Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
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I will never hit my child.
Yes, I remember telling myself that before I got married... and did quiet well too, the first 2 years! P I'm with Damon though, there's a fine line between abuse and discipline, and balance is key. I was beaten as a child in school, by my parents and at the madrassa. I couldve done without it, but I still respect and love my parents. As for the teachers... well, maybe I would've liked school a little more... but no regrets or blames for my life's 'problems'. I come from a 3rd world country, and when I see people here talking of spanking as abuse... they have no idea what goes on in the rest of the world. I'm not advocating beating, most of the times it doesn't serve much purpose, but at the same time, depending on the child, some spanking may be necessary. In terms of political correctness, I know this gets frowned upon... but, hey, welcome to the real world. twisted
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Salaam all,
Well put Zenje. And quite an eye opener at that.
BUUUUT........he just did it again about five minutes ago. My three year old son just ruined another pair of underwear by, once again, sneaking off somewhere and proceeded to unload in his underwear even though he didn't go on the potty when we put him on it.
I'm sorry guys, I know Joe said that it's independence on his part, but I can't help but to feel as though it's more like stubborness instead. Needless to say, I gave him a whack on his boody. The thing is it wasn't a harsh wack and that's probably one of the reasons why he isn't taking this, as well as other things, seriously at all.
My wife and I use spankings sparingly and we're content to just talk to them and yell at them when we feel it neccessary. Man, this is beyond frustrating.
By the way, thanx guys for giving me the congrats on the little bun my wife and I have in the oven.
Salaam,
Damon. -
Peace be upon you zenje, all
My father hit me too as a child, not hard though.
I have forgotten all about that, but what I can?t forget is one time when my father hit my little brother and he went to school crying. It was 13 years ago and even today when I think about it I feel sad and angry. I?m maybe a little bit weak but that?s how I feel.Let me put it this way; I hope I never hit my child.
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Peace Zenje,
Are you gonna check if it's a boy/girl in advance (ultrasound)?... or do you wanna be surprised?
I find that it is quite effcient to find out in advance for preparation purposes (name of child, color baby clothes to buy, etc.)
We already have two boys, so my wife is hoping that we have a girl this time. I'm hoping for the same thing I had hoped for with our first two....a healthy baby GOD Willing.
Salaam,
Damon. -
Peace tux and Damon,
Congratulations to both of you on your upcoming attractions. D
Keep these prayers in mind;
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It was then that Zachariah called on his Lord, he said ?My Lord, grant me from You a good progeny, You are hearer of the prayers.?
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And We enjoined the human being to honour his parents. His mother bore him with hardship, gave birth to him in hardship, and his weaning lasts thirty months. Until he has attained his maturity, and reaches forty years, he says ?My Lord, direct me to appreciate the blessings You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and to do righteousness that pleases You. And let my progeny be righteous. I have repented to You; I am of those who have surrendered.?
Peace.
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I wish you peace, well being and salvation warda, all
sorry for the late response i was ill 2 weeks, down to bed...
So do you have a boy? I will ask my princess what she thinks about our arranged wedding at the age of four lol
Zlatan, if I may ask isn't your name slavish?D yes i do have a boy, actually 2 of them, a four and a 6 year one...
And yes my name is slavish and it means Golden
best wishes, Zlatan
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I very much agree with what you said!!!
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Peace
Many here speak what they speak because they have not had children. And maybe, they have not even observed children's behavior.
We can not generalize, and say that all children are the same, or say that the way to discipline them is either words or violence. Lets not forget that children are humans, and as humans they are complex beings, and they have free will. Also, they are not a gift but a test to us according to quran.
878 And know that your possessions and your children are a test, and that with Allah is immense reward.First of all, people needs to understand that children are ignorant beings that are just beginning to learn, and they do not know what is best for them. in this there is a lesson for believers. They will behave following their desires, for it is the only thing they know. As they learn from their environment, they will begin to mold their behavior, and know were the limits are.
There are some children that will respect the limits just by being told what is bad and what is good.
There are others that will require the warning of a painful punishment(a good spanking in the buttock(i personally dislike slapping in the face) in order for them to obey.
There are others that will obey but until they see the painful punishment coming. Some parents are satisfied with them as long as they obey. But, I think they should receive the punishment so that next time they will obey at the first warning.
And, there are others that even if you beat them to death they will be stubborn/arrogant (thinking they know better than the one sustaining them) and will not obey nor behave withing the limits. In this case, all you can do is pray God for a solution, and be patient.Children need discipline, and sometimes violence has to be implemented to make them stay within the limits, and to protect them from their own violence.
may God increase our knowledge and give us wisdom.
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Psychology is a better tool than domestic violence. Violence in child rearing is considered an obselete method and research clearly shows that there are better methods.
