Hitting kids
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There is a time for a parent to be stern.Being stern does not require violence elektro. Stern and calm gets the best results. You want your kids to listen to you because they love and respect you group, not because they fear you police &.
Very true. I feel too many people result to violence because they do not have time to spend with their kids, so the kids do silly things to gain attention thus get beat! Some parents today live in a very bad cycle of depression, pressure, obligation and kids getting in the way!
Kids up to the age of 7 or 8 need routine and structure, they have a ritual/structure for everything and it is important to keep to that ritual/structure. If you do this you will have no problems. Speak to your children and model your behaviour so they can see and learn. Everything you do they are watching and absorbing. Spend time with them and do things together to gain trust and bond. Most of all show an interest of what they do and loads of praise, as a rule of thumb praise them twice as much as you do telling them off. If you really feel that your child has stepped over the mark and has been a danger to themselves as well as others then have a serious word but do not hit them around their head or use tools! Do not repeatedly strike out, a little hit on the bum and serious talking to should do the trick or even try to ask them why they think you are cross with them and talk about the consequences. Most of all I feel some parents can not show their love towards their children which create most of the problems in the first place.Let me share a story my father used to tell me, when he was 12 he worked as an apprentice at a garage. Before he started his work the boss used to give him a few slaps. When he asked why, he replied just incase you do a mistake. He said, thats not fair I havent done nothing wrong. The boss replied if you do something wrong its not worth disciplining you as the damage has already been done. ;D So the moral of the story is spend time with your kids teaching them right from wrong so they do not make the mistakes in the first place. handshake
Peace
Hope
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salam
what does the Quran say about hitting?
I personally was belted by my parents they were not muslim, I personally have no complaints and my brother and 1st cousins and must say that we are outstanding children, especially from the neighborhood we came from. See beating kids cause your angry or in a rage ofcourse is wrong, however sometimes a kid needs a smack now and then. My parents loved me I know that but belted me and explained why I'm getting belted after telling me three times not to do something and I keep doing it we had structure, routine and time from our parents and they use to take toys or whatever else a way from me then finally they would belt us kids never the girls though. I look at my life and see that us kids grew up in a neighborhood where all our mates did drugs, dropped out of high school, in jail at a young age, we weren't perfect but in our neighborhood regardless of how desperate things got, we had good judgement and that was taught to us by my parents. (thank you Allah).
Some parents I know abuse kids and go to far and thats wrong but some parents smack their kids because they love there kids they want to guide their kids like my parents. Don't know much about the pschological effects and all that, but I know that I am a strong person because of my upbringing and I just thought that I would share that with you.
Salam
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Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but he who hates correction is stupid.A wise son heeds his father's instruction,
but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.24 He who spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.Proverbs 1324 Bible
Dont Spare the rod, youll spoil the child.
lol
Look sometimes...you gotta hit your kids. There is a Certain age to Start and a Certain Age to Stop.
Young Small children need to be Physically hit (lightly) and then told what they did wrong,once they grow older, you can use non-physical punishments such as Groundings etc...And Explain with a much More Advanced Logic why they are in trouble.
If you little 5 year old does something bad...he is not really able to understand your Logic of "WHY" it is bad...his mind is not yet grown.
So a simply slap...and explanation seems to work just fine.D police laugh -
Selam
Some time ago I was listening to a lecture on bringing up children. The guy giving the lecture mentioned some stages
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When a child is young - routine and very stricked boundaries are required.
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When a child is their early/mid teens - Stricked rules are required and good explenation of right and wrong
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Late teens - You become a friend and a advisor
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Early 20's and onwards - Your their friend.
I think thats what was basically said, It has been some time so can't remember the actual lecture fully.
Peace
Hope
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If you little 5 year old does something bad...he is not really able to understand your Logic of "WHY" it is bad...his mind is not yet grown.
So a simply slap...and explanation seems to work just fine.D police laughhaha i disagree, 5 year old's aren't stupid make your logic of "why" simple for a 5 year old to comprehend. i mean it's normal for adults to explain things differently to different people, kids should be given that right too.
a slap is more about a power issue. i dunno... some kids retaliate and slap, bite, kick/swear back but adults might just enforce more power. i don't think a child is going to enjoy pain being inflicted upon them by a greater power eventually they'll just cop it, cry or scream. I think it would more like teach the kid to do "whatever it was" in secret, if they did ever decide to do it again.
