DOWRY
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I was wondering about dowry.
How much should be paid?
Is it a pre-nuptial agreement between the future bride and groom?
Thanks for the enlightenment.
I don't have an answer to you question, but I'll add my question here about dowry.
What's the whole point of dowry?
edited once to pose a more general question
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I have a hunch that the dowry is a sort of security/ insurance/ assurance for the bride before she gives herself (in sex) to the groom, but I have no Quranic evidence to back it up.
I had that hunch because the dowry would depend upon the social status of the couple, as this verse illustrates
425 (Khalifa) Those among you who cannot afford to marry free believing women, may marry believing slave women. God knows best about your belief, and you are equal to one another, as far as belief is concerned. You shall obrain permission from their guardians before you marry them, and pay them their due dowry equitably. They shall maintain moral behaviour, by not committing adultery, or having secret lovers...
Free women demand a higher price.
The point of dowry may have been answered in the free-minds translation
425 And whoever of you cannot afford to marry the believing independent women, then from the still dependant believing young women. God is more aware of your faith, some of you to each other. You shall marry them with the permission of their parents and give them their wage in kindness; to be protected, not for illicit sex or taking lovers...
But that only applies to "independent" women. The whole point was missed.
More comments are appreciated.
Peace,
Tony -
hmm.. i dont know about this. you might be right, but it doesnt really make sense to me. it's as if the wife doesnt get any pleasure out of sex- she's just doing it to please her husband and getting a dowry out of it. if the woman gets pleasure too, than why pay the wife? i'm not sure, but i think the purpose of the dowry is to pay respect to a woman because women generally have less physical and financial power. i read that it also compensates for the gender inequality regarding inheritance- which may not have been so much of an inequality when women weren't as financially stable as they are now. but now, it seems to me to be fiscally unjust to give your son doubled what you give your daughter if the daughter is also contributing much of her finances to bringing up children.
anyway, i have a question about the dowry. i read that if you want to get a divorce after consummation but before the payment of the dowry, then 1/2 of the dowry is owed. this is in sura baqara. this implies that perhaps the dowry is payment for sex, cuz why does it matter if the marriage was consummated or not? the only other reason i can think of is that sex usually involves emotional attachment and having had it probably makes a divorce harder emotionally than not having had sex. anyway, back to my question- is the dowry supposed to be paid upon marriage or is it something that can be defered? if it can be defered, then it only makes sense to defer it if you only have to pay half the amount. but i recall reading a verse that stated that a dowry should be paid upon marriage. the reason i ask this is because it is tradition for a girls family to ask for a dowry that may be beyond the means of the husband. their justification is that it can be deferred and only gets paid upon divorce. i'm confused. any thoughts?
blue
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SaLaM
I will inshallah bring some verses on it. Some have already been given. But for now, i just want to say this. Dowry is supposed to be a beautiful thing. Why do give flowers to our girl friends when we go and meet them? Is it so we can jump in bed with them? Or what is the whole point of buying presents for our lovers? Who here buys presents for their lovers thinking this will get them into bed? Associating dowry with sex, in my opinion, is completely ridiculous ( This is not at all directed towards you bluerose ).
Im 21, but my mother has been saving jewlery, cloths, electronics for my wife since i was bluddy 13 LOLLLLLLLLL. About 2-3 KGs in gold and same in silver, about 20-30 electronics equipment and dont even get me started on clothes. But the reason she is doing it is because its beautiful. That is what my intention will be when i give my to-be-wife all the things my mom has collected. I wont be doing it so that she can have sex with in 20 different position. Absolutely ridiculous. Pathetic.
Unfortunately, now its a trend to expect a dowry. It has totally lost it's beauty. Now, its a requirment. No wonder wives are being treated like baby making machines and men are being treated like gold mines. Anyone who assumes that dowry is a God given right deserve a life of just meaningless cheap sex and no love at all from the husband / wife.
ALLAH HU AKBAR
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Anyone who assumes that dowry is a God given right deserve a life of just meaningless cheap sex and no love at all from the husband / wife.
