How do I tell my husband I no longer want to wear hijab?
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Hi there,
I appreciate having this community to talk to as the Muslim community where I live is very small and I feel alienated from them. I converted to Islam 3 years ago and started wearing Hijab full time as a social experiment at first, then as a full-time commitment only last year. I have experienced both positive and negative results among the positive, less unwanted male attention is definitely one of them. However, I used to go outside and connect with nature a lot more. I stopped going outside because I get extremely hot. I have switched to just "turban" hijab, which I know is not accepted by my community as "real hijab" anyway. I used to dress up (modestly), do my hair, look nice. Now I stay in PJs all day long at home, because what's the point?
I could go on and on, mostly about how I used to weight-lift, long-board and swim in the ocean--two things that wearing hijab makes hard and socially awkward--but I'll stop. I realize that it is not a religious requirement after rejecting Hadith. My problem is that I'm "Sunni by association", and my husband of one year is an Arab who believes that it is compulsory. We have a child together. I feel it might be unfair to expect him to accept me if I choose to stop wearing hijab. Of course I'd wear it when in the Mosque or when visiting his family if that makes them more comfortable. I never imagined I'd change my mind about hijab, but now I feel like I'm in the middle of an identity crisis.
Any advice on building an argument that could win over a Sunni Muslim, or similar experiences? &
Did anyone else watch the following YouTube videos? Thoughts??
Hijab Hijab Not Islamic but Cultural - Part 1
Hijab Hijab Not Islamic but Cultural - Part 2Thanks for reading. peace
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hijab is a culture ... not a religion
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hijab is a culture ... not a religion
Hijab is a cultural product.
Religion is also a cultural product.There's nothing wrong of not wearing the hijab as there's also nothing wrong on wearing the hijab.. (Tell that to the French..)
You can say "Dear, Hijab is so last year..."
Ok, I was joking on that one, seriously, this is a personal issue and you are the only one who can make the decision.
If there's any advice, you should be honest to your husband ... -
Hijab is a cultural product.
Religion is also a cultural product.There's nothing wrong of not wearing the hijab as there's also nothing wrong on wearing the hijab.. (Tell that to the French..)
You can say "Dear, Hijab is so last year..."
Ok, I was joking on that one, seriously, this is a personal issue and you are the only one who can make the decision.
If there's any advice, you should be honest to your husband ...God is also a cultural product , isnt it... lol every culture have different sets and rules for God...
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Salam,
There are no arguments to win over a Sunni - otherwise they would no longer be Sunnis!
Best thing is to open-up about your faith, mention that you no longer accept the Hadith/Sunna as it is an innovation and that you will only follow the Book of God. Tell him that you understand it may be difficult for him to understand, but that you need to find peace with God and no soul can avail any other on the Day of Days...
One step at a time sister...
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There are no arguments to win over a Sunni - otherwise they would no longer be Sunnis!
I married a Sunni as well, BUT I'M A MAN; totally different story.You must, as a woman, understand that a man's brain functions very differently than that of a woman.
A man can read a book and change his life according to his new (theoretical) knowledge; with women this works quite differently and usually they require experience and cultural assistence before they ever change their ways.Assuming your husband is not a friggin' idiot he will not only be able to understand the matter of principled religion but he'll be able to adjust his expectations and emotions accordingly. YOU ARE IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SITUATION AS I AM. Sorry for the caps but you have hope where i have none. If he understands that this is not only important to you but also logical and in line with God's message, it could be he could completely turn around and support you. Do not project your female reticence on your male husband, that's what i'm saying. If he is happy with you and he's not an idiot, there's a good chance he will defy his family, your community and the world to support you (something a woman would never do for her husband....)
If it's a matter of trauma , you might be better off with a divorce. That kinda depends on your age and things... I dunno
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Hijab is not really culture either, it is something one wears in order to be kind to the opposite sex so to help them avoid sexual feelings. It can also be something to force oneself not to think instinctively showing off their body like an animal to attract a mate for copulation. These days it has improperly become a sign of misogyny and such oppression because men would force their females to wear it just for the sake of tradition and they tell women should at best not be shown at all in society. This is not the purpose with the veiling. It was supposed to be an aid.
And men who wish to dress their women in veiling should consider to themselves cover up their bodies because women can arise sexual temptation too. In ancient times men also covered their bodies more than they do today, in specific societies. It is about the discussion and knowledge of what is difficult to abstain from and whether one knows the meaning of life.
