UNLAWFUL SEX?
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I think its also a game , who wins who lose.. like competition.. attraction and tools used for attraction are attacks on opponent in this matter girls are quite lucky ... their attacks works most of the times.. lol
For somepeople it may be so, but it is not for many people and it wouldn't be so.
As to girls bing luckier I doubt it very much becaue besides it is a contet in which even if hey"win" girls always loose. It it one of those struggles they should not get into. It is not heir warand it isvery much to heir disadvantage. One here ar there wh may win something is merely an exception.
Salaam
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Peace all,
I think one important thing to remember is regardless of what everyone else is doing, and what is 'in' 'mainstream' or 'acceptable' in different cultures, We have to follow God, and his system, and not get sucked into anyone elses.
It can be a challenge, I am constantly harrased by family members, and others, who believe that i should just submit to there rules, and critisize me for example, refusing to eat food dedicated to idols, or join in with their idoliatry, or compromise my ideals just to fit in with them, but God instructs us to persevere, This life is all only a test, and as god says believers are the ones who do not fear the critisism of others, but rather fear him.
554 O you who believe, whoever from among you turns away from His system, then God will bring a people whom He loves and they love Him; humble towards the believers, proud towards the rejecters; they strive in the cause of God and do not fear to be blamed by those who blame. This is the grace of God, He bestows it upon whom He wills; God is Encompassing, Knowledgeable.
688 So do not obey those who deny.
689 They wish that you compromise, so they too can compromise.3175 It is only the devil trying to create fear for his allies, so do not fear them, but fear Me if you are believers.
just a reminder, on the subject of the cultural pressures etc, that we all face in different ways, when we choose to stand out from the crowd and follow Gods path..
Peace
Yes that is the way it should be but the thing is that thse who create environment attack childhood and teens. That is when the personality is shaping and when everything is most dangerous for the young. They are out to snatch the younger people and direct them to drugs, sex and senseless fun. At that age people are very vulnerable and know very little and have no experience. So they are easy prey. Of course it is criminal, but At Government level it is allowed or even helped, making things very hard for parents and older people who might help.
So that fighting the environment for those who will make the future it is very, very difficult. How to fight that is the question not whether women dress so and so. People also take drugs that doe not mean that people by nature are drug addicts or prone. ome may be prone, but the problems does not lie there but o the mechanismand those who make function that mechanism to twist people to get into the wrong experiences and desires.
Salaam
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Yes that is the way it should be but the thing is that thse who create environment attack childhood and teens. That is when the personality is shaping and when everything is most dangerous for the young. They are out to snatch the younger people and direct them to drugs, sex and senseless fun. At that age people are very vulnerable and know very little and have no experience. So they are easy prey. Of course it is criminal, but At Government level it is allowed or even helped, making things very hard for parents and older people who might help.
So that fighting the environment for those who will make the future it is very, very difficult. How to fight that is the question not whether women dress so and so. People also take drugs that doe not mean that people by nature are drug addicts or prone. ome may be prone, but the problems does not lie there but o the mechanismand those who make function that mechanism to twist people to get into the wrong experiences and desires.
Salaam
Peace
I agree, and speaking from my own experience, growing up in a toxic environment, it can be, and certainly is still, very hard to break out of. There are extreamly difficult challenges, especialy for parents/caregivers. and sometimes i wonder how we can at all find a way through and attain, and maintain righteousness. But God guides whoever he wills, and whoever wills to be guided, His will is perfect, and he knows us better than we could ever know ourselves. May God guide us all to the straight path, and help us with the tough decisions we have, in this age, where satan is doing his best, or rather worst, and succeeding in misleading much of mankind.Peace
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Huruf,
Irrelevant of cultural values or not the human is an animal and behaves according to instincts. Some bias may be contained in my arguments, but still women act along the lines of what I said.
Be well
Amenuel -
For somepeople it may be so, but it is not for many people and it wouldn't be so.
As to girls bing luckier I doubt it very much becaue besides it is a contet in which even if hey"win" girls always loose. It it one of those struggles they should not get into. It is not heir warand it isvery much to heir disadvantage. One here ar there wh may win something is merely an exception.