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haha i disagree, 5 year old's aren't stupid P make your logic of "why" simple for a 5 year old to comprehend. i mean it's normal for adults to explain things differently to different people, kids should be given that right too.
a slap is more about a power issue. i dunno... some kids retaliate and slap, bite, kick/swear back but adults might just enforce more power. i don't think a child is going to enjoy pain being inflicted upon them by a greater power eventually they'll just cop it, cry or scream. I think it would more like teach the kid to do "whatever it was" in secret, if they did ever decide to do it again.
I know what your saying, but, I've seen some of my little cousins...and problem is my aunt is very (Time-out) and doest hit.
The kids will disobey orders, leave the Time out area and just walk all over her.really, even if she explains Logic, and Lessons, and Proverbs....some children just arent going to listen.
And really....a Slap on their behind...is really just a Universal language of "You Listen here little one!"...and it seems to be working just fine in those sinerios.
I go to the masjid...and of course these Sunni men/women DO NOT hit their kids. (supposedly because Muhammad didnt?)
So what do you have? An Important Lecture going on, and you cant hear it becuase these damn kids are Screaming laughing and running through the Rows making nonsense.the fathers can say sit down as many times as they want...but it isnt until they hit them one good time...then finally the kid will realize.
I am sorry, I know this Sounds bad but... Children ARE your Property. You are the Custodian, and Master of them. Since they are not adults they are not Sui Juris. They cannot fend for themselves and utterly depend on you. Therefore, You are the one that have to discipline them and also Love them.
A young Child Should Fear his parent. But it is not the type of fear that you think of.Its not the fear of a Monster, or the Fear of an Abuser. Its the Fear in the sense of how we Fear Allah. Do you Fear Allah?
You fear something...yet you love that thing. A child should understand he should fear his parents, but also understand His parents love him.
Then when he Reaches a Rightful age, He can become a Full Adult and no longer fear them.Sometimes you gotta hit your kids. NOT BEAT but hit. For some children...that's the only way to get through to them.
(and lets be honest, these hits really aren't that hard. It is made to Appear hard though. The child will cry, not really because of the hit...but because of the Action. Do you understand? The Hit isnt really hard and it didnt really even hurt them...Its the Principal that hurt them. Its just they are to young to realize the distinction between that little pain and the principal.)
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Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but he who hates correction is stupid.A wise son heeds his father's instruction,
but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.24 He who spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.Proverbs 1324 Bible
Dont Spare the rod, youll spoil the child.
lol
Look sometimes...you gotta hit your kids. There is a Certain age to Start and a Certain Age to Stop.
Young Small children need to be Physically hit (lightly) and then told what they did wrong,once they grow older, you can use non-physical punishments such as Groundings etc...And Explain with a much More Advanced Logic why they are in trouble.
If you little 5 year old does something bad...he is not really able to understand your Logic of "WHY" it is bad...his mind is not yet grown.
So a simply slap...and explanation seems to work just fine.D police laughBible thumping?! o
Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them
are diligent to discipline them ? Proverbs 1324One of the most unfortunate misunderstandings of Scripture concerns passages that refer to the necessity of using ?the rod of discipline? in the training of children. These include
Proverbs 2215 ? ?Foolishness is bound in the heart of the child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.?
Proverbs 2313 ? ?Do not withhold discipline from a child; IF YOU PUNISH HIM WITH THE ROD, HE WILL NOT DIE.?
Many well-intentioned Christians take these passages and others like them to mean that God is specifically instructing parents to spank children when they misbehave; further, that these spankings should be administered with variations on the general theme of ?the rod? belts, hickory switches, paddles, and the like. This misinterpretation is understandable, but reflects a wrongful application of the principles of Biblical exegesis, or critical interpretation and analysis.
The rod is always metaphorical, as in Lamentations 31??I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath.?
Further understanding of the metaphor can be had by noting that ?the rod? is also used to refer to God?s righteousness, as in Isaiah 114, where The Lord is described as smiting the earth with ?the rod of his mouth.? Rod-like child discipline, therefore, is righteous. It is in keeping with the nature of God?s discipline of us, his children both adult and child, and consistent with His Plan for us.
UNLIKE THE ROD ABOVE(2313)- WITH A PHYSICAL ROD A CHILD CAN CERTAINLY DIE! SO IT CAN'T BE A PHYSIACAL ROD, CAN IT?
handshake
God Bless.
