Need help with a dilemma
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Peace,
Although you are not seeking advice, I will give you advice from the One who knows all things
"Say 'Come let me recite to you what your Lord has forbidden for you that you should not set up anything with Him; and be kind to your parents; and do not kill your unborn children for fear of poverty, We provide for you and for them; and do not come near lewdness, what is plain of it or subtle; and do not kill the soul which God has forbidden, except in justice. That is what He enjoined you that you may comprehend.? (The Message 6153)
Your post indicates you already know what you are doing is wrong by God's law...Deal with it.
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So my question, until I find the woman that I can "settle" with, is it so wrong to experience with others?
Yes. Becoz the Quran asks us not to have sexual releations with others. Its ok to be their friend. Just dont take them to bed.
Easier said then done, my friend, easier said then done.
I'm a man of rationality, I need a rational explanation as to why to do it. That is why when people ask me whether I believe in the whole Quran, I answer no. There are still some unanswered questions that I have. Behind, probably 90% of the Quran's rulings, I can see the rational justification, but that 10% is still lacking (and no, it's not necessarily this topic). ....
You see it is in my nature to mate. And the evidences on testosterone lowering when you've found your partner are compelling enough. But what if my partner is eons down the track, why is it so wrong to have these experiences??? Our religion does not place importance on virginity, but rather chastity. We are allowed to divorce and remarry, today's society's concept of boyfriend girlfriend has practically become marriage.
salam esimsek100 .
here is the rational explaination that u want
by M. Asadi
PREMARITAL SEX AND THE DYING NUCLEAR FAMILY
" This paper examines the relationship between society's greater acceptance attitudes towards premarital sex since the 1960s, the breakdown of the traditional U.S nuclear family, and the rise in female-headed single parent households.
It presents this increase in permissiveness towards premarital sex and the accompanying practice changes as causal links to the increase in the divorce rate and the feminization of poverty
The research is also extended to include status of women and children, juvenile delinquency, and shallower relationships at all levels in society.
The research model follows a logico-empirical path analysis, similar to the what the "path" that the Koran suggests while discussing non-marital sex (Koran 179). "
CLICK HERE
http//www.geocities.com/justiceparadigm/presex.pdf.
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HI esimsek100,
Ask urself- if u r doing what u believe and understand is right, If yes, Then
- seek God's guidance.
- dissect and study the belief, pros and cons and think through all of it. Think through what ur future would be like, the hurdles etc. U would know all the answers. Just think through it.
And if u r doing it becoz of lack of self control
- completely abstain (even thoughts)from it for a while(decide on some time, say 4 months), making urself a promise that u will maintain abstinence and see if u can do it. To take charge of ur self. Whenever it gets difficult, fast for a few days. Gain control of ur self.
It will be easier for u to make a sensible decission at the end of it.
And to help with abstinence period, give this a thought If u fast in ramadan or have fasted, during which u would have controlled such thoughts and actions completely and also ur hunger.... so, u can do now too, if u want it strong enough.......Just be in charge and be very determined.
This is a phase that will slowly pass and it will get easier with time, if u r strong.
And u will be glad too, if u remain strong now.
May Allah guide u and help u!
And if my suggestions are not good enough , dont judge me either.wink
Peace! )
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There is a solution that exceeds all others in your scenario. You need to follow the steps below
- Buy yourself an AK-47 and several cases of ammunition.
- Get yourself a time machine.
- Dial in 1520 and location Topkapi Palace, Istanbul.
- Complete the coup and assume the sultanate.
- You'll have a harem of hundreds to enjoy.
Good luck!
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Peace esimsek100,
I took that path for some time, and surely I had to stop because as you say, signs begin flashing.
You should look for that which has started this sort of behavior, like a separation from a loved one... maybe you are trying to find some thing you have lost, or trying to forget someone by all means.
--
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There is a solution that exceeds all others in your scenario. You need to follow the steps below
- Buy yourself an AK-47 and several cases of ammunition.
- Get yourself a time machine.
- Dial in 1520 and location Topkapi Palace, Istanbul.
- Complete the coup and assume the sultanate.
- You'll have a harem of hundreds to enjoy.
Good luck!
All that trouble just to get laid as often as you like!!!?