Pious men should just like women walk around like ghosts with a blanket over themselves that does not reveal anything of the body much like Arabic clothing or like Buddhist monks. I would, but I also need to find a compromise with the customs of my country of residence and the problems which would arise if I did. No one (or very few) seems to care about whether they arise temptations in their bodies either so and then it is redundant for me to cover it.
Be well
Amenuel -
Hi there,
I appreciate having this community to talk to as the Muslim community where I live is very small and I feel alienated from them. I converted to Islam 3 years ago and started wearing Hijab full time as a social experiment at first, then as a full-time commitment only last year. I have experienced both positive and negative results among the positive, less unwanted male attention is definitely one of them. However, I used to go outside and connect with nature a lot more. I stopped going outside because I get extremely hot. I have switched to just "turban" hijab, which I know is not accepted by my community as "real hijab" anyway. I used to dress up (modestly), do my hair, look nice. Now I stay in PJs all day long at home, because what's the point?
I could go on and on, mostly about how I used to weight-lift, long-board and swim in the ocean--two things that wearing hijab makes hard and socially awkward--but I'll stop. I realize that it is not a religious requirement after rejecting Hadith. My problem is that I'm "Sunni by association", and my husband of one year is an Arab who believes that it is compulsory. We have a child together. I feel it might be unfair to expect him to accept me if I choose to stop wearing hijab. Of course I'd wear it when in the Mosque or when visiting his family if that makes them more comfortable. I never imagined I'd change my mind about hijab, but now I feel like I'm in the middle of an identity crisis.
Any advice on building an argument that could win over a Sunni Muslim, or similar experiences? &
Did anyone else watch the following YouTube videos? Thoughts??
Hijab Hijab Not Islamic but Cultural - Part 1
Hijab Hijab Not Islamic but Cultural - Part 2Thanks for reading. peace
Hi Kanada welcome to the forum handshake
RED you married a baby? hypno
Maybe you can tell him that you fear Allah, thus you do not need a headscarf.
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Peace Kanada.
I sense your anxiety, some things can be really hard or feel hard to do, but GOD can find you a way.
Nothing happens to you except in accordance with God's will. Anyone who believes in God, He will guide his/her heart. God is fully aware of all things.
When we believe in GOD, we must also believe GOD .
Please take this matter to your Lord and ask him to guide/help you sort it out.
GOD will listen to the "Daii"( The one sincerely asking ) when they ask.
Hope you sort something with your husband to both your satisfaction.
GOD bless you.
Peace. -
I really appreciate the replies.
I am 100% convinced from my own research that the hijab is a cultural tradition. I'm trying to build my case using resources that would make sense to someone whose first language is Arabic. As Socrates pointed out--and it has been my experience--most men tend to think logically and listen to reason when it is presented. However, he is as logical as I am "reticent", which is not at all (although it would make my life easier). I'm actually the one who is constantly changing her mind as her theoretical knowledge base grows. I would never call him an idiot (or a baby), but we are quite different. It's the difference between growing up with first world white privilege and growing up under occupation in a school system that doesn't require you to take a single science to get a Masters' degree...
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Jafar - I know, right? I could go on and on about the French's ironic politics, especially their idea of "secularism". We have secularism in Canada, and lets just say we could replace the maple leaf with rainbows and unicorns, and that would be accurate.
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Imran - My experience too God wears different hats for different days. Just different cultural manifestations.
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Layth - Walaikum as'Salam, thank you for the honesty. You're right, a Sunni is a Sunni is a Sunni and I have to be OK with being different. I have told him recently that I originally signed up under Rumi's version of Islam and not Saudi Arabia's Islam, and that I outright reject anything I see as superstition. The next step, I think, is learning what the Qur'an actually says.
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Socrates - I feel really bad that you have lost hope just because you are a man who loves another man. You guys can always move to Canada. welcome
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Man of Faith - I can see it both ways as an aid, and as a way for men to gain power or control over women. In Hawaiian culture, and many indigenous cultures, nakedness was not an issue and people felt quite comfortable with their bodies until Christian missionaries forced them to cover up. Arab culture is much more obsessed with "Eib", I'm always hearing this word Shame, shame, shame. Temptation arises from one's own unconscious conditioning and so I feel it's everyone's personal responsibility to become mindful of their thoughts and feelings. I think you notice too that trying to fight against societal norms is ridiculous, like try getting a job wearing a Monk's robe. I'm trying to find my "compromise" as well.
