
-
-
peace,
You may find this useful
From
http//misconceptions-about-islam.com/muhammad-married-young-girl.htmDetermining mutual attraction/compatibility
Ascertaining whether the potential partner is of similar beliefs/faith
Discussion of and agreeing to the level of dower and other terms (if any)
Understanding and mutual acceptance of marriage as a solemn/strong oath/contract
If male, capable of providing for the family/household
To have physically matured / post-pubertyIf the marriage is unsuccessful, one should also be capable of undertaking divorce proceedings, e.g. separation period, arbitration, discussion of settlement etc .
-
Lame! I wanted to see some responses, too! '(
I think your topic is a really good one!
-
Please don't delete as I have much to say about this topic but haven't had the time. (
-
Peace all peace
So, I've seen quite a few marriage contract templates, and of course the majority are not even written in a language that the bride and bridegroom can fully understand! Or, they are created by the sectarian organizations, without any care for individual needs and preferences.
I'm interested if Quran only Muslims
-
Believe in the validity of marriage contracts and why or why not?
-
Would you create your own template with your spouse to be, and perhaps have a lawyer oversee it?
-
What are some of the things that you would stipulate or include?
-
Do you still think it's important to register your marriage formally with the civil courts, and submit a copy of your contract?
Please add anything if you'd like to. If you're already married, then I would love to learn about your contract and how it was structured.
Peace,
I was unaware this thread had even been started.
-
I do believe in the validity of a marriage contract. In my eyes, when one enters into an agreement with someone (on paper or by handshake) it is indeed a contract in which parties are expected to uphold whatever was said or intended. It holds people accountable in a way.
-
I don't see why not...to me it is no different than writing ones own vows, right? As to a lawyer overseeing it...no way. An imam or family member is enough in my eyes.
-
What would you stipulate? Everything is really covered in the Qur'an, to be honest. Stipulations remind me too much of a pre-nuptial agreement.
-
I didn't register my marriage with the courts, and it made the divorce that much easier, but we didn't own property together either. I think when it comes down to it, one should register with the court, simply for situations like that (property, children, etc.).
Sorry if I didn't help.
-
-
Peace Amina, )
Thank you for responding! sun
I guess there are differences in the way in which people view their contract. Personally, I'm not a big fan of templates generated by others. I think each and every individual couple should either create their own contract, or personalize a template to their needs and preferences.
My husband and I were married by a Sunni "imam" before we decided break away from the local mosque scene. The whole thing was really rushed, and the imam quickly created a very simple contract with male witnesses in tow, and we both signed. Now, I knew that even if we had created our own contract, then this "imam" may not have approved of it.
So, I'm going to answer my own questions hypothetically
-
Yes, definitely. It sets the precedent for the marriage. I want my future spouse to know what my goals, expectations, and what I am not willing to tolerate within the marriage.
-
I would like a lawyer (and one other witness) to over see the contract, and then notarize it. If there was a way in which I could submit it to the governning body, then I would do this as well.
-
Depending on where I am living, and the type of government that exists; I would probably stipulate monogamy. I know that some sectarian women also stipulate the right to continue their education, the right to work, the right to invoke divorce, and etc. Personally, I think the Quran covers most of these aspects clearly, apart from monogamy vs. polygamy, and so I think this stipulation is essential, just for the sake of clarity and to protect the interests of both parties
Given that I'll probably have assets of some sort; I would probably have a will created (again, notarized by either the local bank or lawyer) prior to signing the contract. The will can of course be modified accordingly. The will would also be designed in accordance to the inheritance laws given in the Quran. This would probably eliminate the need for a pre-nup, though I do not have an issue with pre-nups either. Divorce is sometimes inevitable, and I think people need to protect their interests.
- Yes, I think it is very important to register the marriage. Depending on the governing body, I would definitely want to submit the contract as well.
-
-
Peace all,
There is no provision in the Quran for a set-wording of a marriage contract. Thus, there is no instruction to use a set-worded marriage contract, nor is there a prohibition to that effect.
There are, however, as Wakas points out, certain prerequisites for the validity of marriage in the first place.