ALLAH HU AKBAR
Khi- Dowry is the woman's, not the man's , right on marriage. This is also mentioned in the Quran
Today, all good food is made lawful for you. The food of the people of the scripture is lawful for you. Also, you may marry the chaste women among the believers, as well as the chaste women among the followers of previous scripture, provided you pay them their due dowries. You shall maintain chastity, not committing adultery, nor taking secret lovers. Anyone who rejects faith, all his work will be in vain, and in the Hereafter he will be with the losers.
Paying the dowry is thus a duty binding upon every believer. What is unacceptable is the indo-pak traditzion called "jahez" where the family of the woman is supposed to give off their welath something to the husband, excatly the opposite of how it should have been. GOD Bless! -
SaLaM bluerose
I will give you a verse which will answer your previous and current question
And if you divorce them before having sexual intercourse with them, but you have already agreed to the dowry; then you must give half of what you have agreed, unless they forgive or the guardian over the marriage contract forgives. And if you forgive, it is closer to righteousness. And do not forget the favour between you; God is Seer over what you do.
As you can see from this verse, The dowry has nothing to do with the sex. When a dowry is set, its a women's right to have. But if you divorce before having sex, then the woman still has the right to her dowry EVEN THO she can forgive it.
As for your deferment of dowry question.
There is no sin upon you if you divorce the women before having sexual intercourse with them, or before committing to what was agreed for them. Let them have recompense, the rich according to his means, and the poor according to his means. Recompense which is in goodness, a responsibility for those in kindness.
Looking at the above, yes i think it can be paid later but, in my opinion, before sexual intercourse takes place.
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Salaam all,
One other thing with the dowry is that it can be a competition.
Like My daughter is going to have the same dowry as your daughter and the prices went up and sooner or later the prices will be so high that only the rich one can get married.
I think this is an awful way. I get a copy of Quran as a dowry.
I think all this luxary things like diamonds, gold,silver is so overdoing the whole thing.
why can't it be in a simple way, I believe that is what God actually want, but humans blind by satan will have all this luxary and fiestas all the night long.
Peace
Sis Majidah -
Salaam Jaxal,
HE HE HE very funny!!!!
Peace
sis Majidah -
Salam
hmmm... I got a set of prayer clothes and Qur'an and also and equal of $100 in my homeland currency that reflected the date of my weddingI would say dowry in a more modern world , when the couple are really married based on love, you trust each other that the other will take care of you thus dowry is not that essential, it's more symbolic than necessity. But in a less modern culture where the marriage can be an arranged one, the groom needs to provide the dowry as much as he can afford (which cannot be taken back) so that the bride's parents can see that he's sincerely willing to take care of their daugther and won't leave her starve to death with 5 children homeless.. I guess this is a more logical explanation.. Even in modern world when 2 persons thought they were married cos of love, there are cases when wife being forced to be out of job to take care of family, then grow big then hubby kick her and the children out of home so he can take his new lover in.. Human are indeed funny creaures
but that's just my 2 cents
Salam
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hey,
In my part of the world(india), the men demand dowry from the bride's family. U name it....................tonnes of gold, furniture, money, cars etc, and this is the case with the so called true followers of the word of Allah. one family i know, who go on tabliq(a religious gathering where they go to recite Quran for days) quite regularly, and lead a very islamic life( they wouldnt miss even a single prayer and would sit, stand and walk uttering duas of the prophet), gave a list of things to the bride's family that had to be provided if their son was to marry.
its sooooooo common and pathetic that if u oppose it, theres no one with u. -
HI Nabi, Jaxal
yeah, we have the Mehr system, which is a nominal sum(practically a joke) becoz the mehr amount is almost about 1/200th of the dowry collected.
yeah, marriage is more of a business transaction which the guy counts on, for his financial progress! -
Salaam,
What is the difference between dowry and mahr?
Peace
Sis Majidah -
Hi SwedenMajidah,
Mehr is the amount, the bridegroom offers the Bride before the wedding(the practice mentioned in Quran), providing for safety/security/ independence of the bride.
Dowry is the amount which is demanded by the Bridegroom and his family from the bride's family, for the groom's financial upliftment!