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Salam RA786
Some children can take over an adult?s authority. it doesn?t have to rely on time out. Time out isn?t the only behaviour management technique.
Why is it in childcare centres, kids obey orders? Yet they don?t get hit. A child will always disobey orders, whether overtly or in secret.
Slap on the behind could work but how many parents anger has frustrated them to do more than that?
Some children won?t listen, because we (adults) need to provide developmentally appropriate ways for children to understand/deal with things.
Lol supposedly Muhammad didn?t? I have no idea but you get hadiths saying hit your child if they don?t pray and all sorts of other things. I know in my culture hitting isn?t a bad thing. I see women/men hit their kids in the privacy of their home and I?d say their anger takes control of them, most of them at least. Not many people will hit a child in public.
Possibly the masjid should better facilitate to its community and provide an area for children or resources for them to look at, i.e. picture books, colouring stencils, find a word. Even an adult?s attention span can easily doze off in those lectures what can they expect from children? Lol at least children are proactive and find ways to ?better? their time. Off course better in their view.
Imagine if a father hit a kid one good time and the kid started screaming and crying! From one problem to another. Sometimes you can physically be overbearing without hitting. i.e. grab the child and sit them on your lap, whisper something in their ear. They might squirm and try and get out but to be fair the lecture is boring for the kid, and adults should understand that. If they really want their kids coming to the mosque maybe they should practice during not so busy times. i.e. not Friday.
I think children are not our property but rather our responsibility. Parents want to wish they can ?own? their kids so they can sway them to ways they wish and some parents don?t let go of that hold, even when the child is an adult.
Fear of Allah.. does a child fear Allah? Anyway I understand where you?re coming from. Every person has their own philosophies and ideas of how to raise children )
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Salaam, peace everyone,
Just wanna give my little o here
Any kind of "sanction" will work positively only after the kid comprehended his/her fault.
Before such understanding/comprehension is reached, the kid will only experience the "punishment" negatively.So stop, or much much better, prevent children from doing harmful things--i agree on that-- with one condition parents must do it cleverly. Use tips/tricks/snippets from child psychology experts. Hitting or showing emotional outburst is only signs of the parents' lack of intelligence in educating their children. Leaving the children untreated is just as bad. Parents must be patient.
OP
Hitting kids IMO is just plain cruel, a slap lasts a second, the physical pain lasts a minute, but the emotional pain lasts a lifetime. '(
True. In the form of nightmares, subtle/hidden fears, traumas or insecurities. Even Oprah watchers would know this. Apparently there is one hadith that i very much suspect to be genuine (or at least it must have been originally uttered by a very wise human)
When the Prophet SAWS was holding a baby, the infant peed over him until his clothing got wet. The mother (Umm Al Fadl?) pulled the baby (harshly) from the Prophet's lap. Then he said "This (clothing) can be cleaned with water, but the baby's heart, who can clean it?"
(sorry can't find the source atm, though one said it's in Bukhari. translation is mine, not from Arabic)Re ?the rod? to be "allegorical" (i.e. no belts, hickory switches, paddles, and the like) i may have something to support that from AQ
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Well. No finding about "hitting kids" in AQ, actually. The closest to "how to strike a family member of yours" i can get is 3844. Take in your hand a "bunch" and "strike" her with it and do not break your oath.
a "bunch" (ا A handful of herbs mixed together, fresh and dry. A handful of twigs of trees or shrubs or of the fruit-stalks of the raceme of a palm-tree. Whatever that is collected or bundled together and grasped with the hand.
a "bunch", a "handful" of herbs/grass/twigs/shrubs. Try it. Compare it with a full-length rod or belt or Indiana Jones' style whip. (hey, i meant try it on yourself, not that poor kid)
Even with something as important as Salat, we are ordered to command/enjoin our family with patience, not with rod. (20132)
Peace
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I get what you all are saying, and Agree to a certain extent.
Alot of children are different (thats another thing).Personally, I fell I was abused and sometimes I think I may always possibly hate my parent for that...even when I am and old-man.
I understand that anger aspect from the kids point of view.
