sex before marriage
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Peace Ahmed,
You really prefer arranged marriages ? You recognize yourself that you were lucky!
I think though that there might be one positive point to arranged (not forced) marriages Romantic expectations don't run to high and as such wont be shattered...
LK
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Peace Ahmed,
Peace Elke
You really prefer arranged marriages ?
Possibly I?m influenced with my own successful experience
You recognize yourself that you were lucky!
I honestly don?t believe in luck, I just said it in a common way, the general rule for matching the couples were mentioned in the Quran
?Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say For them is pardon and a bountiful provision.?
(26)
-> The above verse was sort of assurance to me that if I?m good then most likely my wife will be a good person, if I?m bad then I would expect my wife to be a bad person, but for every rule there is exceptions for sure
I think though that there might be one positive point to arranged (not forced) marriages Romantic expectations don't run to high and as such wont be shattered...
There was no forcing whatsoever in my case, it was my choice and hers
Peace
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hi Elke,
peacefulmuslim, where did you get your percentages from ? lol
They sound right though...I made up those percentages based on what I have seen around me. And trust me, I have seen loads coz in the society I come from ' arranged marriage is the only norm' among all generations. u get a clear picture when u live with the couple under the same roof.
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hI Ahmed,
Possibly I?m influenced with my own successful experience
yeah, u r right. I have seen some couples who have an arranged marriage and discover that their partner is the ideal one for them. But this happens only in less than 5% of the cases.
You recognize yourself that you were lucky!
I honestly don?t believe in luck, I just said it in a common way, the general rule for matching the couples were mentioned in the Quran
The verse was sort of assurance to me that if I?m good then most likely my wife will be a good person, if I?m bad then I would expect my wife to be a bad person, but for every rule there is exceptions for sure.I cant agree on that one coz I have seen loads of wonderful people stuck with incompatible partners and in miserable marriages.
U have been lucky, indeed.
Allah also tells us to choose our partner based on virtue, Doesnt He? I dont remember the verse but I have read it. so, that would imply Allah tells us to choose our partner.
And arranged marriage is a huge gamble. u r one of the very few lucky ones! -
Arranged marriages are a source for unhappiness and injustice in a person's life. If you're going to commit to one person for the rest of your life (ideally) it better be one you actually love and that loves you back.
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Salaam PM
I have seen some couples who have an arranged marriage and discover that their partner is the ideal one for them. But this happens only in less than 5% of the cases.
Wow! and over 90% of arrranged married couples are living an unhappy existance. Where has this 5% come from.
Salaam -
SaLaM stillearning
Loooll its a joke. I guess it sounds better when said instead of written. But i tried.Its hard to make some people laugh Jaxal wink
Arranged marriages hold because there is a social stigma attached to divorce in these societies...even though those marriages are terrible.
Regards,
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Hi stillearning,
Wow! and over 90% of arrranged married couples are living an unhappy existance. Where has this 5% come from.
Yeah, only in less than 5% cases, the partners discover that they are ideal for each other. Well, not all of the others live in misery. Some just try to get along,by working hard on the marriage. And some live in misery.
Like I said, the odds that u will find the ideal partner in an arranged marriage, is only as good as marrying the first person u see on the street today.
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salaam PM
Like I said, the odds that u will find the ideal partner in an arranged marriage, is only as good as marrying the first person u see on the street today.
An ideal partner! I suppose that is why so many divorces in so called love marriages(before jaxal asks me what love is) I suppose it is search for the ideal partner!
salaam jaxal
especially in 3rd world countries like pakistan, india, bangla, malay, ... etc. They rather lead a miserable life than divorce.
very judgemental here. I suppose divorce must be some form of happiness!
salaam LT
Its hard to make some people laugh Jaxal
I yes I do laugh first thing in the morning it gets it over and done with for the rest of the day.
Arranged marriages hold because there is a social stigma attached to divorce in these societies...even though those marriages are terrible
Please everyone what is with you guys is this a competetion for who can come up with most cliches and stereotypes.
It might be that people like each other, and their kids, work on their marrages and that is why they hold.One suggestion by those bamboozled by so called love marriages(sorry jaxal point taken) why not spend a day in the family division of any court>
regards
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Hi Stillearning,
let me rephrase it, coz this is very true as well.
The odds that u find a compatible partner in an arranged marriage, is only as good as marrying the first person u see on the street today. -
SaLaM stillearning
Not being judgemental. Its the truth. They rather stay in their miserable marriage than get a divorce becoz those who get divorce in those countries are looked down upon. Especially women. Society labels them as 'defected' equipment. There is a reason those countries are called 3rd world.
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wait. can i just ask where these percentages are coming from? about arranged marriages being unhappy. just wanna know.
And Jaxal, here's what "3rd world" really means. And i dont think Malaysia is a poor country. is it?
