Is a man allowed to beat his wife?
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SaLaM
Give me 5 examples of these situation you talk about where sex will help.
Khi- Salam. Ill give you a general one. For example a couple is fighting over a certain aspect involving finance. The husband claims that the money should be invested elesewhere while the woman insists on it. This would obviously result and tension and frustration on both sides. Now the couple may just sit back and not talk to each other for quite some time and perhaps meet again after cooling off. But since no emotions were involved in bettering the situation traces of the tension would remain. Now if the couple has sexual relations, obviously including emotions(emotionless sex is absolutely useless), the situation of tension will be overridden and would result in immediate happiness and satisfaction. We all know that emotions during sexual relationships often reach their peak. So we can clearly see that this helps. And then you mentioned it yourself tat sex reduces headache. Well wouldn't that be another benefit? GOD Bless!
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SaLaM idmkhizar
The only problem with ur example is, its a quick fix. At some point, maybe days or weeks, the problem will arise again. If you want the problem to just go away then yes, by all means do that, and its not a guarentee that it will work anyways. In my opinion, people will do that who cant be bothered to sit down and talk it out. Its amazing how easy it is to fix the problem permenantly when both , husband and wife, are responisble people.
Also, when a wife is angry at her husband, he usually gets the bluddy couch. How can someone make such intimate act when he/she cant even see him/her self sleeping with their partner in the same bed?? I would give a better example, but perhaps some other time.
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Salaam Shamsul-Arefin,
Oh I haven't could imagine that you were so liberal in your thoughts.
Sex before marriage cannot be a solution because were in Quran can you find that God propose this habit!?
Or you are so freethinking that you don't follow what's in Quran, well that's your choice of course there is no compulsion in religion.
But I think that we hear should take examples from Quran as much as we can not only assumptions and own guessing.
Peace
Sis Majidah -
Salaam Majidah, all!
I don?t think that Shamsul-Arefin is `liberal?, I think he is very true to the quran.
How do you define nikah in the frame of the quran?
Do you need to register yourself somewhere?
Do you need some Mullah to recite some prayers?
Do you need the blessings of a church?
Do you need a big celebration with your relatives?Definitely not.
The basic quranic requirement for nikah is two people having an agreement and sharing their responsibilities. I guess that most people here in the west
having a boyfriend? orhaving a grilfriend? perfectly meet the quranic idea of nikah.The wife has the right to receive an amount of money from her husband according to the quran but even this is a pure matter of agreement since she can define the amount of that money (from zero to three billion wink ).
Nikah is not identical to legal marriage or some `church/mullah wedding?. It can be, sure. But basically it is just an agreement.
Allah Hafiz,
Leyla
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SaLaM idmkhizar
The only problem with ur example is, its a quick fix. At some point, maybe days or weeks, the problem will arise again. If you want the problem to just go away then yes, by all means do that, and its not a guarentee that it will work anyways. In my opinion, people will do that who cant be bothered to sit down and talk it out. Its amazing how easy it is to fix the problem permenantly when both , husband and wife, are responisble people.
Also, when a wife is angry at her husband, he usually gets the bluddy couch. How can someone make such intimate act when he/she cant even see him/her self sleeping with their partner in the same bed?? I would give a better example, but perhaps some other time.
Khi- Salam. I didnt mean to just have sex. Ofcourse after the couple is done with their activity, they can then discuss and sort out the problem in a much more rational and objective way then before. Thats the whole point. Ofcourse you aint gonna just step the problem aside. GOD Bless!
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Salaam!!
Thank you all so much for your answers. I got an answer, privatly, from a nother member of this forum. She explained the different meanings of the word "Idriboohun". I now understand, and I agree, the correct translation, I think, is to separate theme. It makes sense.
Thanks again.
wa salaam
Sara -
Salam Leyla,
Ofcourse nikah aint not necessary in a church, masjid , etc. But Im sorry the western relationships btw boyfriend and girlfriend dont match the Quranic criteria of 'nikah' since there is no agreement, no intention of waiting three periods after separation as required per Quran and also no dowry whatsoever. The intention is very important and the Westeners who keep boy and girlfriend relationships do not intend for 'nikah'. Btw 'nikah' means marriage and is an agreement between husband and wife to stay together as long as possible. It is a constitution which protects the children so that they dont get here and there like in western societies. Here the boy and girlfriend simply part without proper settlement or divorce. They dont even think of divorce because theyx never married. Marriage and divorce are not merely the definitons of male and female coming together and parting, rather they are LEGAL CONSTITUTIONS and everyone understands that. GOD Bless! -
SaLaM idmkhizar
Im not putting you on the spot brother. But the way u are saying it, it seem that for some reason having sex is gonna make it all better. Im not saying that the couple should not have sex at all. Yah if they want to have it, its their God given right, but its not going to make the situation any better.