But you see There is a Distinction between Hitting....and Abusing. If I was simply hit and "Deserved it", Now that I am older I wouldn't be angry about it because it was more as a reminder.I want to make something VERY Clear...Maybe I havent explained myself very well. I mean, I do See the Parent as the Authoritative Figure. But not as an "Authoritarian Facist" if you know what I mean. I do see the children as Property for the Moment...But I Do not see them as Slaves.
Here is a Good Video I watched about Procrastination Why you Procrastinate, and how its relevant to your Childhood Upbringing.
http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1WC6hNTONg
(*****5 stars)Anyways, I really agree with what this man says. about the Slave/Master Relationship and the Repercussions of it.
I think Parents need to consider the childs view so that his mind will develop to critical/logical thinking.I guess I Just still feel that a Mild Slap here and there (when necessary) isnt a "bad thing" but Could be MADE into a bad thing.
Of Course just hitting Does nothing to completely Solve the problem. It to me is just the first initial consequence.
Then after the punishment, and Thorough explanation is necessary.I have a Scenario. I see Children act this way in Stores sometimes. (my aunts kids have done this before)
Watch.
http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWkZ_StRjU0So what do you do in this Situation?
I was Observing my Cousin and this was my Conclusion.- The Child Wants an Item.
- After a Calm and Polite "No" and a Valid and Simple Logical Explanation why the Item cannot be Purchased, The child still done not Understand, or Rather He MAY understand, but your Valid Logical Points mean nothing to him because His Want is much more Important in his eyes than what you have to say.
3.He KNOWS that He Depends on you to Buy the Item, and He KNOWS that Making a Public Scene will embarrass you in front of everyone, So he Intentionally Threatens to scream and embarrass you unless you give in to his requests. (like a Bank Robber holding Hostages)
4.He Starts Screaming and making a Scene and wont stop until you give in.
You can try to talk to him, explain why you cannot afford it, explain why it is better to not have it, but anything out of your mouth is insufficient at this point to him.
SO what do you do Then? Just let him keep screaming...(Hes going to later be angry at you and hate you for neglecting his wants)...
I would rather, Tell him from the beginning why he cannot have the item. He wouldn't want to creat a scene because he'd know that the consequence is me taking him to the bathroom and hitting him....and he Still will not receive the item. Then after we leave, explain to his again why his request was not met, and what should be done better next time.I hypothesize, that he will understand the logic and Principal. He will respect you as the Parent and hopefully understand It is in his Best Interest to listen to you. Also, He should then realize that His Best interest is always in your mind, so...though he may not fully understand some things of Parenting, He should know you do it for his well being.
All I know is, (not trying to sound ignorant and racist here but).... I live in America. Usually the children who I see doing this in public is predominantly White Caucasian. (based off my statistics). For some reason it is Hispanic,African-American,and indigenous-Foreign Children that are RARELY seen doing this in the store. Because Unlike Most White-Caucasian people in America.... (brown people will hit their kids if needed).
In fact, I know I am going out on a Limb here...but ....I think Actually Perhaps...NOT Hitting your children could be detrimental.
There are some children Who have NEVER been Hit...and they have grown up to be very Spoiled, Egotistic, and even Possibly Ironically Rebellious and a danger to society in some ways.Wile other children who HAVE been hit a couple times when needed, have grown to be respectful humble people...
Weird....I dont know maybe I am just talking ****. Lol laugh
-Peace
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Lol dude,
Why would a kid deserve to be hit? If you agree with the video than you hitting the child is making him/her a slave, a procrastinator how could you! Hahaha
Well slaps can work, I dunno if I can see myself hitting a kid. It may not entirely be a ?bad thing? but I believe it?s how you raise them that matters. i.e. teaching empathy at a young age facial expression can show that, you smile when you are happy, frown angry etc. try frowning at a kid and see their reaction and smile and see the reaction. Being stern in your speech is another way but only when necessary, children can get an idea of emotions.
Think of adults who laugh at their kids for swearing, they?re just giving positive reinforcement for the child to continue doing it, good luck to them when their child gets older. But there is no perfect guide on how to raise children. Because parents (or whoever raises the child) are the kids first teacher, they need to be super cautious of everything because one way children learn is through imitation and reinforcement.
What does hitting a child actually do? Even if you explain it? The idea of hitting them is to exhort power over them, so you don?t have to deal with whatever it was they did and so you scare them from not doing it again. Besides you teach the child to hit, they might try hitting the adult back but eventually realise it won?t do much but if they hit their siblings/peers I?m sure it might be hurtful/useful to exhort their own power. Personally if I ever have children I don?t want to raise them with the idea of fear. I?d rather be an explorer/facilitator with them and guide them to the best of my ability.
