Hitting kids
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Sounds like your self-esteem problems are more than all resolved eh Nadeem ;D
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hehe... No, I still have them. Really sorry if I sounded like a boasting arse. That was 2 liters of green tea speaking. I have never written such a description of myself before, but I needed to make a point that hitting kids doesn't screw them up. You're Pakistani, surely you have heard the infamous "Laaton ke bhoot baaton se nahin maante". Agree, disagree?
Did you watch the youtube video?
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Haven't seen the vid yet but I agree with you speaking of the laaton ke bhoot...I always had to see if fire burns many times before I learnt, more like pushing the boundaries constantly but not in a good way. I like the confidence (I was about to write something else starting with co but desisted P), so no issues with the "boasting" heh. You shouldn't have any issues btw, you're doing great, about time you believed it too.
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I think you have to love your children and like them physically, and give lots of hugs and sweet words. I think most of the time (when you yourself are not in a murdering mood) that should come naturally. And above all you should try to be just and not arbitrary. Kids are great, but are human and some times some of them can be very trying, they may push you beyond patience to put you to test. You cannot be weak, if you are, you cannot protect nor guide your children properly, because they will not respect you, because they do not trust you to be able to be a lion if need by because in front of them you are such a sissy. Disciplining, if it is for a reason and not arbitrary will not be resented by a child if it is also done within reason. Parents are not God, they do not come with magic wands and the means within their reach are what they are and it is better to give good guidance to children even by disciplining than to let them loose in life without knowing proper limits or lacking self-assurance. Of course if you do too much disciplining, it is no good either because it looses its edge and on top of it is damned umpleasant, for a good parent it is one of the most unpleasant tasks. I definitely know that children can love like nuts a parent who may discipline them occassionally if the or she does all the other things I mentioned, but a parent that is indifferent to the point of not even having the guts to dispcipine a kind in his or her whole life (of the kid) what use is he or she to them. Also harsh, offensive words and non physical punisments can be mean and cold and there is nothing more hateful for a kid than coldness. Just watch the lions, some times they hit the cubs with their paws, but that does not affect the little ones, because hey are used to a lot of physical contact which is always reassuring. And a moderate, punctual physical disciplining can be in fact less painful for the kid than other other types of "teaching" with which on top of it they may not relate or see whence that comes from. That of course depends on the age of the child.
At any rate, I would advice any prospective parents, to simply observe and see what works and what makes for a better relationship with the kids. Because finally it is the relationship that will give you the greatest leverage to influence them for good. Also, if you make a mistake with a kid, ask for forgiveness. He will be more than eager to forgive you and will better accept that he himself can make mistakes and correct after and that nothing has to be a tragedy.
Salam
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Peace all,
I believe hitting children is plain laziness. I have a three year old and I wont say that he hasnt had a smack on his behind, because he has.
But it doesnt work though, and especially gives kids the wrong idea.
Time is something that I am sure we all struggle with, but children need our time and a bit of understanding. When I put in the effort, he is an angel.. angel..that says something. I count to three now instead of smacking. Every bit of bad behaviour is counted. If I get to three, he goes for time out. He usually calms down at two. I am not saying that i count to three, but if he stomps around the house i count that action, if he then slams a door, then thats two....if he two hours later throws his toys across the room in anger or frustration, or gets loud and obnoxious (yes he is only three, but he is very testing already, he has a strong spirit ;D ) then thats three and he goes for time out....till he clams down. And when he comes out of time out, everything is sweet and nothing more is said. Its working pretty good.Dunno, but I hated getting hit as a kid, and it made me hate my family.....suppose i am trying to break the pattern
Peace peace
jedi (my son spotted this emoticon and needed me to put it up....lol)
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I believe that it should be illegal to beat one's children. A parent who beats their child should at least be beaten the same way they beat their child (545). It would be ridiculous to punish children according to the law in 545 for annoying their parents because children unlike adults aren't smart enough to know the consequences of their actions.
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A parent who beats their child should at least be beaten the same way they beat their child
well then somebody would have to make my mums nose blood, repeatedly punch her in the face.
as a child she once put her whole body weight on me and nothing anyone can do can
compensatefor that.she kicked me as hard as she could, so somebody would have to give her plenty of those.
my granddad hit me really hard all the time (he used to teach me to read arabic and hit me whenever i made mistakes, and i made a bazillion of those), if he had to go through that now he would probably end up disabled.
what makes the whole thing worse is that i am genuinly sensative to pain, if you punched my sister the pain would go away within 5 minutes, if you punched me the physical pain would be there for hours, probably days. being so sensative to pain has been extremly inconvenient.
even as a child when falling down while playing i always had to stop and sit down for a few hours, while others who fell down could usually get up and play as normal.
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i still live with them because i can't afford a place of my own, but we get on better now.
things are very different now, my younger sisters never have to go through this sort of abuse because my parents have changed a lot, they never even get the odd slap.
when I was a younger they genuinly didn't know how to bring up kids, if my younger sisters are naughty they just have their pocket money cut or they're not allowed out to play and have to stay in, but when i was a kid if i was naughty they would hit me however hard they wanted to.
when i was in nursery (age 4-5) to "frighten me" they said that the local delivery man "kidnaps naughty kids" so i had to be
perfect, they may have thought it was funny but saying things like that gave me nightmares for years. They only had to say that i wouldn't get my pocket money to get me to behave like an angel ).the last time i got hit was a few years ago. its not really a problem anymore.
i created this thread because i was curious to see what others thought about hitting kids and if it was condoned in islam.
peace
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Peace,
Respectfully.I still say and i will keep repeating it over and over again - hitting kids is just plain wrong. I strongtly disagree with it and as soon as i have kids - God willing soon - i will neve rhit them nor yell at them. We should always discuss problems with our brains. We should act according to our intelligence and age.