Salaam
huruf actually its depend on the person,, I believe if women and man both are honest with each other and honest with God then no body lose nothing...
we usually lose something when our intentions are selfish and we try to play...
but relationship is not a game its something like a life or changing of life....so winning and losing depend on the nature of game...
not only women lose. its man who lose his faith .. if he manage to cheat a women for whatsoever reason,, I know most of the boys just make a relationship with a women for one thing and some of them get in their trap.. but infact they used lies of making them wife. incase if they tell them truth at first place no women will go with these type of man ..
so that's y I told you its all game and in some cases , womens also use males
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Huruf,
Irrelevant of cultural values or not the human is an animal and behaves according to instincts. Some bias may be contained in my arguments, but still women act along the lines of what I said.
Be well
AmenuelI doubt that it is 1900% cent as you say even a 50% or 25% , but the question is why? If that to you is not important then I do not know why we ar ttalking here. If it is so, according to you so just take it as it is and blame nature not women.
It is really a very cheapshot to blame women. Intellectually
it is like Saying the big bad wolf would come and get you only it is not the big bad wolf but the big bad witch. Nothing changes much.Salaam
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peace
Timotheus peace be with you and the mercy of God. 971The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. do not lose faith in finding a believing partner, only those who disbelieve lose faith in the Most Merciful. Have faith, God will give you what you deserve, if you are truthful. God says in Quran that those who already call themselves muslim will be more willing to listen, so look there, even if they do not have a clear understanding, and have many mistakes, as i am sure you do too, If God wills, He will bring you both to the truth and affirm it in your heart.
As for the perverted, let them speak, how will they be recognized if they are not allowed to speak. From the abundance in the heart the mouth speaks.
Comrox if the key to successful marriage is interacting with the opposite sex, then why has the west the highest divorce rate, and they cannot even talk to each other.
The key to a successful marriage is patience, but that is a virtue only of the believers. Be truthful, obedient to God, and accepting of whatever God give us as partner. Economically and physically speaking, not spiritually, because if the partner becomes a disbeliever, there shall be a divorce.
May God increase our knowledge and give us wisdom.
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peace
Timotheus peace be with you and the mercy of God. 971The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. do not lose faith in finding a believing partner, only those who disbelieve lose faith in the Most Merciful. Have faith, God will give you what you deserve, if you are truthful. God says in Quran that those who already call themselves muslim will be more willing to listen, so look there, even if they do not have a clear understanding, and have many mistakes, as i am sure you do too, If God wills, He will bring you both to the truth and affirm it in your heart.
As for the perverted, let them speak, how will they be recognized if they are not allowed to speak. From the abundance in the heart the mouth speaks.
Comrox if the key to successful marriage is interacting with the opposite sex, then why has the west the highest divorce rate, and they cannot even talk to each other.
The key to a successful marriage is patience, but that is a virtue only of the believers. Be truthful, obedient to God, and accepting of whatever God give us as partner. Economically and physically speaking, not spiritually, because if the partner becomes a disbeliever, there shall be a divorce.
May God increase our knowledge and give us wisdom.
Peace,
I do hope in god, and pray as it says in the quran for spouse and children that may be a comfort and a joy, Sometimes it does feel like i am sitting out here on my own though, haha.. i know this is not the case though.
you said this "God says in Quran that those who already call themselves muslim will be more willing to listen"
where is this in the quran? i am unaware of his. and sometimes it seems like they are the ones who are least tolerant to hear, even verses from the quran they claim to believe in..
However i am new, and relatively inexperienced with Islam, i have only realy met a few other sunnis face to face. alot of christians seem willing to listen, and we can have some good discussions, alot of others, however are not so tolerant.. i remember being absolutely shocked when a in-law threatened to get his shotgun out when i told him i was a muslim /
you also said
Comrox if the key to successful marriage is interacting with the opposite sex, then why has the west the highest divorce rate, and they cannot even talk to each other.
maybe i am misunderstanding, but does this staement not answer its self? they are divorcing because there are not interacting with the opposite sex.. i.e not talking to each other.
Peace, and alhamdullilah, very good reminder
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Peace wrkmmn,
Comrox if the key to successful marriage is interacting with the opposite sex, then why has the west the highest divorce rate, and they cannot even talk to each other.
What do you mean by "they cannot even talk to each other"?