That scenario is such an exaggeration lol and a bit lame, like the father just throw the bag back where it came from, didn?t even say anything and then the kid went crazy.
Anyway if the child was younger, I?d let the kid have a tantrum. If I wanted to be smart I?d just leave it and when buying the groceries get rid of it. Though if I planned to go shopping with a kid or kids I?d let them know first. I take my nieces and nephews sometimes. I think a good tip would be to be prepared. Anyway what I always do is limit their choices generally they don?t ask for big things they just want lollies(candy) so they all get a limit of 2 lollies each but everything is agreed upon before we go shops so if they say but can I have this, and I say no or give a lil explanation they understand.
Once though, my niece wanted colouring pencils and she picked out a set and it came with a book. I said ok though she wanted to open it then and there but I told her no. she got so upset and said ?I don?t like you? and sat on the floor and started crying lol. I talked her through it (I?ll explain if you like but this post is long enough as it is).
Sometimes a polite no doesn?t work, sometimes a no needs to be firm/stern. Also maybe your cousin could be trusted with some money. It might allow them to value and learn how the system works and learn some maths while they?re at it. I think it?s a good idea to plan to go shopping specifically with the children for the children so they learn. Otherwise it?s like forbidden fruit a haven of all sorts of awesome things and they can even touch it! And you?re telling them they can?t have it? Off course they?re going to be angry.
So possibly teaching the kids to save, count use their money to buy and calculate things isn?t such a bad idea.
I wouldn?t go to bathroom and hit the kid, what a waste of effort P I?d say we talked about this earlier you can only choose 1 thing or 2 or whatever you agreed on. Or let?s see how much money you have, let the kid take out their wallet/purse count the coins and say you have enough money to buy it are you sure you want to spend it on this?
A child?s best interest is themselves, adults/parents are their heros and they like making their hero?s happy. put yourself in their position it?s like being given a ticket to a fun park but the ticket is limited to only entry no rides, so all you can do is watch? How lame and unfair. You have no money so you can?t buy anything one might think what a waste of a trip.
Lots of things influence what a child becomes, I don?t believe hitting or not hitting is the deciding point P
wow what a rant! sorry lol Peace )
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Salaam, peace everyone,
Just wanna give my little o here
Any kind of "sanction" will work positively only after the kid comprehended his/her fault.
Before such understanding/comprehension is reached, the kid will only experience the "punishment" negatively.So stop, or much much better, prevent children from doing harmful things--i agree on that-- with one condition parents must do it cleverly. Use tips/tricks/snippets from child psychology experts. Hitting or showing emotional outburst is only signs of the parents' lack of intelligence in educating their children. Leaving the children untreated is just as bad. Parents must be patient.
OP
True. In the form of nightmares, subtle/hidden fears, traumas or insecurities. Even Oprah watchers would know this. Apparently there is one hadith that i very much suspect to be genuine (or at least it must have been originally uttered by a very wise human)When the Prophet SAWS was holding a baby, the infant peed over him until his clothing got wet. The mother (Umm Al Fadl?) pulled the baby (harshly) from the Prophet's lap. Then he said "This (clothing) can be cleaned with water, but the baby's heart, who can clean it?"
(sorry can't find the source atm, though one said it's in Bukhari. translation is mine, not from Arabic)Re ?the rod? to be "allegorical" (i.e. no belts, hickory switches, paddles, and the like) i may have something to support that from AQ
...
Well. No finding about "hitting kids" in AQ, actually. The closest to "how to strike a family member of yours" i can get is 3844. Take in your hand a "bunch" and "strike" her with it and do not break your oath.
a "bunch" (ا A handful of herbs mixed together, fresh and dry. A handful of twigs of trees or shrubs or of the fruit-stalks of the raceme of a palm-tree. Whatever that is collected or bundled together and grasped with the hand.
a "bunch", a "handful" of herbs/grass/twigs/shrubs. Try it. Compare it with a full-length rod or belt or Indiana Jones' style whip. (hey, i meant try it on yourself, not that poor kid)
Even with something as important as Salat, we are ordered to command/enjoin our family with patience, not with rod. (20132)
Peace
Don't try and use a twisted Ayah to carry on with a regime of oppression san,
be a peace loving individual, thanks.