Although, I feel that I should point out that the Quran in one instance refers to "3uqdatu 'n-nikaa7" which translates as "the contract of marriage".
Now, as with any contract, either party can stipulate any given condition(s) in the contract prior to sealing it. This is, of course, an optional supplement to the Quranic obligation of agreeing to, and the paying of, a dowry.
As to the overseer/scribe of the marriage contract (imam, priest, lawyer, council house, etc.), the Quran makes no mention. Compare this with 2282 where we are specifically instructed to use a scribe for the recording of loans.
Formal recognition of the marriage with a public authority is governed by local laws, such recognition is purely administrative, but can also be advantageous in the event of any disputes.
......
I pray that God will grant us happiness with believing partners, and increase our numbers through lawful marriage.
-
Peace Released,
I'll go ahead and answer this hypothetically. I consider myself already married and I did not consider many of the questions you've asked. I wish I did.
- Believe in the validity of marriage contracts and why or why not?
Yes, I think marriage contracts are valid because they're a protection. If the terms of the marriage aren't listed and agreed upon, then one party can easily take advantage of this fact in order to abuse, threaten, steal, or divorce the other.
-
Would you create your own template with your spouse to be, and perhaps have a lawyer oversee it?
I think creating it with my spouse definitely makes sense so that both parties get to express what is desired or expected out of the marriage. As for a lawyer overseeing it, I see this only relevant in terms of pre-nupts or taxes and such. Yes? I don't really see the need imho. -
What are some of the things that you would stipulate or include?
First of all the dowry of course. I personally would not ask for money; I'd ask for arabic lessons (either from him or set-up class to go to), study Quran with me, make sure we go on big trip once a year to see family and relax, live a sustainable/unwasteful lifestyle and if he's gonna get me an engagement ring, get an inexpensive and original one. I don't like a diamond that just looks expensive and it's only there to show off. I want it to have some meaning.
I think it would be really important to talk about children and what may happen if/when we have them. How will we finance things and what kind of schooling? Homeschool/Public/Private?
I think the rest is already covered in the Quran. What happens to our assets in case of death, etc. Pretty straightforward.
- Do you still think it's important to register your marriage formally with the civil courts, and submit a copy of your contract?
In this case, I could see civil court in terms of hospital visitation and taxes. But then people who are domestic partners have the right to hospital visitation and don't have to worry about registering spousal taxes. Wouldn't that be better? I think I'd just have our own written contract, perhaps notarized or something with some family members and close friends as witnesses for further protection between us. Then we'd get our super cheap Domestic Partner certificate so we can visit each other in the hospital when we're sick.
Please add anything if you'd like to. If you're already married, then I would love to learn about your contract and how it was structured.
Um...My marriage I think was rushed. -\
All I did was tell him what I wanted for my dowry (same as above) and he said "cool" and our close friends were the only ones who knew about it. And that was kind of it. So now we're coming up with all kinds of complications and disagreements which could have easily been avoided if I just refused his proposal and taken more time to think it through (just like what my intuition was telling me. Why didn't I listen? '(). So yes, establishing the terms of the marriage in the contract at the beginning is suuuuuper important and definitely get it in writing because one party may be forgetful! Lessons learned.
I have no idea if I helped or properly contributed to this conversation so....hopefully I did. This is my first marriage so I don't know too much about the topic. (
So sorry!
Peace.
-
To answer the questions first...
- yes, a marriage contract may it be oral or written is valid. Why would it not be valid?
- absolutely
- will answer this later
- yes I think it is important to register in the civil courts
Although the Koran does not specifically mention that the marriage contract to be recorded or having witnesses as in divorce, the reason why I would write a marriage contract and go through an attorney first before registering the marriage in the court is, lets face it there are all kinds as God says in the koran. No one enters a marriage thinking it will end in divorce but the reality is that nearly half the marriages are ending in divorce. Each state in the United States has its own divorce laws which are not necessarily just or protective. The legal system when it comes to divorce can be painful, costly lengthy ordeal. I have experienced that personally to know.