On opposite sex interaction, this is what I said
...Young men also need to learn how to have healthy interactions with women. How are you supposed to understand that people are more than their bodies before you speak with them? I've read so many stories of Muslim men and women who marry, and they're so naive. Neither of them understand how to communicate or deal with problems in a relationship, because they've never interacted with the opposite gender before.
The main problem in marriages I've witnessed is in the part I bolded above a lack of communication and/or an inability to deal with problems, for whatever reason.
Of course there is not one thing that makes marriages work or don't work... But I believe communication is the foundation for a lot we experience in life. Good communication emcompasses a lot of what we need listening, empathy, patience, knowing what is the right response to say to people, being able to clearly communicate your needs in a productive manner, understanding your relationship to other people, knowing your own communciation weaknesses, being able to recognize when to apologize, addressing difficult situations or problems as soon as they arrive, etc...
I linked the topics (communication, martial failure, and opposite sex interaction) together, perhaps unjustly, because I feel that if I had spent my life never interacting with men and then I was expected to marry a complete stranger, I wouldn't know what to do with them. I wouldn't know what to expect from them. I would only understand about men what people had told me, if anyone had told me anything at all. If you spend your life interacting with women, you're only going to understand women. If you spend your life interacting with men, you're only going to understand men. Men and women do handle communciation and problems differently. The separation is something I can imagine being engraved into peoples' mind as us vs. them, and that can't be healthy. Islamically, I feel that some people may understand marriage only as far as role expectations goes - The husband and wife both love and care for each other; the wife cooks, cares for children, and obeys her husband; the husband is the financial provider and the leader of the household. They, and many other people, only seem to see what marriage is supposed to be, and don't recognize the many steps it takes to get there.
People need social interaction to build their communciation and social skills. People need opposite sex social interaction to understand and experience the other sex. Healthy social experiences with all kinds of people is needed for good communication development, which is needed for all kinds of relationships and life experiences.
Life is getting more complicated. We have a lot of technology now. We're a changing society. All this technology has both harmed and helped us. Besides that, role are now blurred, finances are an issue for many, and suddenly people have so many choices. People also have a lot of expectations surrounding married life and their spouse. Communication is needed now more than ever.
The key to a successful marriage is patience, but that is a virtue only of the believers. Be truthful, obedient to God, and accepting of whatever God give us as partner. Economically and physically speaking, not spiritually, because if the partner becomes a disbeliever, there shall be a divorce.
May God increase our knowledge and give us wisdom.
If patience is only what believers have, and patience is the key to a successful marriage, why do successful marriages exist between atheists, for example? ???
Where do you derive your understanding that when a partner becomes a disbeliever, a divorce must take place?
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The divorces occur primarily due to our attitude nowadays. Divorces are seen as socially acceptable whereas in the past you would be looked down upon if you divorced and you would also regard yourself as more failed if you did. Our societies were more religiously connected where the church had more influence, even over those who did not have any faith in God as it became the culture too.
My grandmother and grandfather on my mother's side were married for about 60 years actually until death and they were not particularly religious and believers that way.
Many people divorce simply for the reason they are tired of each other and have lost that loving feeling, but I think that in many cases they are being careless to what they have. A marriage tends to change into a less sensual relationship after some time and people have the image that a marriage has to remain hot and heavy. People think the marriage is futile and then they divorce.
Be well
Amenuel -
Our societies were more religiously connected where the church had more influence, even over those who did not have any faith in God as it became the culture too.
This is the situation in many, many countries of the world, whether they are e.g. catholic or muslim.
People blame religion, when it is actually culture that is using religion for substance.
Real faith is many times very rare to be seen in religious societies. -
Zulf,
Everything related to religion is not bad. The sense of connection between man and husband is leading to better order in my opinion. Our start of disbelief towards the sacredness of the marriage is societally detrimental and the children are those hurt the most when parents divorce/separate.
I do however take that you are married by God when you spend time with a partner and particularly have sexual intercourse with them. No ceremony required. One should not take lightly on a separation even if they are not married.
Be well
Amenuel -
Zulf,
Everything related to religion is not bad. The sense of connection between man and husband is leading to better order in my opinion. Our start of disbelief towards the sacredness of the marriage is societally detrimental and the children are those hurt the most when parents divorce/separate.