3844
"And take in thy, hand/benefit/possession/ favor/ generosity the confusion, and strike it and break not (thy oath)." Truly We found him full of patience and constancy. How excellent in Our service! ever did he turn (to Us)!See its wasn't beating up the person but rather sorting out the confusion.
God Bless.
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Actually Sarah, In the Video He never says that the Parent shouldn't still be an Authoritarian figure.
He actually Even Says that After the Child is in Time out, Questioned Him and ask his Preferences of Punishment.
He Still Condones the presence of a Punishment, he just then later gives an explanation to the child and Questions the child if that Method of Punishment has worked.He says....
"So, Do you know why I put you in time out?
Do you feel that Time out is working? Do you Like Timeout?" Etc etc...I think this Psychology could work. you Child is Acting Bad, and wont stop so you Spank him really good.
He Crys and then when he stops you go over to him and ask him
Do you know why I spanked you? Why dont you go ahead and Tell me why you think I spanked you
Child Sobbing "because I was being bad and wasnt listening to you and disobeying orders.
Yes, You are very right. so now Why where you disobeying orders?
I dont know...because I wanted to Do this, even though you didnt want me to do it.
Do you know why I dont want you to do this? I dont want you to do this____ Beacause _______________.
So when you disobey me, It is my reaction/Consequence to then figure out ways to get you to stop doing that and obey me Because I dont want you do do that and then get hurt or in trouble.So, DO you feel that Me hitting you is a Good way to make you stop? If you think it is Not a good way...Then Tell me...What would be a good way to get you to listen. WHat is your Preference? Would you like me to put you in Timeout? Yes or No? How about take away your Play time? or how about no candy? You see son, the way this relationship works is like a 2 way street. You and me must work togeather.
If you make me happy, Ill make you happy, If you make me sad...I will make you sad.
If you Do something bad, then that means I will now have to hit you and give you a punishment, BUT if you stop doing that action, I will then in Turn Give you a Reward. So what do you think about this?Child thinks for a moment...and will probably agree since, he does in his essence want to please his parents. And then Hopefully be a Good Boy and listen.
yayOk, so what do you think about that then?
laugh
btw i am not a parent, so...I dont know if what I say holds ANY value at all. lol -
lol i can't imagine such a scene. i can imagine it going in one ear and out the other. would you speak like that to a 5 year old?
i'm not a parent either, i've worked with kids but it don't make me an expert.
i'll tell you something though, a lot of kids response to "do you know why i hit you/gave you time out/etc" would be "i don't know"
peace
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haha yeah, I know.
I've got to admit, I think kids are really cute, Id probably really soft..lolThey are funny though. Now, what I said would probably have to be for a more mature toddler...idk if 5 is able to understand.
I know that little kids though I am talking about like 3 are probabily okay with hitting.Like forinstance, i seen some parents talk to the little 3 yrold and tell them not to touch something dangerious...
and of course the curious kids will. But then the parent will slap the kids hand. and then the kids will be like "WOAH! Im not going to touch that"...Slapping I feel is like a Simple minded punishment. They are able to Quickly and simply understand Slap=no.
Take a Dog for instance, I mean, You dont Hit you dog and tell me "NO!"?
From what I seen, when people Potty train their Dogs, they Do that and it seems to work pretty well.
A dog will understand..."Geez, i better not do that again or ill get hit." and then end up not doing it.If they do, surprisingly they KNOW they did something wrong and will go hide...because theyll look at you with the "Oh Sh**" face and go hide. lol
So, Id say Hitting is Okay with small children. the older they grow the less hitting you do and more Logical Explanation/punishment you do...
Agree?Key Note, Why do Kids always say "I dont know"...its like they act dumb on purpose. They Know what they did. I remember when I was in school, I used to do the same thing at like 7... I remember Id say "I dont know....and look at the ground."....I think they DO know...they are just Ashamed (obviously).. damn kids! laugh
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Hitting can work I just think other options should be considered.
I?ve learnt some things about child development/psychology so I?d rather use diff techniques and avoid hitting. But I have that knowledge other people would go for hitting. People go with what they know/ what always has been and if they don?t procrastinate maybe even read up about things and try that.
Dogs aren?t human
So, Id say Hitting is Okay with small children. the older they grow the less hitting you do and more Logical Explanation/punishment you do...
