Telling people about your religion
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Peace,
I agree with most of the advice offered on the thread. I also realise that marriages can be quite a rollercoaster especially in the first few years and then later (midlife crisis -). During these emotional and turbulent times people often make rash calls and judgements from both sides but they can also realise their errors and get things back on track. It's a learning experience is all, if anyone learnt anything beneficial and good from it, it might be a very hard trial but it's all a part of growing and living. So we should look at the big picture and not get caught up in the past/blame game consistently but try to see how we can improve in the present/future.
Marriage is a compromise and a contract between parties from both sides, both have to put in the effort to make it work well generally speaking. I would advise you to maybe write down how it started, what you felt, what was said from both sides, try to be clear/logical in the course of events and then see what really happened. Sometimes writing it down can help rather than it being all in your head as that can get confusing at times. This way a clearer picture would emerge regarding the situation. After 4 weeks, you might want to send him a written thing rather than talking if you feel you both might have another argument verbally. This time spent not meeting might make clearer to both of you what went wrong and how to improve on aspects that are problematic with the situation or with yourselves.
Hopefully, things will work out for the best, be strong and don't let yourself get too depressed, work on saving it but also know that it's a two way street.
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Salaam aallya
I hope it is not too late and I am sorry for this sad end. Yet there are lessons to learn from our mistakes. You blamed him for not telling people about his new religion, and "being ashamed" to tell his "white friends"; yet you too feared "your" people, otherwise, why didn't you declare your marriage? I also doubt that you tell other sunnis that you are a quraan aloner and that you reject haddeth. The lesson is we should stop blaming people before "looking into the mirror".
Thats not the issue, the issue is whether he pretended he is a Muslim to get close to her. You know how men are. hmm
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Thats not the issue, the issue is whether he pretended he is a Muslim to get close to her. You know how men are. hmm
When you say that is not the issue, you are expected to bring a true statement, not an if/whether .....or not. I took the not because that's what she said, and what I understood from what she said...
You can say there are two issues based on two assumptions...
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Peace,
Dear Allya,
You can always try to call him and cry out your true love for him and that you have made an terrible mistake to push him so hard over that issue.
Don't be afraid of losing your face, because remember you are crazy in love with him, and then nearly all methods are allowed.
If he truly loves you as you loves him then he will come back, believe me.
Take care!
Maria
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Sister Allya
Sorry to hear about your situation. I just wanted to offer a little advice. If you two do stay together, maybe it will be easier for him to share his beliefs if he does so in his own language (assuming its not Arabic). Like, he can say his "way of life", which really is the English equivilant of deen. He can say he's a submitter, his way of life is submission. It will probably lead to more questions, but it will be a good way for him to explain his belief in Allah, Qur'an and Muhammad without feeling he is being prejudged as soon as he says "Muslim" or "Islam".
Also, you both sound a little immature and insecure. You two may not be ready for marriage yet. I was in a situation similar to yours a few years ago. I had a nikkah with woman. We had a very small ceremony, where about 4 others were present. She refused to tell her family and her friends that we had a nikkah, but I told mine. It became very confusing and frustrating. Sometimes she treated me like her boyfriend, other times like her fiance, and on rare occasions like her husband. Needless to say, it did not work out. What I learned from the situation is, do not get too involved with someone who is overly concerned with what others think about them. That's a sign that the person lacks self confidence and is insecure. You both fit that description. My advice is for you two to take a break from one another and work yourselves. You both need to work on gaining self confidence and feeling secure about who you are. Please don't make the mistake of having children until you two are a bit more mature.
Best wishes
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Salaam aalya,
I have a simple solution for you. Islam means submission to God, it is not a name, as many people think, it is a description. Thus if he does not want to be called Muslim, then it is still okay as long as he behaves like one.
There are almost identical verses in the Quran I think one is 262 however I am not sure and I am at work. These verses portrays that the name is not important, one could be Christian or Jew and still can be believer.
I hope that helps.
Regards
Ijaz
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Peace,
Dear Allya,
You can always try to call him and cry out your true love for him and that you have made an terrible mistake to push him so hard over that issue.
Don't be afraid of losing your face, because remember you are crazy in love with him, and then nearly all methods are allowed.
If he truly loves you as you loves him then he will come back, believe me.
Take care!
Maria
A woman should never make a man think she can not do without him, at the same time she should not make him think she does not need him. nope
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I have a simple solution for you. Islam means submission to God, it is not a name, as many people think, it is a description. Thus if he does not want to be called Muslim, then it is still okay as long as he behaves like one.
Ijaz, I don't quite agree on the meaning, but I totally agree that it is not a name/title.
It's not important what we call ourselves, we are defined by our thoughts and actions.