Confused about my non-Believing boyfriend
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I am a convert to Islam and have been struggling with the issue of marriage and dont have anyone to talk to about this problem. I sincerely wanted to marry a believing man and so over a year ago began looking online for someone I felt I would love and be compatible with. I feel that I want and need to be married sometime soon, so that is not the issue. During my search I met some...interesting...Muslim men who turned out to really just want some brainless mother-figure to marry and take care of them. And then I was contacted by a man who saw my profile and we began to talk. He turned out to be the most wonderful man I have ever known, someone that I have grown to adore and want to have a family and life with, BUT he is not a Muslim. Not only is he not a Muslim, but he doesnt really believe in God or anything else of a spiritual/religious nature. I overlooked this because I was so amazed that I had found someone that I felt so connected to, trusted, and had so much in common with. Now however, he has started talking about wanting to get married, and I am confused about the future of my faith. I am afraid that I will yearn for a spiritual/religious connection that will no be there, but I am also afraid that NOT marrying him will be the biggest mistake of my life. I dont know what to do and I am freaking out because our anniversary is coming up and I am afraid he is going to ask me... Advice would be great.
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Peace blckcrow19. To me a muslim is a person who is peaceful and respects others around him. I dont think you need to believe in different laws or prophets etc...Just be a good person. Spirituality is not necessarily the same as religion.A person who treats other people well must be spiritual in some sense. Follow your reason and conscience,dont think that the outward signs of a muslim(eg praying,beard,following quran etc..) means a person will be compatible for you or will treat you respectfully. I hope you are happy in your decision. Proceed with care and try not to be emotional. You can know best if he is for you. If you are compatible you can grow in spirituality together and he will take your point of view on board. Other people will probably disagree with me,but i dont think you have to marry a muslim. Just marry a good,loving,kind,thoughtful,compassionate human being. We are all humans.
Peace sister. Take care. -
Wow, thank you for your quick replies. I am actually surprised by the first response, leaves me with something extra to think about. I broke down and had a conversation with him about this last night and his reaction to it just solidified how perfect he is for me...so we will see!
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Peace blckcrow19. Communication,tolerance and respect between couples is much needed. Having a good,compatible partner is a wonderful thing. Be level-headed and work at your relationship. I have been married for 3 years,in that time ive been through hell and back(because of my own emotions) but i was patient,logical and determined. I realised my preconceived ideas about who and what is a muslim(along with not controlling my emotions) and my dogmatic attitude was destroying my marriage. We still have problems,but i love my wife more than ever now. The one thing i know i can cotrol in my life is my own intentions. I try to give her tolerance,patience,love, and look at things from her point of view.
We have two beatiful children,i think my behaviour is much more important than my theoretical beliefs.
We are all from one family---the family of life.
I hope you make a good decision and i wish you happiness and success. Peace sister. -
Peace blckcrow19. I forgot,be happy. D .
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Salam,
And people can always grow, when they live with a believer maybe they will also follow that path but things may take some times so be patience.
But if he states clearly that he don't believe in God, a higher power, who creates us then, yes he is a disbeliever and should be avoid to get married with according Quran.
But it's your life and it's only you who decide how much you will follow Quran and your own understanding of the scripture.
Peace Sis Maria
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Quran teaches that believers must marry believers, and do not marry a nonbeliever, even if he pleases you. So, obey God or obey your desires.
rightdeen, her boyfriend is not necessarily a "non believer". He can be a believer regardless of what he calls himself
Not only is he not a Muslim, but he doesnt really believe in God or anything else of a spiritual/religious nature.
- And do not marry the females who set up partners until they believe. For a believing servant is better than one who sets up partners even if she attracts you. And do not marry the males who set up partners until they believe. For a believing servant is better than one who sets up partners even if he attracts you. Those invite to the Fire, while God is inviting to Paradise and forgiveness by His leave. He clarifies His revelations for the people that they may remember.
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Salam,
What is more important to you? Your desires or God? If it's God, than you should obey Him, like Rightdeen said. It's for your own good. A partner who doesn't believe in a God or force that created us, will never satisfy you spiritually. Don't let your desires blind you from the reality. That blinding love for your partner will pass and then you'll have to deal with his disbelieve. Did you think about that?
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i agree with rightdeen and heart. if the holy word of god forbids you to marry a non believer then dont just be friends with him. its especially worse if the he doesnt believe in god at all. you have a choice do as allah tells you or become a caphir. you choose, just remember the consequences
al salam alaykum
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peace
again, you can NOT know that her boyfriend is a believer or not. Only God can see what is in a person's heart, that is what counts.
Blkcrow, I think you should have a serious discussion about this with your boyfriend, and make sure that you know his beliefs. But, as long as his behavior is correct, he will learn and will some day believe.
If his behavior is not correct, and if he's too narrow minded, I wouldn't marry such a person. -
- And do not marry the females who set up partners until they believe. For a believing servant is better than one who sets up partners even if she attracts you. And do not marry the males who set up partners until they believe. For a believing servant is better than one who sets up partners even if he attracts you. Those invite to the Fire, while God is inviting to Paradise and forgiveness by His leave. He clarifies His revelations for the people that they may remember.
Salam zenje, all
What I understand from the context of the above ayat is that the male should marry the girl that has no partners (which often mistranslated as believe in God) and vice versa. Need more clarifications.
Salam sejahtera.
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Peace Phil,
Salam zenje, all
What I understand from the context of the above ayat is that the male should marry the girl that has no partners (which often mistranslated as believe in God) and vice versa. Need more clarifications.