Agree?That could work, consult with your partner everyone has diff views/theories go with what you both agree on ?cos not everyone is the same and not everyone will agree.
Key Note, Why do Kids always say "I dont know"...its like they act dumb on purpose. They Know what they did. I remember when I was in school, I used to do the same thing at like 7... I remember Id say "I dont know....and look at the ground."....I think they DO know...they are just Ashamed (obviously).. damn kids! laugh
That?s not always the case. While a kid might do something which in an adult point of view is stupid, crazy, unsafe etc. the child might be thinking ?oh wow, what?s this, I wanna try that? the child could simply be exploring and learning through ?experience? and basically an adult yelling/hitting might make them think but I didn?t do anything??
But off course you have smart aleck kids who might lie or run a muck
salam
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Don't try and use a twisted Ayah to carry on with a regime of oppression san,
be a peace loving individual, thanks.
3844
"And take in thy, hand/benefit/possession/ favor/ generosity the confusion, and strike it and break not (thy oath)." Truly We found him full of patience and constancy. How excellent in Our service! ever did he turn (to Us)!See its wasn't beating up the person but rather sorting out the confusion.
God Bless.
What do you mean, carry on with a regime of oppression? I have no such intention. )
Thanks anyway, because i noticed my mistake Take in your hand a "bunch" and "strike" her with it and do not break your oath. There was no "her" in the verse. Previously i thought it was a very soft but gentle move (i.e., the emotional message/expression carried without causing any physical pain), considering how they left him (if i got the story right, that is). I still don't get the complete picture but let me take the possibility that it has nothing to do with striking the wife at all. All the better then.
So my correction would be
Re ?the rod? to be "allegorical" (i.e. no belts, hickory switches, paddles, and the like) i may have something to support that from AQ
...
Well. No finding about "hitting kids" in AQ, actually. Even with something as important as Salat, we are ordered to command/enjoin our family with patience, not with rod. (20132)
Doubtful content removed. Thanks and pardon me for the confusion. Be a peace loving individual, aye, i want to.
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So what do you do in this Situation?
I was Observing my Cousin and this was my Conclusion.- The Child Wants an Item.
- After a Calm and Polite "No" and a Valid and Simple Logical Explanation why the Item cannot be Purchased, The child still done not Understand, or Rather He MAY understand, but your Valid Logical Points mean nothing to him because His Want is much more Important in his eyes than what you have to say.
3.He KNOWS that He Depends on you to Buy the Item, and He KNOWS that Making a Public Scene will embarrass you in front of everyone, So he Intentionally Threatens to scream and embarrass you unless you give in to his requests. (like a Bank Robber holding Hostages)
4.He Starts Screaming and making a Scene and wont stop until you give in.
You can try to talk to him, explain why you cannot afford it, explain why it is better to not have it, but anything out of your mouth is insufficient at this point to him.
SO what do you do Then? Just let him keep screaming...(Hes going to later be angry at you and hate you for neglecting his wants)...
I would rather, Tell him from the beginning why he cannot have the item.What age? The kid wants what he sees. Why let the kid see what you don't want to get for him?
In fact, I know I am going out on a Limb here...but ....I think Actually Perhaps...NOT Hitting your children could be detrimental.
There are some children Who have NEVER been Hit...and they have grown up to be very Spoiled, Egotistic, and even Possibly Ironically Rebellious and a danger to society in some ways.Wile other children who HAVE been hit a couple times when needed, have grown to be respectful humble people...
Assumption or Where Is The Logic In That?
Slapping/Hitting is of course the quickest and easiest, but is it relevant? Even just plain outburst without hitting is just not relevant.
FYI, i got a nephew too, 2-yrs old (though more like 3-4 if you talk to him). And before him, a niece of mine had problem with uncontrolled behavior and temper-tantrums as well. The problem with forcing kids to conform to our wishes is that with each conflict, more force is needed . Just like addiction (more dose, please). So yes, the niece is now more silent with the force of a father she can't beat. Civilized behavior--at what cost? I have no idea.
I know that little kids though I am talking about like 3 are probabily okay with hitting.
Like forinstance, i seen some parents talk to the little 3 yrold and tell them not to touch something dangerious...
and of course the curious kids will. But then the parent will slap the kids hand. and then the kids will be like "WOAH! Im not going to touch that"...Slapping I feel is like a Simple minded punishment. They are able to Quickly and simply understand Slap=no.