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Bender - Hey. All men are babies. But seriously, humans in general are sexy otherwise we would not reproduce as a species. I'm just not sure covering up is still the proper response at this time in our existence. -\
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Good logic - Thank you for reminding me of this verse. It does bring me some comfort. You bet I believe God is leading me through it all and I know God knows best. )
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- Socrates - I feel really bad that you have lost hope just because you are a man who loves another man. You guys can always move to Canada. welcome
rotfl
WTF?!
I have not come to hate women, just to appreciate that their minds, generally, work quite differently from men's.
If God/fate has blessed you with a logical/flexible mind, god bless you and may you be a boon to all you know. Having said that, you must realize most women's minds and hearts work very different from your own.
I found my Sunni wife when i was recuperating from a quite traumatic experience . That was 2007; in 2008 i embarked on an odyssee of sorts of research and consideration; anyone online can view my database to get an idea of the information i started collecting at that time. I also learned many things about gender-specific characteristics, humanity and sexuality that i had had no idea of previously.This brings us to 2016; i have a son that's 8 years old, innocent as hell and dependent on me for all kinds of intellectual development his mother could never provide. Would that i had had the strength and health in 2007 to find a woman like yourself but you must realize you are few and far between...
Still, all men are 'left-brained'-centered and susceptible to logic, principles and reason; unlike most women. That's all i'm saying.
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LOL. Socrates. Glad you clarified that for me.
"I married a Sunni as well, BUT I'M A MAN; totally different story."
Yeah... kind of confused me there.
So what exactly are you trying to say? Where does the "no hope" come into your story (if not that you are hopelessly in love with another man ;D)? I sensed a grievance when you said that no woman would defy her worldview etc. for a man, but it's not really my business.
BTW, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter and that the Germans imprisoned you. '( That's really sad.
I looked at your database website but I am kind of confused what I should be looking at first. What exactly is a civilization insurance?
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hijab is a culture ... not a religion
Hijab is a cultural product.
Religion is also a cultural product.God is also a cultural product , isnt it...
To be exact, perception about the cosmos is a cultural product.
rotfl
You guys should start a thread on "cultural products."
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Peace Kanada and welcome to the forum,
I would simply tell your husband that you're not going to wear it anymore. There's no other way to say it. You just have to do it.
If he asks why, then you can explain what you've learned over your studying and experiences.
Insha'Allah he will tolerate your decision, if not accept it.
Good luck sister. )
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Hi there,
I appreciate having this community to talk to as the Muslim community where I live is very small and I feel alienated from them. I converted to Islam 3 years ago and started wearing Hijab full time as a social experiment at first, then as a full-time commitment only last year. I have experienced both positive and negative results among the positive, less unwanted male attention is definitely one of them. However, I used to go outside and connect with nature a lot more. I stopped going outside because I get extremely hot. I have switched to just "turban" hijab, which I know is not accepted by my community as "real hijab" anyway. I used to dress up (modestly), do my hair, look nice. Now I stay in PJs all day long at home, because what's the point?
I could go on and on, mostly about how I used to weight-lift, long-board and swim in the ocean--two things that wearing hijab makes hard and socially awkward--but I'll stop. I realize that it is not a religious requirement after rejecting Hadith. My problem is that I'm "Sunni by association", and my husband of one year is an Arab who believes that it is compulsory. We have a child together. I feel it might be unfair to expect him to accept me if I choose to stop wearing hijab. Of course I'd wear it when in the Mosque or when visiting his family if that makes them more comfortable. I never imagined I'd change my mind about hijab, but now I feel like I'm in the middle of an identity crisis.
Any advice on building an argument that could win over a Sunni Muslim, or similar experiences? &
Did anyone else watch the following YouTube videos? Thoughts??
Hijab Hijab Not Islamic but Cultural - Part 1
Hijab Hijab Not Islamic but Cultural - Part 2Thanks for reading. peace
Quran 2256 There is no compulsion in the system; the proper way has been clarified from the wrong way. Whoever rejects evil, and believes in God, indeed he has taken grasp of the strongest hold that will never break. God is Hearer, Knower.
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So if you see a woman without a hijaab you get sexual feelings???
What if I find eyes sexy? should they also cover them?
rotfl rotfl
thats why in afghansitan the kind of hijab is fully covered not even eyes you can see?
its llike dijjini she can see you but you cant ... how unfair ;D
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To be exact, perception about the cosmos is a cultural product.
no its a scientific culture product with some times proofs ...in the shape of uncle hubble discovery rotfl
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rotfl
You guys should start a thread on "cultural products."
we still not unanimous what catagory fit in culture, tradition and religion... everybody is master of his mind and culture...lol