The term "Third World" was coined by economist Alfred Sauvy in an article in the French magazine L'Observateur of August 14, 1952. It was a deliberate reference to the "Third Estate" of the French Revolution. Tiers monde means Third World in French, but in the sense of "one-third" -- it does not mean "third in rank" (which would be troisi?me monde). The term gained widespread popularity during the Cold War when many poorer nations adopted the category to describe themselves as neither being aligned with NATO or the Warsaw Pact, but instead composing a non-aligned "third world" (in this context, the term "First World" was generally understood to mean the United States and its allies in the Cold War, which would have made the East bloc the "Second World" by default; however, the latter term was very seldom actually used).
from wikipedia.org
http//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_world -
Hi Sis Taj,
Are you a social worker?
Where did that come from? )
No, sis, am not a social worker. -
Salaam LT
Its hard to make some people laugh Jaxal
I yes I do laugh first thing in the morning it gets it over and done with for the rest of the day.
People who laugh by themselves in the morning surely they need to see a shrink wink
Arranged marriages hold because there is a social stigma attached to divorce in these societies...even though those marriages are terrible
Please everyone what is with you guys is this a competetion for who can come up with most cliches and stereotypes.
Oh please don't flatter yourself. Go and study past Victorian attitudes to divorce! And the attitude to divorce in countries like Pakistan, Bangladesh, India etc...
It might be that people like each other, and their kids, work on their marrages and that is why they hold.
Work on their marriages? Ha ha, yes I have seen many arranged couples worked on their marriages but usually with their fists!!! It is so unfair to live in an abusive and degrading marriage for the sake of the kids. It is best for the kids that these marriages end!
One suggestion by those bamboozled by so called love marriages(sorry jaxal point taken) why not spend a day in the family division of any court>
regardsIt is best to LOVE and lost than never to loved at all wink
But you would not know that yet because you are "stilllearning" winkRegards,
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Hi Stillearning,
Please everyone what is with you guys is this a competetion for who can come up with most cliches and stereotypes.
It might be that people like each other, and their kids, work on their marrages and that is why they hold.
One suggestion by those bamboozled by so called love marriages(sorry jaxal point taken) why not spend a day in the family division of any court>I think u didnt get a very good picture of 'Arranged Marriage'. Nobody is talking of a perfect partner, perfect life etc. (and then again, perfect is a 'relative' term)
And relationship between compatible partners will also need the occassional 'working on' to keep it going. But thats not the whole issue here.
There are people stuck in 'arranged marriage' as they have no choice. If both partners have absolutely nothing in common, where will they start to work on? And if they both give each other nothing but misery, what the whole point of the relationship? But in these societies, divorce is a dirty word, no matter what.
I have read(reported in news every now and then) of girls(mostly in the lower-middle class hindu society in india) who walk out of marriage bravely coz they get physically and mentally abused everyday in their husband's place and the girl's own parents send them back to their husband's house, coz the idea is 'thats where she belongs after marriage, no matter what'. How ridiculous is that!
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Hi Stillearning,
Please everyone what is with you guys is this a competetion for who can come up with most cliches and stereotypes.
It might be that people like each other, and their kids, work on their marrages and that is why they hold.
One suggestion by those bamboozled by so called love marriages(sorry jaxal point taken) why not spend a day in the family division of any court>I think u didnt get a very good picture of 'Arranged Marriage'. Nobody is talking of a perfect partner, perfect life etc. (and then again, perfect is a 'relative' term)
And relationship between compatible partners will also need the occassional 'working on' to keep it going. But thats not the whole issue here.
There are people stuck in 'arranged marriage' as they have no choice. If both partners have absolutely nothing in common, where will they start to work on? And if they both give each other nothing but misery, what the whole point of the relationship? But in these societies, divorce is a dirty word, no matter what.
I have read(reported in news every now and then) of girls(mostly in the lower-middle class hindu society in india) who walk out of marriage bravely coz they get physically and mentally abused everyday in their husband's place and the girl's own parents send them back to their husband's house, coz the idea is 'thats where she belongs after marriage, no matter what'. How ridiculous is that!
Just being qurious....
how do you consider "Arranged marriage" in erms of ethical value ?
shanti(peace)
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SaLaM Shamsul and PM and stillearning and LT and all
how do you consider "Arranged marriage" in erms of ethical value ?
I dont think there is any ethical value.
I have read(reported in news every now and then) of girls(mostly in the lower-middle class hindu society in india) who walk out of marriage bravely coz they get physically and mentally abused everyday in their husband's place and the girl's own parents send them back to their husband's house, coz the idea is 'thats where she belongs after marriage, no matter what'. How ridiculous is that!
Same thing in PAkistan to and even in UAE (but very rare). And funny thing is, its the parents from those countries that beleive that love their children the most.
People who laugh by themselves in the morning surely they need to see a shrink
And if they dont.. they become like you LT... old chap wink
It is best to LOVE and lost than never to loved at all
No its not.... old chap wink
One suggestion by those bamboozled by so called love marriages(sorry jaxal point taken) why not spend a day in the family division of any court
Or watch Jerry Springer Show D
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People who laugh by themselves in the morning surely they need to see a shrink
And if they dont.. they become like you LT... old chap wink
I can laugh at you quite easily chap!!! morning and noon wink
It is best to LOVE and lost than never to loved at all
No its not.... old chap wink
Young man you need to grow some hair on your pubes to know the truth of that sentence wink
Regards,