There are those who will manipulate or abuse the system to serve themselves. If a spouse didn't care about you in the marriage, what makes you think that s/he will at the time of divorce? People have a tendency to be selfish. As God said so, there are those who are arrogant, egotistical, selfish and those who will never change even if they see hellfire with eye of certainty. Good things don't come to a bad end. A marriage comes to an end for reasons. Along with it, come a lot of negative emotions - anger, bitterness, resentment, depression, feeling betrayed, etc. often times, people act on these negative emotions. How many people actually follow God's commands parting ways in a civil decent manner and acting justly?
It is important to register in the court as the state doesn't recognize these marriage contracts. Legally, it is important to register for tax purposes, benefits, and such. However, should I get married again absolutely will have a marriage contract and go through the lawyers first before registering in the court as I lived and learned the hard and painful way.
Let me tell you of my story sparing the details. I was 35 years old when I got married. My ex used the legal system to get his green card. To make a long story short, it took me four years to learn that he has narcissistic personality disorder. He got away with a lot forgetting though that there is a God. believe God when he describes all kinds of people as hard as it may be. December 2009, we separated. Basically, I put my foot down saying enough is enough. Things have to change. Had I known then what i came to learn later, would not have wasted my time or essentially my life expecting or wanting to have an Islamic life. To a narcissist, money , status, image is all that a narcissist cares. if you are merely a stepping stone for green card or money or other serving his/her needs and when those needs are met, why would such a person care to stay or work on the marriage and taking the steps as said by God?
In April or May 2010, the marriage was over and my ex moved out. I filed for divorce that summer citing the grounds for divorce to be "cruel and inhuman treatment". Of course, he could not admit to that being a narcissist. The law in the state was such that I had to cite a reason or show legal separation of 1 year. He wanted me to lie to the court but why should i? he made it clear that he will get multiple lawyers if he had to warning me that things will be said about me and that he will tie things in court for years, basically manipulating and harassing me into doing things on his terms and how he wanted just as the marriage had been. I stood up to him and to my grounds that even my lawyer stopped charging me for a lot of things as this dragged on. finally after almost two years, I got my divorce in September, 2011.
Although we did not live as a couple and living in different states not having any contact with each other, according to the law we were married for almost 2 years. So does a piece of paper mean anything? If I had a marriage contract drawn out, this could have been prevented. Actually, the marriage would never have taken place.
Having lived and learned, I will not enter any legal marriage without going through the lawyers first. All the stipulations will be put in writing and made clear that Islamic law per Koran (not hadiths) that we both agree before marriage will take precedence over any state laws should the marriage fail.
In the marriage contract, clearly will stipulate that the laws of God will be upheld and followed in the event that the marriage starts breaking down. Money, assets, properties will be divided in just manner and this will be agreed upon before marriage so neither party will be injured unjustly and tie things up in the court fighting over settlement.I wouldn't just have a marriage contract especially a verbal one as there is a greater potential of abuse. Ok you can have all your witnesses but what good would it do? there is nothing you can do legally when things go sour. If you are a woman intending to marry a hadith follower, you might want to know the shariah laws when it comes to divorce. A guy doesn't have to give reasons but according to hadiths, a woman has to give valid reasons for divorce. If you are a woman and file for divorce regardless of the reasons, you will have no rights to any property or money per shariah law. This is what I was told by the board member of the mosque. So the guy can violate every law of God but if you divorce him, you walk away with nothing.
Those of you entering only a marriage contract with hadith follower, be sure you know what you are getting yourself into in the event the marriage breaks down. you can basically end up getting screwed big time. So it is important in this regard to register your marriage in court as at least you will get treated with some justice. Keep in mind that if you are not married to good person, don't expect to be treated with respect, in just and civil manner. Marriage contract will mean nothing and there is nothing you can do legally if you did not register in the court.
I would not go for marriage contract solely as you may think that you came upon a saint but remember evil does best under the cloak of disguise. When you open your heart and soul to someone, you are vulnerable and of course trust the person you are with and believe in the person you are marrying but you have to also be smart and take precautions. If you are being rushed to marriage, listen to your gut feeling/intuition. Don't live and learn things the hard way.