I do however take that you are married by God when you spend time with a partner and particularly have sexual intercourse with them. No ceremony required. One should not take lightly on a separation even if they are not married.
Be well
AmenuelPeace,
do you believe that a vow before god is required for marriage? i believe it is a personal commitment to god, for each individual, i dont believe in ceremony etc, but i am of the opinion that this verse;
421 And how can you take it when you have become intimate with each other, and they have taken from you a solemn covenant.
talks of a solemn/serious pledge/commitment
im also curious as to your, and anyone elses views on theese verses
423 Forbidden for you are your mothers, and your daughters, and your sisters, and the sisters of your father, and the sisters of your mother, and the daughters of your brother, and the daughters of your sister, and your foster mothers who suckled you, and your sisters from suckling, and the mothers of your women, and your step-daughters who are in your lodgings from your women with whom you have already consummated the marriage; if you have not consummated the marriage then there is no sin upon you; and those who were in wedlock with your sons who are from your seed, and that you join between two sisters except what has already been done. God is Forgiving, Merciful.
424 And the independent from the women, except those maintained by your oaths; the book of God over you; and permitted for you is what is beyond this, if you are seeking with your money to be independent, not for illicit sex. As for those whom you have already had joy with, then you shall give them their dowries as an obligation. There is no sin upon you for what you agree on after the obligation. God is Knowledgeable, Wise.
425 And whoever of you cannot afford to marry the independent female believers, then from those maintained by your oaths of the believing young women. And God is more aware of your faith, some of you to each other. You shall marry them with the permission of their parents, and give them their dowries in kindness - to be independent - not for illicit sex or taking lovers. Until they become independent, any of them who comes with an immorality shall have half of what is the punishment for those who are independent. This is for those who fear hardship from among you. But if you are patient it is better for you, and God is Forgiver, Merciful.i am curious what you think of theese, as they talk about obligations such as dowries, and permission from parents.. and if (and obviously you provided only a little information on your view, so i am unsure) this is the case, as you say, is multiple partners permissible, like where are the boundaries, in your view?
Also the Quran seems to clearly talk about boundries for divorce, or remarriage after the death of a husband..also 2433-34, if there is no definite marriage as such and we can have sex without a vow, etc, then why would god be saying some might not have the means to marry, and chould remain chaste/pure untill they do
also 55 where it mentions not taking secret lovers, and also again the dowrie.
This is more of an open question, not nessessarily directed to you, and i would like to hear anyones view on it.. i know very little about marriage in Gods system, and i would certainly like to learn.
Peace
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Timotheus,
It is true that in order to be intimate, have sexual interaction, then the couple should have decided to keep together. The intercourse will establish the marriage bond whether you utter anything or not. After that it is too late. If you utter anything this is to confirm to each other that you will stick together forever after.
This is a reason why in elder Semitic lore, a man is forced to marry a woman he has laid with. In some cases the father of the daughter has become furious. No matter if someone says anything or not they couple is bound.
Be well
Amenuel -
the decision of marriage should be taken after much thinking and observing.. its the matter of life infact ... emotions are so strong it makes u what you you, it will make you becoming what you want to be or dnt want to be...
human being is sensitive creation. I dnt know how many in you have breakup with their ex but its a painful thing and it will make u suffer after along time , suddenly ideas of past memories comes in the mind and it will disturb you a lot..
I advise to all of you please get married very wisely becoz we make a promise infront of God not to do bad with oneanother and most of the cases we forget our very first promise and then God is in between this matter he will surely let you taste what u dnt know..
peace
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Timotheus,
It is true that in order to be intimate, have sexual interaction, then the couple should have decided to keep together. The intercourse will establish the marriage bond whether you utter anything or not. After that it is too late. If you utter anything this is to confirm to each other that you will stick together forever after.
This is a reason why in elder Semitic lore, a man is forced to marry a woman he has laid with. In some cases the father of the daughter has become furious. No matter if someone says anything or not they couple is bound.
Be well
AmenuelPeace, the idea of 'together forever' is a fairytale..
i am seriously concerned by some of your views, but for you are your deeds and for me are mine.
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It is pretty common in thinking that the marriage bond is permanent.