Let me get this straight, are you saying that "the female who set up partners" is a girl who already has a partner?... like already married or a boyfirend? ???
Please clarify. Thanks.
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Peace Phil,
Salam zenje, all
What I understand from the context of the above ayat is that the male should marry the girl that has no partners (which often mistranslated as believe in God) and vice versa. Need more clarifications.
Let me get this straight, are you saying that "the female who set up partners" is a girl who already has a partner?... like already married or a boyfirend? ???
Please clarify. Thanks.
Peace Phil,
In simpler word, the ayat disproves poligamy/bigamy.
If "to set up partner" refers to God, then what it has to do with marriage?
Then we back to square one. Just as the Sunni invented the 5 pillars, how do we then define "Muslim"?
Peace
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In simpler word, the ayat disproves poligamy/bigamy.
If "to set up partner" refers to God, then what it has to do with marriage?
Then we back to square one. Just as the Sunni invented the 5 pillars, how do we then define "Muslim"?
Peace Phil,Thanks, that's the clarification I needed. I'd rather not go off topic further and get into that debate here. However, I would suggest if you could look further into quran, specifically the ocurrences of 'setting up partners', and see what it means.
Peace be with you.
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peace phil
that ayat is talking about idol-worship /shrik not polygamy.
Peace Imran K,
How sure you are that it is about idol-worship. I find the idea of worship is abit awkward, not to mention the idol-worship. I think it is more relevant to the term "to have other partners/setting up partners" as to idol-worship.
If "to set up partner" refers to God, then what it has to do with marriage?
Do you want to end up in paradise or hell? Idol-worshippers are headed there, so if your partner is an idol-worshipper he/she is headed there, how will you like that knowing you are married to him/her?
Also, it's very hard for a couple to make it thru w/ 2 different religious views. And the children problem.....
How fast you draw to your conclusion. If I remember correctly, during the dayafter, you are accounted to your own deeds, not even your parents, familly, husband or wife matter. With regards to marriage, the message is addressing the issue of your life in this world, that's all that matters.
As for the children, they have their oppurtunity to seek the thruth during their lifetime in this world, by God mercy. Provide them the fundamental need for them to be able to reason and respect the ability to use their God given brain. Not by forcing them to accept whatever belief system that you think is right.
Then we back to square one. Just as the Sunni invented the 5 pillars, how do we then define "Muslim"?
Muslim according to the Quran
http//www.free-minds.org/articles/gods_system/mumin.htm
Thanks for the link. Been there, but still does not solve the issue. I think you also are able to find some statements in the article requires further validification and studies. So the status as being mu'min is still a major question mark.
Peace and take care
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In simpler word, the ayat disproves poligamy/bigamy.
If "to set up partner" refers to God, then what it has to do with marriage?
Then we back to square one. Just as the Sunni invented the 5 pillars, how do we then define "Muslim"?
Peace Phil,Thanks, that's the clarification I needed. I'd rather not go off topic further and get into that debate here. However, I would suggest if you could look further into quran, specifically the ocurrences of 'setting up partners', and see what it means.
Peace be with you.
Peace zenje,
You are welcome.
I propose here my understanding on 2.221 and hope it is still "on-topic."
"Progressive Muslims"
And do not marry the females who set-up partners until they believe. For a believing servant is better than one who sets-up partners even if she attracts you. And do not marry the males who set-up partners until they believe. For a believing servant is better than one who sets up partners even if he attracts you. Those invite to the Fire, while God is inviting to Paradise and forgiveness by His leave. He clarifies His revelations for the people that they may remember.and as per my understanding
And do not marry the females who set-up partners until they are single. For a single servant is better than one who sets-up partners even if she attracts you. And do not marry the males who set-up partners until they single. For a single servant is better than one who sets up partners even if he attracts you. Those invite to the Fire, while God is inviting to Paradise and forgiveness by His leave. He clarifies His revelations for the people that they may remember.
Does it the words set-up partners and single fit in the context of the message? If No then there's no need to further discuss the issue.
Then, we should tell our brothers/sisters in Muslim countries that their definition of Mukmin by declaring the 1st pillar of Faith already disqualify them from getting married.
Peace and take care
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I think its clear.It's been clearly given in the Quran. Okay let me sum it up to youSubmitters/muslims = Believe in One God and do righteous works. Do not commit any idol-worship whatsoever. There is no salat/fasting etc.... Just righteous works. One starts out as a Muslim than progresses to be a faithful/believer (see 4914).
Mumins/ Believers = They believe in God, all his messengers, all his angels, all his books, they fast, they pray. They are absolutely certain about the next life etc....
You will notice whenever these commandments are given (to fast or pray etc) It says ' O who you believe 'Peace Imran K,
49.14
The Arabs said, "We are Mu'mens (believers)." Say, "You have not believed; what you should say is, `We are Muslims (submitters),' until belief is established in your hearts." If you obey GOD and His messenger, He will not put any of your works to waste. GOD is Forgiver, Most Merciful.Applying your conclusion on Mu'mens and Muslims, I read 49.14 accordingly,
The Arabs said, "We are Mu'mens (believers)-------(They believe in God, all his messengers, all his angels, all his books, they fast, they pray.)
Say, "You have not believed;
what you should say is, `We are Muslims (submitters),'-----------(Believe in One God and do righteous works. Do not commit any idol-worship whatsoever. There is no salat/fasting etc.... Just righteous works.)
But towards the end, you were saying
You will notice whenever these commandments are given (to fast or pray etc) It says ' O who you believe '
Appreciate your further clarification as I see some contradiction in your aboved statements.
Thanks
Peace and Salam Sejahtera