sex before marriage
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Hi Stillearning,
''Arranged Marriage'' is where the parents of the bride/ groom choose an ideal partner according to their criteria, for their child to marry. It comes from, ''we(parents) know whats best for u'' attitude. Most often, the person who is going to marry has no or little say in the choice.
Basically the parents of the 'to be bride' and the parents of the 'to be groom' would come into an agreement that their children can/should marry each other.
For eg, my grand dad had not even seen my grand mom before the wedding and had no idea how she looked, or what she was like as a person etc.
My dad and mom had seen each other's photograph before they wed and thats about it.
These days, seeing the selected partners in person is allowed. Some families allow rare telephone conversation as well. But primarily, u dont get to know ur partner before u marry. And the criteria with which the partner has been chosen, is ur parent's criteria and not urs, but its u who will end up with that partner.
To say in short, its a huge gamble, but the children ususally 'give in' even when they dont see sense in it, either due to compulsion(emotional blackmail such as 'we took so much care of u and this is how u repay us by disobeying us' etc ...) or real compulsion(child locked up if the child revoltsand there are death threats, suicide threats, Heart-attacks, collapses etc) or the child gives in coz he/she realises the parents will get hurt if he/she disobeys and hence gives in, for the sake of the love and respect he/she feels for them.This is the custom followed in communities that originated from Indian subcontinent(india, pak, bangladesh) primarily.
PSIn olden days, the marriage deals were made as early as the birth of the child or during infancy. For eg, X & y promise their 2 yr old son in matrimony with 'A & B' s newborn daughter. and this deal would get realised when the child attains menarche when she will be married off to the promised guy.
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Salaam Sister Pm,
Thanks for helping me out D
Yes this is what an arrange marriage is.Very old fashioned indeed and it exists on more places than those you mentioned.
Peace Sis Majidah
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The outcome of arranged marriage is either
- The partners get to know each other after the marriaage, and discover that they are meant for each other and are ideal in all sense( 2% of the time)
- The partners are ok with each other and can get along and so they do(10% of the time) as best as they can, though they dont necessarily love each other.
- The partners are not very compatible but work hard to stay married no matter what happens, coz its wrong to divorce.(38% of the time)
- The partners are absolutely incompatible and the female partner in the marriage absolutely moulds herself to live as he demands, coz marriages are meant to be worked at. After a few yrs in the marriage, she is unhappy, depressed and lives for the sake of her children and obeys every command of her husband.(40% of the time). Basically she looses her original identity completely.
- The partners discover that they are worlds apart and just cant stand each other and hence divorce(10% of the time) and sometimes, there is some adultery/betrayal involved in such cases.
Thats why its a huge Gamble!
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Hi Jaxal,
SaLaM PM
Didnt the same happen to appu from The simpsons?
I understand 'appu' is an indian charachter from simpsons.
Ok, I am guilty here . I have never watched even a single episode of simpsons. Am i missing something good? )
well, cartoons have never caught my interest. Atleast, not yet! -
Hi Sweden Majidah,
Thanks for helping me out
Anyday! )
Very old fashioned indeed and it exists on more places than those you mentioned.
Really? which other countries have this custom? didnt realise it was prevalent elsewhere too.
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Salaam sis PM,
Well in fact you can find it in all countries today even in Sweden and UK because ppl who comes from these regions often take their customs with them.
But Malaysia,Thailand and in the Arab world is it still very common.
Peace Sis Majidah
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HI Sweden Majidah,
O Yeah! Indians(pak and bangladesh included) anywhere in the world will remain Indians, coz they want to keep up their traditions and culture- be it sensible or senseless. )But I guess the system is also practised in the 'arab world'.
Didnt realise 'Malaysia and Thailand' though.
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salaam
To say in short, its a huge gamble, but the children ususally 'give in' even when they dont see sense in it, either due to compulsion(emotional blackmail such as 'we took so much care of u and this is how u repay us by disobeying us' etc ...) or real compulsion(child locked up if the child revoltsand there are death threats, suicide threats, Heart-attacks, collapses etc) or the child gives in coz he/she realises the parents will get hurt if he/she disobeys and hence gives in, for the sake of the love and respect he/she feels for them.
Is that not a forced marriage!
My understanding was that arranged marriage was the one which was arranged for the convienece of the couple i.e they were brought togather for the purpose of marriage and it was felt (by who ever was arranging) that they were likely to be compatible as a couple. Is compatibilty! not the reason why most marriages seemingly take place.
regards
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Hi Stillearning,
Well, how will compatibility be known if the partners do not get to know each other? They can not get to know each other coz they are not allowed to meet in person( except one or two ocassions when they meet in the midst of the families(around 10-15 people), so not much chance of a conversation other than 'hi there', and usually the 2nd meeting is the 'engagement ceremony' ) and casual phone conversations are not allowed either(except on rare occassions, for eg, birthday etc).
The criteria(in order of importance) generally used by the well-wishing parents are these, in addition to 'same nationality, same religion, same caste' (which are absolutely must haves).
To select a bride
1.Beautiful, 2.good family background, 3.good health, 4.rich family(rich enough to pay the dowry they want. the richer the better!), 5.education(depends on whether they want the bride to be a house wife or an earner).To Select a Groom
- Good healthy chap. 2. Good, respectable family 3. Good Job with Good income 4.Educated 5. Clean records(criminal and social) 6.Non smoker, Non-alcoholic 7. affordable dowry
Can u sense compatibility in the deal?
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salaam jaxal
Forced marriage / arrange marriage = potatoe / potaatoe looooolll
no idea please explain.
regards -
Well, it can be called a forced marriage when there are threats(death threats, suicide threats, heart-attacks, collapses etc) involved.
In the case when the child approves for the matrimony though he/she is not in favour of such an arranged marriage, as the child doesnt want to hurt the parents , it becomes ' sacrifice'! -
SaLaM PM
It dont have to be thread. The emotional drama can also do the trick. My mom wanted me to get married to this girl she choose for me. It was an arranged marriage. I was against that from the start. At first, the emotional black mail really got to me. And it was getting to me so bad that i NEARLY gave in. But i didnt. Not everyone does that. Sometimes, the emotional offensive works just as well has threats and what not.
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Hi Jaxal,
Yeah, I know what u mean.
Here are some Emotional blackmails
'Why are we alive to see this day, to see our children disobeying us?,
Is this how u repay us after all that we have done for u?
do u only care about urself? how can u be so selfish?
Is this how we get repaid for all those sacrifices we have made for u?And the more u revolt, there comes the 'heart attacks', collapses etc which will make u much more guilty.
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Jaxal,
So, u escaped?
Good for u! -
SaLaM PM
Here are some Emotional blackmails
'Why are we alive to see this day, to see our children disobeying us?,
Is this how u repay us after all that we have done for u?
do u only care about urself? how can u be so selfish?
Is this how we get repaid for all those sacrifices we have made for u?BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAAHAHAHAAHHHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl rotfl BAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA
There is sooo much more i can addd hahahahahhhhhahhaha
And yes i did got out of it. I have not made many good decisions or choices in my life. So i guess this was important to me. No way im ruining the life of some innocent girl.
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salaam
So, u escaped?
Good for u!Good or bad we will never know. Only speculate>
regards