Child beating is also illegal by law in most developed countries leading to in worst case a prison sentence.
I think you might reconsider your view of life. But considered you seem to think wife beating is okay I understand you live in the past and have primitive ideas.
/Amenuel
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It is really sad that some people here believe in abusing children.. Whether it is light violence or hard it is still extremely wrong and has no place in a civilized society. It is only primitive people who abuse their children or spouse. Throw those primitive people into jail already.
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Peace
for your words I understand that you are still little.
'wny
It is really sad that some people here believe in abusing childrenThere is a clear line between discipline and abuse, but I do not think you understand either of this words.
Manoffaith
Child beating is also illegal by law in most developed countries leading to in worst case a prison sentence.yes, here in the Us you could go to prison for child beating. they may not allow hard old discipline ways, but they fill your hyperactive kids with drugs, lithium, etc. to keep them calm and stupid, would you say that is better. Or, until the 1970s lobotomy was legal, they took your kid and inserted a ice pick through the eyes and destroyed their brain, and it was done by your doctor gods in which you trust so blindly. Also, go and see how their children are behaving, it is normal and funny to hear a child being told to do something by his/her mother to answer " shut up bitch".
I understand you live in the past and have primitive ideas
Kids in your developed countries that you worship so much are behaving in ways that in the Torah the law of god ordains death penalty. If God has primitive Ideas, maybe you should go teach Him what is better for us.
may God increase our knowledge and give us wisdom.
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Well I'm not sure if you count 22 years old as 'little'. FYI, violence is violence regardless of what its intentions are. To use violence in order to teach 'discipline' is abuse too. You obviously don't have any children, at least I don't hope so. And remember that you are passing down violence to your children who will start passing violence towards their children and it will spread, etc. This will also ruin their childhood.
yes, here in the Us you could go to prison for child beating. they may not allow hard old discipline ways, but they fill your hyperactive kids with drugs, lithium, etc. to keep them calm and stupid, would you say that is better. Or, until the 1970s lobotomy was legal, they took your kid and inserted a ice pick through the eyes and destroyed their brain, and it was done by your doctor gods in which you trust so blindly. Also, go and see how their children are behaving, it is normal and funny to hear a child being told to do something by his/her mother to answer " shut up bitch".
I'm pretty sure that he was excluding the US. He was refering to the Scandinavian countries and the other European countries (perhaps except the Eastern European nations who tend to be conservative). Any type of violence is and should be illegal, whether it is light or hard violence.
Kids in your developed countries that you worship so much are behaving in ways that in the Torah the law of god ordains death penalty. If God has primitive Ideas, maybe you should go teach Him what is better for us.
Wow.. But thanks for making the Torah look more bad than it already is though.
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Each child is each child. To have the same rule for all children is to ignore that they are persons. And each adult is alo each adult.
Children feel mistreated when people do not even get angry with them when they, the children behave in such a way as it would be logical for anybody to be angry. And it is false that they are encouraged to be angry themselves because of that. Some children do try and defy their parents and opush them to the limit, because they want to test them. If I can puh my mother or my father to the limit and she or he accepts it and does not do anything to me, how on earth are they going to protect me from harm if push come to shove. If they are that meek with me I just cannot trust this parent to protect me.
If they get reassured in that way not only they wont be angry with their parents but will love them more and will trust them more and will rely on them more. A parent who is too meek when she or he should be firm is of no use to a child.
I agree that beating on the face is inadmissible. not because of the pain or what but because it is humilliating. No person at no age. But I have never seen any child to bear scars because at some time the mother gave him or her a spanking. It is definitely bettr than to be cold or indifferet to them.
I was in a boarding school when I was a child younger than ten and none of the ladies teachers ever put her hand on anybody. Just one of them, when she really got fed up and ost her temper. She did it on the spur of the moment but none of the children disliked her. May be she was a little feared but not disliked. She was also the one who used to give us bear hugs and we really felt that she cared for us, and she did care. But she was human and I never resented her nor remember that any other children resented her. I guess now she would be thrown out of the school right away.
Coldness is far more damaging than spanking. Up to a certain age, spanking does not do any damage to a child. After that age, of course it is out of place. What damages them at any age and causes them pain that lasts forever is injustice even if there is no spanking or any physical violence. Injustice is far more damaging and a tragedy for children. It would be better if parents got lectures on that rather than on spanking when the kids get impossible.
Salaam
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Peace all,
Personally I'm very much against using any violence against children. Growing up I was very sensitive. I was the good kid because I always wanted to please my parents and make them happy with me. Even getting yelled at was something I didn't handle well, so I just made sure it never happened. I don't believe violence is at all necessary to raise a child well.