We always say that politicians are idiot - and no one disagrees on that issue - but even they tlak about problems. Needless to say, this is where the hypocrisy come with politicians - they lie and send an army against the opposition.
But kids are defenseless and they will learn violence from the nearest teachers parents. Therefore, hitting kids is wrong. And sinful.
Peace.
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It's really wrong to hit kids especially for minor things. My dad used to hit me with a fly swatter when I was 5-10 years old because I took too long to eat my food, and because I'd fight with my younger sis (even when it was my sis who started it, she said so herself to me). Nowadays I hardly even talk to him unless it's completely necessary, and I don't even feel for him the way I do for my mom and my sis. (My mom used to slap me when I was younger and shouts at me, but never indiscriminately or without good cause.) If you want your kids to fear you, hittin them is definitely the way to go, but it very well might make them emotionally indifferent to you when they're older. (This post isn't addressed to anyone in particular.)
Peace
Sarah -
"Hitting kids" -
I think there is a severe difference, in what is understood by that, by believers or disbelievers.
I have seen some real poor parenting, by a colleague of mine. He's the kind of person, you tell him about dicipline, and that slapping, or hitting a child, can be in some cases, good, or the best way, and he will hit the kid, when you're around, if he's nervous, and the child won't know why, and will just go around being strange. This is not dicipline. This man you cannot tell, that he should hit his child.
If however, a child does an act, repeatedly, that is morally wrong, maybe, hitting is right.
I do not know though, I do not have children of my own. And I would imagine my children to be well-behaved.
Hopefully, I will get to know, InshaAllah ) -
LONDON (AFP) - A mother who bit her five-year-old son in a "revenge" attack because he had hurt his baby sister, was on Tuesday sentenced to five months jail by a court in Gloucestershire.
The 28-year-old single mum, who cannot be named for legal reasons, bit her son on the arm to punish him when she thought he had hurt his eight-month-old baby sister.
Prosecutor Julian Kesner said she had asked the little boy to bring his sister into the bathroom where she was brushing her teeth. Moments later, there was a thud, and the baby began screaming.
"She doesn't know what happened but assumed that he somehow banged her and that she was in much more distress than usual," he said. "It seems at that point she bit her son."
The two bite marks, which each measured more than three centimetres but had not broken the skin, were noticed by staff at the boy's school in Cheltenham who alerted the authorities.
Asked why she did it, the woman said "I don't know. Probably that he hurt his sister, so he's got to be hurt.
"It's an automatic reaction to protect your youngest," she said, saying she felt "really guilty" about the incident.
"At the end of day it's my baby. He's my baby."
In handing down the sentence, Judge Mark Horton said "There can be few offences more likely to cause anger ... than a case of a parent who maliciously and without cause assaults her own child.
"The fact you did so by biting, not simply striking this child, only inflames the circumstances of this offence. It can only be seen as a desire to cause the child pain by way of revenge which caused the bite."
Both of her children have since been taken into care.
http//news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080923/wl_uk_afp/britaincrimechildabuse
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Peace,
wow, that was really fast acting to put her behind bars and take care of her kids.
I know many parents who do worse things to their kids.
I believe violence creates more violence and my opinion about this is that parents who punish their kids with biting or beating is suffer themselves and need help to stop this awful activity.
Maria
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I've fond memories of flying shoes and brooms myself, contact ratio around 31 (maybe my mom should've played some games and improved her reflexes).
salam
maybe thats why i never hit my kids, to busy trying to beat them in nintendo.......... D D D
but on a serious note with 5 kids and somewhat experience, best way to dicipline them is give them all the love and compassion you can and when they are bad kids, the silent treatment will kill them, they will be begging for forgiveness. dont open yourhand all the way but dont shut it either.
i like this sign PEACE, thats cool peace -
Child rearing, specially that of teen-agers need a lot of common sense and patience. What will stop you from hitting your teenage child? Nothing from the Quran I believe. So why are you aghast at physical punishment?
Is there a minimum age for this?
242 The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication,- flog each of them with a hundred stripes Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.
What if you catch your teenage child making out with somebody?
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Child rearing, specially that of teen-agers need a lot of common sense and patience. What will stop you from hitting your teenage child? Nothing from the Quran I believe. So why are you aghast at physical punishment?
Is there a minimum age for this?
242 The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication,- flog each of them with a hundred stripes Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.
What if you catch your teenage child making out with somebody?
The same question would be posed to ones "adult child"...
The notion of teenage, is a relatively modern notion (post 1900s).
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salam angel. are you backbiting your parents on this forum?
allah is the truth.
what would i gain from 'backbiting'? especially since no one here knows me in real life.
its only pathalogical liars that believe that others are lying, so try not to judge me from your own pathetically low standards.
anyways i tell them daily that they robbed me off my childhood and teenage years, you don't know what i went through, what i mentioned on the thread is the tip of the iceberg. And nothing they've not heard me complain about before.