im very depressed:( read please
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Salm agphys,
I would reiterate the recommendations of my fellow members.
Marriage is the best way forward. All the necessary conduct involving marriage are found in the Quran. So you can simply read the parts revenant to you.
In terms of the lashes, there needs to have been four witnesses present at the time you made love with your partner. If not, then you shouldn't be telling people about the bad things that you've done. Keep them to yourself, remember "God is enough as an expert in the sins of his servants."
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Agphys, I can understand your guilt and feeling upset about this whole situation. And wanting to correct the situation and not feel like a jerk in this. I am glad at least you are trying not to be, say, like a player, or awaken emotions and a sense of bonding in a woman and fellow human being, sleep with her, possibly impregnate her, and later leave her, perhaps without much explanation, or with coldness. Or continue leading her on. So I applaud and appreciate you for this, for trying to be a decent human being.
Recite a dua of self-forgiveness. And any ritual which helps to self-forgive. Spend some time over it if required. After that I would ask you to ponder over one thing. First try to clear your mind, sense of attachment, and guilt from your mind. And then think do I want to spend the rest of my life with her? Build a life with her? Raise kids with her? Use both your mind and feelings in this. If possible, try to first analyse with your mind before using feelings. But do pay attention to both.
You are young, at this point. It might be major for you to have a sense of connection physically and emotionally with a woman. And might seem like the only real chance to be with a beautiful and nice woman with whom you connect. But I assure you, this won't be the only time. It might seem so, but not the only one. And please don't marry her as a charity service towards her (because she wants it, but you don't). Neither of you would be happy if either of you married the other out of charity service.
Later on, if you do think she would make a good marriage partner, I suggest you two get together in a public place (not private, where your hormones can take over again), and discuss matters besides mushy topics. Discuss matters that you deem important to know and exchange regarding making a more serious commitment towards each other, and investing more of each other's time and energy on each other. Then see where it goes.
I partly blame our more conservative Muslim upbringing for this confusion regarding gender and sexuality matters. Where such topics are considered taboo, guilt is incited in, and hence young people are left in confusion regarding some of their biggest areas of our lives. But we can't keep blaming that forever (even if it seems it deserves to). We need to try to do something about it ourselves, while trying not to fall into either of the two extremes in these areas, and promise ourselves not to do the same with our own future children (as in make such topics taboo or tell the kids these issues would somehow fix themselves with time).
Peace.
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Salm agphys,
I would reiterate the recommendations of my fellow members.
Marriage is the best way forward. All the necessary conduct involving marriage are found in the Quran. So you can simply read the parts revenant to you.
In terms of the lashes, there needs to have been four witnesses present at the time you made love with your partner. If not, then you shouldn't be telling people about the bad things that you've done. Keep them to yourself, remember "God is enough as an expert in the sins of his servants."
Four witnesses required for something that is in 99.9 % of the cases practiced in private without ANY witnesses renders the entire verse meaningless. I think it's worth re-examining the ayat involved.
Peace
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thank you all for your beautiful answers,i went to a masjid and asked a learned person what i should do and if someone can lash me, and he told me that no one does that in this country.
this is too much for me i cant handle this, when i wrote this thread(before this zina thing) from the beginning i was told in my head that i was going to be forgiven but that i needed to go trough a test that will occur within one week, it is like a voice told me that this test will come and that i need to be prepared, but i failed and went for the zina. but i know that god is most high most gracious, i have sinned bad, because sex before marriage is not considered good and i think god almighty knows whats best for us humans and whats not.....at this position i cannot do anything but ask for forgivness, i dont want to start smoking weed or take drugs etc, maybe tobacco tho...
i dont know why i am so sensitive and like this, im still a virgin tho(i think),because it didnt go as expected, but anyways....when i look at other couples and people that brag about having sex etc then i dont think that for them it is haram because they dont know?? maybe some couples in europe havent been reading the quran or are not even muslims so they dont get any punishment, but for us, we that have recieved the truth and know gods religion, we need to be more on our guard because we are more privelegied(we know what to do or not because its in the quran)....
i dont know what i want, maybe im just crazy..it feels like ive lost the battle and have let everyone down...this will hunt me for a long time..
sorry if i have troubled anyone,
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Repent and reform, and there shall be no worry or no need for punishment. And remember GOD is Al-Rahman, Al-Raheem.