Now my partner was raised with physical punishments and does think that light violence can be good for kids. We haven't had many talks about it, but it worries me a bit. But anyways. That's a different topic.
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You can be firm with a child without inflicting physical pain. And a child that has not been reared properly from the beginning is harder to handle so if one later feel they have to use physical methods it means they did wrong to begin with. Often many children also grow a distant relationship to their parent when the child is exposed to abuse.
Usually the best method is to make ways to have the child face consequences for their deeds. Sanctions is one way, but parental guidance is also required in explaining the error to the child and explicitly telling why the error is wrong. If the child is taught empathy early on it will help making the child more tranquil, empathy is a great key. On top of that, it is important as a parent to act as a role model since the child will simply imitate your behavior and if you have a lousy appearance you cannot expect your own child to behave any better. You must be well aware of what kind of things in your surroundings that you give approval of, even if it is in fiction.
Being kind to your child and having a moderate amount of "treats" (not candy) helps both showing correct behavior and also leaves room for sanctions when needed as you have something to deprive them of as a consequence of their actions. The children will not do bad things without influence from peers, their own desire and their instinct, so making them aware of such affections early on in life may help too.
Wellness to you
Amenuel -
Each child is each child. To have the same rule for all children is to ignore that they are persons. And each adult is alo each adult.
Children feel mistreated when people do not even get angry with them when they, the children behave in such a way as it would be logical for anybody to be angry. And it is false that they are encouraged to be angry themselves because of that. Some children do try and defy their parents and opush them to the limit, because they want to test them. If I can puh my mother or my father to the limit and she or he accepts it and does not do anything to me, how on earth are they going to protect me from harm if push come to shove. If they are that meek with me I just cannot trust this parent to protect me.
If they get reassured in that way not only they wont be angry with their parents but will love them more and will trust them more and will rely on them more. A parent who is too meek when she or he should be firm is of no use to a child.
I agree that beating on the face is inadmissible. not because of the pain or what but because it is humilliating. No person at no age. But I have never seen any child to bear scars because at some time the mother gave him or her a spanking. It is definitely bettr than to be cold or indifferet to them.
I was in a boarding school when I was a child younger than ten and none of the ladies teachers ever put her hand on anybody. Just one of them, when she really got fed up and ost her temper. She did it on the spur of the moment but none of the children disliked her. May be she was a little feared but not disliked. She was also the one who used to give us bear hugs and we really felt that she cared for us, and she did care. But she was human and I never resented her nor remember that any other children resented her. I guess now she would be thrown out of the school right away.
Coldness is far more damaging than spanking. Up to a certain age, spanking does not do any damage to a child. After that age, of course it is out of place. What damages them at any age and causes them pain that lasts forever is injustice even if there is no spanking or any physical violence. Injustice is far more damaging and a tragedy for children. It would be better if parents got lectures on that rather than on spanking when the kids get impossible.
Salaam
What I have seen is that the missing ingredient is mostly love. It seems that people mix spanking with beating. Those who beat their children, in the way that is not good, does so nopt out of love but out of mental misery. It seems that too often beating goes hand in hand with lack of love. So the problem is not spanking, but lack of love and especially when lack of love is accompanied by oppressive beating.
The amount of spanking will not determine the effect on the child as much as the amount of love will. Lack of love is horrible. Lack of love plus demeaning beating is even worse. Some spanking (with sanity) but with lots of love, won't have that bad effect on the children. Beating (abuse) is not done with sanity. Spanking and beating are different things.
as far as I see it right now at least
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That is what I mean there is no "lack of violence" that can replace love, affection, fondness. If we love the children and show it and do not make them starve for nearness, God willing, they will grow to be sane people.
And as Zulf says, there is a big, very very big difference between beating and spanking. I can't conceive of really beating a creature neither big nor small, but beating a woman or a child is such an ugly thing as to make instantaneously hell on earth with such a thing.
People are not perfect, parents are not God' that never make mistakes, who are immune to tiredness or have no limits to their capacity or their patience. Parents commit errors, have shortcomings.
To read some of the things that people write about what parents should do or not do seem to spring from a belief that parents are omnipotent people who are above all failings and limits of human nature just by virtue of their being parents.
Parents are human and have limits ad have shortcomings and have failings. Children know it and accept it if they know they are loved. A child can forgive mistakes even if they get a punshiment which was not fair if the parent acknowledges it and says so. At that point the child is happy because she or he can do something for the parent forgive him or her if the parent lost temper or was unfair to the child. That far from bringing children and parents apart in fact brings them closer.
Children do not want perfect parents but parents who love them and show it. That is the whole thing.
Nice that you reminded us of it, Zulf.
Salaam