First, I'd minimize dangerous situation. Preparation/prevention is worlds better than "conflict management".
Second, on unexpected situation, I would grab the kid's hand, not slap it. Then while still holding the hand (if he/she unleashed a temper tantrum, then wait until it wears off, with his/her hand still held gently in my hand), i'd make myself much more calm than the kid (neutral face and low, gentle voice), then i'd begin the "explanation". Complete with animate example, illustration (use your head, lips, hands, fingers, body, whatever it takes to explain).
It works for us. This, however, will only work with the person the kid is listening to, so if you don't have that covered, you must work on that first. In my experience, maintaining physical/skin contact while gently communicating the important message, works worlds better than than trying to explain the why's after giving a short momentum with a slap/hit (strong, mild or whatever).
I'm 100% sure the method above won't work with dogs, unless you're the parent of one (or you speak their language).
If they do, surprisingly they KNOW they did something wrong and will go hide...because theyll look at you with the "Oh Sh**" face and go hide. lol
And i'm sure you don't want the situation above (text in bold) happens to your kids.
So, Id say Hitting is Okay with small children. the older they grow the less hitting you do and more Logical Explanation/punishment you do...
Agree?With little children who got used to hitting, the older they grow, the more hitting you'll need to maintain the expected effect. At some point in their life (young or old) the chain must be broken, for them to live without any hidden fear. So why procrastinate until then?
Key Note, Why do Kids always say "I dont know"...its like they act dumb on purpose. They Know what they did. I remember when I was in school, I used to do the same thing at like 7... I remember Id say "I dont know....and look at the ground."....I think they DO know...they are just Ashamed (obviously).. damn kids! laugh
They fear the consequence of saying the truth. This happens on any punishment-based culture/tradition, i think. Don't forget that even kids can predict the future just by reading your face. And your voice, gesture and anything to do with your presence. In short, they as human beings sense other human beings.
What if i challenge you to try no-hit approach to the kids near you?
Peace peace
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Peace,
The mother should discipline the children otherwise it may happen as during this Eid party a while back a little boy was running around unruly and as the mother tried to grab him, all of a sudden the kid slapped her (hard!).
Personally, would correct them right away before they get to their mid-teens; example, while coaching a traveling youth soccer team had my 12 year old nephews along and after getting up to contest a call, soon as I turned around the spoiled one quickly sat in my chair. I asked him nicely to get up; he refused saying
?You snooze you lose!?
Instantaneously pulled him by his ear out of the seat and told him unlike his parents, I will slap him in front of all the people. Anyway ever since that incident he immediately offers his seat in the presence of elders tells his siblings to also get up.
Reminds me of the story of the troublemaker youth?
1874 So they set out until when they met a boy, so he killed him?
1880 And as for the boy, so his parents were believing, so We feared that he oppresses them (with) tyranny and disbelief.
1881 So We intended that their Lord substitutes (for) them better than him and correction and closer (in) relation. -
Peace,
The mother should discipline the children otherwise it may happen as during this Eid party a while back a little boy was running around unruly and as the mother tried to grab him, all of a sudden the kid slapped her (hard!).
Slap or get slapped! << (?)
to me it only shows that something's already wrong during the normal days.
Personally, would correct them right away before they get to their mid-teens; example, while coaching a traveling youth soccer team had my 12 year old nephews along and after getting up to contest a call, soon as I turned around the spoiled one quickly sat in my chair. I asked him nicely to get up; he refused saying
?You snooze you lose!?
Instantaneously pulled him by his ear out of the seat and told him unlike his parents, I will slap him in front of all the people. Anyway ever since that incident he immediately offers his seat in the presence of elders tells his siblings to also get up.
With all due respect sir! That must have been a very important chair!
... but i thought of something funnier handcuff / tie / duct-tape him up to the chair so he could have it for the day. Of course i'd let the team participate peace
P.S. are you a soccer player?
Reminds me of the story of the troublemaker youth?
1874 So they set out until when they met a boy, so he killed him?
1880 And as for the boy, so his parents were believing, so We feared that he oppresses them (with) tyranny and disbelief.
1881 So We intended that their Lord substitutes (for) them better than him and correction and closer (in) relation.o >> kill the troublemaker youth! << wait... for "Khidr" only.
peace