And a lot of the available interpretations contain severe flaws induced by the sectarian clerics who biased the interpretation with their doctrine.
Salaam
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Peace agphys.
Some things are never straight forward.we make life complicated,or am i confused by what you are saying?Quote from you
...at this position i cannot do anything but ask for forgivness, i dont want to start smoking weed or take drugs etc, maybe tobacco tho...
Do you already smoke,or are you about to start? Why?What is the benefit of burdening yourself with another bad habit?Of course it is your choice ,I am just wondering!!!!
This next quote from you is even more baffling
i dont know why i am so sensitive and like this, im still a virgin tho(i think),because it didnt go as expected, but anyways....when i look at other couples and people that brag about having sex etc then i dont think that for them it is haram because they dont know??
So what is all the fuss about?
Sorry you do not make sense to me?
GOD bless you.
Peace. -
i married her now i feel better
( ̀ Congratz ( ?￣
i just told her do you wqnna marry me and god is a witness, shexsaid yes and i gave her a gift..shes people of the book.
was this correct?
Did you get her family's approval (before marriage)?
( ̀ What about your pledge?
Did you take into account all legal-obligations, as stipulated in the Qurnic Law?
E.g., Does your contract/prenup include the corporal-penalty of 100*lashes ?(◕U
- 50L ~ if she's not of the fortified (ت
SLM
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Nop i didnt, she is a christian ...
... and!?
You're (a self-proclaimed) what!?If ye truly love each other,
& don't intend to cheat on one another,
then the 'Fidelity rule' shouldn't pose any "problem"!~ Or is it that you had other plans in mind?
... and she only have her mom. we agreed just us two.
Did you even bother to acquire her mom's consent at all!?
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Dear agphys
Salam.
Per my humble understanding The essential characteristics of a valid marriage is articulated in the below verse
55 The day - the delicious (things) are legitimized for you, and food of those who were given the book is allowed for you and your food is allowed for them; and the chaste women among the faithful and the chaste women among those who were given the book from before you - when you have given them their rewards being chaste without being lascivious and not to take as (illicit) lovers. And whoever represses (faith) in faith (itself) then surely he makes his actions worthless and in the hereafter he will be among the losers.
(My personal translation, cross checking is recommended.)
So a valid marriage should have the following characteristics
- The groom gives the bride a reasonable gift/reward which is acceptable to the bride.
- The marriage is not reduced to a formality to enjoy physical pleasure only ? there should be genuine intension to join/start a family.
- The marriage is not used as an excuse/mechanism to take a secret lover.
The entire idea behind the institution of marriage is that there is transparency and openness to the relationship to the society so that one party cannot take unfair advantage over the other.
Hope this verse will help you evaluate your relationship.
May Allah guide us all to the straight route.
Regards,
Arman -
This thread has got to be a joke.
Marrying someone just because you want to have sex with them?! -/
It is hardly befitting for the supposedly sacred constitution of marriage.
I think you brought important point here, es.
Maybe people should ponder the above question.
@ agphys
I'm not convinced that the Christians are ahlul kitaab (the people of the book).
So, I'm not sure that a muslim is allowed to marry with a Christian, but this is my personal point of view.
Salaam.
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I fail to understand why kissing and hugging would be bad. I sometimes try to look into distant past and wonder whether back in Prophets' time they were considered sexual. OP seems to be serious. So I don't see anything wrong with his choice unless he finds her incompatible.
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I can't make a head or tail of what the OP is talking. Something tells me that someone is just playing around here, trying to get our views on kissing, hugging and pre-marital sex. This is my understanding after considering agphys' earliest posts in this forum. Sorry if i turn out wrong.