Bad things do happen to good people. Remember not all the prophets had great wives. If you end up with someone who is not the right person for you, things can get worse and painful. Keep in mind that there are those who have no conscious feeling no remorse taking responsibility or accountability for their actions. There are those who play games lying, deceiving, controlling, etc. look at the world we live to know that there are those who simply do not value peace. If you enter a marriage contract with such a person, you really think that s/she would then treat you right or divorce you properly as per the Koran?
my strong advice to anyone considering marriage is to have a marriage contract, go through the lawyers first and then register at the court.
-
The stipulations will be
- Both parties have not lied, deceived or withheld information in choosing and deciding to live together as husband and wife taking God as a witness to base the marriage on mutual respect taking a vow to treat each other with kindness, consideration, compassion, taking care of each other at all times.....
- Both parties will make a conscientious effort to make the marriage work and mostly a happy union and will not let the marriage suffer or get sick.
- Both parties will vow to address/mend/remedy/resolve/repair should problems or conflicts arise. If both parties cannot come to peaceful terms of resolution then will seek marriage counseling or unbiased third parties that both will agree upon with the intentions of working on the marriage. Trial of separation before deciding on divorce should be considered.
- Grounds for divorce will be if either party betrayed the other and broke the vow - adultery, physical, sexual and emotional abuse.
- Neither party will falsely accuse the other of wrong doing in order to take advantage, to gain or to avenge.
- Whoever is primarily responsible for the breakdown of the marriage and based on the infarctions, will forgo equitable distribution of property and assets. (This is the part that will be worked out with the lawyer).
- the party seeking divorce should communicate the intention and statement to divorce or mutually do so and proceed to file for papers through the court system. from the time of declaration, a three month waiting will be honored by both parties. If at the end, reconciliation is not a possibility then both parties will give testimony to the divorce with God as a witness and two just witnesses. Within this 3 month period of time, every effort shall be made to settle all matters of division of property and child custody.
- Neither party will prolong or cause undue delay once the divorce is decided upon.
- Neither party will act willfully with ill intent towards other nor deny giving the other party divorce out of malice and control.
- If either party harasses, mistreats the other party being verbally abusive, disrespectful or damages the property or belongings of the other, the said party will forgo certain rights and will be subject to pay. (Lawyers can help with this part).
Basically the verses in the Koran pertaining to marriage and divorce will be the stipulations which will be binding in this life and the next. What if you cannot afford a lawyer? Still write up a contract and get it notarized which should not cost much. This is what I would do and if the guy is not willing to basically follow the Koran then why would I want to be with such a person?
So having lived and learned the hard painful way, this is what I would do. Have the above contract basically stipulating that limits set forth by God and laws of God will be upheld, taking precedence over civil laws, go through lawyer and then have a civil ceremony. This is my way of safeguarding myself from guys who don't live right by God following the Koran.
-
-
Peace all,
There is no provision in the Quran for a set-wording of a marriage contract. Thus, there is no instruction to use a set-worded marriage contract, nor is there a prohibition to that effect.
There are, however, as Wakas points out, certain prerequisites for the validity of marriage in the first place.
Although, I feel that I should point out that the Quran in one instance refers to "3uqdatu 'n-nikaa7" which translates as "the contract of marriage".
Now, as with any contract, either party can stipulate any given condition(s) in the contract prior to sealing it. This is, of course, an optional supplement to the Quranic obligation of agreeing to, and the paying of, a dowry.
I agree with this.
As to the overseer/scribe of the marriage contract (imam, priest, lawyer, council house, etc.), the Quran makes no mention. Compare this with 2282 where we are specifically instructed to use a scribe for the recording of loans.
True. I would just feel more secure having a lawyer in particular oversee it. I guess it is up to the individual.
Formal recognition of the marriage with a public authority is governed by local laws, such recognition is purely administrative, but can also be advantageous in the event of any disputes.
Yes, I feel that it is advantageous in the case of disputes, especially.
......
I pray that God will grant us happiness with believing partners, and increase our numbers through lawful marriage.
God willing!
-
Peace Released,
I'll go ahead and answer this hypothetically. I consider myself already married and I did not consider many of the questions you've asked. I wish I did.
- Believe in the validity of marriage contracts and why or why not?