For example, scientific study show that women are more agreeable to emotional decisions after they watch a emotional movie. Ofcourse in my opinion that would be a wrong thing to do if a husband wants children and the wife dont agree so he takes her to watch Titanic and then brings up the point again becoz he knows how emotional she is. That would be decieving. Her argument for not having a child would still remain, only now she is too emotional to bring those up. Just an example.
I am into cars. I street race in my honda civic. And once i get my license, i want to turn it up a notch and race for money and the pink slip. Ofcourse this would mean poruing money into my car. Now if my wife thinks otherwise, will it be fair to use sex as a mean to make her understand my point? Maybe you dont mean it like that. Maybe ur not saying that sex will make the wife more agreeable. Alright. So then sex wont matter at all, wont it? It makes no difference if they have sex or not.
Ok so fine, they had an argument, went away for the day, came back. They are both cooled off and they decide to have sex. Alright. So? What difference had it made? You make it sound like the sex they will have this time will be extra special. Like as if they didnt share the same emotion in their previous sex. Ofcourse if both of them agree that having sex will make it all nice and dandy then that is one thing. But i honestly have never heard using this method before to calm down the tension. If two people are going to talk about an argument, i think their mind should be cleared. Otherwise they might as well put it on snooze until it goes off another time.
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no you misunderstand )
When you are angry the body produces a wash of chemicals* that influence both your emotions and your thinking. This means at this point any further debate is a complete waste of time, as minds gets locked up for reason when under the influence of these chemicals. We get stubborn, and shotsighted. However, if you at that very moment use all that tension to have sex, the chemicals are washed out by a new set of chemicals that are much stronger, and give a feeling in both partys of feelgood, openness and trust - a state btw. directly comparable to that of an extacy user, although in a milder degree-. Now is the time to talk about what it was really all about
repeat untill solved!
If you have a practical problem like money, and its not an argument as such, reasoning is the way forwards. Money problems doesnt go away by having sex, anger however does, and replaces the feeling with better. But ofcourse its a balance as with everything else. If the realationship has become tied up in a knot because there is no communication, sex is going to do nothing.
*physical effect of the anger cocktail
Breathing begins to increases and blood is detoured away from the internal organs you don?t use in a fight and shunts it to your muscles for strength.
Your pupils dilate causing your vision to sharpen and your awareness intensifies.
Your rational mind is disengaged and your thoughts become distorted.
You are now in your anger attack mode and ready to fight.
The fight or flight reaction gears you up for battle, however most times there really is no battle to fight.
peace
Noah -
peace all
Excellent points, Noah!
And one other point--anger (or any strong emotion) can actually alter brain chemistry in such a way that our body gets used to such reactions over time. Receptors in the brain open up to receive (uptake) the chemicals, so they expect a certain amount to be supplied. When we change, it takes a while for the brain to balance itself out after being bombarded with "anger cocktails" for any length of time.
There are people who get addicted to adrenline and feel depressed if their bodies aren't receiving it at high levels. This can happen in the form of anger or excitement, as in the case of thrill seekers who enjoy the adrenline rush of facing danger.
On the opposite side, acts of kindness, even the smallest ones, can raise serotonin levels in the brain. Helping another person, giving charity, smiling--all of these raise the "feel good" chemicals in our brains.
Simply watching someone do these good things also raises serotonin. Which is probably why (other than the obvious reasons) it's healthier to be in the company of positive, caring people instead of cranky, quick-tempered ones.
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peace Noah,
A small point
Your pupils dilate causing your vision to sharpen and your awareness intensifies.
Theoretically, if the pupils dilate, one's vision does not get sharper, it becomes worse (due to a larger aperture/pupil producing larger blur circles from foci, and due to spherical abberation or off-axis abberation). I would agree though, that one's awareness would intensify, and perhaps this could result in subjectively feeling one's vision is sharper.
Wakas
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peace Wakas
You're right about the actual sharpness decreasing. D Anyone who's ever had their pupils dilated by an eye doctor can attest to how blurry life gets.
Instead of sharpness, perhaps the better way of...er...looking at it would be in terms of the increase in peripheral vision. We have a wider field of vision and, therefore, in the "fight or flight" mode, we are able to respond more quickly to movements all around us.
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Peace all,
What if the disagreement itself is sex related? For example, maybe the husband has diabetes that impairs his sexual function, which in turn brings some tensions to the husband-wife relationship. Certainly in such a case resolving the matter through sex would not be an option.
Thanks
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No and it wouldnt help if he broken his right ear, or if his left foot walked out on him. C'mon that there is nothing but nitpicking. Ofcourse there are situations where it doesnt apply. As is it with every single thing in the world-
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Salaam all,
Haven't this subject growing too big I'm afraid!?
I think sister Sara was already happy with your answers so hey let's move on, right!?
Peace
Sis Majidah -
SaLaM
There are people who smoke weed for reasons other than getting high. And people drink alcohol for reasons other than getting wasted. I guess, its only natural to have sex to settle an argument. People are doing it all. Weather if this is the right way may be another story.