I am sure there are better and cheaper and more "fulfilling" option than this these days! -)I think what esimek is after or majority of men for that matter is the want of guilt-free sex with many women as possible and often as possible -)wink
Thats why I advise to everyone to get married early and have that guilt-free sex as often as you like and then perhaps you will come to realise that sex is just sex, the need of the body and once the need is satisfied then perhaps other things might happen - the dreaded four letter word (if you are lucky that is!!!) wink
Regards,
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My salaam,i got a dillemma,and i want to get different oppinions from each one of you.Lately i
ve been thinking a lot about this ex girlfriend of mine(before i became muslim),its been a year now that ive became a muslim,so for that whole period of time we were not talking to each other,until recently.We speak about islam on the phone,she has two of her friends who became sunnis.Altho,she did not specifically tell me she wants to know more,but she wants to meet me,and im scared to start developping feelings(anyways its already happening),i know that i cant have no girlfriend because i fear God.But at the same time i dont want to lose her,or i fear that she becomes a sunni,i really dont know can i get some advices?? -
Hi Komla,
.Altho,she did not specifically tell me she wants to know more,but she wants to meet me,and i
m scared to start developping feelings(anyways its already happening),i know that i cant have no girlfriend because i fear God.But at the same time i dont want to lose her,or i fear that she becomes a sunni,i really don`t know can i get some advices??U fear talking to her coz u think u will fall in love?
Since When did 'falling in love' become a sinful deed?
Sexual intimacy between a man and a woman is prohibited before marriage.
So, I dont understand what u r scared of really in merely talking to her.
If at all u fall in love, in time and want to be with her, marry her. -
I love women heaps
I'm a women slave lol , however I know that sex outside the wedlock is NO NO and one hell of a sin so I never come near it
but as Jaxal said friendship with women are one great thing to have as long as you are strong enough to control yourself even if been seduced, if you can't then you should not even have friends from the other sex unless they are true friends
I know it is a big problem but as someone said here the longer you stay strong the easier you will control yourself, the Quran will help you come over this problem if you keep reading it, Salat and fasting also will shut down those sexual desires when they come
peace
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salaam,thx for the reply,i know if i put myself in that kind of situation,it
s easy to get tempted.But however right now its not really about sex,it`s just having someone to talk to u know....but i also think the question is how strong do i think i am,to be face to face with that kind of situation?? -
I know it is a big problem but as someone said here the longer you stay strong the easier you will control yourself, the Quran will help you come over this problem if you keep reading it, Salat and fasting also will shut down those sexual desires when they come
Salam Ahmed
did you try it and it worked?
Regards
warda -
I know it is a big problem but as someone said here the longer you stay strong the easier you will control yourself, the Quran will help you come over this problem if you keep reading it, Salat and fasting also will shut down those sexual desires when they come
Salam Ahmed
did you try it and it worked?
Regards
wardaAbsolutely wards, I had many opportunities to cheat I even went with one woman to her house because she had a crush on me, that was 5 years after I married, however I stopped and left and never saw her again, what stopped me was my prayer
i started to feel the hypocricy in me and that was a killer of a feeling, hjow come I say I believe then I committ one of the worest sins in the Quran?
well I never cheated in 15 years marriage and inshallah never will
i only do it for Allah not for my wife
I also have friendships with many women and I can tell there is at least a couple who have a crush on me, one is older by 10 years than me and I tell you she is so beautiful and charming lady, but she is my work mate and that is how she will stay
Sex is a very tough test that was forced on us, however we are allowed to have it freely within the wedlock
peace be with you
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Hello sister warda
The Quran in fact told us that the Salat will help us overcome this huge sin
"Recite that which has been revealed to you of the Book and keep up salat; surely salat keeps (one) away from indecency and evil, and certainly the remembrance of Allah is the greatest, and Allah knows what you do"
(45)
peace be with you
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Peace Ahmed,
The Quran in fact told us that the Salat will help us overcome this huge sin
"Recite that which has been revealed to you of the Book and keep up salat; surely salat keeps (one) away from indecency and evil, and certainly the remembrance of Allah is the greatest, and Allah knows what you do"
(45)
peace be with you
Fasting for a day or two or even three days in a row when a crush hits is an efficient way to end it. The result is instant.