Yes, I think marriage contracts are valid because they're a protection. If the terms of the marriage aren't listed and agreed upon, then one party can easily take advantage of this fact in order to abuse, threaten, steal, or divorce the other.
I totally agree.
- Would you create your own template with your spouse to be, and perhaps have a lawyer oversee it?
I think creating it with my spouse definitely makes sense so that both parties get to express what is desired or expected out of the marriage. As for a lawyer overseeing it, I see this only relevant in terms of pre-nupts or taxes and such. Yes? I don't really see the need imho.
Sounds good.
- What are some of the things that you would stipulate or include?
First of all the dowry of course. I personally would not ask for money; I'd ask for arabic lessons (either from him or set-up class to go to), study Quran with me, make sure we go on big trip once a year to see family and relax, live a sustainable/unwasteful lifestyle and if he's gonna get me an engagement ring, get an inexpensive and original one. I don't like a diamond that just looks expensive and it's only there to show off. I want it to have some meaning.
Cool. I was really budget conscious over my engagement ring as well, and now I'm at the point of where I just want to sell it and donate the money to charity. However, it was my mother in law who bought it, so I'm unsure about doing that haha.
I think it would be really important to talk about children and what may happen if/when we have them. How will we finance things and what kind of schooling? Homeschool/Public/Private?
Awesome, good stuff to talk about.
I think the rest is already covered in the Quran. What happens to our assets in case of death, etc. Pretty straightforward.
- Do you still think it's important to register your marriage formally with the civil courts, and submit a copy of your contract?
In this case, I could see civil court in terms of hospital visitation and taxes. But then people who are domestic partners have the right to hospital visitation and don't have to worry about registering spousal taxes. Wouldn't that be better? I think I'd just have our own written contract, perhaps notarized or something with some family members and close friends as witnesses for further protection between us. Then we'd get our super cheap Domestic Partner certificate so we can visit each other in the hospital when we're sick.
Yes, these are some great ideas for those who do not want to register their marriage with the civil courts. Personally, we registered our marriage because I feel safer that way in regard to the splitting of larger assets bought under a joint income, in case such a situation arises. Plus, I also like being recognized by the state and governing body, as being married.
Please add anything if you'd like to. If you're already married, then I would love to learn about your contract and how it was structured.
Um...My marriage I think was rushed. -\
Mine too
All I did was tell him what I wanted for my dowry (same as above) and he said "cool" and our close friends were the only ones who knew about it. And that was kind of it. So now we're coming up with all kinds of complications and disagreements which could have easily been avoided if I just refused his proposal and taken more time to think it through (just like what my intuition was telling me. Why didn't I listen? '(). So yes, establishing the terms of the marriage in the contract at the beginning is suuuuuper important and definitely get it in writing because one party may be forgetful! Lessons learned.
Yes, this is very true.
I have no idea if I helped or properly contributed to this conversation so....hopefully I did. This is my first marriage so I don't know too much about the topic.
So sorry!
You totally helped! I loved reading your insight. Thank you for contributing sun
Peace.
-
Sorry, I forgot to answer one by one.
Peace,
I was unaware this thread had even been started.
- I do believe in the validity of a marriage contract. In my eyes, when one enters into an agreement with someone (on paper or by handshake) it is indeed a contract in which parties are expected to uphold whatever was said or intended. It holds people accountable in a way.
Yes, I agree.
- I don't see why not...to me it is no different than writing ones own vows, right? As to a lawyer overseeing it...no way. An imam or family member is enough in my eyes.
Cool ) I would like family members present as well. I'm not a big fan of any clergy though.
- What would you stipulate? Everything is really covered in the Qur'an, to be honest. Stipulations remind me too much of a pre-nuptial agreement.
Yes, I think stipulations and a pre-nuptial agreement are similar in some ways, and different in others. I don't mind the idea of a pre-nuptial agreement, I just think that both parties should have a say in how that pre-nuptial agreement is designed.
- I didn't register my marriage with the courts, and it made the divorce that much easier, but we didn't own property together either. I think when it comes down to it, one should register with the court, simply for situations like that (property, children, etc.).
Yes, that makes sense.
Sorry if I didn't help.
You did help. )
